Thursday, February 24, 2011

I am bad

Last week Sassyface's reader circle was assigned Wind in The Willows for home reading. She didn't seem very impressed. I can't blame her, it wasn't a favourite of mine either. (And for those of you gasping in horror, allow me to say I never liked Winnie The Pooh, so your contempt of me can me be complete!) She asked me over the weekend what the book was about. I said "Aren't you supposed to read it to find out?" to which she huffed and rolled her eyes. Husband was nearby, said nothing.

Then I said "You'll probably love it. It's all dark and terrible."

"It is?"

"Yup. There's an evil Wombat who wants to take over the river. He's trying to get the Golden Acorn which will give him limitless power and control of the whole world."


"Yeah, it's right up your street. It's like Lord of The Rings, but for kids. Toad and Rat and a few others have to take the Golden Acorn up to the top of Mt. Doom and destroy it, to save the river."

"Wombat." Says Husband.

"Yes, evil Wombat." C'mon, roll with it, I glare.

And that was the end of it. She'll find out I'm full of shit by chapter four.

Today, she yells at me as we're walking home "You! You lied to me!" (I'm hearing this more often as she gets older. Eventually she'll learn to fact check)

"What did I lie about now?" because I lie all the time, although 99% of the time, I'm proven to be right and not a liar. I'm misunderstood, me.

"There is no evil wombat, or golden acorn! Wind and the willows is not a Lord of the Rings for kids!"

"There's not? It isn't?" Trying very hard not to wet myself laughing.

"Mrs. N asked each of us who our favorite characters were in the book. I told her, The Evil Wombat. She said there is no evil wombat in Wind and The Willows. I was embarrassed, but then I told her everything you said, and everyone laughed."

Tonight is parent teacher meetings. I think Mrs. N and I are going to have a fun chat.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Quickie goof moment

Was perusing the facebook links that some my politically charged friends post while I'm sleeping and saw this one I read as: Homeless Marathon. I thought to myself, that's mean making homeless people run long distances. How could they have had adequate training? It's no better than Bum Fights! Then 2 seconds later, an actual heartbeat, I realised it was a charity run for the homeless. Then and there I resolved to have coffee first, internet after.

I have a history of this. Yes I was the clueless one in my first sociology class who had no idea why there was such a hoohaa over youth in Asia. Fellow classmates passionately debating against them! I was smart enough to keep quiet.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Uninspired MeMe Thievery

I know it's supposed to meme, but since these blog ones are all about the one person, I prefer to call them a Me Me.

I've not been up to too much, nothing worth writing about. Nothing positive. A lot of annoyance about noisy neighbours and complaining about why postal delivery guys don't walk through the very open driveway gate, but choose to open the awkward, spiderweb covered small gate five feet away? Completely illogical and yet they all do it. Not the same guy repeatedly, but a theme of consistently weird behaviour. Aw, now. See I started and now I have to show you...

Front gates

See? It's not far between yucky bug covered gate and clean, wide open gate. And that tosser across the street is just one in a long line of tossers who's been working on that hideous monstrosity of a house. They have 3 or 4 kids, and used all the available backyard space for a pool. Which means the kids play in the driveway. Why spend millions (And that plot will have cost 1 millionish and the house another 200K, and the labor etc. ) then stick an ugly basketball net on the front of it? The kids play cricket in the driveway too, hitting tennis balls at my and our neighbour's house. From our house there are 4 parks, all with cricket pitches, within a 1/2 mile. They are ridiculous people.

Anyway, I was going to put up a Q&A I nicked from Roxy's blog. For something bloggy to blog.

1. First thing you wash in the shower?
My hair.

2. What color is your favorite hoodie?

I own one hoodie and it's standard grey heather.

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

That was my daughter, saying goodbye at school, so yes.

4. Do you plan outfits?

More often than I should. Not that it shows.

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?

I'm chewing my cuticle, bouncing my right leg, scowling...normal for me.

6. What’s the closest thing to you that’s red?


7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?

I've been having lots lately but the one I remember was from weeks ago. It was drowning dream. I remember because I'd not had a drowning dream for years. It's from feeling overwhelmed.

8. Did you meet anybody new today?

No. But the day's not over yet.

9. What are you craving right now?

Time freeze device. I could do with a couple hours with the world frozen.

10. Do you floss?

Yes, but could always do more.

11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?

Spring rolls.

12. Are you emotional?

Yes. No! Maybe?

13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?

As a child I'm sure I did, but probably in 100s.

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?

I don't like ice cream. I prefer slush puppies. So I suck it.

15. Do you like your hair?

Not lately.

16. Do you like yourself?

Most of the time I'm pretty cool, other times I annoy myself.

17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?

Hell yeah! That would be a party conversation for life!

18. What are you listening to right now?

Airplanes, rain, traffic, birds, typing...

19. Were your parents strict?

No. They were mostly at work and too tired to be strict.

20. Would you go sky diving?


21. Do you like cottage cheese?

Mostly no, I think it tastes like sick. I do love Cabot farm Vermont cottage cheese and have not found its like since.

22. Have you ever met a celebrity?

Several UK B-list during Fringe Festival. I seem to have a running theme of always saying "You're not as tall as I thought you were."

23. Do you rent movies often?

No, I forget to return them on time so just don't bother.

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you’re in?

I have daughters, there are always many sparkling things everywhere.

25. How many countries have you visited?

I dunno, too tired to bother. Let's say 8.

26. Have you made a prank phone call?

As a kid during the days before *69. "Is your refrigerator running?"

27. Ever been on a train?
Yes, apart from the daily commute to work pre Shorty, We took the West Coast rail line to Fort William for a weekend. Wish we'd gone along to Mallaig, too. It was a lovely trip. (That was before Harry Potter was famous and it was cheaper)

28. Brown or white eggs?

Free range.

29.Do you have a cell-phone?


30. Do you use chap stick?

No. Blistex.

31. Do you own a gun?

No. But ask me if I can throw knives...

32. Can you use chop sticks?


33. Who are you going to be with tonight?


34. Are you too forgiving?

No, I'm just not bothered.

35. Ever been in love?

This is where we realise this MeMe was written by a 17 year old.

36. What is your best friend doing tomorrow?

I don't fucking know.

37. Ever have cream puffs?

This is where we realise this was MeMe was written by a 17 year old with food issues.

38. Last time you cried?

...No idea. I can have months of Vulcan like mal-affect.

39. What was the last question you asked?

All I do is ask questions, I'm not keeping track.

40. What is your favorite time of the year?


41. Do you have any tattoos?

Not a speck.

42. Are you sarcastic?

No, never.

43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?

I've not been to Brazil to witness the power of their butterflies.

44. Ever walked into a wall?


45. Favorite color?


46. Have you ever slapped someone.

Yes. Didn't help.

47. Is your hair curly?


48. What was the last CD you bought?

Uhm...I have no idea.

49. Do looks matter?

Sure to an extent, but confidence and a sense of humor can trump looks any day. 

50. Could you ever forgive a cheater?

Forgive, sure. Trust, never.

51. Is your phone bill sky high?

No, we're not big phone talkers.

52. Do you like your life right now?

It's disgustingly easy and overly self indulgent. I'm the luckiest bitch around.

53. Do you sleep with the TV on?

Never. I like quiet.

54. Can you handle the truth?

I strive for the ultimate truth.

55. Do you have good vision?

Depends on the day but overall it's pretty good.

56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?

I guess so, but I don't make a big deal about it. I just let them go about their douchebaggy ways and remove myself from their firing line.

57. How often do you talk on the phone?

Once or twice a week. If it rings.

58. The last person you held hands with?

Husband, last night, while falling asleep.

59. What are you wearing?

Get over yourself, creep.

60.What is your favorite animal?

I dunno. I'm partial to otters, but you know if you confess to liking any animal, you'll end up with everyone giving you tons of little otter knick-nacks and tee-shirts and dish cloths. It becomes a burden. A curse. "Gee I wonder what to get Lyvvie for a present - I know! she loves otters, I'll get her something otterish." Eventually causing a deeply, resentful loathing of anything otter.

61. Where was your default picture taken at?

Right here, at the desk, with the Mac.

62. Can you hula hoop?

Sure. A bit. My clicking hips gross people out, though.

63. Do you have a job?

If you suggest that mother and housewife isn't a job, I'll trade you.

64. What was the most recent thing you bought?

I spent money yesterday on new jeans, denim skirt, gym towels, tea towels (because I set one on fire Saturday), socks, knickers and a new sports bra. A red one. Aren't I racy.

65. Have you ever crawled through a window?

Yes. Why?

So there. My first MeMe of 2011 and hopefully the last. After 6 years of blogging I'm kind of bored with them. There's nothing new about them.
I'm going to make some coffee, have sloppy joe and chili olives for lunch and then watch my soap opera while folding laundry and roasting a pork leg joint and do burpees during the ad breaks because, this is a slow day.

Update* The roast was done at too high a temp because the oven is a fucking nightmare and it made so much smoke it set the fire alarms off. I had to have a friend collect the kids from school for me. But - best damned crackling ever!! It was worth the house that smells like pork fat. I will probably have to have the oven professionally cleaned before using it again.

Monday, February 07, 2011

My weekend stuff...

We had a rainy, stormy weekend with leftovers from cyclone Yasi so we didn't bother to go out. Quiet weekends spent with the occasional staring at the ceiling as the metal roof is pounded so loud we can't hear each other speak is interesting.

So I did some crochet, I did some baking, fiddled with my camera and read some books. I spent much of yesterday afternoon desperately trying to avoid my kids because the cabin fever was setting in and I was getting that "I need my space!!" feeling.

Here are some pictures of stuff.

Restart of the crochet sweater. Here's the pattern if you're interested. I restarted it because I'd been flummoxed by the decreases which didn't match the picture and then I noticed my left edge was all messy because I'd been finishing in the wrong stitch. See how it's all neat and braided? That's how it should look. I also redid the ribbing because the pattern asked for knit 2 purl 2 but it looked weird, so I did knit 3 purl 2 and it looks more even this way. We'll see what happens once it gets 16 inches and I have to decrease again.

Tunisian crochet

Husband's birthday cake. Cheesecake topped with lemon curd. It was awesome.

Lemon curd cheesecake

Making my own granola bars for lunchboxes. I'm tired of paying a fortune for crappy ones. I still need a good recipe for crunchy ones as these are chewy.

Granola bars

That's about it. Hope your weekend was good. OH! The answer to the cryptic clue?! Did you get it? Did you even try?

Silent film star's scene at Little Bighorn, as delivered by Spooner. (6,6)

What happened at Little Bighorn? Custer was defeated...or Beaten. Spooner that to get the name of the silent film star; Buster Keaton.

Try another one...

Burner of buns and more...(6)

(Part of the answer is in the question)

Saturday, February 05, 2011


I have no idea what to use as a title for this post so I just put what first came to my mind. Right now I'm all hepped up (Hopped up?) on double espresso (expresso, really because fizzbangwow!) and peanut M&Ms (Sugar and Caffeine are my drug) as Husband and I settled into an afternoon flick locked in our den/office/games emporium to watch Inception. It was kind of neat. I want to know what Freud would say about it after he got over the wonders of blu-ray of course. We let the kids have the other TV for any movie of their agreed choice with strict orders not to talk to us. We got interrupted once, and she got a flea in her ear and may never return again as she quivers from the double assault of "GET OUT!! Wait - Are you dying? No? GET OUT!!"". You will have no idea how long it's been since we've had a date night without kids. I can't even remember the last time and I'm sure even then, my heart/mind wasn't in it worrying about the kids. I'm such a drag.

Hey hey hey..look ---> see that green bar. Trounced it. Hate it to bits for it's unending suckage but it's done. HA! Now onto the next one. Three remember! Three. Going to do the three.

I am so thirsty...

I was looking at beachside properties today for fun, as you do. Found some amazing places in our price range, some really nice ones less than we're paying now for suburbia. Very very tempted. To smell the salty ocean every day? I'd be sad to get used to it, but when I'm there I melt into the sand and become part of the earth and it's home. Instant peace. I don't know why the seaside calls me, it always has. I rarely went to the beach as a kid, maybe that's why? I dunno. I just know I want to spend forever where I can see, smell, feel the ocean. But, one day. The kids love their school here so, they win. One day!

I need a new book to read. I may try one of husband's somber tomes for a change. His choice of books is ubercerebral where mine is pure escapism/entertainment. I read shit, he reads classics. Snore. At least it makes him easy to buy for so far as books are concerned.

Here's a cryptic puzzle for you: Silent film star's scene at Little Bighorn, as delivered by Spooner. (6,6)