Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Ninja astral projection sex goes horribly wrong...

For truth. I have no idea what to say about this. It's amusing, disgusting, creepy and then hysterical. I love Japan.



"I find it odd that the only two acts from this ludicrous series I can get away with posting have a Don Ho-inspired theme...In this scene from the third installment of "Female Ninjas: The Magic Chronicles" (1993), hot little kunoichi Osaba and Richard Simmons' intern Sumino break from their dual in a last ditch attempt to ditch their V Cards...having astral projection sex?! Breaking it off before The Big O, Osaba demonstrates how she won a lawsuit against Massengill."

Ninja astral projection sex goes horribly wrong...

Who wrote this script?

Sunday, September 19, 2010

You were always on my mind...

So where's the brain brillo pad because I want to scrape that crap off!? Nothing worse than dried, crusty, stuck-on memories that pop up in dreams of all places and then set up home in my mind for a few days. The subconscious is such an annoying thing. It's all symbolism and metaphor that's completely personal and makes no sense to no one else. It's purpose is unfathomable. I had a dream the other night of an ex boyfriend. I can't even remember the dream now but I've talked before that his appearances are always a symbol of my insecurity about place in society and having personal strength to not let myself be taken advantage of. Because he was in reality someone who took advantage and was a total coward and we'll leave it at that. That all aside,  when he shows up in a dream I'm left thinking about him for a day or two - why?? Why not just say "creepy dream" and let it drop? I hate that I allow myself time to reflect on parts of my past that do nothing but remind me of what a perfect decision it was to let him go and move on to where my happiness was going to satisfied. If the dream's purpose (as if a dream has a purpose, which I don't believe. Dreams are merely memory soup and replays of daily automatics) was to remind me of that - why can't it play a dream of me overcoming adversity and leaving me, upon awakening, feeling fucking chuffed at what a hero I truly am?  I need a new brain.

I had a youtube comment sent to me today that read:

"I feel really sorry for you finding the love and forgiveness of God scary. Do you have any idea how unloving and unforgiving society was before Christianity? Your children deserve to know about God."
 I didn't elaborate too much in my response on the naivete of this comment because they seem to be the softly, loving kind of Christian I find the least offensive, yet this comment still bothers me. History will show many centuries of disgusting war and violence was meted upon societies across Europe, Africa and America all becuase of a belief in God and the bible as the word of God. Society didn't suddenly become glowing warm fuzzies and perfect after Jesus was resurrected.

Do I find God loving and forgiving? Was telling Abraham to murder his only son, Issac, who he loved as an offering to God the kind of thing a good god/father asks his son? Sounds a bit cruel to me. I'd have said no. But Abe didn't, putting his poor son through who knows what kind of terror as he raised his knife ready to slash into him. Imagine what dinner was like at Abe's that night, son glaring at father for almost stabbing him, Abe feeling...what do you think he'd feel like? "Lucky for us that ram happened by, eh son?"  I could go on, but that would be boring. And none of this "That was OT God, not NT God,"  crap either because even Jesus thought God was cruel and explains why in the parable of talents....which is followed by the story of where Jesus tells his followers to go steal a horse for the Lord as if that's explanation enough for horse rustling...which is a sin, right? Convenient how the rules only apply sometimes.

My kids know about gods. Many of them. Through stories and history. They see the patterns of man who create religion as a tool for order. To organize society. To tell them one god is better over another is unfair because who can know if any one is right? I do not teach them the entire concept of worship except that it is what people do in religion. That we do not worship anything nor beg supernatural beings for support or personal preference. If we want something done, we have to make it happen ourselves, if it doesn't go our way then that is just how it is and there are no other explanations.

I'm out to get my hair done today, cut and lowlights put through. I've decided to stop colouring my hair and let the grey show. For a while, maybe a year - I'll have lowlights put through to make the line between old colour and natural less stark and trashy. I think the natural will suit me. It seems to have gone a lighter, ashy brown with the grey mixed in. I have a grey streak at my left temple. It will probably naturally streak blonde in the summer. I have noticed my eyebrows have white hairs in them, and even my eyelashes have a few whites too. No joy on armpits though and the rest is none of your business.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

I'm sorry, I thought you just said you were pregnant...

I had a brain meltdown today. It was one of those moments where my impulse to blurt out my first thought of "Are you fucking insane?!" was countered with "Just smile and shut up." which I'm sure ran across my face at lightning speed. I never used to be very good at the verbal restraint, I seem to have improved. But for hours after I felt traumatized, in a way, because - I had no one to tell. I had no one to share a knowing glance that said - we need coffee and gossip NOW. So dear blog...

There's a Mom at the school, she's slightly awkward but nice and sincere. A tad clingy with a hint of desperate. She told me of having grand mal seizures around April and I felt sympathy for her because that must be dreadful and terrifying and being on medication that makes you sluggish is depressing. She lives close to the poverty line and I don't know if she's on public assistance, but I would assume it's likely*.

We are not close, we are acquainted. I learned to be an acquaintance of people like that because they soon become all consuming black holes of need. I prefer less drama in my life now. She stinks of burgeoning drama.

A couple months ago, I noticed she had a man standing with her to collect her daughter after school. He was small, weedy and looked malnourished. A pint-sized, leathered Chav. She's nearly six foot tall, so they stood out as an oddity. The gossip ran that she'd met him via a friend and had been texting each other for a while. He's from another city, came a long way to meet her. He was staying with her. She beamed with happiness. Who am I to deny anyone a bit happiness?

I've noticed he wasn't around the past few weeks, but the mom didn't seem crushed to her soul or anything, although there was one day she left the school, pink nosed and sniffling...I didn't make eye contact. Call me a coward, but I had an idea what it was about and I wasn't very interested in swirling around that tub drain for a few hours.

Yesterday, while picking up the kids tall mom was there, happy and animated and I listened as another freind talked with her, mentioning larger trouser sizes. There is only one way a conversation about getting bigger in the waistline doesn't result in tears but smiles. It was that moment my face must have looked alarmed. I was telling myself, no. No, don't fucking say it...

"She's going to have a baby!" my friend said to me, slightly more wide eyed than normal. She may as well have handed me a plate of hissing snakes for my instant reaction was shock, revulsion and horror. I'm not even sure I said anything. Maybe "Oh!" like I'd just been goosed. "I'm 9 weeks," mom beamed. Is it cruel and heartless of me that my first thought was - there's still time to fix this mess?

Of course there is absolutely nothing I can do or say to her. Nothing. We aren't friends. She is a train wreck a-coming and I have to stand back and let her pass by. I do not look forward to the many months of seeing her struggle, I wish there was a way I didn't have to witness it, but I will. Bite my tongue a lot. Bring a book and use it as a shield of indifference.

I feel dreadful and guilty and annoyed. Yes annoyed! I know it's very selfish of me to be annoyed about someone's pregnancy especially when they are so pleased about the situation. That just annoys me even more. Doesn't she see the pitfalls and traps of this? Doesn't she see the many, many years of pain, argument and disappointment coming her way? Am I just seeing all the gloom of this? Where is the bright light? What am I missing?

Oh, yes. I forget. She's a black hole of need. I will not get sucked in...

I feel like Cassandra.



(Not that there's anything wrong with being on welfare. I've known people who've been in hard times, and used the welfare system to educate themselves, gain trade skills, get descent care for their kids and came out the other side with careers and be amazing productive people. It's a shame to see welfare abused and earn a bad name and I'd like to see more people who've used it properly to better themselves come forward and sing the system's praises. I hold no prejudices against folks on welfare unless they are lazy slobs who milk the system. I do not think this is Tall Mom. She's surviving.)