Saturday, June 26, 2010

Celebrate Celibacy and OMG I don't want to know!!

Sassy - I'm Gay.

Me: What do you mean by "gay"?

Sassy: I don't want to have sex with boys.

Me: Do you want to have sex with girls?

Sassy: No?! (with a face of confused revulsion)

Me: Then you aren't gay, you're Celibate.

Sassy: What's celibate?

Me: When you don't want to have sex with anyone.

Sassy: Ok. I'm Celebrate.

The next day...

(We're watching TV for about an hour when suddenly...)

Sassy: Humph!

Me: What?

Sassy: You lied to me!!

Me: (confused) About what??

Sassy: You told me - You. Told. ME that boys don't get a puberty. Tom (her newest best friend) told me boys do.

Me: I'd never tell you boys don't have a puberty. Of course boys have a puberty or they'd never become men.  (This went back and forth a bit with a "No I didn't" "Yes you did!" theme) I may have told you boys don't have a period...

Sassy: What's a period again?

Me: (finding strength) When you start getting the monthly bleeds.

Sassy: Oooooh. That might be it. Sorry Mummy. (moment of thought) Tom told me boys get a puberty and that white goop comes out of the end of the penis.

Me: (I want to strangle Tom) That's the male body making sperm so they can make babies.

Sassy is then completely disgusted and changes the topic to the safety of Pokemon.

I'm still having palpitations.


jomamma said...

You are such a FANTASTIC mother. The reason I say this is because she's coming to YOU! My kids resorted to going to Aunt Nita and her gigantic medical dictionary with pictures. Oh well, it worked. You should make a point of meeting Tom.

Lyvvie said...

I have met Tom. And his mother. We're supposed to meet up over this two week vacation. I wonder if she knows what our kids talk about.

Anonymous said...

Take it from me, these heart-palpitating conversations are just the tip of the iceberg to the hell that you are about to go through with two teenage girls! You handled it really well though, high five! Pass the gin.

Maja said...

Crikey, they grow up so fast...

It's better to be informed I guess.

Sy said...

JD was asking me back before kindergarten. Imagine trying to figure out what to include and what not to include when they are that young. I would figure out rather quickly that I had reached that limit when he would make a face and tell me he was done now. I would just tell him, "Well, you wanted to know!"

Lyvvie said...

The questions have been coming more often over the past few weeks. The closer she's gotten to Tom. He's bi-sexual don't you know. He's also 11 and headed for High School after this.

I've not mentioned the joy of being asked "Can I get a real bra, now?" and Sassy and I went to the lingerie shop and got her fitted up and she's now got a proper pink gingham padded bra. First bras are coming out as slightly padded and are more comfortable and give the preferred rounded rather look than pointed appearance.

She freaked the first day saying "They look huge! I can't wear this!" But she trudged along and no one commented or noticed so she's now happy with her first bra. I'm happy I' was able to do this for her.

Saz said...

just found your blog link after sometime with a less satisfactory blogroll (l inadvertedly deleted it) so glad l came back ...this is a post and a half...

saz x

Anonymous said...

It's great that she can come to you with these questions. I guess you should start practicing the stoic, blank face for when she hands you some real doozies. As much as I love my mom, I could never ask her these types of questions when I was growing up.

jmc said...

I would have been having palpitations if I were the mom in that conversation! But it's awesome that she talks to you :)

BlazngScarlet said...

Now try having these conversations as a single mother of 2 boys!
Good times!

Honestly Lyv, you did a fantastic job. Despite my palpitations over the years, I am much happier that my children ask me and will talk to me.
The 15 year old STILL talks to me and asks questions!

trinity67 said...

Holy crap - I'd have palpitations as well!!!

Lyvvie said...

Hey, Saz! I thought you were taking a blogging break - I'm glad to see you're back!

Blaze - your big boy is no way 15! No way!! Next you'll tell me wee Poot is 8 or somesuch crazy talk!!

Aww...nothing like freaky sex talk with kids to make the supportive net close round. Thanks, girls.

tornwordo said...

Oh what a delightful dialogue this morning. I had quite a laugh. And you are really a great mom.