Tuesday, January 05, 2010
I tend to live my life as a drama free zone. I'm not an overly dramatic person. I find over dramatic types emotionally draining and ultimately annoying. If they also have the ability to laugh at themselves and thier situation then they're much more easily acceptable. The emotional black hole who never has a peaceful day or a smile to share, well they're just not worth the effort.
Sure I have a blog where I ramble on about things that annoy me. That's my outlet. I don't burden others with my baggage. I mean, not people I have to see everyday. You, reading this now, you've asked for it. I cannot sympathize with you.
I used to play the part. I used to be a hoity-toity drama queen. I was popular, charming and in charge. I wore the "I'm so misunderstood, but you understand me, right?" It's hard work being like that all the time! Remembering everyone's names, birthdays, last conversations. then I met someone who was the true Drama Queen and my taste for that particular spotlight died very quickly. She was making such a spectacle of herself, and yet she wasn't popular. Although she thought she was. Everyone talked about what a annoying tart she was behind her back. But it was living, breathing car crash TV right there, everyday. No one could be away from the spectacle. No one wanted out of the gossip loop she'd created and they became her false friends. Like cannibals eating up her misery and histrionics because it made them realise thier lives were so much better. I became paranoid - did people talk like that behind my back? They probably did.
It's not just women who behave like that though. I've met a few men in my days who constantly put themselves down to fish for compliments and pats on the head, ever hopeful around for a sympathy fuck that will later break his heart and give him more to moan about to someone else later on down the line.
I stopped. I stopped talking about myself. I listened. It's amazing how much people talk about themselves! Without being prompted or asked many questions. You should try it sometime; talk to a stranger and see how open they are. I learned rather quickly to avoid elderly women. Not that they talked rubbish, but they talk a lot and I felt guilty having to stop them mid story to catch my bus or whatever.
Now I'm in this new country, and trying to make friends. I find it hard to meet new people when I'm now the one being asked to talk. Aussies ask a lot of questions. Not rude or unwelcome questions, but normal curiosity questions. Only thing is I've now become so used to listening, I'm rather uncomfortable having to talk about myself.
I think I've become dull. I'm not bothered about it, but still, it's come as a surprise. I'm going to be that old woman at the bus stop who doesn't know they're blithering on. I really don't want to be that person.
(I think I'm a little bit depressed after my birthday, don't mind me.) ( <- See! I can still be a drama queen when I want to be!)