Monday, December 27, 2010

Why the hell not?!

Do you know how many times I've started NaNoWriMo? 4. Four times. Do you know how many times I've finished NaNoWriMo? 0. Zero times. Because something always comes up and November is a really busy month if you're a mom. You can think that's an excuse but whatever to you, for me it's true. This November we went to Perth for Maja and Jason's wedding. How am I supposed to cram a 50K word novel into a vacation month? Plus all the school concerts, and xmas prep and play dates and other stuff? So you know what? November is bad month for me to be taking on such a challenge. You know what's a better time?? January!

Yes, January will be my NaNoWriMo as it's a novel writing month, it doesn't mean that month has to be November. Just a month. And January has 31 days! The kids are off school are are content to leave me alone if I put on a DVD. Now is the best time! Why should I beat myself up because I'm always struggling to make the quotas in November - November is a sucky month for me! Maybe in 10 years it'll be different but for now, suckville. January - now we're talking. Much more leisurely time. I'm in better control of time management, all the good TV shows are in rerun and rewards are plentiful as it's Summer!! Make my quota; hit the beach.

I did tarry with the idea of doing three in a row. First novel by Jan 31st., one week off to plan book two then hit book 2 for 30 days (Feb 8th - Mar10th) one week off to plan next one and then plunge into the final book (Mar 17th - Apr 16th) That's three novels in three months. Then I'd spend the next 2 quarters of the year fleshing, cutting and editing. By this time next year, I could have 3 completed novels and an ulcer. What better way to overcome my anxiety than that kind of deep end?

For now I'll content myself with January. But the crazy person within loves the three book plan. It's already creating people.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Remember that episode of Star Trek Next Gen when...

...everyone was getting sick and no one knew what was causing everyone's random ailments? One got a head ache, another a rash, and then some just up and died and there was no common trend and it turned out to be an invisible alien race doing experiments with weird torture devices and probes and things!? I think I have one of those invisible aliens mucking me about. I keep getting a swollen tongue every few weeks and I have no idea why. If it's an allergy, I can't find the common denominator. Then I keep getting a claggy ear that clicks and hurts like hell when I sniffle or blow my nose. I'm tired all the time and then get energy and feel fine at around 10pm. I get incredibly thirst about an hour before bedtime but don't want to drink too much or I'll be peeing all night. I don't think it's anything in particular (Yes my blood sugar is fine) and the symptoms are too random to be any one thing - not that I'm a doctor but it's pretty annoying and I can't stand going to a doctor and sounding like a hypochondriac, then being told it's probably some virus and to wait it out. I'll wait it out and save the cost of the appointment fee. But I needed to bitch about it and now I have and now I'm done.

Going to begin half marathon training.

Watched a show where they did tests on Lycopene and its supposed ability to boost the skin's sun protection and sunburn less. They gave the teat subjects regular old tomato paste and told to take 2tbs per day (in recipes was fine) for a month and be retested for their burnability.  Surprisingly, it worked! So guess what I'm doing. It's not so bad on crackers with a bit of cheese or spread in a sandwich. We'll see if it keeps me from turning into shoe leather in this Aussie sun. There was another bit where large amounts of fresh spinach - or Lutein  helped protect the macula from damaging sun rays. Was very interesting.

On the Sun point - Sunshine, where have you gone? It's been cold, rainy and blah for ages! It's like a very long winter.

Kids were watching The Mask today. I said to Shorty "This movie has some naughty words in it."  she answered "That's ok, I'll be sure to forget them." and for some reason, the conversation reminded me of this video:

Getting things ready for the ThanksCrimbo. The kids are making paper chains, paper snowflakes and stars. I tried to find earth toned construction paper so the kids could make Indian headdresses but the shops have moved on to more seasonally appropriate  colours.  Ah well. They can still do hand draw turkeys, I suppose. I'm also crocheting up some snowflake ornaments that I'll give away to guests.

I bought a bucket today that will serve as a brining bucket for the turkeys. It's going to be fun! I'm going to pre-make pumpkin and sweet potato mush for pies and I keep thinking I need an alternative meat than turkey - but what?! Maybe just a lasagna? Can you believe it's been so long since I've been to a family Thanksgiving that I forget what's served. That's mental right? My childhood memory consists of three important items: turkey, pumpkin pie and black olives. My Mom spoiled us with tinned black olives on TD and then she'd be pissed at me for eating them all. What's your favourite dish at TD?

Thursday, November 25, 2010

The Lament of the Neglected blog...

I don't know why I've been avoiding my blog. Well I kind of do, I find since it's not completely anonymous anymore that it's not as fun. I have to censor myself. But I shouldn't - It's My blog. The point of a blog is it's my place to waffle on about my opinion, especially opinions I wouldn't otherwise share in daily conversation.

How many posts have I done on this same concern? After blogging for more than five years you'd think I'd have gotten over the anxiety of offending someone.

It's late Spring here, and the weather is getting wonderful, except today where it's pouring. We're out of the drought that's plagued the state for over 10 years and water restrictions are being lifted. I'm going to get the kids a paddling pool for the summer - they'll need it! On the very hot days last year I kept the tub filled and let the kids dip in and cool off whenever they needed. In the privacy of the home, neighbours couldn't tsk me for wasting valuable drops. Then again, why don't they tsk the council that tells us our allotted time for watering outdoor plants is 10am on a Wednesday - when the water will scorch the plants and then evaporate? This year, paddling pool and less wet floors and carpet.

We went to Perth last week for Geezer and Maja's wedding which was stunning!  We spent the week there and had an amazing time not just hanging out with some spectacular people, but being part of the wedding was the highlight of our time here. Their friends and family are some of the nicest, funniest and approachable folk I've ever met in my life. Sure I had to explain a few times that I knew the couple from the internet and we'd only met face to face a few months previously. The venue was a winery and it was great, although I was a bit of a dork taking pictures of ducks and swallows that were everywhere. The kids had a blast and I'd never been to a wedding where kids were not only so welcomed but specially catered for. It made the whole affair much cozier.

Sadly I know not how much of the night went after about 10 pm because due to my not paying attention to the ever-filling wineglass I got completely toasted. I even remember thinking at one point - gee I should slow down and drink something else for a bit, but quickly ignored myself. I haven't been that drunk in eons. Of course when one gets that drunk, embarrassing things happen.  Things Husband was a bit embarrassed about. I don't know if others knew...I'll tell now.

 I realized late in the evening that I was going to be sick. I'm sure the end of evening glass of port that was handed to me was the tipping point. The last time I was sick was in January of 95 from food poisoning. I'd gone a long time without chucking my guts. But I became so worried about embarrassing myself by being sick at the wedding, I found I couldn't be sick.

I was then told the midnight bus was coming to bring us back home. I double panicked, still utterly drunk, that I would puke on the bus. I went back to the toilets and grabbed a roll of toilet paper, thinking that if I was sick on the bus I was going to have to clean up my own mess. This was no household toilet roll, it was an industrial sized toilet roll. Which I knew I'd look silly walking out of the bathroom with, so I hiked up my dress and clenched it between my thighs, hoping no one would notice and slow staggered back to my table. Once I thought no one was looking I crammed the huge toilet roll into the gift bag provided for the kids to entertain themselves and...I have no idea. I remember being on the bus and telling myself "Almost home, almost home" half asleep and trying to forget feeling sick. I remember walking back to our cabin at the caravan site, looking at the stars, my wonderful daughter finding Mummy funny as she meandered about, and apologizing to her for being so out of my own control. Once inside the cabin, I was finally able to be sick in private. I remember a fleeting glimpse of Husband wiping down the bowl before I stripped and then passed out.

Husband was mortified about my nicking the toilet paper - What would people think about us taking toilet roll from a fancy winery wedding?! Like trailer park people! (Which, technically, at the time, we were) but I hadn't been able to tell him my stupored* reasoning was I took it in case I was sick on the bus. I was mildly hungover that Sunday and just wanted to forget that part of the night. So annoyed with myself that I missed a lot of fun stuff at the wedding. But if anyone had noticed, they'd been kind enough to not mention it to me. I felt even more abashed the next time we met up with the newlyweds and they kept apologizing to us for not spending more time with us. Sorry guys, and thanks again for an amazing adventure! (Pictures from the trip are here and here)

Now we're home and it's back to the grind. The kids have their last three weeks of school before breaking up for summer vacation. I'm hosting a ThanksCrimbo Day next weekend with turkey, BBQ and pumpkin pies where the kids can make Indian headdresses and turkey hand drawings to stick on the wall, and after food, we'll let them decorate the Xmas tree before heading out to the paddling pool with a popsicle.

I've been absorbed in my Annotated Pride and Prejudice, loving it so much because I knew there must be a lot of things I wasn't getting about this story. The annotated version gives great detail about manners, rules of society and even the rankings of society. Pictures of the different carriages, and explanations of the wealth. I also understand better just how evil Wickham truly was, how clueless Darcy is about how others perceive him and...well it's been great fun. I haven't read The Iron Duke yet, but it's next and I picked up a book in the Borders $5 sale called Everyman's Rules for Scientific Living by Carrie Tiffany which is set in Australia and was nominated for tons of awards.

* Yes, I just made up that word. Also I did put the book titles in italics, I even went and did it withing the code but for some reason it's not working. Forgive me, blame blogger!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Sarah Palin gets it very wrong, Richard Tillman explains...

I have some fabulous friends on Facebook, who like many of my blog friends, I've never met. Yet we agree on so many things, I can only imagine if we ever got together it would be the most fantastic BBQ going. A grill in every corner; one for the vegetarians, one for the meat lovers, one to pretend to grill babies for the atheists to laugh and snicker about and the last one for marshmallows, s'mores and other BBQ'd orgy of sweets.

I had one friend share a link to this quick video of Sarah Palin speaking in San Jose on the 14th Oct.

Oblivious on purpose to the fact that the Tillmans are highly outspoken atheists. I mean - really outspoken.

"I don't go into a church and say "This is bullshit," Don't come to my brother's service and tell us he's with god. He's simply not with fucking god."

It's highly offensive, ignorant and disrespectful. Palin is clueless. Richard gave this interview two weeks prior to Palin's speech. Does she have no one fact checking for her? Is the family's wishes and atheism so insignificant and inconvenient for to her cause that she hopes no one will notice?

~~~ now for something inappropriate ~~~

Is it wrong for me to have a swooning crush on Richard Tillman? Wow he's hot! Outspoken, badass hot. He's oozing Alpha charm. IMDB has no age listed for him, which I'm happy about. I hate that I'm reaching that creepy cougar age. If he's younger than 30 - don't tell me! I'm nearing 40 and ovulating so I just can't help myself.

Monday, October 18, 2010

So young, so bitchy!

That's me it seems! I did the blog trawler thingie at Urlai (click the blog title for link) which tries to guess the blog's purpose or theme. Here's the sum up: " is probably written by a female somewhere between 18-25 years old. The writing style is personal and upset most of the time."

Upset?! I'm not upset. Do I come across as upset? Crap I've made a boring blog by vetching all the time! You must all think I'm some cross, angry ranting  type person! I'm not. I'm really rather laid back, quiet, highly opinionated, youthful with bouts of hyperactive anxiety. I wouldn't say I'm "upset"

Do you think I'm upset? Do I blog as an upset person?

Well, not counting this post...

And even then I'm not really upset, upset. I simply feel misrepresented! Although, the 18-25 year old bit has perked me up. If it can't get that right - then it's obviously bunk! It's my overwhelming Yootful exHooberance!

I should try and be a tad more academic. I know I know, it all goes to shit after leaving school.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Stephen Fry adds to the trend...

He's part of this trend that seems to be telling me, I should be writing. Truthfully I need someone to tell me to not feel bullied by those word Nazis who will red pen my every sentence and crush my spirit.

Ooer I love the caress of "Sound-sex" and I love Stephen Fry.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

I follow trends, not signs...

It's interesting to note that there are trends that occur that are coincidental on the surface but not really when looked at closer. I've noticed a trend guiding me to write. I've been actively avoiding writing as of late. I don't know why. I think I got bored with writing. I think I got angry at writing. All the effort and thinking I'm clever with words that I refuse to share with others in case they tell me I'm not as clever as I think I am, which means I must not think I'm as clever as I think I am so it becomes an exercise is self loathing and then wallowing silently in big pouty bottom lipped pity. I keep my personal dramas to myself, and trust me,  you're glad for that.

Now it's trends. See, I don't believe in signs anymore. I used to, but not now. That goes away when we remove gods, ghosts, angels and the whole supernatural category from the equation. No, it's trends now! So I've been whining silently that I want to write. Whimper, whine, more bejeweled and Facebook to avoid the growing hole of wanting to write. I won't look at the books on how to write on my shelf. I'm not going to look at the notebooks I've collected over the years with half efforts. I'll not even go near the stationary aisle and want to pickup an fresh, empty 5 subject notebook to fill with whatever my wee heart desires. I think I'd finally moved past the yearning and into something else entirely (crocheted Sassyface a cardigan - it looks awesome!) when someone, some random person on whose blog I used to follow, under the folder of "Writing" on my google-reader which I've not read in months because I'm not worthy and just didn't want to be jealous and crushed all the time reading of others successes, mentioned it's coming time for NaNoWriMo.

Fuck! Just Grrrrr. Fuck fuck fuck. Usually I remember this on the 3rd of Nov. or some other late date and shrug and forget it all. But now I have weeks! Even though one of those weeks in November I'll be on vacation. Heeeeey...I'd forgotten that fact until just now. I'm not going to be near a computer for one of those weeks! Ha! Fuck you trends! No need to buy a notebook, or write a synopsis or even plot! No need to torment myself with my lack of ability! No need to pay it any mind at fucking all.

Why don't I feel better?

Friday, October 01, 2010

Testing a hypothesis...

I found a crochet pattern I like but it's in a slavic language I don't understand. Probably German. I'm going to try and copy/paste here and then let google translate it.

...well that didn't work.

I was supposed to delete this after. This is the cardigan I'm wanting to make. I can get google to translate the page, and I'd hoped I could get the PDF translated the same way by downloading, copy/paste here then google-translate that. No joy. the PDF was saved as a gif or something and is treated as an image. I'm not motivated to retype the German. I don't even have the keyboard characters for half of it.

I'm pretty sure I can find a similar pattern and try and figure out some kind of Frankenstien mash-up of a cardigan.

What's your favourite colour, Roxy? ;)

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Ninja astral projection sex goes horribly wrong...

For truth. I have no idea what to say about this. It's amusing, disgusting, creepy and then hysterical. I love Japan.

"I find it odd that the only two acts from this ludicrous series I can get away with posting have a Don Ho-inspired theme...In this scene from the third installment of "Female Ninjas: The Magic Chronicles" (1993), hot little kunoichi Osaba and Richard Simmons' intern Sumino break from their dual in a last ditch attempt to ditch their V Cards...having astral projection sex?! Breaking it off before The Big O, Osaba demonstrates how she won a lawsuit against Massengill."

Ninja astral projection sex goes horribly wrong...

Who wrote this script?

Sunday, September 19, 2010

You were always on my mind...

So where's the brain brillo pad because I want to scrape that crap off!? Nothing worse than dried, crusty, stuck-on memories that pop up in dreams of all places and then set up home in my mind for a few days. The subconscious is such an annoying thing. It's all symbolism and metaphor that's completely personal and makes no sense to no one else. It's purpose is unfathomable. I had a dream the other night of an ex boyfriend. I can't even remember the dream now but I've talked before that his appearances are always a symbol of my insecurity about place in society and having personal strength to not let myself be taken advantage of. Because he was in reality someone who took advantage and was a total coward and we'll leave it at that. That all aside,  when he shows up in a dream I'm left thinking about him for a day or two - why?? Why not just say "creepy dream" and let it drop? I hate that I allow myself time to reflect on parts of my past that do nothing but remind me of what a perfect decision it was to let him go and move on to where my happiness was going to satisfied. If the dream's purpose (as if a dream has a purpose, which I don't believe. Dreams are merely memory soup and replays of daily automatics) was to remind me of that - why can't it play a dream of me overcoming adversity and leaving me, upon awakening, feeling fucking chuffed at what a hero I truly am?  I need a new brain.

I had a youtube comment sent to me today that read:

"I feel really sorry for you finding the love and forgiveness of God scary. Do you have any idea how unloving and unforgiving society was before Christianity? Your children deserve to know about God."
 I didn't elaborate too much in my response on the naivete of this comment because they seem to be the softly, loving kind of Christian I find the least offensive, yet this comment still bothers me. History will show many centuries of disgusting war and violence was meted upon societies across Europe, Africa and America all becuase of a belief in God and the bible as the word of God. Society didn't suddenly become glowing warm fuzzies and perfect after Jesus was resurrected.

Do I find God loving and forgiving? Was telling Abraham to murder his only son, Issac, who he loved as an offering to God the kind of thing a good god/father asks his son? Sounds a bit cruel to me. I'd have said no. But Abe didn't, putting his poor son through who knows what kind of terror as he raised his knife ready to slash into him. Imagine what dinner was like at Abe's that night, son glaring at father for almost stabbing him, Abe feeling...what do you think he'd feel like? "Lucky for us that ram happened by, eh son?"  I could go on, but that would be boring. And none of this "That was OT God, not NT God,"  crap either because even Jesus thought God was cruel and explains why in the parable of talents....which is followed by the story of where Jesus tells his followers to go steal a horse for the Lord as if that's explanation enough for horse rustling...which is a sin, right? Convenient how the rules only apply sometimes.

My kids know about gods. Many of them. Through stories and history. They see the patterns of man who create religion as a tool for order. To organize society. To tell them one god is better over another is unfair because who can know if any one is right? I do not teach them the entire concept of worship except that it is what people do in religion. That we do not worship anything nor beg supernatural beings for support or personal preference. If we want something done, we have to make it happen ourselves, if it doesn't go our way then that is just how it is and there are no other explanations.

I'm out to get my hair done today, cut and lowlights put through. I've decided to stop colouring my hair and let the grey show. For a while, maybe a year - I'll have lowlights put through to make the line between old colour and natural less stark and trashy. I think the natural will suit me. It seems to have gone a lighter, ashy brown with the grey mixed in. I have a grey streak at my left temple. It will probably naturally streak blonde in the summer. I have noticed my eyebrows have white hairs in them, and even my eyelashes have a few whites too. No joy on armpits though and the rest is none of your business.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

I'm sorry, I thought you just said you were pregnant...

I had a brain meltdown today. It was one of those moments where my impulse to blurt out my first thought of "Are you fucking insane?!" was countered with "Just smile and shut up." which I'm sure ran across my face at lightning speed. I never used to be very good at the verbal restraint, I seem to have improved. But for hours after I felt traumatized, in a way, because - I had no one to tell. I had no one to share a knowing glance that said - we need coffee and gossip NOW. So dear blog...

There's a Mom at the school, she's slightly awkward but nice and sincere. A tad clingy with a hint of desperate. She told me of having grand mal seizures around April and I felt sympathy for her because that must be dreadful and terrifying and being on medication that makes you sluggish is depressing. She lives close to the poverty line and I don't know if she's on public assistance, but I would assume it's likely*.

We are not close, we are acquainted. I learned to be an acquaintance of people like that because they soon become all consuming black holes of need. I prefer less drama in my life now. She stinks of burgeoning drama.

A couple months ago, I noticed she had a man standing with her to collect her daughter after school. He was small, weedy and looked malnourished. A pint-sized, leathered Chav. She's nearly six foot tall, so they stood out as an oddity. The gossip ran that she'd met him via a friend and had been texting each other for a while. He's from another city, came a long way to meet her. He was staying with her. She beamed with happiness. Who am I to deny anyone a bit happiness?

I've noticed he wasn't around the past few weeks, but the mom didn't seem crushed to her soul or anything, although there was one day she left the school, pink nosed and sniffling...I didn't make eye contact. Call me a coward, but I had an idea what it was about and I wasn't very interested in swirling around that tub drain for a few hours.

Yesterday, while picking up the kids tall mom was there, happy and animated and I listened as another freind talked with her, mentioning larger trouser sizes. There is only one way a conversation about getting bigger in the waistline doesn't result in tears but smiles. It was that moment my face must have looked alarmed. I was telling myself, no. No, don't fucking say it...

"She's going to have a baby!" my friend said to me, slightly more wide eyed than normal. She may as well have handed me a plate of hissing snakes for my instant reaction was shock, revulsion and horror. I'm not even sure I said anything. Maybe "Oh!" like I'd just been goosed. "I'm 9 weeks," mom beamed. Is it cruel and heartless of me that my first thought was - there's still time to fix this mess?

Of course there is absolutely nothing I can do or say to her. Nothing. We aren't friends. She is a train wreck a-coming and I have to stand back and let her pass by. I do not look forward to the many months of seeing her struggle, I wish there was a way I didn't have to witness it, but I will. Bite my tongue a lot. Bring a book and use it as a shield of indifference.

I feel dreadful and guilty and annoyed. Yes annoyed! I know it's very selfish of me to be annoyed about someone's pregnancy especially when they are so pleased about the situation. That just annoys me even more. Doesn't she see the pitfalls and traps of this? Doesn't she see the many, many years of pain, argument and disappointment coming her way? Am I just seeing all the gloom of this? Where is the bright light? What am I missing?

Oh, yes. I forget. She's a black hole of need. I will not get sucked in...

I feel like Cassandra.

(Not that there's anything wrong with being on welfare. I've known people who've been in hard times, and used the welfare system to educate themselves, gain trade skills, get descent care for their kids and came out the other side with careers and be amazing productive people. It's a shame to see welfare abused and earn a bad name and I'd like to see more people who've used it properly to better themselves come forward and sing the system's praises. I hold no prejudices against folks on welfare unless they are lazy slobs who milk the system. I do not think this is Tall Mom. She's surviving.)

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Two in one day! When it rains it pours...Razor Labia!

This is something I've been keeping to myself because I know no one else will agree with me, but this is why I have a blog after all - to share these ideas and thoughts, to get them out there in the ether and set them free from the confines of my brain because sometimes this shit keeps me up at night.

Does anyone else find these things disturbing?

Venus "Embrace" which I find disturbing

That's the Venus "Embrace" lady shaver. When I see this thing I can see full pink labia surrounding 5 razor blades. And this is supposed to be an "Embrace"?? It makes me feel funny inside and not in a good way. I'm sure Venus would agree that the beautiful labia and joyful depths beyond should never revile with the threat of razors.

Wait, I've realised I have this wrong. This subliminally demented product (And this is where I regret having been a Psych. major) is called "Spa Breeze" but still, it freaks me the fuck out and sends me running to Schick. The embrace has blue labia instead so it's more like a dead labia instead.

That's all the crazy for now. I think. We'll see. Now that I've started, who knows.

Oh hey! I have a blog?

Hello blog, I've been away. So sorry. Very neglectful and mean of me to let you get dusty and motey. I was busy doing other stuff for a bit. I had my brother come over for a visit and then a week after he left, my Mom came and stayed with us for a month! I've been playing the tour guide and having fun and now they're gone and I'm a bit sad and lonely again, so i hope dear blog that you won't be too pissed off at me for dissing you like I did.

As it goes I don't have too much too talk about. Life goes on as it does. Winter is coming to an end, signs of Spring are everywhere. It's still cold and raining too much, but I have a car now and I do get out of the house a lot more. Of course after all the visits and meals out I'm insanely broke. I wonder how long it will be before the family realizes how much smaller their dinner portions have become? It'll do us good. I give the kids extra and Hubs and I less because we have extra padding to shed anyways. We're saving our pennies for a trip to Perth for Maja and Geezer's wedding which we're all excited about.

I had a WTF? moment today;  have a few folks on Facebook who i went to school with, including my old biology teacher. He doesn't update much, but he did put up pictures recently of a ghostwalk and commented on all the orbs he's seen. I'm gutted. Disappointed! A man of science! Orbs! I think the only thing I can do is become a biology teacher. There has to be balance somewhere. It won't be fun either because I don't much like other people's kids, especially once they're teens and I don't like bullshit and backtalk and stupid. But I deflated when I saw his pictures of orbs and thought why hasn't he questioned them? Perhaps he has, he must have! I hope he's just goofing around.

Anyway, pictures!

Mom with parrotMom with ParrotCarson and the GirlsCarson and the GirlsCarson and the Girls in ChinatownCarson and the Girls in ChinatownAnnoying shrieking possumAnnoying shrieking possum next to my house.

Possum was just close and annoying. Have I shared the spider yet? I have a spider that comes to our bathroom window nearly every night. I can tap the glass, open the window and make all kinds of noise but this thing won't move. She hangs out near another spider's web and steals all its food.
Hunstman spider outside the bathroom window. Yup, that's her! She's been around for about a month now. Next time I see her I'll film her. I'm also planning to turn the hairdryer on her to see if the warm window makes her move. I'm not brave enough to go into the alley next to the house and see her from the outside because these spiders jump and I'm not looking for any PTSD. She's about four inches wide at her widest leg span. Husband hates her. She won't move an inch for me, but as soon as he pees before bed she wanders about and it freaks him out. He's extra squicky about spiders. I'm amused by them and respectful of their fangs, he's all for the "Kill them all!!" clan.

Checking out gyms, planning new torment and clubs for the kids, life is as life is. What's up with you?!

Friday, July 02, 2010

Crochet Beret

Crochet Beret

I love a beret. It's one style of hat that works with my round face and head. I followed the tutorial from Teresa and used her written instructions from the website linked on the video. Although she does hers in all half-double crochet, I did mine in Double crochet because it was easier to work the chunky yarn. I only used HDC on the brim. I did this in three hours because I had to pull and restart a couple times but actually it's very easy and straight forward.

I've used Sirdar Super Chunky washable wool and a H/5.00mm hook. I probably should have gone down a hook size, but this suits me fine being a bit extra floppy. It can be more than just a beret.

I'm going to pop out and grab another skein of this if I can still get one from the bargain back room at the yarn shop and make a matching scarf.

Only downside is on the increase rows, there's a noticeable bulging that I hope will disappear after it's washed.

In other news. We got the new car on Wednesday. I had a drive about at an industrial park to try and get used to the feel of the car. Today, I'm going to venture out and get some groceries and get used to being a driver again. I used to be a great driver - I drove a lot. Hundreds of miles a day at one point taking a course. Having kids has made me impossibly anxious - don't fall, don't run, don't eat that, come back  - I'm nervous about everything. Being in a car has become torture because everyone is out to smash into the car. They are! They all want to crush us. That's how the brain works now. Someone coming out of a side street is a threat, not normal. I worry if I'll manage to bring my legs up in enough time to stop the car engine from crushing them during a head on collision. I am quietly batshit crazy. I know this. I don't let the crazy show too much on the outside.

I know it's irrational. It drives Husband crazy because I'm an obnoxious passenger. I never used to be until there was something precious in the car.  Doesn't help that the first day out in the car some dumb bitch tried to drive through us to get into our lane so she could get to the mall. We're in a bright blue car! How could you not see us?! Oh because you're way up there in your stupid Land Cruiser. I hate you and your stupid gas guzzling monstrosity that really just shows you couldn't afford a Land Rover and are compensating. Stop enabling my overanxious mind with your bad driving!

Of course my plan was to go out right after typing this....but it's raining. *sigh* I should buck up and go.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Celebrate Celibacy and OMG I don't want to know!!

Sassy - I'm Gay.

Me: What do you mean by "gay"?

Sassy: I don't want to have sex with boys.

Me: Do you want to have sex with girls?

Sassy: No?! (with a face of confused revulsion)

Me: Then you aren't gay, you're Celibate.

Sassy: What's celibate?

Me: When you don't want to have sex with anyone.

Sassy: Ok. I'm Celebrate.

The next day...

(We're watching TV for about an hour when suddenly...)

Sassy: Humph!

Me: What?

Sassy: You lied to me!!

Me: (confused) About what??

Sassy: You told me - You. Told. ME that boys don't get a puberty. Tom (her newest best friend) told me boys do.

Me: I'd never tell you boys don't have a puberty. Of course boys have a puberty or they'd never become men.  (This went back and forth a bit with a "No I didn't" "Yes you did!" theme) I may have told you boys don't have a period...

Sassy: What's a period again?

Me: (finding strength) When you start getting the monthly bleeds.

Sassy: Oooooh. That might be it. Sorry Mummy. (moment of thought) Tom told me boys get a puberty and that white goop comes out of the end of the penis.

Me: (I want to strangle Tom) That's the male body making sperm so they can make babies.

Sassy is then completely disgusted and changes the topic to the safety of Pokemon.

I'm still having palpitations.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

I hope you aren't sick of birds...

Because we went out this weekend and took lots of pictures of birds and mushrooms. So if you're sick of the birds, then admire the thick, purple, slimy headed fungi instead:

Cortinarius ArcheriCortinarius ArcheriArmillaria (possibly?)Yellow StaghornWoodland MushroomsSassy with Australian King ParrotShorty with Crimson RosellaAustralian King ParrotSulpher Crested CockatooCrimson RosellaFly Agaric

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

Mental meanderings.

I live near this small office building on the corner of the main road. It has a designer's office for posh kitchens and the local Liberal M.P. keeps an office there and an original t-shirt design shop. The last office, underneath the others, as the office is on the crest of a steep hill, is an empty glass fronted corner space. It's been empty since I moved here in July last year. The windows are dusty and have no signage to tell me what this large space was used for. It has a clinical, accounting feeling to it. It's a serious place, with no time for artwork to be hung on the walls or magazines offered to those who must wait. It's still furnished with a small sitting area, a secretary's desk and a printer to the side. There's a piece of paper sticking out of the printer. The desk has someone's eyeglasses on top of a cleared desk blotter.

It's remained like this for a long time. No one inside. No one has read the page in the printer. No one has come back to collect their glasses.

This scene makes me ask so many questions. I ask them every time I wander past this window on my way towards home. I want to know what the paper says. I want to know if there's a layer of dust on glasses. I wonder if they operate at night and that's why I never see them. I wonder if something terrible happened... then I really wonder what that paper says.

Today, the paper and the glasses were gone. Today I have many more questions but I also feel a bit disappointed because that scene has inspired so many explanations over the months, that now with the possibility of a new tenet, I've lost my regular mental wonderings. I hope the new people will be equally visually entertaining.

I went into town to get some bits and pieces for Sassyface's birthday this morning. On the tram home this morning, a man who was having an animated and disgusting conversation between himself and the voice in his head, sat behind me. He was talking about playing footie later, showing off for the girls. He likes the school girls who get on the tram. Where are they? The tram is no fun when the school girls aren't there, he grumbles. Maybe he should talk to her instead.

"Want to go for a drink?" (It's 10:30 am)
"No thank you" I answer.
"You're a bitch. You don't like me, so you're a bitch."
"Nah you're all right, it's your friend I don't like."
"Oh. I understand. Bye."

I left at the next stop.

The hedgerows have red fly agaric mushrooms popping up all over. I've never seen them before except in storybooks. I even looked for them every Autumn in Scotland because you'd think they'd be everywhere but sadly not. Australia; there are plenty. Deadly, poisonous and beautiful. Big too! I never realized they so large. I'm out to photograph them later.

Friday, May 21, 2010

I've gone a bit queer...

We're getting closer to winter here and the days are getting that lovely golden, low sunlight and the mornings are dark and the night comes earlier each day. I'm fascinated by watching it all. It's not terribly cold but I'm seeing a proper autumn for the first time in a long time. Leaves are turning with foliage displays to challenge New England. Folks aren't as interested as the are in New England, though. The kids aren't making art with the leaves, aren't taking rubbings or paying any attention to the beauty. Hey! Can't you see how fabulous this is? This doesn't happen everywhere you know. Appreciate it!!

With this change comes the mild symptoms of depression. At least I know the signs now. I'm no longer frightened or ashamed of the crazy thoughts that pop into my head. I'm aware that my cave brain is sending out panic signals a little too often. The other night I swear I saw a face in the living room window. I saw it as clear as that "ghost kid" in the scene from Three Men and a Baby. Reality is; for someone to be on the other side of that window, they'd have to put up a 10 foot ladder to peek in. It was all cave brain seeing dangers and triggering fight or flight responses. Every wisp of hair across my neck is spider, every hiss from the heating firing up a snake. Is that a mole? did I always have mole there? Is it cancer? Is that my phone ringing? Is someone crying? Did you call my name - I just you heard you call my name. Is this meat off? Does it smell funny? I better throw it out just in I have nothing to cook for dinner.

I was drying Sassy's hair last night, looking at her, and could hear her saying nasty things about me even though her mouth wasn't moving. I could hear sarcastic mumbling in my head. I stopped once and asked "Did you say something?" confused, she said she didn't. Of course she didn't!! You could see her face! She wasn't saying a thing you psycho!!

Chill out. Relax. Deep breaths. Rationalize. Better. I can laugh about the absurdity of it now. Reminded of the story of the woman who suddenly thought she had not paid the mortgage yet, looked at the bank balance and knew she didn't have enough money this month for the mortgage and began to see herself homeless and her children taken away from her, her husband leaves her because this was the last straw and her house is repossessed...reality is she'd paid the mortgage the week earlier*. This cave brain is a beast!

For a couple weeks now I've had this urge to shave my head. I have no clue why, but I've looked at my reflection and just thought "Why do I need hair? Just shave it off. I'd rather wear a hat." It's such flawed thinking, but it's recurring. I try and satisfy this urge by shaving my legs. Shaving my arms and underarms. Tweeze my eyebrows but it's not the same. I wonder what the sun would feel like on my scalp. I wonder what the breeze would feel like. I wonder if my ears would look enormous.

I have electric clippers. I could do it. It's only hair. It'll grow back. New beginning. Fresh start.

Step back. relax. consider the consequences. Rationalize. What the fuck are you thinking about?!

I wonder, if people like Mark David Chapman and John Hinkley Jr. and Britney Spears take a moment to think: What the fuck am I thinking?! Could I live with the consequences of those actions? Why am I having these thoughts? Perhaps if they did question themselves they wouldn't be where they are today.

I also have been thinking about femininity and how it seems so narrowly defined to childbearing age but really being feminine is about being a woman. A woman should be able to be bald and still be feminine. A woman should be feminine at every age, from birth to geriatrics. Elderly women are often denied their femininity because their reproductive parts aren't necessary, so does that render them useless? Is being useless the same as being unfeminine? Why do so many menopausal women take hormones? Do we have to? Does the reduction of hormones mean we aren't feminine? Do a few chin hairs mean we are no longer feminine? Is clinging to youth like Joan Collins the right way to go?

I think that's why I want to shave my head. To see for myself if I'm still feminine even if I'm bald and I have no clue why that particular thought came to me when I could just as easily wear a tuxedo every day and see if I'm still feminine but of course no matter what I do I am feminine because I am a woman. It's not rational thinking - I know this! I know completely that this is random brain babble. I have a wonderful internet friend who's bald and she's amazing and smart and sexy. I only have to think of her and the noise in my head stops. So why does it come back? Why does the issue of femininity keep resurfacing? Obviously there's some issue I'm not addressing. It could be biological clock stuff because perhaps if I had another baby I could still show the world I'm a viable person because I can create viable people. I'm feeling unfeminine and I can't explain why. Brain is making shit up to fill a void and making irrational thinking patterns. At least I know it'll pass. Eventually.

In the meantime I don't want to clean my house. I don't want to cook. I don't want to jog (extra exercise exacerbates the problem). I don't want to be responsible. (Resisting traditional feminine roles perhaps? Rebelling against what exactly? Clean clothes?) I want someone else to do it instead. I'm sure I'm not alone in that bit of irrational thinking. Time to seek out things to make me laugh. Best way to fight this is to make happy chemicals.

*That story was told me by my stress counselor. She was the one who had that particular afternoon breakdown. Highly educated doctor, financially secure and intelligent woman made miserable by this kind of out of control thinking. It's so common, so easily done, so shameful and yet once addressed and  spoken it immediately shrinks and weakens. My stress counselor was an amazing help.

Monday, May 17, 2010


First is of shorty before her 6th birthday party in her fairy costume:

Dressed for her 6th birthday party

She had an awesome party with 20 guests. Great place nearby that does everything. Only thing I had to do was bring a cake and candles. She's still coming down from the birthday rush.

Second is of me because Phona did an unmade-up blogger picture so I thought I would too. I went hardcore: In Sunlight! Showing every flaw (Although I did shower, exfoliate and moisturize)

Unmade Blogger

Third is of the granny square afghan I'm trying. I don't like it much, but feel I should finish it.

Granny squares

Still have a head cold. Actually we all have a head cold now. I'm fighting a sinus infection but don't want to take meds unless I have to but there are some funky colours coming out of my nose.


Slipping into that introspective, private, quiet phase again. Need someone to help pull me out but I'm still in acquaintance stage with everyone here. It's probably my fault. I'm just not socially wired. Actually I was once, but I may have burnt that fuse. It's such hard work.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Don't ask, Don't get

Sassyface has a school trip up to Canberra soon where she'll be away for four days three nights. She's given us a list of things she thinks she'll need:

The camp list

There are the things of necessity, and then there are the things that make me question her grasp on reality. Like four days worth of curry? Two portions of ketchup? The toys list is amusing too where she states "gogos X all" she really thinks she's going to bring over 200 gogos with her?? Candy X 30 makes me think she's going to share with the class but then again she's 10 so let's be realistic. Why does she need 12 keyrings?! And a dinosaur manual - is she expecting Canberra to be Jurassic Park*?

It's been an interesting insight into the mind of my daughter. However that list is going to be greatly edited. Although I should let her pack all of it and then tell her she has to carry the luggage. She can self edit as a life lesson.

*I refrained from the obvious jokes about politicians being modern day dinosaurs. Almost.

Sunday, May 09, 2010

Another crochet...

I ran out of green wool. So I picked up my yarn bag - I have a yarn bag now that used the be a shoe bag but it's now a yarn bag - and found a roll of this yellow leftover from Sassy's scarf and trawled Mickysmail site for another project. I chose this star pattern which took a bit of internet hunting to find but I'm psyched I did. It was a bit fiddly to begin with but once I figured it out it's been very easy and quick. I have a friend due any day now, I'll whip up a baby blanket for her. Not in this yellow though. Baby's a girl so I can just go straight to the pink. I hope they like it.

Crochet star pattern
Crochet star pattern

I think I'll make some small ones for X-mas tree ornaments, too.

For mother's day I got a NEW CAR! No seriously, we're trading in the sporty Mazda 6 MPS for a sporty Mazda 3 with an automatic transmission so I can drive it too. We didn't know it would be so easy for me to get a license here when we got the MPS, but it was and almost a year later - can you believe we've been here almost a year?! - I'm finding I really will need a car to get around. It's frustrating making the simplest of trips an all day adventure with trams and trains. So Husband is having 5 weeks to speed about in his super speced sports car (Which thankfully we got top trade in value for) before he we get the boy racer hairdresser's new car. In Celestial blue. We could've had a gray car sooner but there's tons of those out there. I liked the bright blue. It'll have all of the mod cons - no empty plastic plugged-over  placed on the panel that say "Cheap bastard didn't want this!"

I'm shitting myself about driving again. I shouldn't! But I've not driven a car regularly for 14 years. I was a great driver, but then it was just me. I've got kids now. Kids have made me a ninny who sits in the passenger seat and stomps imaginary brakes and cringes when other cars drive too close or come from side streets. I see imminent death everywhere I go in a car. I may need to talk to someone about that...

Friday, May 07, 2010

Crochet practice.

I definitely prefer to crochet than to knit. I don't know why but it may be that it's got a lot more freedom to it. I can fuck about with the same loop and make all kinds of weird knots and  it's all good. I don't have to stress about dropping a stitch I just pull out what's wrong and do over and it's not left me with a dread of thinking I have to start alllll over again!  I still struggle to hold the yarn properly and I must admit I don't hold it the way many tutorials have shown me to because I can't figure it out, but I seem to have found my own way.

This is leftover green from Sassy's school scarf. I'm just doing rows of single, double and triple crochet on repeat. It's neat enough to impress me. I'm sure any Granny will look at it and think "Aw, bless." but I'm proud enough. sure it's a bit bigger at the beginning for some reason. I think I'll just add a few stitches at the end and tell folk it's a kayak paddle scarf.

Crochet practice
Crochet practice

Thursday, May 06, 2010

Bra Burning, Cheeky Brats and Twitchy Rectums

I was walking the kids up to school this morning when I realized I'd forgotten to change from my sleeping bra* - a Sloggi spandex, lite support crop top - to my daily underwired support bra. Although I wasn't bouncing about freely for the world to see, I was uncomfortable enough to know this is not how women of a certain size should go about their daily business.

I romanticize the origins of Feminism being in the 60's when the free loving, birth control pill taking Hippies were stripping off their societal oppression garments and burning them in an oil drum. Freedom to bounce - hooray! But I have to say - bouncing breasts are painful!

The bra is a woman's friend. It's a liberation garment. We can run, play and enjoy many more activities because we aren't suppressing our movements due to painfully bouncing breasts. Feminists burning bras? Nope, sorry to say but that was a dumb thing to do. We should hold bras aloft and thank the inventors for liberating us from corsets. You want to burn something - burn a corset. Tortuous devices those things. A bra is a woman's devoted friend and encouragement to get out and live.

Besides, I believe the Suffragettes were the better Feminists.

* It's a habit I got into while breast feeding as it stopped me from soaking the bed. I keep it as I find it's much more comfortable and I don't roll over and pinch myself under my elbow. I'll let you suss out the visuals.

After taking the kids to school I got back home to start a few chores, bake a coffee cake and practice my crocheting skills. I go to start a load of laundry and find this:
Daughter's note

Cheeky brat! In a cartoon world I'd present her with a sodden notebook smelling of fabric softner. Instead I sent her this for her to find when she gets home:

Daughter's slob pile.

Starting the Dreaded Day 2 (for male folks, that's the second day of the menstrual cycle, notable for it's crampy intensity and grouchy inducing mayhem) and you know how sometimes you get a weird muscle spasm that doesn't hurt but just twitches randomly on repeat? I often get one in my right eyelid and above my right ear for some reason. It's bad enough that whenever it happens my first thought is "SPIDER!!" but today I got one a few inches up my jacksy and it's kind of weirding me out. Ever happen to anyone else? Anyone? Just me...? Ok.

Sunday, May 02, 2010

I'm not Anti-Marshmallow

I prefer my cocoa without marshmallows, that doesn't make me anti-marshmallow.
I prefer my curry without tamarind, that doesn't make me anti-tamarind.
I prefer loafers but that doesn't make me anti-boots, anti-sneakers or anti high heels.
I prefer cumulus clouds but that doesn't make me anti-cirrus.
I prefer Saturn but that doesn't make me anti-Mars, anti-Venus, anti-Jupiter, get the picture.
I prefer Emu eggs, but that doesn't make me anti-Ostrich egg.
I prefer Autumn but that doesn't make me anti-Spring.
I prefer porridge but that doesn't make me anti-muffin.
I prefer Rodin but that doesn't make me anti-Buonarroti.
I prefer alone time but that doesn't make me anti-social.
I prefer Ethics but that doesn't make me anti-religion or anti-Jesus.

I'm tired of religious people saying Ethics classes are classes in killing God

Friday, April 30, 2010

My first knitting samples.

It took me two weeks and several restarts to get this knitted scarf done for shorty. I found I suddenly forget what I was doing and have to rethink the actions in a 1,2,3 routine because just like when you say the same word over and over it begins to lose its meaning - I find in knitting the actions begin to dissolve and need reinforced.  Here is Shorty's all knit scarf with pompoms:
Knit scarf

The ends look ragged and messy, there are a few sections where I must have added stitches as it's not uniform.  Shorty loves it and it'll keep her warm which is all its needing to do. I'm trying to get a hat done to match but find the instructions confusing.

Then I came across a youtube page where someone was knitting on a loom*. A circular plastic peg thing that you wrap the yarns around and then pick the loops over each other. It looked so easy! The video was by a 14 year old. So I sought one out, ordered and when they arrived (they came in four different sizes) I gave one a try. Two days later, I have a scarf and a hat finished with a much nicer  result:

Knit scarf and hat (school colours)

Two days. One and a half if I'm being literal as the hat was done in an evening. It's great for these kinds of projects and I can do knit squares for blankets. It's not too practical for sweaters but there are folks who have tried and I'm interested in seeing their successes. Perhaps this makes me something of a knitting cheater, but I must admit; if there's a technical doohickey involved in the process, I'm going to try it. I can knit and purl on the loom, but the simplest way to use it makes a stockinette stitch. I'm actually more inspired by crocheting than knitting, even though the thing I dislike about knitting is all the counting and yet crocheting is all counting. For some reason it seems quicker with results and for my short attention span, waiting around to find out if I've fucked something up versus seeing it straight away wins.

End result, both kids are very happy with their new scarves. They are also very keen to start playing with the knitting looms. I made the girls a couple of knitted bracelets, collars for their stuffed animals and they want little blankets as well so their most beloved pets won't get cold this winter. Shorty has found going to the yarn store a delight and she needs reigned in from overfilling my basket with dozens of different balls of yarn.

It's an interesting distraction. Interesting adventure. I still think it's a bit old ladyish and my prejudices haven't waned, but I'm keen to keep trying.

*I've come to LOVE mickeysmail's videos. He's so good at explaining how to do all thiese knitting, crocheting and looming projects.

Loom knitting blog
The loom room

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Modern Clichés

Cliché - [klee-shey} 

a trite, stereotyped expression; a sentence or phrase, usually expressing a popular or common thought or idea, that has lost originality, ingenuity, and impact by long overuse, as sadder but wiser, or strong as an ox.
(in art, literature, drama, etc.) a trite or hackneyed plot, character development, use of color, musical expression, etc.
anything that has become trite or commonplace through overuse.
British Printing.
a stereotype or electrotype plate.
a reproduction made in a like manner.
trite; hackneyed; stereotyped; clichéd. 
Let's consider a few modern clichés. I particularly love definitions 1 & 3 because this aspect of the cliché is the one that frustrates me the most. I abhor the abuse and overuse of simple phrases. I feel they are used by many people to exhibit that they are somehow cool, knowledgeable, popular, modern or at least aspiring to be those things. (I very hard tried to avoid the cliché "with it")

Modern clichés have something of a tipping point. They should be short lived and yet they persevere beyond being fashionably acceptable. Examples could be any clichéd phrase or expression from the 90's TV show Friends. I'd even go so far to say that people who personify the speech patters of these characters are committing a crime of the modern cliché.  Examples:
  1. Wow. Just; Wow.
  2. Ya think?!
  3.  The word "So" placed unnecessarily in a sentence with exaggerated expression.
I'm sure you can think of many yourself. Yet these are still heard in everyday conversation by mimicers in casual conversation. I hate this so much I avoid using the "So" inflection or even the word So - why does it appear at the beginning of sentences? - from conversation.

You only need to read a few YouTube comments to be bombarded with atrociously overused phrases that are supposed to impart some kind of acceptability on the person using them. We are to judge them as one of us, but I judge them as hopeless posers.

I'm not immune. I have caught myself uttering this stupidity - it's infectious! But I at least have the grace to be ashamed of myself, slap my hand and reconsider what the fuck I'm talking about.

Even swearing has become something of a modern cliché. The slipping of curse words into conversation for shock value is no longer shocking. We aren't stunned to hear Fuck said on TV anymore. Why would be shocked by someone using fuck as the Valley girl abused "Like"? Still does by my ear.

Even more frustrating is hearing a young person use a relatively modern cliché that they have no clue about its origin. Example being when I heard a teenager refer to his ex a "Bunny boiler" and he had no idea where the term came from or its movie reference.

These terms and phrases must become conversation clangers. The desperate need for an ever new and modern phrase is apparent by the popularity of the site Urban Dictionary. Heard something you didn;t understand but didn't want to appear like an out-of-the-loop dweeb? Urban dictionary is there to help you. Once understood the phrase can be used to boost the credibility of the user until that phrase tips off into poserland and cliche.

Here's a small list of some I wish would hurry along to Poserland because I cringe when I hear them:
  • That's so last year, season, century etc.
  • Vajayjay
  • Any slang reference to male urination or masturbation which tend to become a contest of crudeness. Like "Shake the snake" and "Choke the chicken". Ditto for women's expressions of the same. (Thankfully no one says they "creamed" themselves anymore. That was icky.)
  • OMG!!
  • Buh-bye now.
  • Dude. Anything dude. Most annoying is women using the word dude to call other women dude.
  • I puked in my mouth a little.
  • LOL Catz speak. I know lots of people find it fun but it makes me crumple my forehead and feel pity. Especially anything prefixed with "Teh"
  • Facepalm* 
  • I peed a little, A little wee came out*
I think you get where I'm going. I do include single word as a cliché because even a word is not immune to over use to the point of unoriginality. This is never more evident than when my kids use the words I use to describe stuff like cool, awesome I shouldn't use "sucks" but my Dad used it like folk today use "Fucking piece of shit!!" which is why to me it carries a deepness of insult it actually does not. My Dad never said "Fuck off." he said "Blow it out you ear!" with a face as angry and red as if he'd actually told me to fuck off. Rarely he said ass instead of ear.

What modern clichés drive you crazy?

*edited to add as I'm reminded I dislike these things.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

I can do the Bullet Post:

  • maybe
  • Going out for coffee with a fellow parent who's displeased with CRE - will be nice to not be the lonely voice for a change.
  • Knitting still. Have a scarf half done and no drop stitches yet, but I've managed to fix any I do right away. I should not be this anxious about dropping a stitch.
  • I ordered knitting looms for the kids so the won't lose an eye with needles and will stop nagging me with "Will you teach me?" because I haven't mastered this yet, how am I supposed to teach you?
  • Online lessons with mikeyssmail have been great! I'm kind of excited to try crocheting as it's a bit more exciting.
  • I've started writing. I got an idea while watching All My Children - I was watching because there's a sexy transsexual and I was a bit confused and amused, "Of course he can love you and your child that you won back from your ex who kidnapped him at birth" and was crazy shit!! My idea was not as entrenched.
  • I don't watch soap operas. It just happened to come on after the show I was watching, Street Café which has been in Japan this week and is brilliant.
  • We get All My Children, Days of Our Lives and Bold and The Beautiful but no General Hospital. I only ever liked GH.
  • Not true, there was a cheesy California soap that we got in Scotland but the show was canceled after 5 years. Don't remember what it was called but I remember the whole series had ended up being someone's dream. Cheese!!!
  • Remembered a book I'd read in early 90's called Butterfly and searched to find out its sequel was out a couple years ago. I may look them both up.
  • I thought about it because I was thinking about Temperance Brennan in Bones and how she's so practical about sex and I wondered if she'd ever use a professional escort for her sexual needs and I think she would but then she'd probably not need to - she could just have anyone so why pay? I think she'd at least approve of the service. Which is why I thought of Butterfly as it's about a high end sexual fantasy come true kind of brothel for women. You just don't hear/read about women using male escorts - then again I'm not as voracious a reader as most people I know. You tell me...
  • Would it be too weird for a Heroine to have previously used escorts?
  • My kids keep fighting. Or really Sassy says something mildly mean and shorty goes for the full histrionics and wounded soul. She's an amazing actress, even I'm fooled sometimes.
  • I bought a few books at the charity shop of some romance writers I've wanted to try but could never decide which one, like Stephanie Laurens. I also noticed four books by Cassie Edwards which I passed up. I'm not interested in American Indian stuff. Or plagiarized stuff. Although I think the vehemence that SBTB went after Cassie last year was a bit OTT, then again plagiarism is a shitty shitty thing to do.
  • Craved a grilled cheese sandwich today but didn't have any bread, so baked bread but then it was close to dinner time so made dinner and will have the GCS for tomorrow but what if my craving expires? Sigh.
  • Feeling a bit feckless and insular lately. Then again I invited a neighbor over for drinks. I've never invited someone over drinks - I have no idea what got into me?! She seemed really keen, though so I'll have to buy a red and white and see how it goes.
  • I've got Sassy one of those latch hook rug projects for her birthday. I used to love them as a kid so maybe she will, too. It's a red-eyed tree frog one.
  • Got to go...XOXO

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Three things that need to fuck off:

First is morning TV with it's content infomercials. Infomercials are annoying enough, but to try and sneak them in as a segment on morning news/talk TV is disgusting. I hate it when they finish a nice interview or social interest piece with "Let's go over to Sue where she's going to tell us about a new innovation in fat burning!" and there's some fool swinging on a fitness contraption. It's stupid and I hate them and I immediately click over to something else. Fuck off trying to sell me stuff when all I want is background noise while sorting laundry.

Second is The Coconut Water Diet. Fuck off. It has diet in the title I'm not interested. It's going to be the same as the cabbage soup diet, the acai berry diet, the hot maple/lemon/chili water diet. Why even bother it's Stoooopid! Since the first one I heard about at 6 which was the Sweet-n-low yogurt diet, to this inanity they are all scams, lies and will lead to disappointment and self loathing. So don't bother. I'd imagine if it was a true miracle weight loss secret, scientists would be telling me about it and not dumb women's magazines. Yes I said dumb women's magazines because the content of most of those rags is dumb. I'm not a fan.

Third is Bamercise. I don't even care if it's a joke. It's annoying enough to have that asshole shouting "BAM!" at me in his commercials but to add this tripe is demeaning. Oh you won't be burning enough calories you fat housewives with our new super formula cleaner so here's a workout you can add into your day. Fuck off.

No really, fuck off, please.

Why does it keep growing??

I think I'm not ending my rows correctly because I keep adding more loops and I'm going to end up with something much too wide. What am I supposed to do at the end of a row before moving down the other side?

Learning to Knit

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

I have a diagnosis!

I met with the Dr. on Friday to discuss the outcome of my recent blood tests. I'd gone in originally for advice on a bit of a prolapse problem and when she told me my problem would be greatly improved by losing weight, I told her about my 4 year campaign to get fit and lose weight. I told her about being able to run a 5K, having excellent muscle tone and weight lifting but that the fat won't shift.

Results are, everything was fine except my androstenone levels were high. That's a male hormone, and it indicates polycystic ovary syndrome or PCOS. I don't have any of the other symptoms that are associated with this disease which is very common - 1 in 5 women have PCOS. Dr thinks I've been undiagnosed for many, many years. Probably because I don't have the other symptoms like acne, thinning hair, excessive body hair, infertility, erratic periods or pelvic pains.

PCOS also tends to run in families; my Mom had fertility issues, thinning hair. My sister had pelvic pain and endometriosis. I've got the leanings toward metabolic syndrome, another adverse side effect. I take after the side of the family that gets obese and diabetic. I've been aware of my diet and exercise for long enough now that I may have stopped the PCOS tipping me over the edge into type II. That was rewarding to hear.

What this means is I have an answer. Doesn't change my problem much, but I have a Why as to why I'm always struggling with my weight and it's not because I'm weak and lack willpower. There is no way to reduce my androstenone levels. My diet must be satisfactory because my glucose and cholesterol were all normal, which was a relief. So it's purely down to calorie intake/expenditure. Lately I've just been eating when my stomach growls, ignore non-growling cravings and eat smaller portions. No comfort eating. If I'm still hungry 20 minutes later, I'll eat more. I tell myself there's absolutely no deprivation going on here - if I want a sticky sweet thing, I'll eat a sticky sweet thing. If I want the seasoned, crispy chicken skin, I'll eat the seasoned crispy chicken skin! And now, I'm losing weight, and not slogging my guts out in the gym two hours a day, four days a week.

To be honest - I've been feeling much better. Sure that's on the back of three weeks of stomach bugs and a coughing cold. I'm getting about six hours sleep a night and not feeling tired in the morning, in fact I wake up a half hour to hour before the alarm goes off at 6:30. Not sluggish, but alert and ready to start my day. Just got my period today, and I didn't have anywhere near the crazy PMS I went through last month, which was unusual for me.

Long term outlook for me is calorie restriction, exercise and regular check ups/bloodwork to be sure my levels are in control. Lose weight, be low carb. If the other symptoms start to manifest, I may have to take medication or go back on the birth control pill to boost my female hormones. Menopause will be fun, I can tell.

I told Husband. He was very supportive and empathic, "Don't worry darling, we'll keep you a ready supply of hair wax." I love being reminded I married the right man.

I started back to learning Japanese and yesterday I started my first knitting project since I was 14. I'm using youtube videos as coaches.

So there are a lot of bright sides this morning. Also, I've lost 6kgs in a month. Not bad. Aiming for 72kgs/160lbs. Dr. says she'll be happy when I'm at 80kgs/176lbs.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

I Love Rachel Maddow

She's exactly what journalism should be. She is the apex that all journos should be aiming for. She's amazing. I love her. I want to hug her and bake her cake. I want to be on her research team. Total happy-clappy fangirl moment:

You tell 'em!

Friday, April 09, 2010

Religion Doesn't Belong in Science Class

My Mom mentioned this to me on Tuesday when we talked as she's in Tenn and it's in all her newspapers.

Even if it's to say religion is a myth. This is the story from Knox County, Tenn. where a high school biology book makes a reference to the "Biblical myth of creation". I agree with the parents who've raised the complaint to the school board that this is inappropriate content in a biology book.

A biology book doesn't need to make any reference to religion of any kind. Just as Intelligent Design doesn't belong in a science book, neither do negative comments about religion. There should be absolutely no mention of religion at all.

I know the parent was annoyed over the word "myth" and that's the crux of his irritation, "Don't call my religion a myth". It still has nothing to do with understanding biology. I do wonder what the other things are they find misleading in the book, but this interview doesn't go into that.

Thursday, April 08, 2010

My first Troll.

My first CRE video is being commented on by a possible Troll. I've never had a Troll before. I'll soon stop feeding the troll, but the good thing about them is how they have so much rubbish fall out of their mouths. Or fingers as the case may be. Here's the exchange if you're interested:

  • mikekazik1 Block User Why do you make such a big deal out of it? What's the harm in having some moral values in school? 10 hours ago
  • lyvvie (uploader) @mikekazik1 I have absolutely no problem with morals, values and ethics being taught to kids. None whatsoever. I have a problem with people telling me and my kids the only way to get that information if from the bible and religion, which is just not true. I'd be happy if the school had a secular EM&V course available. But to tell kids of many religions that the only way to be good is the christian way is disgusting. 5 hours ago
  • mikekazik1 Block User @lyvvie Look, most people don't have a problem with that stuff. Only militant atheists like you make a sensation out of the smallest things. Don't you have anything better to do with your life? There are people who have real problems in this world. It's always laugh when I see someone go on youtube to complain about some trifling matter. 4 hours ago
  • lyvvie (uploader) @mikekazik1 LOL, you call me militant when you're only upload on YouTube is the affectionate touch of your friend's gun? I don't have a gun. I'm not in a militia, I am not militant. I fight for secularism with debate and information. You're mistaken that "Most people don't have a problem with that stuff" because most people aren't aware that a problem exists. 4 hours ago
  • mikekazik1 Block User @lyvvie That's actually my gun. My friends were the ones who posted the video. In the video, I simply talked about the rifle. I didn't complain about things like you did

    Language can be literal and figurative. "Militant atheist" is a figurative term for people like you. You might not like it, but that's the term that was coined by the majority to describe people like you.

    Most people don't mind having a short religion class in school. That's why they haven't complained
    3 hours ago
  • lyvvie (uploader) @mikekazik1 I love that you say "The Majority" a lot. It must be comforting to be in the majority. The majority once thought slavery was acceptable. The majority once denied women the right to vote. The majority used to deny jobs for anyone from Ireland. There wouldn't even be an America if people didn't complain against "The majority". Until a few people complain, the majority gets away with an awful lot, doesn't it? Majority does not make it right. 2 hours ago
  • mikekazik1 Block User @lyvvie Tell me this. How was your kid harmed? The examples that you listed involved people being harmed. However, the kids that go to the school you are complaining about aren't being harmed. How does a little bit of bible study once a week harm them? Even if they don't believe in it, it's still just an easy couple of minutes where they can sit down and relax for a while. Seriously, there are people in this world who have real problems. Can't you find something better to complain about? 33 minutes ago
  • lyvvie (uploader) @mikekazik1 It's an hour long class. Why should the government be telling schools they must provide religious instruction? Why does the government have the right to impose religious beliefs on 5-18 year olds, and still claim to be a secular country? I think that's worth complaining about. I prefer to make choices for myself, and I'll encourage my kids to make their own decisions when they have all the information available to them. 6 seconds ago
  • mikekazik1 Block User @lyvvie You simply sought to justify your point of view by saying that people are unaware. People are aware. They just don't mind having a short religion class. You aren't acknowledging this because this would force you to come to terms with the fact that militant atheists like you aren't that common. 3 hours ago
  • lyvvie (uploader) @mikekazik1 From talking to other parents, and by comments I've received from people who actually live in my area of Australia - they are not aware. The fact it is so difficult to get information on the curriculum from the organization that created it is unacceptable. I also agree that "militant atheists" like me are uncommon. In fact they are virtually non existent. Most atheists are pacifists. Militant atheist is an oxymoron. 2 hours ago
  • mikekazik1 Block User @lyvvie How is a person not aware? Is it that hard to ask your kid what classes they have? A militant atheist is a coined term for an atheist who gets into other people's faces about removing religion from all aspects of society. You would certainly fall into that category since you went after the school for this kind of nonsense. Don't you have better things to do? Seriously, what's up with your husband?  If I was married and my wife sat around making youtube videos, I'd be pretty pissed. 39 minutes ago
  • lyvvie (uploader) @mikekazik1 I felt the same way as you: How could parents not know? I'm going to assume you don't have kids, because I'll tell you that kids are unreliable about providing answers about "How was your day" "What did you learn, today?" where the common answer is "Fine" and "I don't remember" I have the full support of my husband and a growing support base of both religious and non religious people. What are you doing to better society? Or is clock tower practice about all you're aiming for? 26 minutes ago

This is his video that I make comments about (The one on his page that he says his friends uploaded and not him)

Sick or what? Let's pretend to shoot a kid just off the school bus. And a random person driving by. And let's find some pagans. And let's laugh about it, har har har.