Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Zippy Did It!!!

Over at The Friendly Atheist, Hemant put up a post about another blogger, Lindsey, who recently went through her old bible and was looking at what her younger self found so inspiring and important to her as a believer, that now kind of freak her out. So Hemant asked the rest of us to dig out our old bibles and have a looksie and see what what was important to us as youngsters with belief and report anything interesting.

I was never a big believer anyways and have always found religion and church a bit creepy. Especially when filled with worshipers. Empty churches are great and I love to visit them when no one else is around. I can appreciate the aesthetics and histories within them much easier without God's fanclub in attendance. It was no surprise then when I opened my old bible, given to me on Christmas 1984 - what a dreadful gift. Sorry Mom and Dad, but really, what 12 year old wants a bible? - and it was pretty much untouched. The white cover had, after 25 years molded to the protective book sleeve, so no secrets were held within its files. A quick leaf showed nothing highlighted, nothing underlined. I did come across an interesting card insert, though.

Zippy the Pinhead

That Zippy The Pinhead, he sure does get around. I think I blamed a lot of my hijinks on him as a kid. Zippy did it!

Some of the language is a bit dodgy. "As God enables me" because I can't enable myself. what exactly is a "faith promise"? I thought I was offering cash - why would faith have anything to do with it? One either has faith or doesn't, just like one either has cash or doesn't. However one doesn't need faith to donate cash. It's a silly concept, is a "faith promise". Can you imagine trying to get a mortgage on faith? "...faith promise is a covenant between me and God." Can you imagine what would happen if you fell behind in your payments? Would God come and bust a kneecap? "It will extend for the next twelve months." unless I choose the one-time option but thanks for the pressure. "However I'll not be asked for a payment at anytime." We'll just let your covenant guilt eat away at you, you scum. " It is my sincere desire to commit myself and my financial resources..." can you just feel the hand slipping into your pocket and rifling for the billfold already - and you've not even signed yet! "...to the cause of worlwide evangelization." UGH! This was in 1984 or 1985 when Africa was starving and the world needed a whole lot more then a bunch of guilt-trippers fobbing off bibles and preaching about god.

Apparently I didn't think too much of it at the time, either.

6 comments:

jomamma said...

I love it! This is cracking me up!

jmc said...

Uh, I've never owned a bible, not even as a child. Destined for atheism early, I think.

Love your analysis of the insert :)

Victoria said...

Exactly. The (white) bible I got for my first communion is so untouched by me that when I open the box it has to this day that new BIBLE smell (not unlike the way brand new vinyl records smelled). And most of the tissue thin pages are still stuck together in places by the never ever broken bonds of the "gold leaf" (and I went to a parochial school)!

heartinhand said...

I had a little red bible, you know, the kind they used to give out in schools in like, grade five? Well, I had it for years and years and the only thing memorable I ever stuck in it was a few strands of hair from this guy I was totally head over heels in love with. I'd picked the hairs off my pillow and put them in the bible. I'm a fucking Catholic Cliche.
Years later, I let my youngest cut teeth on that bible. I took the hairs out of it first. :o)

Lyvvie said...

Also, isn't it rude to say "Between me and God." shouldn't it be "Between God and me."? God and I? Oh crap where's my Strunk and White...

Lyvvie said...

My most memorable bible experience happened in 98' I think. Husband and I were at a motel, vacationing for a long weekend in the highlands. I pulled the bible from the bedside table, randomly flipped the pages, poked a point on the page and read. I ended up reading the lyrics to Turn Turn Turn in Ecclesiastes 3:1 (I didn't memorise that either, I had to look it up again)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turn!_Turn!_Turn!