You should not talk shit about your partner to their friends. It's common sense.
I want to have a quick dialog about an aspect of relationships that bothers me. I'm sure I'm not alone in this; I know a few couples where usually I've known the man first, and then I'm introduced to his new girlfriend. I have found a few times, and it is rare, but at 37 I can count this happening to a few friends now, the girlfriend (and each one has later become the wife) will spend a lot of the time talking shit about her partner while he sits there in silent embarrassment. He doesn't want to start a fight, he wants his friends to like her as much as he does, and she makes a complete arse of herself by treating him like an accordionist's monkey. I've even seen the woman go so far to actually pick a fight with him over something that happened years ago and then try and earn the sympathies of all of his friends, when in reality everyone hates her for causing their friend pain. She's an outsider. An Extractor. It will be a long seduction to the dark side where she convinces him that his friends aren't really as close as he thinks, gets him to move away, encourages him to join her circles and family and leave his childhood friends behind.
This is husband abuse. It's disrespectful to him and to his friends. It makes everyone feel awkward and uncomfortable and yet no matter how many times you tell him "Man, why is your girlfriend is total bitch to you - what's up with that?!" He'll defend her, and if he tells her about this she'll say "I told you so. They're trying to break us up." and then she'll probably give him a blow job or something to cement in the suggestion of how much better she is for him than they are.
At a cookout or party she may start off by saying how dumb he was at some other party and what an arse he made of himself, she may talk about some humiliating thing that happened between them that he really would rather be kept private. When he tries to stop her, she picks the fight "You're always telling me what me what to do! Why can't you just be nice and stop embarrassing me in front your friends!" and woe how put upon by this big dolt is she? Is she trying to broadcast to all the other women around that really he's worthless and they shouldn't bother to try and steal him from her (Although everyone now wants to save him from her machinations) or is she just so completely insecure that she needs to bully him to feel better about herself and he's so thick that make-up sex after will cure it all? How about both?
I just want to say I cannot stand women who treat their partners like this. I'm not saying it's just women either, I have known men to treat their wives to this kind of embarrassment too and everyone knows it's just him trying to alienate her from her loved ones. I have to wonder about what happens behind closed doors and does she attack him physically as well? Abuse breeds abuse. What can he do to stop this cycle? How can we as their friends support them without alienating ourselves but also not sell our souls to the demon in his bed?
Then they have kids. What kind of parent is she going to be? Head games like that on a child can be so damaging. You can just hear the passive-aggressive arguments already can't you, "I'm sorry your daddy prefers to be with his friends instead of reading you a goodnight story. You're lucky mommy is here to love you." and she'll say this within earshot of a large group of people invited into her home, suddenly feeling very unwelcome, and embarrassed. Watching this train wreck of a family.
It causes me sadness sometimes and yet there's nothing to be done and I can't even speak about it or it will set off a fight between them. I just want them to be happy, so leave it alone. Keep my opinions and feelings about it to myself. Close down. Withdraw. Smile and nod, check my watch.
Then I hug my husband and tell him how much I love him, respect him and adore him.
Anyone else know what I'm talking about?