Tuesday, September 01, 2009

I won't make time...

It's true. I'm not swamped with things to do, but I'm just not making the time to blog. I'm kind of puttering about, not being a tourist. Having some downtime. Cleaning the house, organizing cupboards, avoiding the blog. I'm entertaining ideas and not writing them down so they're soon forgotten. What was that cool thing I was thinking about? Don't know. Lost it. Bet it was the cure for all the world's ills too, or at the very least a recipe for cinnamon buns.

I've been rolling the ideas of religion and evolution and why do some people see only the religion and refuse to see the science, and why those of science refuse to see the religion. I wonder if letting go of religion is an evolutionary process. How many steps higher can we go when man has so much control over his environment? Are we at the top of our evolution? Is the only way for man to further evolve is to tap into the brain and overcome its shortcomings? The brain isn't perfect. It's certainly complex, but it lets us down all the time. The fact we still have a primal brain attached to the back our modern brains, I think, leads to the stunting of our evolution. The battles we have with that silly old-brain the cerebellum. Anxiety is born in that brain. Do you have panic attacks? Blame the old-brain. Work yourself into a fizz over small things? Old-brain. Obsess over death and dying? Old-brain. Can this be the beginning of a vestigial brain? Not entirely, we still need it for those important things like standing up and walking in a straight line, although it does contain vestigial components plus it houses the thalamus and hypothalamus - and don't get me started on the hypothalamus! I hate that annoying thing. Mine is a complete bitch. Can we make the cerebellum a proper vestigial brain and get the better more walnutey part of our brains to take over those important things we want like balance and equilibrium and control of our emotions and nervous sweating and weight gain. Can we? I'm not a brain scientist. I'm just someone who ponders.

What about primitive cultures - do they all have some sort of God worship? Have we encountered a primitive culture that has never had any use for gods of any kind? I'm also not an anthropologist. As far as I know, there aren't any. Most primitive cultures resort to gods and rituals of some sort to explain things they have no way of understanding. So as a developed culture, does this mean that since we discovered the scientific method, we've opened up a way for Man to evolve, and is the rejection of gods a sign of that?

Nature vs Nurture. Such a twisty argument. If we took a newborn from one of those primitive cultures and raised them with atheists, they would likely become a free-thinking person too. Someone who is able to understand everything just as his peers. Reintroduce them into their birth culture and they'll be just as confused as any other outsider.

Yet I have to admit, I struggle with the old-brain. I get hairs standing up on the back of my neck for no reason, and sure my first reaction is that someone is watching me even though I'm completely alone and years ago I'd have thought there was ghost in the room but now I don't believe in ghosts and don't have an explanation for why the hairs have suddenly stand up on the back of my neck. I know there is a reason, but I don't know how to look for it. It's not ghosts. It's that old-brain fucking me around. Giving me ancient "heads-up and look for danger!" warnings. Like I'm a meercat or something. That old-brain doesn't understand urban living and that I'm at the top of the food chain. Maybe that's all it is, some old holdover to keep alert for danger and then we humans with our elaborate imaginations have to create an illusion of Aunt Betty's ghost coming to visit because maybe I thought of her the other day. Sounds silly and yet look at the popularity of Mediumship, something else I kind of believed (although skeptically) and looked into and realized it was full of weirdoes and liars.

So what of God? Do people believe in god because they were raised to or do they themselves actually feel these things? I've had many people ask me to accept Jesus Christ into my heart, but quite honestly I don't get what that means. Open my heart? Have you seen the heart? It's kind of self contained. Open it and you'll bleed to death and yet apparently it's the only way to understand why all those religious people are so joyous. It's a walking over hot coals, right of passage to "Open my heart" and let in the Light. At least Islam says convert or die. I hate the insinuation that because I don't understand the whole opening up of my heart thing, that I must somehow not have a heart. Although I can feel it, hear it and under the right machines, see it. I'm not utterly pedantic to metaphor, you understand. I'm really not. I just hate the patronizing tone that come with the open up your heart crap. Have you thought about how many things we're asked to open our hearts to? What about my mind, how about we open up our minds a bit and think. That's a metaphor with an explanation - consider things differently with altered perception and see how it feels. Try on a few "what ifs". Try and answer the question, if God is the father, and Jesus is the son, then who is the Grandfather? Where did God come from? Just like the question of how did the universe come into being, no one can answer with certainty and I have to say, I have more respect for the person who can say they don't know but they know one day we will have the answer once research is advanced enough, as opposed to "I read in the Bible that God created everything, so I believe God did it." Lazy old-brain.

So yes, trying to work around if rejection of gods and religious practices is a sign of human evolution or have I just watched so many X-men episodes and I'm disappointed at not having a cool mutant power but I am at least an atheist and that somehow makes me special. Certainly makes me smug, I can put my hand up to that, but then no more smug that the religious person who thinks they're preferred by God over me and smile to themselves with the knowing I'll burn in their Hell for all eternity.

New topic.

My youngest starts school full time in February - stunning huh? I started this blog when she was just a few months old and now she's a big girl ready to start school. I'm now letting the old-brain have its way with me and I'm worrying about what I'll do with myself with all this free time during the day? I'll need to get a job? Will I? The kids still need me around, I do want to be here for them after school as it definitely makes a difference to their confidence.

I just don't know what kind of job I'd like. I'm not especially qualified for anything and any skills I did have are now five years out of date and would put me back to square one. Even more annoying is I simply don't know what I'd like to do. I'm content just getting a job in a shop somewhere as it's more the social and money that's of interest. I think it's time to give up on thinking I can have a career. At 37 I'd have expected to know what direction I'd want to point a career and yet I have absolutely no clue what I want to be when I grow up. I've never found that very deep passion for something that I could do for the rest of my life. Maybe writing, but even to get a a writing job I'd have to retrain in something. I'm pretty good at stringing words together but I don't know how to apply that into a career. Slightly pathetic really.

More than slightly. I envy you career people with your passion for your work. I hate being shiftless.

The most useful piece of learning for the uses of life is to unlearn what is untrue. -Antisthenes


northern musings said...

Sorry Lyvvie - am going to do a long comment - Your post was great by the way and got me to thinking about when I was a kid going to church and asking questions of the pastors and preachers that they did not like - like the following passage from Genesis:

When men began to multiply on the face of the ground, and daughters were born to them, the sons of God saw that the daughters of men were fair; and they took to wife such of them as they chose. Then the LORD said, "My spirit shall not abide in man for ever, for he is flesh, but his days shall be a hundred and twenty years." The Nephilim were on the earth in those days, and also afterward, when the sons of God came in to the daughters of men, and they bore children to them. These were the mighty men that were of old, the men of renown....
Were these the "old" gods and heros of Greek, Roman and Norse mythology?? and if the sons of god had children with the daughters of man - doesn´t this mean that Christ was not the ONLY son of God, but rather he had heaps already and lots and lots of grandchildren....

Beth said...

Okay so first off - don't even think that if you haven't figured out what to be at 37, then there's no sense trying. For godsakes, that would mean I've only got like 6 months left to figure out my life. And you're in this really fantastic position (yes I'm wildly jealous) where you can experiment, because the roof over your head doesn't require a paycheck from you. So maybe you'd like to open a little shop, or do some freelance consulting, or even work with some local non-profit that can barely pay you at all. Don't rack your brain trying to think of a Career, just go out and try this and that and see how you like it. Gyah, you're SO LUCKY that you can DO that.

And secondly, whaddya mean about you being there when they come home from school gives them more confidence? I don't doubt that it does, it's just I wonder why that's so key. Elaborate, please!

Rox said...

Heady subjects so early in the morning...

The SAHM thing? Stay as long as you can. You think they need you now? Wait. There will always be a need for you. I've been at home with my kids for the entire time and all I keep thinking of is "four more years" and then it's gone. The beautiful part of it is is that with one already gone, I'm grateful for never having missed a thing. I went to every play, every concert, every field trip that I could go to and every single day, I was there for them when they came home.

I think whether you work or not, the key is stability and continuity. Your girls will grow into strong women if they see you being a strong woman whether you stay home or not. But man? These are the wonder years and why would you want to miss out on that if you have the opportunity to be there?

This is just one sappy mom's opinion...LOL!

Now the whole God stuff? I think it's something humans have created to absolve themselves of responsibility for their own actions. It's easier to believe in "something" than to believe in yourself.

Victoria said...

It's weird, I'm not a mom but I have this feeling that when they really need you is years from now.

Like in their late teens.

"They" meaning all children. But that's just me.

It's cool, Lyvvie. No one ever feels they are doing the right thing at the time they are doing it.

Asking this, though, might mean you are ready for a change (in your life - though moving across the world definitley qualifies.. just sayin')

I see it as poeple who work, people who raise children, and people who don't work. None mutually exclusive from the other. And really much harder to define than I just did.

It's all important.

None of it is important.


You should write.

ree said...

Sometimes I think you're in my brain. (Well, except for the school thing...and yet, Shortman is starting university next week, so even there, there are parallels)

Lyvvie said...

Northern Musings - There are so many things to question about the Bible I dopn't know where one should start. But I certainly like your suggestion that they were usurping the polytheistic beliefs.

Beth - Aw Beth, you make me feel bad! It's not that I'm wanting to give up trying, it's that I have no idea where to start. I keep thinking; what if I head off down the wrong road for a few years? How pigging annoyed I'll be at having wasted my time. but I do like the idea of working in some sort of charitable organization. I'm just drowning in choice and know this and I'm kicking myself around a bit for wasting the opportunity I know I'm being given. I don't want to be lazy. Regarding the kids, I know I hated being latch key, and I've asked the kids and they both say they like having time with me after school. They prefer my company to the after-school club. I like that. And they are only this age once and I want to be here for it. I was a desperately lonely kid, wishing my family would spend time with me. So This is my way of making that right. They had to work and be away as often as they were. I don't. I am damned lucky.

Roxy - I want to be that Mom. I really do. I just have that voice of the new Feminists telling me what a disappointment I am to them for not having a career.

Religion is a trip.

Victoria - ...there are late teens aged girls who want to spend time with their mothers? Who are they? I want to know what their Moms did to be so cool to want to keep in touch.

Ree - I've thought the same of you many times. Gah! University! How dare he! (Hope he does awesome)

Can you all come over to mine and I'll open a bottle or two and we'll talk for hours? Please?

jomamma said...

Lyv... I didn't go back to work until my youngest was in the 7th grade. That was 12 years ago, and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I started volunteering at the school so much they decided to give me a paycheck. Now look where I am, I run the freaking place. But it's still not what I want to be when I grow up, but it's a good way to keep my mind busy and not worry about it.

Here' a novel idea... why don't you pray about it.... HA HA! You know I love the way you think.

Victoria said...

Want, no. Need? Definitely.

tornwordo said...

Why buy into the BS that we have to grow up and BE something. I think you should work in a shop and be social. Why not?

Dingo said...

So many things in the bible don't add up. There are HUGE contradictions all over the place and it just astounds me that people explain these away by saying they accept the bible on "faith." *shakes head*

I didn't start my career, the job I love with all my heart -- teaching -- until I was 37. Find what you want to do and do it. Who cares if you are starting over at square one?

sideshow bob said...

I think you should start by making a conscious decision to *never* grow up.

At least not all the way:)

sideshow bob said...

And you should write, too. You really should.

Nej said...

I'd never thought about it before...but are their primitive cultures out there that don't have gods they worship?? Inquiring minds want to know. :-)

Also, I've been working since I was 16. Have had a full time job since I got out of high school and went to college. I have NO IDEA what I want to be when I grow up. :-) :-)