I just got paid on Friday and it's...well...it's gone. All the money. Gone. I've got enough for two weeks of groceries. After that we're down to bread and one normal meal a day. I seem to be hemorrhaging money just now. I'm only slightly exaggerating, but you know: not really.
This emigration stuff is getting expensive. Get a few extra winter-weight clothes while they're on sale here in the UK, new luggage - bought cheap at the outlet but still £140, plastic bag things that you can vacuum out air and save space in your suitcase, new sneakers - well they are a essential as I caught mine yesterday on the door and ripped a hole in one and now my little toe pokes out! And the new ones are causal all leather ones that should last me years. I'll get new runners when I get to Oz as I've not been running as evidenced by the jelly roll over my ribs. And I ordered new books for Sassy for her birthday, some activity books for the airplane, an origami kit...It's not silly expenses! It's something like 30 hours of flying and layovers I have to find entertainment for two kids. Have some sympathy, will you? I do not fly well. I may look like I do, but really my guts are in a bind for the whole time. I'll probably not poop for days before or weeks after . AND trying to be nonchalant while choking down a panic attack and smiling at the kids and saying "Isn't this exciting!" so they don't get nervous or scared will be no kinds of fun. So I'll be talking myself down from my anxiety a lot over the next few weeks. I keep telling myself the flight is just one day of my life. One day. Just don't want it to be my last. Fucking terrorists have made me nervous and I hate them for it. Was bad enough worrying about spontaneous engine eruptions without Fundies hijacking and crashing planes.
Have all these little bills to pay and wind up now. Last utilities, last mobile phone bill, pay off the credit card as I can't keep it while living abroad, cancel it all, close it all down. Scrub all remnants of our life here away. Why does it all have to be so expensive? Wouldn't be an issue if we could sell the house quick.
Must get a reign in.
I'm nervous about moving day on the 29th as well. What if they pack something I really wanted. what if they pack something I don't want to take? What if they fuck it up? I don't really want them rummaging in my underwear drawer or poking about in my bedside table? What the fucking hell is going to happen to these fucking comic books?! Husband leaves on Friday and he's not going to be here to sort them out, and if they get fucked up then he'll be crushed and I'll feel guilty for ever and yet he could've done more for getting them ready but you know where's his time been to do this? None - he's got none! You know it will get ruined. You know the comic books will be nothing but pulp at the other end. This is why people shouldn't be sentimental and collect things! Collecting things is just silly. (And don't you dare mention my bento stuff, alright.)
OH It will be fine! I'll get through it. In a years' time it won't fucking matter and I'll be a happy Melbournian. Hopefully with a few dollars in my pocket.
I hate worrying about money.
Woke up with a start this morning, early, began to have a cuddle with Husband and then started to cry because I'm not ready for him to go away again. I mean he was away for over a month in Dubai, then America for a month, Then America again and Australia for a month and now after Friday I won't see him for 7 weeks until we fly out to Australia. It's a lot, and we miss him. I'm worried about doing this moving stuff alone and the keeping the kids from being worried while being a worried mess myself. So I had a wee cry and he cuddled me and then I went downstairs to make coffee. One of these days we'll manage some marital relations but it's weird with my mom in the house - you know?
We're going out with a good friend tonight. I'll have to try and keep it together. I'm turning into a big girl these days.