Sunday, November 30, 2008

It's war.

Unable to tolerate the rude scratching from the rodent in the attic even though a few times I stood on my bed and banged my fist on the ceiling to tell it to shut the fuck up, I ultimately had to pull my blankets and pillows from my warm spot and sleep on the inflatable mattress in the livingroom downstairs. Thank the universe for Aerobeds.

I'm calling environmental control and having the guy come back ASAP. I can't sleep in the living room every night until Thursday, when he's due back. This vermin must be impervious to his poisons, or it's got too sophisticated a palate to consume it.

I'm restraining myself from climbing up there with a ball peen hammer and pounding the wee fucker.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

In Search of Scent

It's that time of year again where I linger about drug stores and department stores trying to find a new perfume to call my own. I prefer to not smell like everyone else; call me singular, antisocial, crazy whatever, but I like knowing I have a unique aroma (And I'm not talking about the gym pong either). I get a thrill when someone stops me, who isn't a blaring example of crazy, and asks me what perfume I'm wearing. It's always a conversation starter with a fellow perfumista/o, and I like that kinship. So of course I'm starting out on the wrong foot, one cannot possibly buy a unique or rare scent in either a drug or department store.

So how do you go about finding a new, lost, underutilized, unique scent? First you have to know what you like. No point going floral if they give you headaches and if sandalwood makes you nauseous then you better know how to spot it. I find, if you know what's in your favourite perfume, finding a varying formula is usually a good thing. Be brave but sensible.

Let's use CK One as an example. I use this as it was the number one scent in the mid 90's for men and women. You couldn't walk ten feet without smelling it on someone. So let's say you like the lemon freshness of CK One but don't want to smell like everyone else. Find out what you like specificlly about the scent - it it the fresh lemon you get when you first spray it on? Or do you prefer the warmer green scent that follows about an hour later? Maybe it's the undertones of musk and amber - does your nose go right to the guts of the scent or does it prefer the airier side of the scent?

Well for me it was the airier side I liked, which is odd as I'm definitely a warmer, musk fan. As it was, I couldn't wear CK One on its own. I always mixed it with another scent, in particular Coco Chanel. When I wore the two layered together, I got stopped a lot. It became my favourite scent from 1994-1997. Coco also goes nice with lighter white musks.

Beginning in this way I found that certain combinations of scents were better then broad board scents. Kenzo Flowers is obnoxious to my nose as it's just flowers. It doesn't seem to mellow down to anything with character and diversity. It's just an bash of sharp, stinging flowers up the sinuses. Even though it has two of my favourite notes in it; opopanax (sweet myrrh) and musk, they're too overpowered to be fully appreciated.

A perfume has a personality. Three layers of revealing itself. Top, middle and base notes tell the story of the perfume. Top notes are what hits you when you first apply the scent, middle notes are what comes from the scent after the tops have evaporated a bit and the scent warms on your skin, base notes are the heavier scents that linger the longest and hold the scent together. Scents evoke emotions, memories and transport you to grassy glens, woodlands and waterfalls. They are an escape. Where do you prefer to escape to? For me it's the woods. What's it for you? Fields of poppies? Metalworks? Caribbean beaches? There's a scent or all of these.

What I do is I trawl the internet for scents I've never heard of. I frequent places like Basenotes and Now Smell This and find those exclusive little boutiques, or the scents that big brands keep private and don't advertise as heavily. Most of the boutiques will offer samples for a small price - no point buying a scent that sounds good on paper but ends up disappointing. Remember my Marilyn Miglen disaster? I thought I was getting a spicy, sweet rush of an oriental scent and ended up with an old ladies powder room. My Mother-in-law loves it so it's not a waste. So the samples is the best way to go. I also love the glass counters in the far right nook of Jenners where they hide the exclusive and obsessive scenteurs. I always walk away with a wish list and purse full of samples. I don't think one spray is ever enough to commit a lot of money to a scent - and let's be honest, a decent scent can cost a fortune (Says the woman who loves the smell of Old Spice and Coty Wild Musk).

So, I've finally decided on what my new scent is going to be for the new year. I'll buy the new one on my birthday. I just have to figure out whose scent to get. That makes no sense really now does it, but what I want is Cuir de Russie, Russian leather. It's done by a few houses; Creed, L.T. Piver and Chanel all do a version of Cuir de Russie. I currently have the L.T. Piver one and I like it a lot, but of course I'll have to ferret out samples of the others to be absolutely sure. I've read reviews of the Chanel that say it's not all that Russie, and there's heavy debate over whether Creed or Piver have the true Russie feel. What does it smell like? Light, fresh, hint of leather and woodsmoke. Fresh out of the bottle it's like a gin and tonic by the woodside. I adore this scent. The Piver one does fade to have a hint of plastic doll's head (and if you're a parent you may know what I mean) I've read it reviewed at "The most homoerotic perfume of all times" and oddly enough that doesn't turn me off it. I often wear men's colognes, or unisex scents, which Cuir De Russie is. Shame it disappears after a couple hours. I'm sure the Creed version will be too masculine as it's what Creed does, but the Chanel one has tweaked my interest and I'm heavy on the search for some.

Recent samples I've ordered are from Michael Storer. ($15 for a set of six) When I left a note in the paypal asking if there were samples of their limited edition scent, Winter Star, they sent me an email thanking me for my order and that they'll include the extra sample for me. How nice is that! I can't wait. I already love them for the customer service alone. (After posting this I went to my other samples haunt of Les Senteurs in London and nabbed five samples. I was hoping to find Musc Kublai Khan by Serge Lutens, but alas they had none. I'll review what I get.)

For now I have my Piver. Come give me a warm tight hug, I have a little behind my ear.

Chick said find the funny...

Well actually she suggested I find the Good. But funny is good!




And if that didn't make sense then watch this

Did you get those in the States? I don't like creme eggs so I don't eat them, but I know I'm in the minority.

I feel better now, even though I was woken up three times in the night by an elephant in the attic. It was moving furniture. Excavating ceiling space for it's acorn sculpture collection. (I'm making light of it, because if I ponder the possibility that it was a rat I'll freak the fuck out) I think it finally "fell sleep" (that's my version of death throws now) at 5:45 by which time, it was impossible for me to get back to sleep. What an annoying beastie. The attic has small feeding dishes of poisoned seeds, and I'm guessing this greedy glut ate the lot and then proceeded to drag the food bowl around the floor. Strong little, tiny field mouse. Or maybe it was a pair of them. It's always nice to have a friend help move furniture.

I'm taking the kids to the school's Christmas Faire today. EARLY MUCH?!?! For fuck sake; Really. I'll have to very stern on the no buying tons of shit and rubbish as the school's faire tends to be more like a flea market with home baking and skittles - that's the bowling type game, not the candy.

Can't get Somalia song oot m'heid. (Why didn't "Oot m'heid" become redlined? You tease me autospellchecker! You tease and taunt and I find it not amusing. HEY! You left in autospellchecker too! You cannot be trusted.)

Friday, November 28, 2008

What's that phrase again...

You know, the one about the World. It's the one that sums it all up when things aren't going well. Oh yes: To Hell in a Handbasket. The World Is Going To Hell In A HandBasket. With pretty red bows and bells and everything.

Why I browse the newspaper headlines I'll never know. It just makes me so angry.

Horrified over what's happened an is continuing in Mumbai. Horrified about the Shannon case here in the UK. There's at least six stories about child abuse and infanticide. Is it any wonder I'm a boderline agoraphobic? Is it any wonder the world is edging closer to Islamophobia? What is wrong with people. They love thier God so much they kill for him, even though that God says "Don't Kill." Ridiculous. Insane.

And I only wanted to get the cryptic crossword for the weekend. Now I feel like filling the garage with canned goods and water and never come out until people smarten the fuck up. Buch of sad bastards.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

That's not right...

I'm not planning any kind of big thanksgiving meal, as it's just the kids and I. But I figured what's the harm in making a few nice things. So I have turkey breast steaks and potato wedges so I thought I'd make some stuffing balls with bacon wrapped sausages and a cornbread/biscuit thing. I have no recipe for a cornbread/biscuit thing so I started a search.

I found this recipe and thought, Hey that sounds easy and it's different way of making biscuits:

Bonfire Biscuits

These are called Bonfire Biscuits because they are great to eat standing around the bonfire on bonfire night!


6 oz vegan margarine
1 tbsp syrup
1 cup of each of plain flour, sugar, dessicated coconut, oats
½ tsp bicarbonate of soda dissolved in 2 tbsp hot water


Melt the marg and syrup in a saucepan. Mix in the dry ingredients. Add bicarb and water.

Place 6 or 8 teaspoonfuls of the mixture on an ungreased tray and bake at gas mark 3, 170C until golden (10 to 15 mins). Cool slightly and remove to cooling rack.

Repeat until all the mixture has been used.

So I have all the ingredients which is a bonus. I changed it a wee bit by cutting the sugar and coconut in half and instead of oatmeal I used cornmeal.

Smarter bakers than I may already be laughing.

Not The Biscuits I wanted.

These are not biscuits! These are cookies! Fucking Brits and their twisted language. I hate falling for this. I wasn't even aware it was a UK site or I'd have twigged earlier. And I kept telling myself, "That's a lot of fat and sugar for biscuits..." and honestly, they are sweet enough with my alterations that if I'd used the full recipe as was I'd be in a sugar coma, or running naked in the rain from the sugar high.

As a cookie they're pretty nice though!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Get over yourself!

From the Telegraph:

Truman Show Syndrome delusion: Sufferers convinced they are on reality TV.

I know someone who'd annoy a few psychiatrists with this psychosis. In fact, if she actually ever read a newspaper, Edinburgh would be in trouble as I have no doubt she'd be wandering Princes street shouting "You are all pawns in my TV life!"

I may have to get that on a T-shirt.

I saw Secretary for the first time last night and I loved it. It's been playing through my mind all day. What a neat movie and what amazing, complex characters. I'm seriously annoyed I watched it alone because I think I needed someone to talk about it with after the fact. James Spader was amazing. It was nice to see him looking so fit, as this movie was made before he started the Shatner Diet. (I've used that joke twice today because I think it's funny.) I think the movie was more about Mr. Grey than it was about Miss Holloway, although we seemed more invested in her story. He was by far the more complex of the two. A sadist who can't kill a mouse and hides from confrontation and is completely sickened by himself. Fascinating. I have a new appreciation for Maggie Gyllenhaal, having only seen her previously in Batman Returns. (Yes, I know I need to get out more, care to babysit for me?) as she was really good and I wonder how much of Miss Holloway was edited out of this movie. She didn't seem as developed to me. Acting was wonderful.

There was a mouse in the attic again last night. Scratching away and I couldn't sleep through it. In fact I had very little sleep last night and feel a bit flat because of it. I had a weird moment where I thought my shoulder was being pulled away from me, and I even thought the ball and socket were coming apart and the tendons were about to snap. I woke up with my arm completely numb. Then I heard the mouse, and couldn't drop off as I was auditorily (I'm making it a word) attached to the wee fucker, stalking it with my mind across the rafters. Finally, I had a visit from Ghost Cat. This time I wasn't as excited about the visit as it jumped nearly into my hip and then hopped over me to claim the empty space next to me. This one was noisy too; purring. I could feel the bed vibrate from the purring. It annoyed me so much I sat up and shook the half-sleep hallucination from my head and broke the spell. Purring was actually the very loud refrigerator that had kicked on in the night. I forgot to shut the kitchen door which I normally do because the fridge wakes me up. So, Ghost cat was dismissed. Shame I couldn't do the same for the fucking mouse. I now feel guilty for chasing Ghost Cat away. Get Over Yourself!

Pest control comes tomorrow for round two. I'll ask him to drop down the bags of clothes in the attic. I'm sure the wee fuckers have gnawed through a bunch of clothes I've set aside for Shorty to grow into. If they wake me tonight I'm going to turn into Mr. Roper start banging on the ceiling with a broom handle and break up the orgy.

Husband has to stay on in (Bahrain? Borscht?Baryshnikov?Dover?Dublin?) Dubai! (my fucking head gets stuck like that sometimes. I should type it out more, you can feel the frustration I go through when I know the answer, have said it a million times over but my brain decides to hijack the word from me. This is why I will, without a doubt, forget your name the minute I'm about to meet you or introduce you. This must have name, this brain hijack embarrassment thing.) until Tuesday next week. He was supposed to be home Friday. He's rather pissed. I feel his pain. He's not the work away from home kind of guy. 23 days away is getting him down. Then he still has the backlog on his desk here to sort through. I feel for him I really do. The sooner we can emigrate the better. Because I'm tired, sore (still grinding my teeth) and a bit lonely (The kids' conversations can only get me so far.) I'm feeling blue today. Still, it can't compare to what he must be feeling. Thing is, he's now worried they'll ask him to stay on another week. Here's hoping they don't kidnap him and chain him to the desk.

I finally... (ten minutes later)...I have no clue what I was going to type. Hurricane Sassy came home and sent her histrionic energy surging through the house. It's homework night, have mercy on us all.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

My Obsession of the Week: Biscotti

I'm trying to find the perfect biscotti recipe. This is my third attempt and so far it's the closest. Each round brings me closer to the right mixture.

Toasted Almond and Lemon Biscotti

Needs a little more sugar and possibly a tablespoon of almond extract. My house smells amazing from the toasted almonds.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Where to buy?!

Husband sent me an e-mail asking for one of the tax disc holders in he picture.

Husband wants.

I of course want to oblige, but where to get one?!

My head is feeling a lot better after sitting with a hot water bottle on my face for a few hours. I now have a killer knot of pain under my left shoulder blade - this lets me know that whole debacle is caused by a trapped nerve. I get this sometimes if I twist around and reach up. Used to happen all the time when the toilet roll holder was above and behind on the wall. The next day it would feel like someone had punched me in the middle of my back. Just now it's that with added neck strain. I've spent half the day trying to pull the muscle gently into a stretch and then rub it, until the blood flows out my hands and they tingle annoyingly. I crackle a lot. Tight tendon crackle noises are creepy. I keep worrying I've stepped on one of the kid's toys.

I went to the gym today (After a lot of stretching and painkillers) and although my stamina is down (four weeks off will do that) my strength is unchanged. I was getting really worried I'd lose my muscle tone but apparently I'm made of tougher, muscly stuff. For which I'm thankful. But I pulled off my 40 minutes cardio (jogged) and weights for legs and butt. I'll leave off the arms and back until the pain subsides.

I'm going to do Leigh Peele's 30 day One Big Meal challenge. I've been collecting recipes to use and may do a post series about it. I should commit, but my enthusiasm waxes and wanes. Yesterday I was all YES; today I'm a bit meh. I'll probably do it. It's blog fodder, if anything.

I hate that standard Women's trouser lengths are 29', 31', and 33'. I need a 32'. So all the damned time my trousers are either a hint too short, or need cuffed. This is why I have to break my rule of not wearing men's clothes anymore, and buy men's jeans because at least I can always get the length right, even if they bag at the waist because I'm an hourglass shape and need the bigger waist to get over my hips. Someone (preferably female) empathise with me please!

Saturday, November 22, 2008

There's a village of trolls in my head...

I'm guessing. I don't what else could be causing the extreme pain down the left side of my head and neck. The pounding behind my eye in under my cheekbone is driving me crazy. Trolls are excavating more space within my skull and now down my neck, as I'm in no doubt, they are breeding. You may be thinking sinus infection, and I would almost agree except that there's nothing there. I mean, and I apologize for the indelicacy, but there's nothing to blow, nothing draining and just nothing in there to cause this kind of pounding even though I have the constant urge to snerk. That is the proper word for that extreme kind of deep inhaled sniffle one does prior to hawking (Harking? Hauking?* Never been sure) a lungie (I may have got snerk from Calvin and Hobbes). My ear is hot, my neck is sore and yes....yes I've been champing. The teeth grinding and jaw pain is driving me nuts too. Can't wear my glasses as they are incredibly sore on my nose, which means I can't read. But, of course I can't not read, so I'm wearing the broken glasses that only have one arm as they are the lightest. You're not getting a picture of that.

Photosensitive (too many white backgrounds with black text, it's killing me), audiosensitive (Turn that TV down!! Stop shouting!!), and being downright tetchy as a result. I thought kids were supposed to have better hearing than 30somethings.

Can't sleep.

Sounds like I'm stressed. Which explains why I'm hungry all the time. All. The. Time. It's ridiculous. I don't eat a ton at any one time but I seem to eat all day long. It's not good for me. At least I'm back to the gym on Monday. (You hear that, kids! No sickies allowed! You just better stay healthy or Mommy will go mental!) Yet, I don't feel stressed. I don't feel depressed. I feel fine in those respects.

I may just give in and buy the damned codeine tablets and hope for the best. I've only needed them once before, but I'm still glad to live where I can get them over the counter and not have to pester my GP with such a thing

I bought the newest Adrian Mole book called The Lost Diaries of Adrian Mole 1999-2001 which I was surprised to see as I was under the impression Sue Townsend wasn't going to write any more so she could deal her poor health. She was registered blind in 2001. I'm pleasantly surprised to see she'd not given up after all. On checking Wiki, I see she has another Adrian Mole book planned for next year called The Prostate Years. I read my first Adrian Mole book when I was thirteen and have been an avid fan ever since. I even, once upon a time, had a penpal in England named Adrian. I was so excited.

Sassy is getting a bit surly and clingy all at once. "I hate you! LOVEME!!" kind of thing. She's driving me nuts. I'm supposed to go out today and get a birthday present for my mother-in-law but I'm not feeling up to it, and there's a Pokemon movie marathon on. I just didn't have the energy to fight, nor the want to hear the decibels she'd launch at me if I said "We're going shopping." Thing is, it's nice out today, and it's supposed to rain tomorrow. Well, snow really. they predict snow. I laugh at that. No way. Not here. Yes there's a foot in Aberdeen, but I'm costal and in the valley. Not gonna happen. (That's Murphy's cue to prove me wrong so I can bunk off tomorrow, too.) (Should there be a comma before too? I always thought there was but now it looks funny.)

Time to watch the Pokemon movie now. I promised to sit with her and watching it with her. I'm a good mother, and I shall resist the urge to pull a book into my lap no matter how bored I get with the movie.

I want popcorn.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Crap! Is that the time?!

Where did my morning go? I can't believe I used all my writing time watching Cyril!

Sometimes YouTube is a curse. But I love it. and I hate it. But I wouldn't want to be without it.

Right! This one is for Doug because I know he'd love to be Paul.

....Oh all right! One more and then I really must do some work. It gets turned off after one more Barry and Stuart. (Aren't they cute!)

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

I'm mad about orange stuff...

I've been looking over my eating habits for the past couple weeks and I've noticed a very large increase in my craving and consumption of orange foods. In particular are oranges, sweet potatoes, carrots, squash/pumpkin and persimmons. Especially persimmons. I'm currently addicted to persimmons. I mean I'm seriously craving them. I walked four miles yesterday just to get some. I'm eating three or four a day and twitching for more.

So what's in those persimmons that's making a persimmon junkie? I figure they must be high in beta-carotene as they're orange. But what else? Can I OD on persimmons?

I found this neat site that will give the full nutritional breakdown on many foods, including persimmons.

So what have they got? Well they're high in vitamin K (whatever that is), A, E and omega 6. Also high in phosphorus, manganese and potassium.

But which one of these things is my body craving??

I've even been online to find out if I can grow my own persimmon tree in Australia. Imagine my glee when I find, I can. I may become a persimmon orchardess.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

It could've been worse...

bedroom toys
Powered By Lovers Toy Stores

It could've been better, too. I'm probably not kinky enough. Maybe I don't *think* I'm kinky enough. No, I'm pretty sure I'm just not kinky enough.

Monday, November 17, 2008

My kid is awesome...

Clumsy, but awesome. I got called by the school not twenty minutes after dropping her off that she'd fallen and hurt herself. They said she cried a little but calmed down quickly and just seemed a little demure about it. I asked if they thought I should come and get her and they said they didn't know. Shorty wasn't crying for me and had gone back to play in a less excitable state. I said let her stay then. I kind of wish I'd been a bit more overprotective Mom because when I picked her up I was a bit shocked to see her injury.

Thick ear

The whole ear is purple, swollen and the bruising extends down the back of her ear an over her head. She has a line of bruising along her cheek from the edge of the table she fell onto. I immediately thought, Shit - she could have a concussion! I phoned the doctor's office and told them I was coming in and if they could please find someone to check her over. I've seen enough CSI to know folks can walk away with head injuries and die hours later. At least that was the movie playing in my mind.

The GP was unsure and gave me a note to take with me to the accident and emergency. I had to go to the bank to get cash because I'd come out without my bag and had nothing but my phone on me. Cash and a phone, I called a taxi and bought a small lunch from the grocery store. We were lucky the A&E was empty and Shorty was seen quickly. Three consultants and an hour and a half later we were let go with advice to watch for vomiting and dizziness and to give her calpol (the standard children's painkiller).

She was so brave. The weirdest thing was she barely cried. She teared up a little but didn't throw any hysterics or scream or any of that stuff. She was completely brilliant. In fact her oddly perfect behaviour is what made me most uneasy and suspicious. But she was just being brilliant. So I bought her a cat magazine with mini siamese cat toy in it, a packet of wine gums and let hr have her pasta without any sauce, just chicken, which is how she likes it best.

Thick ear

While I have a minute...

Just to update on things because I've been otherwise engaged in entertaining and whatnots. I'm feeling much better. It was a pussy of a cold that had it's worst and was done in three days. I just have a lingering cough every so often. Mom is still barking like a seal however but the woman will recreationally smoke when she's on vacation here; in the cold, outside. Poor Husband is in Dubai and he has the cold, but he thinks the heat is helping him get through it. He and Mom both got the exhaustion part of the cold, where I got the snot tap and cough with occasionally headache by snot dehydration. Lots of nose blowing. The kids are so far immune, the lucky wee sods. (That's wishful thinking. Sassy says this morning she has a sore throat.)

The kitchen is finally done. A job scheduled to last 3.5 days lasted two weeks with us waiting for a lightbulb and fan panel for most of it. I had to chase them up a lot, like "When are you coming to caulk the sink and hob?" "When is the tile guy coming?" "When's this lightbulb arriving?" I'm a bit worried about this lightbulb because if it took a week for them to order I, where the hell am I going to find one when the bulb eventually blows? But I've moved into the kitchen and I'm practicing Gordon Ramsay's habits of wiping down the surfaces all the time. Now must remember to sweep the floor more often. Always a hitch to my plans.

Nanowrimo is a no go, but the month isn't over and I may make up some cram time later this week.

I miss the gym. I miss my walks and I miss fresh air being in my lungs for more hours of the day than house air.

I have overdue library books. Well, had. I renewed them and paid my £1.58 fines. I then found a book Shorty took out from the library seven weeks ago. That's not good. At least they don't fine overdue books on the kids' cards. (Update: Shorty has two other books out still and I have no clue where they are in the house. We'll have to have a dig under her bed I think. Scary place.)

I play wordtwist a lot on Facebook, mostly against Roxy and Dr. Doug. Seems everytime I'm against Doug Mom knows and starts suggesting words behind my back. She can't see that I already have the word, or that she's adding letters not in the list. I have guilt about cheating, but I haven't beaten him for several rounds so I'll say she's not adding to my player's edge.

Woke up this morning feeling oddly attracted to Nick Hornby. I don't know why. I'm thinking, I like the few stories of his I've read, wonder what else he has for me.

I bought Lost In Austen because I enjoyed the mini series when it aired a couple months ago. I'm bummed though because I have to return it because it's missing one of my favourite scenes where Miss Price is on the spot to perform on the piano and she can't play a note, but she can sing. She sings Downtown by Lulu. The scene is totally AWOL on the disc. I mean, sure the show had a few atrocious challenges to my suspension of disbelief - like when Darcy finds Amanda's torn up paperback of P&P in his ornamental pond and he's reading it - not once did he comment on the amazing wait, sorry - painting on the cover, the fact it's a paperback or look at the publishing information where it would've said it was originally published in 1813 republished in the 1990s at least, seeing as it was a Penguin Classic. But no. That was not the best written scene, unfortunately. The rest of it was highly amusing. Except, Lizzie understands being a character in a book and accepts it, but Darcy never mentions a curiosity which seems out of character for him even after his visiting modern day London. But all that waffle aside, I'm annoyed there's a scene missing and from the reviews I'm the only one which is encouraging.

I'm sure there's more I could blabber on about but I have deskwork to attend to. Joy!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Steer Clear of Typhoid Mary

That would be my Mom. That's what she used to call me whenever I had a cold, and guess what unwanted gift she brought over with her from Tennessee. I assure it wasn't anything stuffed. No she brought a full blown case of the Dreaded Lurgy. So she's hacking up a lung for a few hours every morning and describing her symptoms in such lurid detail that I'm completely off my food. I've not gotten it as bad, I don't think but I did have a distressing moment yesterday morning when the alarm clock went off and I'd been sleeping in one of my twisted arm poses, so my hands were completely numb and I couldn't feel the right button on the alarm to turn it off. Husband was saying "For fuck sake turn the alarm off, you'll wake everyone up!" and I said "............." Which was really, I'm trying but my hands are numb and I can't feel the button, help me please! But I had absolutely no voice as well as the inability to use my hands. He was sympathetic after my distressing minute of voiceless, numb panic. He was very sympathetic though and we sad a sad goodbye without tongue as he went off to work in Dubai for three weeks. I'm sure the 40C dry heat will kill off the Lurgy for him, if one of my germs happened to make its merry way over to him in our snog avoiding affections.

So I'm living on Sinex (I now it's evil but I can't sleep if I can't breath and I can't get better if I can't sleep) and going through the fancy box of balm tissues while periodically greasing up my face in scented (not that I can smell) vaseline so I don't get blow-sores on my nose and lip. So far the kids are showing themselves to be of higher calibre immune systems for which I'm grateful and jealous all at once, but that fact didn' stop me from stocking up on cold/flu meds for kids just in case. Reality.

NaNoWriMo is so far becoming a bust, with kitchen not quite finished, Mom here, Husband away, kids a bit high and crazy on all the new changes coming at them fast and furious and the new head cold that makes me have flashbacks of last November's NaNoWriMo killing chest infection, I've got a measly 5000ish words which means I'm woefully behind. I'm not quitting. I figure the exercise is more about getting the rough draft done and not about to golden 50K words. Tell me I'm right so I won't feel like a total fucking failure.

The kids do seem very interested in maximum embarrassment to their Mom lately. On Friday Shorty was in the middle of the living room playing with Grandma's large magnifying mirror when she straightened it up so the mirror was facing the ceiling, and then tried to position herself over it in a wide legged stance. "What are you doing, Shorty?" "I want to see my privates." Now I can understand the child's curiosity over her body and at four not grasping the concept of privacy for these kinds of explorations, but she was fully dressed at the time. My mom found my embarrassment much funnier than the child's act.

The second time was when the girls and I were getting changed to go swimming on Saturday. We were in the middle family sized changing room when Sassy announced loudly for all to hear over and under the adjoining walls that she was beginning to get hairs on her vagina. There she was bent over in an attempt to find these hairs. I shushed her and told her it wasn't the time or place for that and just get her suit on. I later asked her if the new hair was like hair on her arms or more like eyebrow hair and it turns out we aren't starting an early puberty after all. She's becoming very aware since I had a talk with her about puberty and periods and the signals to be aware of that her body is changing. I didn't think she'd be putting so much focus on those potential changes. I figured it would be in one ear and out the other like most of the things I tell her. The kid can't remember to change her underwear or brush her teeth but she's finely tuned to the emerging growth patterns of her pubes.

It's a lovely, sunny day, and the windows are disgusting as we had gales the past two days and a bit of rain. So cold or no cold, I'm going out to clean the windows.

Sunday, November 09, 2008

Best TV show ever written.

Wouldn't we all love to have a reunion to get Archie's opinion on recent events? It's a shame this show wouldn't be written today. I'm very thankful it was written, however. It's pure brilliance. I'll spend a portion of today trawling YouTube eppies.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

I was shopping...

online for some kitchen stuff. Baking sheets in particular, when I came across this weird tool thing.

Can you tell me what it is???


Typhoon AR+Cook Reamers

We’re proud to bring you the latest, most innovative designs in kitchen utensils, and can safely say we’ve never come across a set as intriguing as this before; they really caused a stir in our sample room! The eye-catching AR+Cook series is based on a pioneering, ergonomically designed air-cushioned handle, inspired by air chambers in the soles of trainers, and the result is a set of hard-working kitchen tools that provide a comfortable, secure grip when prepping food.

Made from titanium-coated zinc.

19cm (7½") L.

I bloody bet they caused a stir. But what would one use this for in a kitchen and food setting?

Any ideas?

Aren't they cute!

See more CheechAndChong videos at Funny or Die

I may be completely pot-a-phobic, but I adore Cheech and Chong.

Let me set the record straight...

because nothing is more annoying than a skipping record.

I'd like to respond to the few comments and, more annoying, e-mails I've received in response to my post the other day, This crap pisses me off. A few folks have said that my reaction was too harsh and may be influenced by slanted European media and European opinion of America in general. Let me inform you that is not the case. It was never the case and particularly not so in regards to this report about a Christian group rallying its members to force Home Depot to have more Christian centric advertising where the word "Christmas" used more in their marketing.

Here are the facts:

  1. I read the report on Snopes.
  2. Snopes is owned and run by Barbara and David Mikkleson. The Mikkelsons live in California and are American. Snopes is run in America.
  3. Home Depot is an American company.
  4. The AFA are an American organization.
  5. Just to be sure everyone knows this: I am an American. I lived in America until I was 23.
There was no European media involved, no anti-American spin attached to the report. The only European element to this equation is my address.

That my address is now in Scotland does not mean in any way that I am unable to form an opinion on the goings on in America. I do not live in Somalia and have never lived there, but that does not exclude me from outrage that a 13 year old was raped by three men and when she reported this to the police (or more precise, the militia as there's no formal police) she was arrested, buried up to her neck and stoned to death for adultery. No one should be excluded from feeling outraged at how religion - any religion - is used to control the populace with fear, intimidation and intolerance.*

So I'll not be told to keep my opinions to myself because I don't live in America and I don't know how it really is there. My opinions are just as valid as any of your opinions are. They may be diametric opposites, but still valid. Anyone who tries to tell me different is showing themselves to be unwilling to see multiple sides to the same issue and educate themselves in order to create an informed opinion. In doing so, you merely perpetuate the problem.

My blog. My opinion. You don't like it, that's fine, but don't tell me to shut up.

*If you are outraged, please donate to Amnesty International.

Tuesday, November 04, 2008


My oven is working again. Remember folks: Always keep your receipts!

Monday, November 03, 2008

This crap pisses me off...

I read on Snopes today about how the American Family Association posted on their Action Alert pages on how Home Depot aren't representing Christmas enough to their satisfaction. In fact here's what they said:

Home Depot: Hanukkah, yes! Holidays, yes! Christmas, no!

Home Depot bans Christmas from its Website.

October 27, 2008

Home Depot has it's new holiday Website up and running. You can find many gifts for the holidays. You can even find gifts for Hanukkah. But Christmas? Home Depot's Website hasn't a single reference to Christmas. Not one. At Home Depot, Christmas doesn't exist!

Home Depot has elected to go with the politically correct crowd and censor Christmas, replacing it with holidays.

Please Note: Home Depot may block your message. If so, you can e-mail, write, or call Chairman Frank Blake with the information below.

* E-Mail: frank_blake@homedepot.comThis e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it .
* Write 2455 Paces Ferry Rd., Atlanta, GA, 30339.
* Call 1-800-466-3337, option 3 or 1-800-430-3376.

Talk about hysteria. What a knob end. Are they trying to say "Home Depot are a bunch of Jew Lovers and hate Christians!" because that's how it sounds to me - "Look, they like the Jews better, don't give them your business. Christians rule!"

It's such bullshit. Such utter bullshit and it drives me mental. The banners on the AFA website saying "Speechless! Silencing the Christians!" Since when are they silent? They never shut up. What a bunch of pissing, moaning, bitchy, argumentative, whinging, pout-faced, righteous blowhards. Pious cunts*. I'm sick of them all. Sick of religion, full stop. But going so far as to raise a campaign against a retail company for not mentioning Christmas enough on their website is just petty and lame. You'd think they would have better things to do, like...oh I dunno - FACT CHECK maybe?! Because as it turned out, Home Depot had plenty of Christmas promotion going on, but the dickhead who raised the alert (Donnie Wildmon, founder/chairman/hate monger) apparently didn't know how to search the website. See what shunning science and modern electronics does to you? I bet even Jesus could fill in a search window with "Christmas".

What's even worse is Home Depot felt they had to respond to this insanity and apologize to this group of sandbox bullies. I'd have a lot more respect for them if they'd said something along the lines of "Our marketing campaign for Christmas will begin closer to the end of the month in order to allow families to get through Thanksgiving before launching into the Christmas season. Your opinions have been noted, TYVM." You stupid norks. And the smug, bold-faced way they start their retraction with thanking everyone for helping and highlight how Home Depot are going to have more marketing for Christmas - like they won some battle, when really they were dead wrong. Of course Home Depot will have more Christmas marketing Closer To Christmas. How would they know Home Depot didn't launch Christmas marketing at a later date than Oct. 27th? Many shops do a slow introduction to Christmas in October and increase in the weeks as the time gets closer. As Hanukkah comes before Christmas, doesn't it make sense that marketing for that holiday would come earlier? Hmmm? Shit-for-brains? Dontcha think maybe? Possibly?

This just shows me that the Christian Right are getting way too big for their britches and yet doing so by playing the martyr card. As fucking if. Seriously. What really annoys me is that every time I read about something like this, I'm reminded of a conversation I had with my brother that made me sad, because he's there asking me to move back to America and I have to say to him: I can't. The religious mania just freaks me the fuck out. He tells me, it's not that bad, that I'm only getting what my media wants me to see and hear. I must get all the negative reports because Europe doesn't like America. And then this kind of thing comes to a head (because it really is as attractive, painful and welcome as a festering boil) and I'm reminded of that conversation and it breaks my heart to say; See. I'm not being manipulated by the press. This shit is real. I know you love me, but I love my kids and I can't raise them in a place that is so intolerant, prejudiced and ugly. I won't be a part of that.

*Sorry Mom if you're reading this. You did raise me better.



I sense the NRA are behind this!! Bastards!

Conversation with my four year old...

I'm at the computer deep in thought...

"Mummy, my lips are dry."


"I need lick bum."

She has my attention now..."What?"

"I want lick bum please."

"You want what?"

Impatient sigh "Lick bam." eye roll.

"And that would be..."

"B'cawse my lip is sore. You have cherry, Mummy."

I figure it out now. "Lip balm darling. Lip. Balm. Lip balm."

"I know! Dats what I saaaid. Blip lum. Grrrrr. You 'noying me now."


Sunday, November 02, 2008


So far I've typed 2700ish words, which isn't bad. I'm stumble-tripping my way through the story and finding it very awkward - as I always do. I'm using my laptop which is minute and I have to pump up the text 150% to read it or I'll get a headache. Speaking of which where have I put my glasses?

I can't get logged into the nanowrimo website which means it's being inundated by writers far more dedicated and productive then me, or they may all be anxiety cases, like myself. I still find typing out a story less involving than long hand. if I make a spelling error longhand I don't care so much but typed with the red line of aggression under it and I must must must fix it right there and can't just leave it for editing days. I try, I really do but it's unbearable to leave it.

So my story is about four freinds, all fifteen and how they deal with thier boycrazy pal whose new relationship threatens to break the foursome that they all love so much.

Currently taking a break to watch the pre-show before the last rsce of the F1 season starts in half an hour. Shorty just said to me "I hope Wewis Hamilton wins." and I'm surprised she knows his name and that he's a driver, I never knew she paid any attention on race day. Quite a sharp wee kid, really. I hope he wins to.

Going to watch the race now. Thanks David Coultard for so many years of great driving and I hope you find peace and excitement in your retirement, you lucky bastard.

Saturday, November 01, 2008

I've been Tagged!!

I love being tagged and yet rarely get tagged so of course if I've been tagged I'm going to act on it. Unless I'm going through one of my "I wish I was fucking invisible and the whole world was empty." kind of moods. But I've been tagged by Hope and so I answer:

1. It is your lucky day what are you going to do? Play the lottery. shame lucky days never present themselves early enough, buy the time I've figured out it was my lucky day, I've wasted the luck with something dumb like finding my keys or getting double yolks in my eggs.

2. What was the game you played as a child that you almost always or always did win? I was pretty good at Pitfall on my Atari 2600. I liked playing scrabble but in all honesty I wasn't/am not a good person to play games with as I'm rather competitive and get shitty if I lose. My brother refuses to play fish with me.

3. You get to meet anyone from the past or present who will it be?
Jerry Lewis. I love the man.

4. When you relax what is it that you do? I never really relax, I think when I realize I've been relaxing I'm surprised. Often it involves being outside, either in the woods or walking the beach.

5. What is your favorite number? 5. I'm told it's supposed to very unlucky, but it's always been my favourite. I liked the scaled symmetry. Two numbers on either side of the middle number. It feels protective, especially to number three.

6. What was the name of your favorite childhood toy? Barbie. I also has a fascination with this glitter covered musical cardboard bell that when you pulled the string played jingle bells.

7. If you could name the next fashion fade/craze what would it be? Sailor fashion, stovepipe leg, boat necks, navy, red and white. Or maybe rehashed grunge with a punk twist. GothGrunge.