I'm living in a bubble just now. Locked myself away and let no one in. Not even myself to be honest. I'm either full on GRR! or Meh can't be fucking bothered. I'm rather bored, which is unusual for me as I'm not the sort to get bored because I'm good at entertaining myself. I would love to say i'm using this time in some reflective way where I re-evaluate my life but what's the point really - I'm not one to wallow in the past. I'm a forward mover. That may be why i'm bored; life has stagnated a bit. I'm doing the same stuff everyday and feel like: when are we going? When are going to start, you know, moving? *sigh*
So of course I'm not able to concentrate on getting things done, I can't read a book, I can't finish my chores, I can't get past the headlines on the newspaper because I seem to have a very passive ADD. I'm not OTB. I'm also not OTR, so it's not that. I'm just going with the flow and feeling annoyed about it, but not so annoyed that I'm getting worked up or crabby which would be some form of excitement. I seem stuck in this skimming of life just now. Taking in enough information to get by, but not really bothered. It's disgusting really; my curiosity is flaccid. If this continues I'll become as much fun as cirrhosis.
Yet I don't feel like this is depression, because the lack of anxiety, and the fact that on some level - the one I don't like to admit to - I think I'm doing well to not be depressed, makes confused: What is this?? I'm in a mild annoyance and yet still very cuddly. I'm sure if I was engaged in conversation, and that only happens with my Husband for any length of time which in turn could be the root of the problem as I'm very isolated and spend most of my time by myself, I would have sparks of dynamical wit that I sometimes get. I can ride a dynamical witticism for weeks. I'm that easy going. But without the practice...
I want to play cards. I want to find someone to play rummy 500 with me. I miss playing rummy 500. I used to play it for hours between classes when I was college. We'd get a table of four and two decks and just insult each other, and laugh and smoke and gossip: I really miss that. I've been missing it more keenly since doing some research on Dorothy Parker and I read about the Algonquin Round Table, which was her group of friends where they played cards, insulted each other, told jokes, smoked, drank and made merry.
Moms of of wee ones don't get the chance to make merry very often.
Instead I make trouble. I'm having a bit of glee winding everyone up. I annoy the kids which isn't much of a challenge. Last night while watching TV I'd pull out a chopstick from my sleeve, lean over and poke Husband gently on the head and then pretend like nothing happened. "Are you poking me?" "No. Why would I poke you?" hee hee hee.
I think it may be time to start writing again.