Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Phone it in post...

I'm something of a comment whore, but I know I'm a comment whore so I talk to myself about it and tell myself the only reason I have mediocre comment totals (Never mediocre comments as I attract high quality comments from high caliber people.) that I should feel ashamed of my attention seeking, competitiveness and whiny ass ways in the realm of comments. "You get back you put in" as the saying goes and as far as blogs go this one is a lot more vanilla since I stopped posting pictures of my cleavage - an attention plys I was getting fed up with getting annoying e-mails from uptight feminists who think getting attention from a boob shot beneath me. The real reason is I figured folks would get tired of them after a while "Oh look, Lyv's boobs again. Sigh. Where's the content? This used to be interesting but it's just boobs."

You have to also understand that half the time I'm talking in my blog, I'm really talking to myself - is it like that for you as well? Do you write posts with intent to inform the world of what's going on in your life, your frustrations etc, or are you, like me, just rambling to yourself in order to get the crazy out in big doses so the day rides a lot smoother? I literally do talk in my head like this. I even revert to third person narrative - that makes at least three personalities in my head, which when you tweak the competitive nipple within me makes me feel inferior to Sybil and to Trudi Chase who has a rabbit for an alternate personality.

So where was I going with this...I forget. Probably just to tell myself to stop feeling the unlove because no one commented yesterday but, Lyv, you didn't post anything for three fucking days so gain a little perspective, will you?

Now I see, this is the self-abuse post. I get those sometimes! Don't we all. Maybe you're clever enough to delete before posting, but I don't. What was I going to talk about...

The kids are on school vacation just now - I feel like I only just got rid of them from summer vacation and now I have them back for two weeks. Husband says it the traditional potato harvest time. I can pretty much assure you not one of the kids at the school has to work the fields of their parent's potato farm, so can we do away with this silly vacation? Two whole weeks. And there's no activity camp for them so you know what that means, don't you? I'm now the entertainment. I know I can easily amuse myself, but entertaining the short attention spans of my kids, for two weeks, is not within my power. OK, it is, but I'm lazy at heart and otherwise focussed on alternate things that have to do with me. Aren't I awful? I should be one of those Moms who enjoys every waking moment I can spend with my kids while they are small and still love me and think I'm great and I know I'll miss these days when they are gone in ten years time. I'll take them to the playground today - the nice big one on the other side of town. I plan to take them to Edinburgh in the week to meet with Great-Grandma Betty and Grandma, which will be nice as there's a train ride and a bus ride in that adventure. There's also a cool playground in Princes St. Gardens I'll let them run off the last of their energies...That's two days sorted.

I'm reading Derren Brown's Tricks of the Mind and I'm really enjoying it. Even the fact that I had to keep my dictionary to hand for most of part one because he has a gorgeous vocabulary (And yes, tumescent kind of does mean erection. At least being on one's way to getting an erection.) kept me interested although at the time of reading I didn't keep a notebook to write down all those words I found interesting - which my normal habit. What? Shut up, it's a habit I picked up from 9th grade English class when we got extra credit for finding new words in our extra-curricular reading. I managed a passing grade with my extra credit alone because lord knows I couldn't be bothered with the read of the curriculum - have I mentioned I was an awful student in high school? Terrible.

Derren Brown's book goes on to describe how to use mnemonics and even more elaborate mental tricks to expand the memory and amaze your friends. I'm very interested as my memory has turned to mush over the years - truly dreadful. Husband says he'd like to read it now so he can remember all his different passwords. Sure, now I could memorize a list of twenty items, but the only time I ever have a list of twenty items is grocery shopping. So my shopping trips may become more interesting. the thing that really works for me is it involves creating stories to link the items, and I love creating stories. Also, he's a bit naughty. I admit I always found him slightly attractive - it's the power thing, I'm attracted to power and confidence - His looks are average (Sometimes he looks a bit pale, like he's had a really bad cold or not slept in weeks) and he wears the wrong kind of coats for his physique because he has a short neck and those high collared coats he favours make it look like a neck brace holding up his content laden noggin. But he's charming and funny enough that it can be overlooked. Couldn't trust the bugger not to try his tricks during lunch though, so handle with extreme caution. But I admit I giggle when he uses his dirty little jokes, like when he assigns letters to numbers and when memorizing the order of a shuffled deck of cards, the 3 of clubs equals the word "cum" and he writes (you would) after it - which for an oversexed/underlaid married woman like myself makes me giggle, but if the reader was a straight male he may not find it as provocative. But it does follow a very old rule of using charm to make people like you - seduce everyone. As Mr. Bennett says of Wickham "He makes love to us all."

I've changed my routines at the gym and have started doing super sets with weights. Wow! Just such a difference from the standard 3 sets of 15. Now I'll do five sets. I seem to like, as I'm still experimenting, a 12,12,10,8,6 repetitions where sometimes the 10 and the 8 are reversed depending on how hard the highest weight is where the first three sets the weight is increased each time, and the last two are reduced back to the first weight used. So yesterday for dumb bell bench press I started with 5kg in each hand, then went to 7kg, then 10kg for six before I dropped them onto my face, 7, then five again where the last two sets have barely a break between them. I find it interesting how I can tackle the weights with gusto - I really love the challenge of the heavier weights, but i get all simpering and pouty when I have to do cardio. I think it's because the pain/strain of weights is over quickly enough - two minutes or so, but cardio is a long, extended, frustrating exhaustion. Whine whine whine. My cardio is different as well where I'm shortening my times, because I hate it, and doing more high intensity interval training (HIIT)which means I only have to do cardio for about a half an hour, but I have to make it the hardest half hour ever. compromises, compromises. I still have to walk everywhere so it's not too bad really.

Physio is working, my pelvis isn't having that awful, stabbing pain anymore when I roll over, but I now have a near constant lower back ache. I still can't use the recumbent bike or rowing machine. I have started doing the pelvis tilt and butt clench when I walk which is having amazing results, for all it hurt like hell for the first week I did it, remember I walk about 4-5 miles everyday, but the mental image I used, before being introduced to Derren Brown's book of mental images, was to imagine I have a penis with an erection that can poke me in the forehead. This reminds me to roll my pelvis under and up, but to also not lean too far forward. Hey, it works for me. I leave the Freudians to have fun with the mechanics of that. I tried the; imagine you have a quarter clenched in your butt-cheeks and you can't drop it, but that didn't get my pelvis rolled correctly. I also tried imagining I was a bee and I was tucking my stinger down so i wouldn't hurt anyone, but then I would slightly hunch and that aggravated the shoulder impingements. The cock to the forehead works the whole posture.


Jomamma said...

You do paint a entertaining mental image of yourself... I miss the weight training years. Just don't stop, it's so hard to get back into it when you do. I'm not a fan of cardio either, I would do my weights and then ride a stationery bike for about an hour. But that can get pretty boring too. My work out partner and I would try to come up with fun ways to ride the bike... others in the gym thought we were training for the circus.

Overboard said...

OMG! Lyvvie! I just love that 'penis in the head' image. I have been sitting here nudging an invisible penis off my head and it feels soooo great. I can imagine how it helps. I love cocks. I miss my favourite one. I go to bed with it in my mouth. I miss that.

Overboard said...

p.s Also I understand the 'talking to yourself blogging thing'.
I do that.
That's why my blog is so ajflkjasflkjasf at the moment.
Sigh. I miss my favourite willy. I never blogged whilst it was nearby.

Overboard said...

p.p.s You have feminists complain to you? I can't stand feminists. They are uptight and undershagged.

NWJR said...

WTF happened to this blog? It used to be "All Boobies All The Time", but now it's INTERESTING!

Bring back the boobies, I say!


Northern musings said...

Hey Lyvvie, like Maria the cock in the forehead thing is totally screwing with my mind.

Roxrocks said...

When I blog, it's really my way of tracking my PMS. Seriously.

I'm high caliber that way.

Anonymous said...

Hi kidget!

I thoguht you might get a kick out of this... http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2008/10/the-closest-thing-to-sushi-ill-ever-get/
Huggles~ :)

Crystal* said...


I adore you!!!
Cleavage or no. *shrug*

When I blog, I usually have some sense (vague as it is) about blog topic. Then off I go. Not to mention the dozens of times I blog at night. In my head.

tornwordo said...

Um I see 11 comments on your last post. Whore. (lol) And boy do you know how to finish a post with a bang.

Shorty said...

I blog to practice writing. Or just to write. I often think that no one is reading. But then. A notice. A COMMENT NOTICE! Its like a little gift.

Ree said...

I love weights too. HATE cardio.

And yes, I talk to myself all the time. But I'm afraid I'd bore everyone to death...

"Probably just to tell myself to stop feeling the unlove because no one commented yesterday but, Lyv, you didn't post anything for three fucking days so gain a little perspective, will you?"

Wait, did a post disappear? Joe Six-Pack? I commented! I did!

Lyvvie said...

Judith - I could never ride a bike for an hour unless it was outdoors. That kind of cardio is mind (and ass) bumbing! I tend to do about 15 minutes on any one machine before I have to swap to another one. I call it cross-training but really it's ADD.

Maria - I hope your new mental cock will help see you through the hard times. I have had a couple feminists tell me how sad it is that I feel I had to put nude pictures (I've never put up nude pictures BTW) in order to get validation. Obviously a student with a new subscription to Ms.

NWJR - Nah, I'm not going to show more boobies. Maybe I'll share my biceps one day. Maybe.

Northern Musings - Well, if I didn't tilt my pelvis correctly then my two foot long erect penis would be sticking out across the sidewalk and hitting people. Now, that's just rude. but it does remind me of the joke about The Amazing Goldstein.

Roxy - YES! what's with the full moon and no period?! That's insane!

LuLu - I'll have two please. :)

Chrys - Get thee a dictaphone!!

Tornwordo - Ahhh - but how many comments did your last post get? Hmmm?? See me <- competitive whore.

Shorty - Yes, like little tabs of pure joy melting on the tongue. Is there a rehab for this kind of thing?

Ree - Weights rock. I'll spot you. No I didn't lose one, Joe six pack was three days prior. I've found the most boring posts I write, seem to get the biggest reaction because everyone likes knowing they aren't alone in those boring feelings.

jomamma said...

You want to talk about ADD and working out... I've been known to wear skates on a tread mill!!! Like I said, training for the circus. And the hubby said to get your posture down and to quit thinking about the penis, it will hurt your husbands feelings when you go to him wanting an "addadicktome".

Maja said...

Crikey well I just don't know what to say... so..... HI!