Friday, June 27, 2008

Come so far, long road still to go.

I'm diet frustrated. It's going well. Meditating, listening to my body, combating the anxiety that makes me comfort eat. I'm in control. For the first time ever I genuinely feel in control. This doesn't mean that voices of fad diets don't whisper to me - they do. So do the cream cakes and cookies. Jut not as loudly. I'm able to ignore them. I'm able to have just one and be content with that.

This has been a mixture of things. One is I'm following the advice in Paul McKenna's book I Can Make You Thin. Nowq first off, let me state that I think Pual Mckenna is a bit of a twat. He's a TV hypnotist, that's the very definition of a twat. His book was recommended to me by one of my GPs to try and help cope with the comfort eating. Here's Paul's plan :

1. When You Are Hungry, Eat

2. Eat What You Want, Not What You Think You Should

3. Eat Consciously And Enjoy Every Mouthful

4. When You Think You Are Full, Stop Eating

It's logic really. It's this simple. Eat when I'm hungry. Eat what I want. Enjoy it while it's there - no speed eating. Stop when I'm full. He also talks about meditating on the figure I hope to achieve, to visualize myself at my ideal. A dash of NLP. A twist of positivity. And a hypnosis CD that I can listen to before bedtime.

So that's taken a good six months to practice and make habit. I'm there now. The other thing that's helped is I've been taking Omega3 + 6 capsules three times a day for a month. It was on the advice of a fellow blogger (Cam Who is fun) who champions the work of Prof. Brian Peskin. I found his first book, Radiant Health on amazon market for cheap and thought it was worth a look. He's pretty much of the high protein, low-carb camp with a lot of essential fatty acid (EFA) supplementation. There was also some information that said he was having dealings with the Texas courts about his business and its validity) I figured it was worth a try as one of my lifelong problems is lack of focus and attention. Something EFAs are supposed to help with, or so the stuff I've read says. Now Peskin sells his own brand of EFAs but I can't afford them, not a chance. Kind of bugged me to read "Here's the holy grail of radiant health - but it'll cost you hundreds of pounds for three months supply." I don't care how accurate his research is, that smacked of scam. I looked around and found a supplier that worked for me. I did have to set regular alarms on my mobile phone or I'd never have remembered to take them. The thing is, I genuinely feel more relaxed. I'm sleeping better - which for this time of year is NEW and EXCITING as I've always suffered insomnia with the 17 hours of daylight. According to Peskin's book, it could take me three months to build up me EFA deficiency to the point that I can start losing weight.

Here's the thing: eating under control, daily calories average 1300-1500 struggle and craving free. Am I losing weight? Nope. Not that the scale says, but I do think my arms are changing. that could be the new weights routine though. I'll have to wait and see.

I'm not going to lose hope. I'll still go to the gym because I love it and it's fun and I love having muscle tone. I hate having a floppy Mommy-Tummy and cellulite down the back of my thighs and butt but as I approach middle age...maybe it's my trade-off for having so few wrinkles. I would rather have a chubby frame than a crevassed face. How vain am I? Well, when a woman told me the other day that "Once you hit thirty everything changes and the wrinkles arrive overnight," and I told her I was thirty six. She stared at me and asked if I was joking. I thought she was going to punch me. I figure a big bum isn't so bad.

Dream last night really pissed me off. Have you had a dream where you're watching yourself do thing you know IRL you'd never do?? Like sneak off with an ex and forget to pick up your kids after camp? I would never do that! Never never never. I'd take the oath of celibacy until my kids were adults before embarking on such things because me in a relationship that's not my Husband is just crazy talk. Husband and I have both said if we were widowed, we'd not marry again. Not that we're so crap that we've been ruined on marriage forever - the total opposite. I don't think I could ever be happily married to anyone else. So this dream - I have no clue what my subconscious is trying to tell me, but it's got its wired crossed. Annoyed me! I hate dreaming about an ex. all of my ex's are ex's for good reasons.

I need caffeine. Trying to cut back to two cups of caffeine a day, one in the morning, one in the afternoon. The morning one, if I don't have it early leaves me with the dreaded caffeine DTs. I hate that headache! Goes across my forehead and into my molars.

Right! Enough of this, I have to get dressed for the gym and head out for the day. Hope it doesn't rain, I have sheets on the line.


Ree said...

I just read about "intuitive eating" in Health magazine last night. The article was very similar to what that twat wrote. ;-)

I'm going to try it myself. I need to do something.

Anonymous said...

My advice? Drink half caff coffee. Seriously. What I do is get a tin of regular coffee and a tin of swiss water decaffeinated coffee and I mix them. Then when I drink coffee, I get just enough caffeine to wake me up but not so much that I'm a jumpy shaky mess! I usually have two-three cups in the morning and none for the rest of the day. Find what works for you though. Who cares what the "experts" say.

About the food/big bum stuff? At the end of your life, is it going to matter if your bum was big? Will all the time you've spent struggling with your body be given back to you? No. What matters is that you are doing the best that you can. Let it go. Be the best Lyvvie you can be!! Who cares about the size of your ass?

(I'm a little bitter that you don't have any goddamn wrinkles though.)

Maja said...

I just ate two chocolate bars. But I'm going to do a cardio boxing session tonight followed by netball. That might make up for it, calorie wise.

Maybe you're at your optimum weight now? And yay no wrinkles!