Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Why Can't I Let It Out?

So here I confess: I'm a coward. I don't know how it happened, it's come along for a long time I think. But I've gotten myself into such a censored corner that I really feel I need my backbone back.

I've been deliberately not posting things that I fear will offend, cause controversy and as a result, cause discussion. I'm rather afraid of debate. I never used to be, I really like debate when it's fair and respectful, but how often do we read folks saying such vile and vicious things in response to an expressed opinion purely in an attempt to bully the opponent into silence. Even the anxiety of facing a possible bully makes me not want to bother expressing my opinions.

Sure I can talk about book reviews because I'm careful to critique honestly and I research, and I know most of the time anything negative I may say has been said ten times more hurtful than what I'll come up with. Plus the authors rarely read what I have to say so it's almost like being anonymous. I never set out to hurt people, and then somehow I sometimes say one little thing, nothing even critique or negative and get "You very bad lady, you burn in hell and die die die!" so I walk about with that and think WTF! WTF X 10??! I should just brush it off, ignore it, not worthy of my attention but I just can't. I've never been able to. It affects me. For years I played the ditz to appear far less threatening than an intelligent person would. I am an intelligent person. I do have opinions. Occasionally they bubble up and I blurt them out - it always comes as a surprise to people when I get angry about something. I'm not the type, they say. Fuck that. I totally am the type.

I'm full of opinions. Not all of them rainbows and cheesecake either. But can I debate them? And win? I'm never confident enough and I despise that. If I get into a debate I want to win it! but - we never win debates. You can't change someone's mind while in debate - no one ever backslides in a debate and says "You know, you are so fucking RIGHT! why didn't I see that before?" and yet that's the outcome I daydream about all the time.

I also love/hate the fact that I change my opinions all the time. One minute I'm gung-ho about a topic, and then as the story unfolds I change that opinion. New information. An informed opinion. I know it's normal - it's expected! I just wish I could foresee all the angles ahead of time. I will always say "I used to think this way, but after such and such I now think this instead."

So, what do I think?

I think there are no decent political candidates for president this election. Clinton is a human pancake for the amount of opinion flipping on issues she does and never explains why she's changed her mind. Obama is inexperienced and doesn't have a clear plan for if he does become president. He uses a lot of passive language which leaves me feeling insecure about his abilities. too many "we should, we can" and not enough "We will". I know we should take campaign promises with a liberal dose of skepticsm, which to me says - make promises, not wishywashy moans about how shit things have been and how nice they could be. As Eliza Doolittle says, Show Me! It's no good being a practicing Idealist. What we need is an Ideal Pract-tol...o...gist? No, that's wrong. Then again, an expert in assholes is exactly what we need in a President.

Republicans are a scary lot of fucking weirdos and don't even deserve my attention. Misogynistic, war mongering, hate spreading followers and promoters of god?? Seriously, God must be cringing about the pricks who claim to represent him and his Word. The fact they are deliberately going against what the founding fathers created in this new democracy with separation of church and state by trying to snake slide religion into schools. They have religion in our schools in the UK, but they teach all religions, not just Christianity. Are we so sure that if creation is going to be taught in American schools that other views and beliefs would be given equal attention? Hell no. Easy answer - the bastards wouldn't allow it. Can you see the protests "I don't want my kid taught cultist Hindu! Shintoism is the Devil!No Islam in Our Schools!" then again, all those Christian extremists will pull their kids out of the system and home school them so maybe twenty years from now, schools will be better in their absence. There I go, arguing against and then come round to support.

I am pro-choice. I've seen the fetus movies and I don't care. It's a woman's choice. If a woman can live with her choice then it is up to her, because: It's her choice.

Iraq war shouldn't have been given the go ahead. The weapons of mass destruction was a lie and a hoax and the guy who made that report later committed suicide. Should we leave Iraq immediately? No! We went and made a big fucking mess now you have to clean it the fuck up. Know that every death is blood on your hands and don't you dare try and wash it off before the job is done.

I heard a report this week that says the Cold War is officially over. I'd like to correct that by saying the threat of war with Russia is over, but the Cold War was about stopping the spread of Communism. Considering all the attention China is getting and going to get over the Olympic season, I think the Cold War is going to get re-lit. Complete with new lies, racism and paranoia.

Want to know the biggest reason for why I've never bothered to offer up my opinions so much? Because I don't think anyone cares. What's that popular saying? "Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one. We just don't want to hear them."

But, then if you want to know mine, ask me. Go on - ask my opinion on something. For a rare time I feel like being engaged. Encourage me to overcome my self-imposed gagging order and become a noisy asshole. You get to be one too. One, Two three and unclench!


jamie carie said...

Okay, don't tell anybody (I'm one of those Republican-Christian types) but I think your blog is hilarious! Would you like a review copy of one of my books? Snow Angel or The Duchess and the Dragon? Would love to hear what you think!

Jamie Carie

Masquerade said...

Well I will agree with you on the fact that there aren't any suitable candidates this go round (this will be the first time I'm old enough to vote. shame...) but most of the rest I'm pretty much on the other side of the fence. I love you lots anyway. :D

Lyvvie said...

Hello! And thanks. Sure I'd love to review a book of yours. I went to Amazon to check out the titles you had (after following you to your blog) and I think the issues you've created in Snow Angel sound very interesting.

I also want to say I don't dislike Republican-Christian types, what I hate is (And actually I don't like the word hate) are overbearing, obtuse, stiff as a plank thinkers who are so stuck in their single lane rote way thinking that alternatives are feared, reviled and then only dealt with on levels of pure humiliation. Unfortunately, those folks tend to be Repulican-Christian types.

e-mail me at lyvvie at gmail dot com or send PDF there or whatever. Awesome to meet you! I may stalk you a bit, have no fear.

NWJR said...

lyvvie: I vote for YOU for president, but you have to do the "hot librarian" thing at least once a month at your press conferences. ;-)

Crystal* said...

Feel better, sugar?
Sometimes you just gotta let it out.
I hate George Bush. I think he's a santimonious prick that was sent from hell to send this nation straight to purgatory.
I'm Democrat.
Liberal as all fucking hell.
And have no problem stepping on a few toes to voice my opinion.
LOVE the layout AND the post!

Crystal* said...


sorry if this is a repost...

I spelled "sanctimonious" wrong on the last post. Left my lovely "c" off of there.
Just goes to show you how riled up I was.

Beth said...

For the sake of form, and to help acclimatize your psyche to discord, I submit the following:

You're wrong about Clinton - she isn't a flip-flopper so much as she's just a straight-up liar. Calling her anything else is simply contributing to her "I misspoke I'm sleep deprived you're picking on me because I'm a girl" fantasy world. It's quite easy to know why she changes her mind on any point whatsoever: just ask what the most politically expedient thing to do or say is, and there you'll find the Rosetta stone to all her words and actions.

McCain is the flip-flopper and he seems to be more than a little mentally unhinged. And you can't be paying all that much attention if you're lumping him into the Just Another Republican category, because he's roundly despised by nearly the entire Republican party for loudly rejecting vast continents of their ideology. He's mostly (politically) a decent and rational guy. I don't necessarily agree with him on most issues, but he's not irrational. Except apparently when he decides to get mad. Then he's a fucking whacko.

The idea that experience is vitally important is, in a word, bollocks. "Experienced" unfailingly means "hermetically sealed inside the D.C. bubble for decades" - and when the worst problems with our government is a lack of, well, GOVERNANCE due to
1. breathtaking levels of corruption,
2. an Us vs Them mentality both at home and abroad, and
3. unwavering conviction that I Know What Is Right For The Unwashed Masses -
then why the bloody fucking hell would you want a Washington insider to head up the government? Personally, I plan to use my ballot to vote for a bunch of completely new-to-me names. Goodbye, incumbents, may the door hit your ass on the way out, and slam on the fingers of as many of your fat cat lobbyist followers as humanly possible.

And furthermore, a President is a leader who provides vision and direction - not a grad student outlining a 400-page thesis. Obama has plenty of quite detailed policy plans, but he doesn't cling to each minute point as though it's lifeblood, cramming it down the throats of anyone who stumbles across his path. Considering that every bit of legislation has to go through an ideologically varied (to say the least) Congress, I think it's far more realistic *not* to be dogmatic about each and every fine detail of any plan. A leader provides the the blueprint, and the many representatives of the people work together to figure out how to make it real. Anything else is too much like nagging the architect (who is presenting a blueprint for a lovely and structurally sound house) with questions about the brand of paint that will be used on the hall closet door when said closet actually exists two years from now.

The overwhelming majority of Americans feel as though government does not belong to us, we're not welcome there, shout all you want but they'll keep on doing what they do and if you don't like it - well, they just shrug and keep on. They do what they want and we should just play with our iPods and be happy. So when a politician says "we" and "us" instead of "I" and "me", we feel like maybe we DO matter. Or maybe we can MAKE ourselves matter, we just need the encouragement to try. It's far more realistic and responsible than "I'LL take care of this mess." Fuck that - I'd much rather hear "LET'S fix this mess." It's OUR country to fix, after all.

There is no way for us to clean up the mess in Iraq. A You Break It You Buy It policy would be dandy, sure, but we are by definition the elephant in the china shop. We've been there for 5 years and it's all still chaos and bloodshed and little progress to be seen. We're fucking PAYING Iraqis not to fight. That's a solution? That's how we fix it? No it's not, but no one else has come up with anything that keeps the lid (partially) on. The Iraqi police and militia don't get any stronger and the Iraqi politicians don't get any less corrupt just because we're there. An open-ended stay has done and will continue to do exactly nothing for anyone. Oh, except it allows all those contractors to get richer. All we're doing is waiting for it to explode again. And it will, whether we're there or not.

I'm totally with you on the abortion thing, though.

See? That wasn't so bad, was it? Easy-peasey. And I still totally adore you! Cmon cmon, yell back. You know you want to, and I'm as full of shit as the next person. I just learned to let it out. Open your mouth and bitch more, it's good for your skin!