So here I confess: I'm a coward. I don't know how it happened, it's come along for a long time I think. But I've gotten myself into such a censored corner that I really feel I need my backbone back.
I've been deliberately not posting things that I fear will offend, cause controversy and as a result, cause discussion. I'm rather afraid of debate. I never used to be, I really like debate when it's fair and respectful, but how often do we read folks saying such vile and vicious things in response to an expressed opinion purely in an attempt to bully the opponent into silence. Even the anxiety of facing a possible bully makes me not want to bother expressing my opinions.
Sure I can talk about book reviews because I'm careful to critique honestly and I research, and I know most of the time anything negative I may say has been said ten times more hurtful than what I'll come up with. Plus the authors rarely read what I have to say so it's almost like being anonymous. I never set out to hurt people, and then somehow I sometimes say one little thing, nothing even critique or negative and get "You very bad lady, you burn in hell and die die die!" so I walk about with that and think WTF! WTF X 10??! I should just brush it off, ignore it, not worthy of my attention but I just can't. I've never been able to. It affects me. For years I played the ditz to appear far less threatening than an intelligent person would. I am an intelligent person. I do have opinions. Occasionally they bubble up and I blurt them out - it always comes as a surprise to people when I get angry about something. I'm not the type, they say. Fuck that. I totally am the type.
I'm full of opinions. Not all of them rainbows and cheesecake either. But can I debate them? And win? I'm never confident enough and I despise that. If I get into a debate I want to win it! but - we never win debates. You can't change someone's mind while in debate - no one ever backslides in a debate and says "You know, you are so fucking RIGHT! why didn't I see that before?" and yet that's the outcome I daydream about all the time.
I also love/hate the fact that I change my opinions all the time. One minute I'm gung-ho about a topic, and then as the story unfolds I change that opinion. New information. An informed opinion. I know it's normal - it's expected! I just wish I could foresee all the angles ahead of time. I will always say "I used to think this way, but after such and such I now think this instead."
So, what do I think?
I think there are no decent political candidates for president this election. Clinton is a human pancake for the amount of opinion flipping on issues she does and never explains why she's changed her mind. Obama is inexperienced and doesn't have a clear plan for if he does become president. He uses a lot of passive language which leaves me feeling insecure about his abilities. too many "we should, we can" and not enough "We will". I know we should take campaign promises with a liberal dose of skepticsm, which to me says - make promises, not wishywashy moans about how shit things have been and how nice they could be. As Eliza Doolittle says, Show Me! It's no good being a practicing Idealist. What we need is an Ideal Pract-tol...o...gist? No, that's wrong. Then again, an expert in assholes is exactly what we need in a President.
Republicans are a scary lot of fucking weirdos and don't even deserve my attention. Misogynistic, war mongering, hate spreading followers and promoters of god?? Seriously, God must be cringing about the pricks who claim to represent him and his Word. The fact they are deliberately going against what the founding fathers created in this new democracy with separation of church and state by trying to snake slide religion into schools. They have religion in our schools in the UK, but they teach all religions, not just Christianity. Are we so sure that if creation is going to be taught in American schools that other views and beliefs would be given equal attention? Hell no. Easy answer - the bastards wouldn't allow it. Can you see the protests "I don't want my kid taught cultist Hindu! Shintoism is the Devil!No Islam in Our Schools!" then again, all those Christian extremists will pull their kids out of the system and home school them so maybe twenty years from now, schools will be better in their absence. There I go, arguing against and then come round to support.
I am pro-choice. I've seen the fetus movies and I don't care. It's a woman's choice. If a woman can live with her choice then it is up to her, because: It's her choice.
Iraq war shouldn't have been given the go ahead. The weapons of mass destruction was a lie and a hoax and the guy who made that report later committed suicide. Should we leave Iraq immediately? No! We went and made a big fucking mess now you have to clean it the fuck up. Know that every death is blood on your hands and don't you dare try and wash it off before the job is done.
I heard a report this week that says the Cold War is officially over. I'd like to correct that by saying the threat of war with Russia is over, but the Cold War was about stopping the spread of Communism. Considering all the attention China is getting and going to get over the Olympic season, I think the Cold War is going to get re-lit. Complete with new lies, racism and paranoia.
Want to know the biggest reason for why I've never bothered to offer up my opinions so much? Because I don't think anyone cares. What's that popular saying? "Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one. We just don't want to hear them."
But, then if you want to know mine, ask me. Go on - ask my opinion on something. For a rare time I feel like being engaged. Encourage me to overcome my self-imposed gagging order and become a noisy asshole. You get to be one too. One, Two three and unclench!