I woke up bright as a scared wee button at five this morning. Had a dream I was talking to my doctor about getting a tummy tuck. I've not had any complaints recently about my belly, so why, dear subconscious, did you have give me a horrible dream that has implanted the idea that I need a tummy tuck into my head? The Dr. in my dream was agreeing with me! He was saying he'd not seen post-pregnancy overhang like this for years and Oh - you didn't have cesareans? How unfortunate for you. Of course we'll fix this for you, you poor thing.
What?? I thought the floppy belly skin was a badge of honor. Battle scars! Something to be accepted but NO - now I'm thinking maybe I should think about doing something with it. I mean, sure 100 crunches a day won't do a thing for post-pregnancy belly hang. Are people looking at my belly? I mean I have big boobs so I figured the eyes always got hung up there and never traveled farther down to notice the belly.
Why? How can a dream suddenly make me feel so insecure about something I didn't previously acknowledge as an issue? I've been trying for hours to talk myself around this but it's got roots now. I kind of wish I'd had the teeth falling out dream instead. Tummy tuck?? Major abdominal surgery purely for vanity's sake?
Come on!! I mean, sure it would be nice to go on top and not feel my belly skin move. It would be nice to not have a muffin-top from superfluous skin. It would be nice to not have to wear control top anything. Would be good to see the muscle tone I've got under there and work so hard for. But where is the acceptance of self? Apparently it was doing sit-ups on the upstairs landing with me at 5:15 this morning as I tried to sweat those demon images and dialogue away.
Maybe this has bothered more than I acknowledged. Maybe I've repressed my belly disgust? Maybe I'm returning to belly disgust after a phase of loving myself regardless of belly flub?
Oh it doesn't matter, I'd never have a tummy tuck anyways so this is just wasted anxiety.
Love me - love my Shar Pei stomach. Or else.
Bring back Hugh Grant, please.
This was all I could think about in the gym today. (Although I don't drink beer)