Just dropping Shorty off at school and leaving her with Mrs. Kane, her favourite teacher.
Mrs. Kane: Did you have a nice weekend?
Mrs. Kane: Are you ready for some fun today?
Mrs. Kane: And what's Mummy up to this afternoon?
Shorty: Mummy's planting dildos in the garden!
Me: *Choke* Daffodils. Daffoldils, I assure you.
Can you imagine?