Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Banging my head

Having a doubt day.

Feeling: useless, unmotivated, surly, crabby, unloved, disrespected, ill, bored, anxious...

I want to quit, but I want to win. I want to succeed but I don't know how. Or where. I want to be loved and admired, but I want to be invisible and private.

I want to watch a movie and forget the day, but I don't have the attention span for it, and I can't pick the right film. Nothing appeals.

I'm lonely, but I don't want to talk.

I don't want cake and I don't want meat.

I want someone else to sort and fold the laundry.

I want time to stand still so I can waste some time, all for myself, and not worry about taking it from someone else. They take it from me, and I let them. I shouldn't, but I do.

I want to soak in a hot bath where the water never goes cold before I'm ready to get out.

I really want to veg out. It's become a lost skill. Adults call it meditation, but really it's just vegging out to snooze music. I can veg out to Twisted Sister. I can veg out to silence. A proper veg out and you can hear nothing.

I wish they made supportive push-up bras for an E-cup.

sigh.

I have coloured my hair and waxed all unsightly hair from my face. I've exfoliated. I'm making an omelette for lunch.

This kind of post can go on all day and never actually get very exciting.

3 comments:

RoxRocks said...

I have days like this. Blast your rock and roll and get it all out!

E cup?! WOW, I'm going to start calling you Boom Boom.

Sarah said...

Cake.
The cake.
TAKE THE CAKE I TELL YOU!
I'll just make all of your decisions for you....
And I'll top up your bath. ;)

Maja said...

Hey at the moment I'm a bit overweight and my B cup bras are a bit small for me, I should really be wearing a C cup. I've noticed if I wear the B cup and make sure all the breast is covered near my arm so the middle sticks out a bit more and if the straps are done up a little high, it sort of acts like a push up bra. You should experiment... I guess you need a bra with cups that don't cover the entire breast, I don't know what styles they make in E cups.