Friday, February 15, 2008

I is a poseur

but you knew that already...

Total Poseur
Total Poseur
Total Poseur
Total Poseur

I don't like my glasses. Or my Hair. My lipstick is okay, though.
I hate my job. Hate it. Spent most of last night on the edge of tears from being so angry because the other folks I work with, not all but quite a few, don't give a shit and end up making more work for me. I, of course, could also not give a shit and pass the load on somewhere else, but I'm not wired that way. I know the job, what needs to be done and I do it. Not everyone feels that way and I feel dumb complaining because it's not even an important job. It's not an essential job. I took the job for a little extra cash, get out of the house, free up the Mummy mind and get some grown up conversation time. But it's become such a frigging chore I'm not bothered and I'm going to quit. I've said this to myself for a few weeks but last night I thought; what the hell am I doing here?? This place Suuuucks! And it really does. There's no life in people here. They're ghosts. So negative, apathetic and defeated. There's no pride in doing a good job - even if they feel the job is beneath them which I don't believe any job is beneath anyone. Most of my closest freinds; foreigners. It's getting to me. It really is. I'm feeling isolated because I cannot deal with the blackhole of "I can't, I'm not into, I'm not bothered, why bother, who cares, it's fine, it's ok..." kind of folks here. and now Look! LOOK... I'm being all negative and crap! See!! In-fucking-fectious. Although my house is a lot tidier becaue I'm so stressed out - chest pains and everything - that I can't stop scrubbing the house. I'm in dust attack mode. And craving sugar. And... stuff. All bad stuff. Like cigarettes and speed. Such a bad thing to do, treat stress with poison. And yet it's what we do as human beings; amplify our distress. OK rant over. I'll need to go back in tonight but I'm handing in my resignation on Monday. Still need to discuss with Husband about when I should actually set as a quit day. I'd have walked out last night, was in the mood for it. I'd rather plan a big Fuck Off complete with bridge burning and everything but that's not me, no matter how much I'll fantasize the point.

Just now I'll scream, dance and cook. tonight is mystery meat stew. I bought a pack of mixed game which included unknown quantities of pheasant, grouse and venison. Stewing with brown rice, peppers, onions and dark spices. I'm sure I chucked in other stuff too. That's me and cooking, just throw it in.

ramble ramble.

16 comments:

Maja said...

I love your hair! You look hot!

Ree said...

I love your hair, too!

;-)

Doug said...

Well, I'm looking at your mouth, but that's a guy thing. Great lipstick.

How about starting up a little business of your own? Be your own boss, that sort of thing. Then you won't have to deal with all this marxist alienation crap.

As for "mixed game" . . . I'd keep a careful count of the street people in your community, if I were you.

tornwordo said...

I thought, "So pretty."

And apathy frustrates me more than most things.

NWJR said...

You may be a poseur, but you're still a babe.

:-)

Chick said...

You are a hot hottie...you need to teach me how to do my make-up...seriously...I seem to lack that gene.

Your music unexpectedly scared the crap out of me...I just never expect sound on sites & when it's there...it unsettles me.

Lyvvie said...

*Blush**Blush* Awww G'ooooon. You folks are fabulous, thanks.

Should I do a "How to put on make-up" video? Would be a short one. I hate make-up and spend as little time as possible on it. So if that would help, sure, I'm game.

I'm kind of the same about the music making me jump when it's on sites, hence the poll. I just wondered if others felt the same or if I was just being weird and insular. Maybe the Warp Bros wasn't the best first choice?

Maja said...

Sounds like it will feel very good to quit the job. I hate it when people don't do a good job, regardless of their job.

Lyvvie said...

I had a quick word with Husband before going out tonight and he said he'll be supportive of whatever I choose to do. So I handed in my notice tonight. Had to buy paper and an envelope to do it, but was worth it. I'm done next Friday. WHEW!!

Now...what kind of self employment can I come up with? Be my own Boss, as Doug suggests. Wondering wondering.

Masquerade said...

AH You're so gorgeous!!!! And if you're interested in a home business....there's always Mary Kay!!! :D

:P There are loads of places online where you can do online work at home. Try www.liveops.com

<3 Miss you, but very much enjoying my Christmas pressie!!!

aughra said...

sigh, don't burn bridges. Even though it's the funnest.

Unknown qualities of those meats, eh? Hee.

Daisy said...

I think you're a very pretty lady Lyvvie.

Lyvvie said...

No no, quantity, not quality. Came from an excellent local farm, but was a mix thrown in for weight, so I don't know how much of each was in the pack. *Giggle* otherwise I wouldn't have bought it - I'm not that daring! Or cheap.

trinity67 said...

OMG you're gorgeous!!!

Donna said...

Your hair is beautiful...your glasses are great...Lipstick is beautylicious...Quit the Damn Job!! I've often wondered, if I Didn't HAVE to work with my Hubby in the business, what is it I Would LIKE to do??...A Bookstore..to be around all those wonderful books...maybe part time...Just something I would really Like to do...What is it You would LIKE to do??? Then, if you want the extre cash..go for it! Get away from all those negative people!!...This is Not you!!! hughugs!!!

Sarah said...

I love these photos.
Especially the last.
You're fucking gorgeous. *grin*