but you knew that already...
I don't like my glasses. Or my Hair. My lipstick is okay, though.
I hate my job. Hate it. Spent most of last night on the edge of tears from being so angry because the other folks I work with, not all but quite a few, don't give a shit and end up making more work for me. I, of course, could also not give a shit and pass the load on somewhere else, but I'm not wired that way. I know the job, what needs to be done and I do it. Not everyone feels that way and I feel dumb complaining because it's not even an important job. It's not an essential job. I took the job for a little extra cash, get out of the house, free up the Mummy mind and get some grown up conversation time. But it's become such a frigging chore I'm not bothered and I'm going to quit. I've said this to myself for a few weeks but last night I thought; what the hell am I doing here?? This place Suuuucks! And it really does. There's no life in people here. They're ghosts. So negative, apathetic and defeated. There's no pride in doing a good job - even if they feel the job is beneath them which I don't believe any job is beneath anyone. Most of my closest freinds; foreigners. It's getting to me. It really is. I'm feeling isolated because I cannot deal with the blackhole of "I can't, I'm not into, I'm not bothered, why bother, who cares, it's fine, it's ok..." kind of folks here. and now Look! LOOK... I'm being all negative and crap! See!! In-fucking-fectious. Although my house is a lot tidier becaue I'm so stressed out - chest pains and everything - that I can't stop scrubbing the house. I'm in dust attack mode. And craving sugar. And... stuff. All bad stuff. Like cigarettes and speed. Such a bad thing to do, treat stress with poison. And yet it's what we do as human beings; amplify our distress. OK rant over. I'll need to go back in tonight but I'm handing in my resignation on Monday. Still need to discuss with Husband about when I should actually set as a quit day. I'd have walked out last night, was in the mood for it. I'd rather plan a big Fuck Off complete with bridge burning and everything but that's not me, no matter how much I'll fantasize the point.
Just now I'll scream, dance and cook. tonight is mystery meat stew. I bought a pack of mixed game which included unknown quantities of pheasant, grouse and venison. Stewing with brown rice, peppers, onions and dark spices. I'm sure I chucked in other stuff too. That's me and cooking, just throw it in.