Thursday, January 24, 2008

Fraud.

My cycle kicked off two days early (Oh surprise! You've made it to the gym and here I am too but you don't have any tampons, but look there's a machine in the bathroom that'll dispense some, put those coins in, pull the handle...nothing? It's stuck? Try again! Try again! Try again! Do you really want to talk to Gavin at the front desk about the tampon machine not working, or just go home now? CHOOSE! I chose to embarrass myself, and Gavin and got them to open the tampon machine and I went to run off my "Stop staring me it's just a period!!" exposed feeling.), which goes some ways to explaining the moods I've been in this week. I know I've kept up on my essential fatty acids, which are supposed to alleviate these moods but not worked this month. I currently despise myself and have the anxiety amped up high. I want to hide under a big coat and umbrella and avoid the pointed fingers of those who'd see me as a fraud. I don't know why I feel like a fraud, but I certainly don't feel deserving. I keep telling myself this worry over being exposed as something I'm not...is silly. Completely uncalled for, foolishness. Continued spiral of negativity. Stop it. Stop it now.

Husband ate the lat bits of my emergency chocolate. I keep some 75% dark choc from Green&Blacks and I really needed some last night and it was gone. I was insisting he go out and get more...then thought I was being a wee bit OTT and left it. Still want it. Still annoyed at him. It' s not his...

It's been raining for two weeks now. That is getting annoying. I'm fed up with wearing my wellie boots. They bite the back of my leg and I have a sore there now, and no knee high socks to stop it. I end up pegging my jeans, a practice I've not done since I was 14, and stuffing the cuffs into the low boots. Looks dorky. I was skinny at 14, peg-jeans look dumb on chubby legs.

I really want a sauna. Was watching a few Japan youtube blogs and a guy was showing us what a sento is. It's a big public bath with a huge hot soaking tub in the middle. I can't wait to get there. We have something similar here, but it's rather far away. I really think a sauna, hot soak, lounge about would work wonders for me, shame I have to work tonight.

5 comments:

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Hey, you can get a 2-man sauna with infrared heating and an MP3 player at Costco, with free shipping, for $799 American.

I'm so close to buying one!

Lyvvie said...

No Way!! I'm off to Costco this weekend, then. (Yay! We have one of those!)

Red Hot Sexy Papa said...

Come to Singapore! A natural sauna throughout the year.... :P

Maja said...

I bloody hate periods and the emotional trauma they bring with them.

Chick said...

Good for you for demanding a free tampon...I'd have probably gone home & killed who ever ate my chocolate.