Monday, December 24, 2007

And now we say, Ahhhhhh....

It's an endless chase about with keeping the house tidy. I'll give up after tomorrow. By Feb. 1st we'll be drowning in dust.

Spent a nice yesterday with the family, crying at every Christmas movie (Two versions of A Christmas Carol; the Patrick Stewart one - which is awesome, and the Muppets one,) and then there was a Dead Like Me marathon which had me bawling and finally was the Peter Pan movie that came out in 2003 and I think is fantastic, even though a lot of folks hated it. I've decided to come out and admit: I cry at sad movies. I cry at sad commercials. I'm a sucker for a sob story, but I hate them!! I hate crying!! But so it is. Tiny fucking Tim made me cry twice yesterday.

I've got the cooking mapped out, so it will be a breeze! No frigging brussels sprouts this year - I've banned them. None of us like them so custom and tradition be damned. It's sugar snap peas The house is tidy and all I need to do is get out extra dinner plates and cutlery - I keep a strict dinner set of five in the house otherwise the buggers would just use up every clean plate they found, leaving me the dishes to clean.

Tonite I bought wine, and Husband and I will get the last of the presents wrapped, watch a late movie and then around midnight, Husband and I exchange gifts. Then we fill stockings and sneak off, tipsy, silly and sleepy to our bed for the few hours of sleep we can get before the kids wake up in their Christmas Day exuberance.

Then comes the military precision that is Christmas Countdown.

Wish you all as easy and wonderful a Christmas day - if you take part in that kind of thing, and an even better 26th. The day of peace and quiet and leftovers.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007


The ToDo list gets longer by the sec. Gasman coming to fix oven's overbite, must wrap gifts, was supposed to review Crystal's book but..well..haven't. I could just say I really really liked it but the ending was too short, but that's doesn't do it justice. I had this fun idea to make mincemeat ice cream...never made it before but how hard could it be?? Nice - just add in a special extra not needed thing to do, Lyv. Must clean house, must clean house, but keep thinking why now as the kids will just trash it before Monday anyways, so just whizz through it all Monday night and Tuesday morning before guests arrive - those kids have to EARN those presents, I say! Duster, mop, sponge - CLEAN!

Sp annoyed I missed the last episode of Project Runway, so I don't know who won in the end. Must trawl the webpages and find out. Also saw last episode of America's Next Top Model (series 8) and I was a bit bummed as I really wanted Natasha to win. She was just so cute and vixenish and sweet! Haha Renee (BitchQueen McNasty) got das boot. I hope Natasha does very well after this show. Although, I know this series must have ended months ago in the States, so she's probably doing well already.

It's so cold here, but as there's Canadians who read this, I always feel like a top Whinger for complaining, but really - Cold.

So much to do to do to do!!

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Busy busy busy...

I'm just so busy! It's so annoying! All this running here, running there, coping with crowds of pushy middle-aged people and tripping over slow-poke grannies. Hearing "Mommy that man hit my head!" "Mommy that ladies hit me with her bag!" and there's not much I can do but feel pity for the kids because they are at elbow and bag carrying height. And as much as I like to lift weights, hauling about a 30lb kid on my shoulders all afternoon is a big NO. I must do a couple dozen squats just to give the required "Aw Baby!" cuddles and calming measures. Today is the last day of Christmas shopping and then we are done and the wrapping may commence.

Shops are sold out of Mario Galaxy for the Wii, Sold Out of the Lego Star Wars. The girls need tights. I spent £40 on the Christmas ham, it should feed 14 (I'm serving for 10 but like extra for leftovers next day) and is outdoor reared, organic, molassass cured, smoked - it better be damned good is all I'm saying. I've got the menu down, I think. Roasted parsnips in maple syrup, buttered carrots with sesame seeds, roasted potatoes, a couple choices of sausagemeat stuffing and the ham. Chocolate cake or Pavlova for dessert. Cheeseboard and crackers, fancy coffee or port for afters. Takeaway boxes for leftovers. Kids will play lots of playstation away from us adults and not be underfoot. Mother-in-Law will do the dishes. Should be a nice day. I may even crack open that bottle of Champagne I bought last year for my birthday that we never drank. It's still chilled. Hopefully not flat. Does Champagne have a sell by date? Must check.

I got my new oven on Friday, and it doesn't quite fit, but it's working. I need to have a gasman come out and move the pipe at the wall behind the oven as it sticks out too much, so my oven is jutting out proud of the counter by an inch. It WORKS though and it's fucking brilliant. Cooks stuff so fast! I never realised just how shit my old oven was until I got this new one. Just awesome! I highly recommend to anyone who loves to cook, one word: Circotherm! Cooked four big sweet potatoes in under an hour. Old oven would've been nearly two hours. I'll save fortune in running costs on this one.

Kids have two Christmas parties to go to today, I may take pictures and post them later. I really should. I seem to gotten rather lax in taking pics of my kids and shouldn't as they're little for such a short time. I keep looking at Sassy and thinking, where's my wee baby gone? She's such a big girl now. She's too pretty, she's going to be hard work later. I'll get pics later.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

These have made me happy...

VideoJug: How To Be The Perfect Boyfriend

VideoJug: How To Be The Perfect Girlfriend

VideoJug: How To Kiss Someone Passionately

VideoJug: How To Hide An Unwanted Erection

VideoJug: The Rules Of Pavement Etiquette

I'm going to be spending my day here I think.

British people: Take Care With Real Christmas Trees!!

Americans and Canadians are going to laugh with horror over this, but British folks just don't seem to know that you have to keep watering real Christmas trees. I'm not kidding!! These folks get real trees, stick them in inappropriate bases and put lights and ornaments on just wait for the fire to start. They have tinder in their living rooms laced with electricity. I keep waiting for the Public Service Announcement that says you must water your live tree to keep it damp so the wood won't dry out and needles won't fall off. I've never heard a one. When I mention it to people they always have that "Really? Wow I never thought about it, but it makes sense..." then they get the horrified expression as they mentally progress to the blazing inferno that would be their living room.

I went to the swimming pool on Saturday for Sassy's lessons and they had a fifteen foot real tree, hammered into a hunk of wood for a base - nowhere to water the thing. It was decked to the nines with lights and everything, and the needles were starting to curl it was so dried out. And they'll probably keep it up for another three to four weeks! It's insane! I complained, we'll see if it's changed this week. If not, I'm calling the Fire Dept to tattle-tale on them.

So, British people (Or anyone who doesn't know this already) who are planning on getting real trees: Water your tree! Get an appropriate base that allows you to put a liter of water in there a couple times a week. You keep cut roses in a vase with water, don't you? Why not the same for a Christmas tree? And if my advice doesn't cause you concern, there's always this.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007


I'm reading. Unless you're here to get me a hot drink and a cookie, I have limited attention available for you. You'll have to wait until I'm done. I'm reading Crystal's Virtually Yours available from Whiskey Creek Press.

So where's my cookie, already?

Friday, December 07, 2007

Phallus Grafitti

Seems everyone likes to scribble willies in the dust. From The Register...


Magnificent. The outrage in question can be found in Hazleton, Pennsylvania, and is a welcome contribution to the "ET go home" genre which includes the Caledonian fuck you, the farmer's huge arse, the 40-metre Yorkshire profanity and the fat Russian cock.

And if the above don't convince unwelcome intruders not to set foot on this world, then they should note that humanity can deploy lethal culinary force if necessary to repulse any invader. ®

I've ordered new running shoes. I'm an optimist. I'll need to get my lung capacity back up from nothing with this chest infection causing such a mess.

I currently feel I could run a marathon, but I know it's the caffeine. I made coffee for the first time in a couple weeks, and it's like injected speed. Funny how fast the body gets used to no caffeine and then WHAM! It's like Hyper-Speed!! I remember why I like coffee, but tolerance makes this kind of rush impossible. Two cups of weak coffee and I feel like I've eaten a whole box of No-Doz. I've been on one cup of caffeine tea in the mornings for ages. Coffee = KaPow!

Must scrub, or vacuum or something.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Mom, you can skip this one...

In good news I am getting better. I went to the Dr today and I'm still not ready to go back to work, but much improved. He kindly signed me off work for another week. I'm sure the managers at work are pissed off - to lose a staff member during the busiest time of the year? Yeah, I'll be popular. But I'm no faker, and they'll just have to suck it up. Neener neener har har.

My other "job", which isn't really a job it's more of a service, has been interesting. I test drive sex toys for They send me free toys and I try them out and offer up reviews at The Orgasm Army review site. Sweet! I get to keep them too, which is nice. Not that they'd really want them back after testing...anyways. I was sent a waterproof vibrating bullet to test this week, and it's a bit faulty - gets super hot and doesn't vibrate. Dud Bullet. But those nice folks at LoveHoney, they said they'll take it back (to pull its guts out and find out why its overheating for the sake of science and sexual safety...and for dismantling electronic doo-dads which is always fun.) and would it be ok to send me another one PLUS a new rabbit vibrator. Sure, I said! I'll currently own three rabbits, like a naughty wee bunny farm. I'd like to get one of the cute Hello Kitty keychain vibes they've just got in from Japan - previously only available via J-list. They're just so cute!

Currently frustrated as, remember when I said I was hosting Christmas lunch this year? Well my oven decided to die this week. Well the oven part is ok, but the grill is dead. So we're off to get a new one this weekend, hopefully get it installed before X-mas and therefore allow me to cook without major stress for X-mas day. I'm not stressed. Nope.

I do wish this annoying shaking would stop though. I feel like a twitchy poodle. The Dr says it'll pass, it's just weakness.

Still learning Japanese, getting better all the time. I'm so damned happy there's so many free language lessons on iTunes! Plus a lot of them are everyday conversations, with real people. None of those nonsense phrases - although a lot them do have several classes about ordering food in a cafe or restaurant which makes me wonder if the Japanese cook for themselves, ever? Currently concerned that fresh fruit and veg is so expensive in Japan, as we eat tons of it. I've read you can pay £4/8$ for one apple. Granted it'll be an apple big enough to feed the family, but still. I'll have to learn to grow my own. In pots. On a small balcony.

I actually posted Christmas cards this year! I even went to the post office and everything and they're on their way to America to family right now. I'm so proud of myself. I need stamps for the rest, but I'm determined. I'll go buy some stamps from the local wee shop tomorrow. I will. Watch me. I'm going to be a proper good person who can send Christmas cards.

Hope you're having a wonderful Humpday!

Monday, December 03, 2007

Thanks for all the get wells. Very much appreciated. I am getting better, the lung feels a hundred times better and I can sleep on my right side now. My ear is happy again. I'm still coughing and feel weak, short of breath, get run down easily and have this annoying internal trembling that I'm going to talk to my Dr about later. Today is the last of my antiBs and I'm kind of nervous to be without them now. I don't feel completely better, and don't want this bug to come back. What I feel like is I've just been given asthma. I'm completely committed to the "Take it slow" way of recovery.

Turns out Grandma Betty got the same virus too and called the Dr out to see her at her home (Dr's still do home visits for emergencies here, isn't that nice.) and the pharmacy delivered her medication to her at home so she didn't have to try and drive. Auntie Hagrid has been helping her out while she gets better.

The thing in the news that's got me asking questions and feeling confused and interested is the TeddyBear Teacher in Sudan. My first questions was, Why can't the bear be called Muhammad?
Why is the teacher in trouble when it's the kids who chose the name, shouldn't they know it's not allowed? Didn't their parents/mosque/Koran class ever tell them? Why is naming your teddy bear considered idolatry, but you can name your kids Muhammad with no trouble? Why are mad (as in crazy insane) Muslims running through the city brandishing machetes demanding to behead the teacher? Are they willing to put the class of children (20 out of 23 kids voted to name the bear Muhammad) against the firing wall too, since they were the ones who named the bear and the teacher just said "Great name kids, now what do we know about bears?"

I find Ms. Gibbons very admirable, her outlook through this whole mess has been very calm, understanding and with her sense of humor intact. She only has positive things to say about everyone in Sudan and her time there. But the whole this just seems unreal and out of place. It couldn't really have happened? Could something so ridiculous really happen? Well, sadly, it really has. The good news is, Gibbons is being freed today with a pardon. I'm sure it has a bit more of getting themselves out of the world's scowling gaze and getting her the hell out of Sudan.

We've got the last of Project Runway this week (We're watching series 3) and also America's Next Top Model is getting near the end (series 8) and I've really enjoyed this series. I adore Natasha, isn't she the cutest most fun ever? No one be a shit and ruin it for me though as I know you all already know who wins. When they're over, TV will be dull again. Pooh.