Days are dragging on. time is slipping by. I've not got much going on and I'm depressed by that and also relived because I'm not sure I have the energy or inclination to do much. I'm still on the verge of a cold, but I keep taking vitamin C and drinking water so it's not taken hold. the tingle in the back of the throat and I drown it. I hope I can fight it off without succumbing.
Unfortunately, Shorty has it. She's been coughing and has reduced appetite and increased cuddle needs. Her asthma has kicked in and she's needing her inhaler every few hours. I've kept her from school today.
I've got a bit of the autumn blues. It's going around, you can hear it on lots of blogs. I know from, well paying attention to myself over the years, that I get a bit depressed from around September and it continues until about February. When I re-awake in the spring. I can tell I must come from an ancient tribe of pre-humans that must have hibernated. My body rebels every autumn and demands more sleep, more food and definite peace. Not easy to find in a house with children.
Trying to get the energy to get back to the gym is proving really hard. Spirit willing Body exhausted. I know exercise will give me more energy but, I'm just too tired to care. I keep trying to come up with compromises, reduced time, different routines, different classes...new music? Sleep, just give me sleep. I think for the next week, I'm going to try and go to bed - that means no book and lights out - by 9pm (except on work nights) and see if that helps. I also, must cut the caffeine. I have no problem with decaff versions of my favourite drinks, so I'll just have them instead. But the current habit is to chemically pep the exhausted limbs into movement. Not ideal.
On the plus, I'm really mellow. I'm not sure I've ever been so laid back. I have a "It's not worth the bother" attitude towards things. Not in a bad way, of course. My house is still clean, I bathe, the family is fed and the kids get love and attention. I'm just not stressing. Which is nice, if a bit weird. And this is all without medication. Not bad at all.
I'm still having the morbid thoughts, they've been pretty heavy lately to be honest. I'm forever telling my head to shut up. Just shut up. All this disappearing and murdered children in the news lately doesn't help. Falling bridges. The unknown around the corner. Inability to predict the future. Seriously, it's not worth the bother. Just shut up.
Yoga is helping me in many ways. I'm falling in love with it. Pregnancy caused my tendons to tighten up painfully in both of my hips, but the right one is worse. That's because Sassyface was a lopsided pregnancy. She lumped over onto the right side and cut the blood flow to my leg which causes it to swell to almost double the size. I had oedema on that leg too - pretty gross but also neat to press a thumb against my shin and it'd leave a deep imprint. So that hip hasn't been the same since. Always too tight. But the yoga has helped me stretch it out so it's not causing me pain anymore. Although the stretching fucking hurts, it's getting better. I have a lot more mobility in that hip. Stretching on my shoulders is proving painful too, and I hope to see the benefits soon. I want to be able to do the bridge again.
I'm currently reading The Wind-Up Bird Chronicles by Haruki Murakami. It's a great read so far. Where other books annoy me when the characters waffle, this book is nothing but completely entertaining waffle. It's waffle that fits. It's surreal to find such a thing. It's a hard read though as the font is quite small, and I often think I've read a lot, and then notice I haven't.
Work tonight. Very tired. Will endure.