Monday, November 19, 2007

So the beat goes on...

Days are dragging on. time is slipping by. I've not got much going on and I'm depressed by that and also relived because I'm not sure I have the energy or inclination to do much. I'm still on the verge of a cold, but I keep taking vitamin C and drinking water so it's not taken hold. the tingle in the back of the throat and I drown it. I hope I can fight it off without succumbing.

Unfortunately, Shorty has it. She's been coughing and has reduced appetite and increased cuddle needs. Her asthma has kicked in and she's needing her inhaler every few hours. I've kept her from school today.

I've got a bit of the autumn blues. It's going around, you can hear it on lots of blogs. I know from, well paying attention to myself over the years, that I get a bit depressed from around September and it continues until about February. When I re-awake in the spring. I can tell I must come from an ancient tribe of pre-humans that must have hibernated. My body rebels every autumn and demands more sleep, more food and definite peace. Not easy to find in a house with children.

Trying to get the energy to get back to the gym is proving really hard. Spirit willing Body exhausted. I know exercise will give me more energy but, I'm just too tired to care. I keep trying to come up with compromises, reduced time, different routines, different music? Sleep, just give me sleep. I think for the next week, I'm going to try and go to bed - that means no book and lights out - by 9pm (except on work nights) and see if that helps. I also, must cut the caffeine. I have no problem with decaff versions of my favourite drinks, so I'll just have them instead. But the current habit is to chemically pep the exhausted limbs into movement. Not ideal.

On the plus, I'm really mellow. I'm not sure I've ever been so laid back. I have a "It's not worth the bother" attitude towards things. Not in a bad way, of course. My house is still clean, I bathe, the family is fed and the kids get love and attention. I'm just not stressing. Which is nice, if a bit weird. And this is all without medication. Not bad at all.

I'm still having the morbid thoughts, they've been pretty heavy lately to be honest. I'm forever telling my head to shut up. Just shut up. All this disappearing and murdered children in the news lately doesn't help. Falling bridges. The unknown around the corner. Inability to predict the future. Seriously, it's not worth the bother. Just shut up.

Yoga is helping me in many ways. I'm falling in love with it. Pregnancy caused my tendons to tighten up painfully in both of my hips, but the right one is worse. That's because Sassyface was a lopsided pregnancy. She lumped over onto the right side and cut the blood flow to my leg which causes it to swell to almost double the size. I had oedema on that leg too - pretty gross but also neat to press a thumb against my shin and it'd leave a deep imprint. So that hip hasn't been the same since. Always too tight. But the yoga has helped me stretch it out so it's not causing me pain anymore. Although the stretching fucking hurts, it's getting better. I have a lot more mobility in that hip. Stretching on my shoulders is proving painful too, and I hope to see the benefits soon. I want to be able to do the bridge again.

I'm currently reading The Wind-Up Bird Chronicles by Haruki Murakami. It's a great read so far. Where other books annoy me when the characters waffle, this book is nothing but completely entertaining waffle. It's waffle that fits. It's surreal to find such a thing. It's a hard read though as the font is quite small, and I often think I've read a lot, and then notice I haven't.

Work tonight. Very tired. Will endure.


RoxRocks said...

I've hit the St. John's Wort of late and it seems to be helping with the insomnia and the crazy mind races I was going on. I feel calmer too.

I say indulge your hibernating needs. Curl up with a book and a cup of hot lemon and have a nap or something. Life's too short. Do what you like!

I would love to try the yoga. Sadly, I missed the trial run they were having here. Oy.

The Hotfessional said...

Based on your post and mine from yesterday, I'd say you and I are both feeling let down. Or maybe we're just gearing up for the craziness that is the holiday season, and this is a necessary down time to get us through it.


Donna said...

Yoga is a great thing to do to rest the mind And body. Proud of you!!! You're a wonderful person and great mom. Keep it going girl!
Hope the little sweetie gets to feeling better soon!

Maja said...

Pregnancy really sounds rubbish, causing ailments and such. We are getting into summer here and beer is becoming irresistable.

I've been walking to and from work every day and my legs are dying. I'm going to do yoga on break to stretch all my tight muscles out. And I'm not walking until I come back to work.

Have you tried taking vitamin B yet?

karla said...

Are you competetive at all? If so, that could help with the "can't get to the gym" thing. Make a bet / challenge / whatever with a friend in regards to gym attendance. Both of you keep track of how many times per week you make it to the gym, and each week the one who goes the most owes the other one $20. Or if that's not incentive enough, make it $30. If you go the same amount of days, you're even, no money owed.

karla said...

Because you asked, pumpkin:

Pics from when she was fresh outta the womb:

Pics of her in October:

Pics of her now:

More baby pics than any one person should have to endure!

PS: Why doesn't Maja have a blog anymore? I miss that cutiepie.

Victoria said...

As long as I remind myself that it's environmental (winter, lack of light) I'm ok.

Exercise - it makes you less tired, but being tired prevents it. Ug!

Just curious - do you (still) celebrate Thanksgiving?

Take care, Liv, (yoga is a goal of mine!)

Daisy said...

I am from that same tribe that hibernates.


Sylvana said...

I tell people that I am solar-powered. When the days are long and the light is bright I can go from the crack of dawn until well into the night. When the days are short and the light is dim I just want to sleep.
Coffee is the only thing getting me through right now, but I know that it is a downward spiral.

Sylvana said...

Bet you thought I was going to rhyme ;)

Lyvvie said...

You mean it wasn't deliberate active poetry?? Because I love it. And shall steal it and make it my own, which should be ok as we don't run in the same circles and I'm way across the ocean. I'll give credit is asked.