Thursday, July 12, 2007

Sometimes, I'm just not good enough.

I'm in a funk. I don't know why, as nothing bad has happened. I'm just not happy at this minute. I'm sure it will change, maybe better, maybe worse.

I'm at the mercy of the voice inside, and today it tells me, with quite certainty: I am not good enough. I have a shower but it doesn't matter because :I am not good enough. I make meals for the kids, but doesn't matter because: I am not good enough. I do my hair, put some make-up on but why bother because:I am not good enough.

Can I talk to people today? Not really because I don't know what to say. Everything comes out wrong and I just know they're all thinking: I'm not good enough. Or worse, that I'm not worth talking to because I'm not my normal jolly self. Not really in a mood to bury it and carry on regardless.

It'll pass. Run its course. Hopefully I'll not have lost any respect, or friends or hair. money. patience...

I took the girls out last night to the beach, after dinner. It was really low tide. When we got to the shoreline, we couldn't stand still for long or our shoes would sink in the mud. There were hundreds of rock pools to investigate, and Shorty fell over and was covered in mud. Then the battery died on my camera (Well, it told me it was "exhausted" which just sums what I hear all time every day from around me) so I only got a few pictures. It was still beautiful, a little warm, sweet breeze that took the low tide smell away. We collected rocks, searched for an elusive fossil and just never wanted to go back home.

Shorty on the Beach
Forth Rail Bridge
Biggest Rockpool
Manmade Rockpool
House across the river.


Maja said...

I can't see the pics because of the work server, but I bet they're great.

I hope you feel better soon :) xo

Dctraxe said...

God.. the pictures are beautiful, like a friend of mine I know.

Dctraxe said...

Oh and...don't believe the lie..speak to it, tell it to shut up. You are over qualified for good enough.

Chunks said...

It's not us honey, it's them. "You don't deserve me" should be your new mantra. You are ALWAYS good enough. You tell that voice inside to zip it! LOL!

That last picture is so beautiful!! Do you live that close to the shore? I am so jealous! I've always loved the sea and when I see the sea, well, it makes me happy. Peace to you!

ssheers said...

Lovely photos.

I hope you feel better soon.

Anonymous said...

feel better soon there love. i know it sucks but it will pass.... hang in there :)

Lyvvie said...

Sorry, Chunks. I thought I'd replied already. Yes I do live right on the water. This beach is only a two minute walk from my house. The last picture is of a stately home across the river and I have no idea who lives there. It's a mystery because whenever we try and go find it - we can't!

I too, love to live near water - but I'm not to fussy. Lake, river, pond, ocean: all good.

Maja said...

Wow, just got home and looked at the pictures. Amazing scenery!

Frank said...

That brdige in the distance is so cool looking. Does it have a name?