Monday, April 30, 2007


Sassy is phoning a boy. Sassy is phoning a BOY!! AND SHE JUST ASKED IF SHE CAN GO TO HIS PLACE TO PLAY!! What on Earth is going on here?!?!

This is too soon. I need valium and two fingers of gin NOW!

Friday, April 27, 2007

A story for the pub...

Wool pulled over eyes of poodle buyers

The Sydney Morning Herald

April 27, 2007

When it comes to pulling wool over the eyes ... the net is buzzing with a story about thousands of Japanese being swindled in a scam in which they were sold Australian and British sheep and told they were poodles.

Flocks of sheep were reportedly imported to Japan and then sold by a company called Poodles as Pets, marketed as fashionable accessories, available at $1,600 each.

That is a snip compared to a real poodle which retails for twice that much in Japan.

The reported scam was uncovered when Japanese moviestar Maiko Kawamaki went on a talk-show and wondered why her new pet would not bark or eat dog food.

She was apparently crestfallen when told it was a sheep. So, it seems, sheep are good at playing the part of poodles.

The story goes that hundreds of other women got in touch with police to say they feared their new "poodle" was also a sheep.

It seems one presumably shortsighted couple said they became suspicious when they took their "dog" to have its claws trimmed and were told it had hooves.

Japanese police believe there could be 2000 people affected by the scam, which operated in Sapporo and capitalised on the fact that sheep are rare in Japan, so many do not know what they look like.

"We launched an investigation after we were made aware that a company were selling sheep as poodles," Japanese police said, the The Sun reported.

"Sadly we think there is more than one company operating in this way.

"The sheep are believed to have been imported from overseas - Britain, Australia."

Many of the sheep have now been donated to zoos and farms.

But, as it goes...You'll need to know your facts.

Thursday, April 26, 2007


Shorty keeps calling Willy Wonka "Willy Plonker", and she's not even trying to be rude. We recently got the new Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I love it. Just love love love it. It's brilliant. Johnny Depp is a weird sort of person in this movie; kind of an odd mixture of Jim Carey and The Church Lady. and the Connecticut Millionairess

My nephew sneered and said "I liked the old one better." Well you know what kid; you keep it. *snap* I'll keep psychotic squirrels over boring old golden geese anytime. Why are twelve year old's such know-it-alls?!

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

And we all say: Blah.

Got the blahs. don't know why - well sure I do but you know me, I'm not one to whine on about it and bore folks with troubles here and there. But then that's what it's about this blogging, a place where you can bitch moan and complain and folks listen or don't and it doesn't matter. I should just vent.

I've made an appt. for Sassyface to see a counselor. Her tantrums and rage issues are getting worse lately and I'm at the end of my patience for it all. I've followed the advices but I've had enough. I know she's mad at me, but I don't know why. she says it's because I love Shorty more - but Sassy's not an overly affectionate kid. She's not the sit and cuddle sort. She wants to sit and talk to me all the time. She talks about the wild and important things of an eight year old. After a while I glaze over, then my head aches, then I feel my skin needing to retreat and I just can't take it anymore. Does it make me a bad parent that I'm not interested in Yugioh, Pokemon and Dr. Who journals? This morning she was telling me about how to make one's self invisible by cutting a raven in half, taking out its heart and cutting that in half, bury the heart with a bean and when the bean grows into a bean plant, you can take a bean off the plant and put it into your mouth and while it's in your mouth you'll be invisible. Oh thanks Horrible Histories for that nightmare inducing fable. Breakfast wasn't so nice this morning being tainted with raven heart.

I'm meeting with a dietitian this afternoon to sort my diet out and figure out why this plateau is taking so long. I've not lost weight since October and I'm rather bummed.

I got my Race For Life pack through the post yesterday so I have a snazzy pink t-shirt and a pin and a donation sheet I can take to work and the gym and such to bully folks into giving money to charity. I'll be fine, I'm rather persuasive and charming when I need to be. I'll get a picture up soon.

So there's a tip-of-the-iceberg post so I don't feel guilty about avoiding blogging. I also feel guilty for not doing any kind of SBD post because SBD is something I love to deth and want to do but can't find the energy to essay or book report.

OH, and my period is due!! So there's a kick in the pants for the emotional control. I'm beginning to think: Bring On The Menopause! Men have no clue what it's like to go through life thinking "Is this a real emotion or a hormone emotion; let's evaluate." it's what makes women so dull at times. Well, I Think so anyways.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Lord have Mercy...

MY daughter just told me two things I wasn't really prepared to hear.

"Mummy, I have a secret. I have a crush on a boy at school. It's big Kyle. But he doesn't like me. He's nine."

I handled it well, explaining that nine year olds aren't really interested in girls yet and she'll have to wait until he's about thirteen before he notices her in the same way. She sighed heavily. but was ok with it. The whole time my head was reeling with thoughts of: She's in love with an Older Man?! What's this Kyle look like - does she have good taste in men? He better be nice - I'm not suffering any bad boy fascinations in my teenager. Does this mean I can stop saving for the sexual reassignment surgery - I mean she's been telling me she wants be a boy since she was three, I was preparing for it... I don't want to deal with a seven year old's broken heart - I'm not ready!!!

Then as she was leaving for school, she smiled at me and said "I'd like it if you were preg-a-net again. You should get preg-a-net." Then she skipped away to the bus stop before I could hurl my shoe at her. I sense my Dad has been whispering into her ears.

Just to make this clear to all - even Dad, though he's been gone for five years now - I'm not having any more preg-a-nancies. No more babies. I've had my clutch and I'm done. This uterus is now closed.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

I am a Demon From Heck!!

WEEEeee mee heeheeee. I am Evil Mother Of Torment!! I demand Children clean their rooms and TIDY before going out to play! Muahahaaa!! I insist they eat a decent breakfast - NO COOKIES!! I make sure they are DRESSED PROPERLY before skipping out into the cold or too much sunshine. I am EVIL!! MUaaa HahahaaaaHaaaaaaa HAAA! They hate me!! They despise me and I GLORIFY in their misery - I drinks it up like nectar, I suck it up like cola through a straw. It is my LIFEFORCE!! More!! I demand more misery from my's time to ask them - TO STRIP THEIR SWEATY BEDS FOR FRESH CLEAN SHEETS!!!! Oh yes, Oh yeeeeeeeesss! I can feel the hatred all ready. It fills me, it completes me. More more MORE I need More!!

Clear up your toys so I can mow the lawn - Delicious indignation!!

Have a banana instead of a cereal bar - Delectable pouting!!

Clean your hands after using the toilet - Beautiful stubborn pride!!

NO You cannot have dessert after your breakfast Hahahaaa haha ha HAAA!


Oh Lord I cannot take such sweet joys, such divine justices!! I am not deserving of so much pleasure!! Thank you Thank you THANK YOU!!!

Friday, April 13, 2007

You're an 80's kid if...

  1. You had a crush on one of the New Kids on the Block members. (EW! No! Motley Crue Baby!)
  2. You wanted to be on StarSearch. (I would've won it too.)
  3. You ever uttered the word "Radical!" (I may have...I'm more likely to have said "Rad.")
  4. You wore jelly shoes and jelly bracelets (Guilty. they were only $3 at Kmart!)
  5. You thought "Ghostbusters" was by far the coolest movie (Still is. I saw it on big screen - awesome!)
  6. You remember watching shows like "Punky Brewster" , "Webster", "You Can't Do That On Television" , "Wild&Crazy Kids" and "Double Dare" (Ayuh.)
  7. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off. Or even when he had those freaky eyes in "Thriller" at the end of the video. (I remember I didn't have cable when Thriller was released and I was on the phone for the whole 15 minutes to my friend who described the video to me.)
  8. You wore a banana clip in your hair or one of those slap on wrist bands at some point during your youth. (I still want a banana clip...are they back in fashion yet?)
  9. You rolled up the bottoms of your splatter painted jeans. (NO, I Pegged my splatter paint jeans TYVM.)
  10. You wore loafers with everything, and you put the laces in those little rolls. (Not me, I was a hi-top sneaker girl)
  11. You had slouch socks, and puff painted your own shirt at least once. (How did they know?! HOW?!!)
  12. You owned a doll with 'Xavier Roberts' signed on it's butt. (Yeah, but she was a gift.)
  13. You knew what Willis was "talkin' 'bout." (fatties)
  14. You know the profound meaning of "Wax on, Wax off." (Sandaflah!)
  15. You can name half of the members of the elite "Brat Pack." (Half? I know them all and their sub genres support casts)
  16. You can remember watching Full House and Saved by the Bell for endless hours! (I admit to Full house, but only because Blackie is HoT! SBTB was for kids)
  17. You have seen at least 10 episodes of Fraggle Rock. (Anything Jim Henson is/was cool.)
  18. You yearned to be a member of The Babysitters Club, and tried to start a club of your own. (Nope, I was not a reader.)
  19. You sat on your back porch, playing with your "My Little Pony" , "Rainbow Brite" , and "Strawberry Shortcake" dolls (Again, I was a bit too old for that, but I did envy my niece's ones.)
  20. You know that another name for a keyboard is a "Synthesizer." (It still is, right?")
  21. You hold a special place in your heart for "Back to the Future." (Oh yes.)
  22. You know where to go if you "wanna go where everybody knows your name."(I thought that was because I was from Massachusetts.)
  23. You thought Molly Ringwald was REALLY cool. (No, I disliked her because everyone told me "Wow you look like Molly Ringwald!" and I was denied my individuality.)
  24. You know what "sike" and "not!" mean (FFS - It's "Psyche" not sike. What a dweeb you are.)
  25. You fell victim to 80's fashion : big hair, crimped, combed over to the side, big hoop earrings, and possibly the worst:you wore spandex pants. (Guilty as charged.)
  26. You wanted to be a Goonie, or Elliot from E.T. (er No.)
  27. You owned an extensive collection of Cabbage Patch Kids and trolls. (Again no. I had one CPD and it was a gift. I didn't even ask for it. Damn it I liked Barbie!)
  28. You knew "The Artist" when he was humbly called "Prince." (And I saw him perform "Little Red Corvette" on Solid Gold, and memorized the dance routines from "Purple Rain".)
  29. You actually saw Ted Danson as the MacDaddy he played "Sam" to be. (No, he was always too old for me.)
  30. You ever wore flourescent -neon if you will clothing.... (Yup - and isn't it great it's back in fashion!! I tried to be a Lifeguard just to wear neon.)
  31. You could breakdance, or wished you could. (No, not really. I wanted to tap dance. But just did that *0's arms up kind of dance instead)
  32. You know who He-Man and She-Ra are. (Well duh.)
  33. You remember when ATARI was a state of the art video game system. (No, I wanted a colecoevision.)
  34. You know all the words to "Ice Ice Baby". (See answer to #1)
  35. You remember MC hammer well. (I try to forget...)
  36. You can still sing the rap to "Fresh Prince of Belair". (Hee hee - I CAN!)
  37. You own any cassettes. (They have all been phased out. I only own a couple that were Weird Al broadcasts on Dr. Demento.)
  38. You were led to believe that in the year 2000 we'd all be living on the moon. (No, I never looked into the future beyond Prom.)
  39. You remember and/or own any of the CareBear Glass collection from PizzaHut. (Huh?!)
  40. Pizza Hut was the coolest place to hang. (No, it was the coffee shop at the bus station)
  41. Poltergeist freaked you out. (100% totally freaked me out!! It was the boy eating tree!! and the maggot steak!!)
  42. You carried your lunch to school in a Gremlins or an E.T. lunchbox. (Nope, hot lunch thanks)
  43. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the ONLY female smurf. (Well no, she was created by Gargamel to lure the Smurfs to him. Otherwise there was no need for a girl smurf as new smurfs are made on a blue moon)
  44. You wanted to communicate with some being named Cinergy, or you wanted green hair like that lead singer of the Misfits. (*sigh* I did envy those girls, silently, from afar and played with my friend's little sister's dolls)
  45. You totally LOVED Barbie's cooler, punkier counterpart, "Jem" and her "Rockers" (I loved Barbie and Jem's clothes didn't fit her and I thought that was ASS!)
  46. You wanted to have an alien like Alf living in your house. (NOOoooooooo!!!)
  47. You wore biker shorts underneath a short skirt and felt stylish. (I don't think so.)
  48. You wore tights under shorts and felt stylish. (Hell yeah! And I was! It was grunge fashion, denim shorts, black tights, paratrooper boots and a long flannel shirt.)
  49. You layered your multi-colored slouch socks, and added suspenders to make your outfit complete. (I only wore rainbow suspenders because Mork was my idol.)
  50. You ever had a Swatch Watch. (no. They were too expensive. I hated the girl at school who wore six - two on each arm and one on each ankle. fucking show off.)
  51. You actually spent countless hours trying to perfect the care-bear stare. (I was a TEENAGER in the 80's)
  52. You had a crush on one of the Coreys (Not they were both too short.)
  53. You remember when Saturday Night Live was funny. (That was the 70's...)
  54. You had WonderWoman or Superman underwear. (I still do.)
  55. You wanted to be The Hulk for Halloween. (I want to have sex with Hulk Hogan on Halloween - well any day really, didn't matter. He could be green too if he wanted.)
  56. You believed that "By the power of Greyskull, you HAD the power" (TEEN-A-GER!!!)
  57. You thought that Transformers were more than meets the eye. (I thought they were annoying toys that my nephew could work out and I couldn't. It was a toy for 10 year old eliteism. Maximus Prime can bite my Glutes.)
  58. Partying "like it's 1999" seemed SO far away!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I never understood the concept until it actually was 1999)
  59. You ever owned or wanted any of the NKOTB action figures or dolls. (Only for campfire kindling)
  60. You remember when Deborah Gibson was "Debbie" Gibson. (She's changed it?!)

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Like sands through the hourglass...

I've been having a bit of bad luck this week. Everyone is on vacation, so the house is full and the Husband is ill, but he doesn't want to be a drag so he keep making big plans for us to go out and do "Fun Family Activities" but as the time to do these FFAs draws closer, he's obviously not well enough to go. So I have to say "We're not going" and he says "But I don't want to be a drag, I feel awful ruining their fun" but we never tell the kids we planned a day out so they don't care either way. So today We're not going to Glasgow's science museum, we're going to the soft play place and let the kids run riot for a couple hours while we sit and read or something adult and boring....well he will anyways. I'll be climbing about having fun in the soft play tower and going down the bumpy slide.

Yesterday when I got home from the gym, Husband was having a hot steam in the shower. I'd have a wash after him. When he got out, I put the hot water on in the sink and I heard our water heater go "Clunk clunk clunk klerbong." and we now have no hot water or heat. Which isn't so bad as it's warm outside, but annoying. Needless to say, last night we needed showers so I packed the girls up and went to the sports center and they were happy to let us use the showers in the changing area. The girls had a blast as it's a giant open shower room so they ran about turning on all the showers and listening to their echoes off the tiled walls. Sassy didn't even break out into her usual hysterics when she slipped and fell on her ass. It was great. "Can we do this again tomorrow?"

I may go to the gym this morning - as I thought we were going to Glasgow I didn't book anything for the creche. I may go to work, because they asked me to do an extra shift but I said I couldn't because we were going to Glasgow. I think I will go to work tonight. If I'm not working out in the gym, I should at least be lifting heavy objects at work: yes? yes.

I have my referral for the private hospital to have the voluntary mammogram. It'll cost me £80, which isn't so bad. Peace of mind for £80 - not bad at all.

Friday, April 06, 2007


I got new running shoes! (what's this shit about me wearing a size 10 shoe though?! Damned arches!! Every time my shoe size goes up, I get shorter - that's just shit!!

My orange sauconys, which I only just got in November, have lost some of their cushion - it happens. I get sore tarsals if I wear them for long, or do a lot of bouncing on my forefoot. They'll be relegated to walking shoes.

OH but I found this article, so I'm going to give this a try. My plantar fasciitis lasted 16 months before easing off. I was nick named Hop-a-Long because I'd often have to hop on one foot around the house. Try breastfeeding and doing that - you'll appreciate how very awesome I can be when I'm determined. The fact that the tarsals are now acting up, as opposed to the heel means my feet are suffering the most from wear and tear. I do worry about arthritis developing in my feet, as that would be hell. I already have signs of arthritis in my fingers (ok, finger - my left pinky gets very stiff and won't bend properly) and in both shoulders, so to get it in my feet, at the age of 35 does not bode well for the future. I should probably start taking aspirin every day.

My daughter keeps telling me she doesn't want me to grow old. I'm not too keen on the idea either.

At least I'm not all wrinkled yet!

I just signed up for Race For Life!! I told you I would. So do me a favor and Donate!! The charity researches for all cancers, but breast cancer is a current issue in my family - If you love the women in your life, and you love boobs - give extra. Click "Sponsor Me", and you'll go to my donation page. Thank you!

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Thursday Thirteen Bandwagon.

I've not done Thursday Thirteens before, but I've read many of them. A lot of folks say now-a-days says "Thursday Thirteens is dead" well, considering we have a dreamcast and two game cubes, I'm comfortable with dead platforms.

Doug was talking today (at my suggestion) about Flickr Follies, so I thought I'd do a Thursday Thirteen Flickr Follies (TTFF)

I chose to search for: image_200 and got 553 hits. One the first page I noticed a lot of folks with very silly interesting expressions on their faces, so I'm going to choose thirteen faces, and invite you to make up the stories about them. You can pick your favourites, you don't have to do them all.














Wednesday, April 04, 2007

From Thurs 29th March,

Last night while on my way to work I stopped into my GPs office and made an appt to get a referral to a nutritionist. I had the appt this morning (never had one so fast!) and got a referral to a dietitian. I just feel the eating is so bad for me, I can't find balance, control, comfort or peace and I need the support and guidance of a professional. I want to know how many calories I should have, when I should have them, should they be mostly carb or protein, what balances? should I have a portion cup - |I keep thinking if I have a cup that I can fill with whatever and that's how much I can have of anything. One cup of rice, one cup of cereal, one cup of beans etc. But how much should the portion be in the portion cup?

I'll find out next week when the appt is. Until then I'm treading water.

From Monday 2nd of April, Noon

I'm up this morning feeling tired. I've had a bowl of soup for breakfast, and as I've made so much soup, I think it's going to be the only thing I eat today - but that's ok because it's really nice! I'm going to get my gym kit on and go do my leg workout today. I'm not looking forward to cardio - I'm so tired. I hope that'll change once I get moving. My shoulders are sore today - that's part new yoga routine (Uhm, bird pose? Insane!)and last night's lifting. I need lots of water - I feel dehydrated. Can you believe this - I'm so tired, I was even dreaming about sleeping in a room of solitude. It was a gorgeous one room flat in the middle of Boston, near the airport, and it had these huge plate glass windows, but sound proof. A comfy bed, solitude...what does that say about my basic needs?

Kids are driving me crazy. I may have to make them walk them into exhaustion.

From Tuesday 3rd April, morning.

Dinner - I made spiced veggie soup with rice (carrot, cauliflower, roasted red pepper, butter beans and lentils) but didn't have time to eat it because I was doing an overtime shift at work and had to leave. When I got to work, they had already turned off the tills so I couldn't buy any healthy options for dinner - and I was hungry. I bought an Alpen cereal bar out of the machine and a small coke. On breaktime I made a slice of seeded bread (the heels were left in the kitchen) and had that with spread and jam. Work was a real sweaty challenge as I was stocking the juice isle, which is a lot of heavy lifting of juice and soda cases - I'm the only woman who volunteers to do this task because I like the extra workout. When I got home I had a bowl of soup and a cold sausage. I went to bed at 11:30.

Tuesday 3rd April, afternoon

I was completely exhausted and did not go to the gym. I sat in the lobby, reading a book, and fell asleep! Yes, there I was, amid hustle and bustle of a busy sports center, asleep with a book in my lap. Probably drooling, I don't know. The nursery staff had to come and wake me up to collect the kids. So I think missing the gym this morning was the right decision.

You know, when I was about 19 and restricting a lot, but I got a food craving, it was no big deal for me to just drive to my boyfriend's house, pick him up, go get some extra large coffees at Dunkin Donuts, drive to a secluded spot, talk about everything and nothing, make-out back seat, pee in the woods, drink cold coffee, smoke, laugh and watch the stars. Food and cravings and all of that insanity was forgotten. Biggest worry was falling asleep at the wheel as I drove home at wee small hours.

Now a days: I got nothing.

Drawbacks of being a grown up in a nuclear family.

Wednesday 4th April,

Today is my childhood friend Michelle's birthday. She turns 35. I've not talked to her for 6 years because I couldn't keep up with all of her AOL account changes - or more, she couldn't keep e-mailing to remind me. I hope she's having a great day. It's glorious and beautiful and warm out today. The kids are splashing in the paddling pool and eating ice lollies. On this day last year it was snowing. Strange old world we live in.

I have a sore shoulder on the left, and a sore hip on the right and no clue how it happened. But evidently I'm not as bendy as I thought I was. Mountains of laundry to sort, fold and put away. I want to write but the distraction of 24hour kids is too much. Sassyface is a walking tempest of surliness. I dare not venture near. She's not happy about school vacation and refuses to wear play clothes; she dresses every morning in school uniform. What a protest. The wee one now demands to put on the naughty step when she's being naughty - only problem is it's when I'd rather she went to bed. I agree by having a tantrum at bed time she is naughty; but she's not getting out of that bed to sit on the naughty step downstairs. Clever, isn't she? She also demands to sit on the naughty step so she won't have to leave the nursery. She'll throw a toy, say she's naughty and plonk herself on the naughty step. We now say "Naughty children have to leave Nursery, so let's go."

Currently cooking a monster sized roast beef. Never done one this big before (2.75 kilo), and I have a history of over cooking them and ending up with tire rubber. I'm poking it every 15-20 minutes to make sure it's not too rare, but not a football either.

I got a wonderful package from JMC yesterday!! After talking about our favourite old time candies on Doug's site, I mentioned I loved zagnut bars - and JMC sent me a couple!! Along with a box of hot tamales and a bar of soap...I don't know what she's trying to tell me with the soap but it smells nice so I'm happy!

As a thank you, I'm sending back a selection of Scottish treats, I just need to get a posting box to send them in. Although JMC said she was sending me the zagnuts to stop herself from eating them, I guess me sending her back a box of mixed sweets and cookies (and one can of Irn Bru) is perfectly acceptable.

I'm always around, but for some reason, I keep thinking I have nothing to post about. I should stop being so lame and just post the mundane.

Today I got a survey through the post. Now, usually I just throw these things away, because who has the time? But I'm tempted by this one. See it's from Thorntons and if I fill in the survey and leave it on the doorstep for tomorrow morning, I'll get a free bag of chocolate. Look - They even gave me a bag for them to put the chocolate in! I know it's only 125g of sweets, but c'mon - free chocolates!



The roast came out perfect!! I am awesome beef chef!