Friday, March 23, 2007

I could write that...

I was having coffee yesterday with some friends and one was talking about the upcoming hen night she's planning for her friend. Because she's been lumped with maid of honor (MOH). Although the bride seems to be planning everything. I'll summarize the conversation...

"So Laura is saying we have to do the river tour and she says we can all dress like angels or sluts. So I'm excited I can wear my wings."

I say "Uh-huh" and think I could write that

"But her boyfriend hates the idea, he doesn't want her to have a hen night, worried she'll get off with some guy or something. As if!" "Uh-huh" I could write that "Then she says to me she's inviting her cousin, who hates me and thinks I'm a total bitch for breaking up with Chris - that was four years ago, get over it already but no she's determined to treat me like garbage every time we meet."

"Wow" I could write that But then Laura drops the big news: "Her mother is coming, too." "What? Her Mom?" I could totally write that! "Yeah, and she's bringing Ian."

"Ian? To a Hen Night?" A guy on a hen night. A Step-Dad on a hen night. I could write that.

"Well yeah, she can't go anywhere without Ian. It wouldn't be too much a problem to have her there. I mean she won't wander around much and she'll never see the costumes."

"How's that?"

"She's blind. Can't see a damned thing unless it's two inches away from her face. That's why she has Ian, he's her dog." I have got to write this.

I blocked out most of what she saying after that as I was delighted with the thoughts of what could go wrong on this hen night. What if someone got the dog drunk, or the dog was so excited about all the party going and being slipped snacks that he forgot his duties and Mom went wandering and gets lost on the boat, or worse falls overboard! Flailing her white stick about. What if the fiance stalks the party in another boat, trying to look through binoculars for proof of male strippers and then spies something he doesn't like and goes Piratical on the party boat! They hit the bridge, Angels and Sluts swimming for dear life when an Orca swims by!!! MOH and Evil Cousin have cat fight, the Bride cries and where oh where has the mother gone and what will become of Ian; drunk, stuffed with hor d'oeuvres as possible whale bait.

I could just go on and on.


tornwordo said...

It's like a Joe Keenan plot.

Anonymous said...

I loved that! Ah, a girl with a flair for the dramatic....I so relate. Devo

Sylvana said...

Love it! I take bits of information and weave stories out of them all the time. Fun!

Lyvvie said...

I'm still laughing about the fact the girl's blind mother and her dog Ian are going to the "Safari Cruise on the Forth" hen night. The safari cruise visits all the small islands in he Forth that are bird sancuaries - how about the "Horror Hen Night - A cruise most Fowl"

Maja said...

Sounds brilliant!

I went to a hen's night held on a boat. It was awesome fun. The bride to be's mum and mother in law were the most outrageous, so who knows, the blind mum could end up being the life of the party!

A lot of the girls ended up spewing when they got off the boat, partly due to over-consumption of champagne, but also because when you get on land, the ground stops swaying... instant sick!

NWJR said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
NWJR said...

I've never heard of "hen night". All I can see in my mind is a bunch of chickens running around pecking up food from the ground.

Great post, still.

(edited, because my original post didn't make a damn bit of sense)

Contrary said...

Poor Ian. First stuck with a silly name (for a dog, anyway) and then written off as whale bait. It is to cry, yes?

Blazngfyre said...

I just LOVE when 'real life' offers up so much comedy gold!

Wonderful spin on it all by the way!