Monday, February 05, 2007

To the Head Chef of The Bay Inn,

Good morning. I recently had lunch in your establishment with a friend of mine. We found the atmosphere appealing, the staff very friendly and the coffee divine. I do, however, have to offer a small concern over what your kitchen calls a "Blackened Chicken Caesar Salad".

A Caesar Salad is a very simple to prepare salad, as I'm sure you know. There are a few things that we disagree on:

1.) A Caesar Salad has romaine lettuce, not iceberg. You may mix the two, but there should be at least some romaine.

2.) A Caesar Salad does not have large chunks of red onion.

3.) A Caesar Salad should have its leaves evenly coated in the dressing, not drowned in olive oil with a white herb sauce poured over the top. There should not be a pool of oil on the bottom of the bowl.

4.) A Caesar Salad should not have a large scoop of coleslaw on the side, hiding the cherry tomatoes.

5.) A Caesar Salad goes very well with cherry tomatoes, however, it is best to cut them so your patrons don't have to chase them around the bowl or embarrass themselves when biting into one and having the seeds burst forth from between their lips onto their dining companion's shirt.

6.) A Caesar Salad should have a nice sprinkling of grated Parmesan cheese, not large plasticine shavings that must have been cut with a lathe in the back kitchen. Also, there should be more chicken than cheese.

7.) When ordering a "blackened" chicken, one assumes it will be char-grilled and therefore hot. Not simply sprinkled with Cajun spices and offered cold.

I am sure this comes as a shock, so to assist you further, I have included a couple of recipes* I was able to find on the internet. If you have not heard of this internet, you should look into it - it would go a long way to ensuring authentically prepared cuisine and also, you can find millions of recipes to try.

I hope you have found this letter informative and I look forward to seeing any improvements you've made on my next visit.

Yours sincerely,

The American Bitch who's never happy.

* Recipe1 and Recipe2


Robin F said...

Ahh salads, large salads not drenched in salad 'creme' what is that stuff anyway? I miss those too. Also why is there always coleslaw on the side? It is a mystery to me.

Lyvvie said...

It's the fact they scoop it with ice cream scoops out of huge buckets of ready made slaw. Imagine working on the assembly line of the Bucket O'Slaw factory. Coming home every night, covered in mayo, stinking of'd never have to shine your shoes though!

I think salad cream is just watered down Miracle Whip.

chryscat said...

Dammit. I really do want that title.


Gerbera Daisy said...

Lyvvie you are hilarious. I am still giggling. I totally agree though with all that you said. And why oh why is so many dishes served with that dollop of cole slaw which usually is nasty.

Chunks said...

This post has made me want to dine with you. Let's do lunch!! :)

tornwordo said...

You probably should have refused it. They'll probably just say, "That's the way we make it."

Irishwhisper said...

This salad actually sounds rather disgusting. Good on ya for, uh, skewering it (can one skewer salad?) and the restaurant it rode in on!

Maja said...

Wow, that salad sounds lame. I had a brilliant chicken salad at an italian restaurant the other day. I could go one right now, but I will have to make do with my pasta with basil pesto and too much olive oil. ;(

Sylvana said...

You had me at "the coffee divine".


I miss the coffee in Scotland. The best mochas I ever had.

That salad, however, sounds truly disgusting. You should mail those recipes to the chef at the restaurant with this post.

Chick said...

I'm wanting a Caesar salad for breakfast now...the one you had sounds awful...iceberg lettuce & cold chicken...eeeww.