Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Almost to the point of no return...

Cast of Characters in today's drama:
MIL - Mother in Law
FIL - Father in Law
AH - Aunty Hagrid
AB - Auntie Blobby
AGG - Awesome Great Grandma
Jimbo - Nephew

I'm about to go raging nut crazy at this family I've married into. My Poor Husband!! He's been working so damned hard to be the perfect employee, the perfect son and perfect Dad that he's killing himself! He's been working 15 hour days, and being the main source of support for MIL. As seems expected being the eldest and only son. We've been put the awful prospect of having to use our savings to pay MIL's mortgage. AGG has even offered to give MIL her inheritance early to pay off the mortgage instead.

FIL is still in hospital. MIL can't get access to money because she's not named on some accounts. Yet with the guilty obligation of paying her mortgage for her - I'm saying NO. NO we aren't going to give her one penny unless she A) Phones the mortgage company to find out if she has insurance that will allow her a payment break. B) Finds alternative ways to pay for her horses keep - I suggest AH pay this seeing as she has no obligations outside her mortgage, earns enough to help out and she actually put something other than an ear for her mom to moan into.(This earlier suggestion that MIL sell the horses was greeted with a grim "I'll have to have them destroyed as moving them to a new owner would be too cruel at their age," - fine, try and find a vet who'll put down two perfectly healthy horses, I dare you.) C) She look into ways to reduce her gas payments - I think she should plastic coat all her windows for a start - and I'm not paying for it and I'll deeply resent having Husband do it for her, but as she's short and we're tall, we'll have to do it. I don't care if it's ugly, but over £350/$600 a month is fucking ridiculous!! D) She gets the hospital consultant to sign POA forms so MIL can have access to business accounts and stop fannying around with her head in the sand. If I hear"Oh the consultant wasn't in today" one more time I'll scream. MAKE A FUCKING APPOINTMENT YOU DIZZY TWIT!

Now of course by taking a hard line, I will be known as the family outlaw bitch. Yes, I'm heartless. I won't let MIL martyr herself and let everyone else (feel a deep sense of guilt and obligation) try and get her shit together for her anymore. I fucking quit. Unless she gives a little, I'm giving nothing and I forbid Husband from doing so as well. I haven't told him yet, that'll be a cheery dinner conversation. But MIL is a fifty something woman of experience and wisdom and I refuse to take her responsibilities for her any more - she needs to get her thumb out her butt and stand on her own two feet. Because we're still going to OZ and if this happens again in the future, we're not coming back to fix it again. She needs to know what she has to do. On her own! Although I have made a deal with Jimbo that if he does a few chores around MIL's house I'll pay him an allowance. I showed him how to scrub the toilets, dust and clean the banister and railings. His eyes are full of £ signs and excitement, but we'll see if he manages to get them done on Sunday.

I'm fed up with AH and AB doing nothing because they "have lives" (and we don't?? Tcha!) and leaving Husband to do everything. They'll get a phone call saying "Husband isn't going to drive MIL on Tuesday as he has a Dr's appointment (which I made with my therapist for him because he needs someone who's not emotionally involved to offer advice) so you'll have to help your mom instead - argue amongst yourselves. end of. fuckyou.bye."

I'm feeling very bitter.

And I get all of this with the added bonus of discovering my anti-anxiety medication is causing me to lactate. It's a rare symptom, but happens. Also I've gained weight as it's a higher dose I'm on (which I need to cope with all of the above and began in January) which is also causing menstrual oddities and mimics pregnancy symptoms. I thought it was a phantom pregnancy but no, and No I'm not pregnant, took a test already. I hated to spend the money but better safe than sorry.

So there, sorry. It's why I've not been posting as much. Life's tough just now. And that's what's going on outside the house - don't even get me started on SassyFace. She's grounded, in big trouble in school and does she feel guilty for what she's done???? Nope. It's my fault apparently, because I'm an awful Mum and she hates me. I know all of what's going on is affecting her, even though she doesn't know what's going on, just that FIL is in hospital. It'll be ok though, it's the easier problem to fix, MIL, AH and AB are the real problems. Sassy is a piece of cake compared to that dastardly trio and the incompetent Fiances.

Oh it's all fun and games at la casa Lyvvie.


Nancy J. Bond said...

(((Lyvvie))) I hope this all gets sorted out and the pressure is relieved. Take care of you.

Anonymous said...

You poor kid! I have my limits when it comes to in-laws, as well.

I understand why you seek an outlet at the gym!

And I'm sure Sassy is picking up on the tensions in the house...(I have a 7 and 5 y.o.). Sometimes when they're at their worst, what they really need is a hug. But it's hard to want to hug them when they're pushing all your buttons!

Hope this weight is off your shoulders (and other spots!) soon.

we're here for ya!

Weary Hag said...

Poor Lyvvie ... I hope you realize your readers are thinking of you. It'll all pan out, I just hope you don't end up killing anyone in the meanwhile.

I'm glad it sounds like you're standing your ground with the MIL and her mortgage situation though. Grrrrr.... how intrusive.

Hugs to you!

Sylvana said...

I would do the very same thing! People need to take responsibility for themselves. It's one thing when they can't do something, but when they can and just choose not to, it drives me crazy!

Stand your ground and know that YOU ARE RIGHT!

Maja said...

Oh man I hate situations like that! My mum had issues with her two sisters in law and mother in law when I was a lot younger, not exactly the same as yours, but I know the exact kind of family tension that you're talking about. That would make me so angry as well!

Do you take any vitamin supplements? B6 and B12 might help the menstrual symptoms.

Hang in there missy. xoxox

Lyvvie said...

What makes it worse its Husband's Mum, and he's wanting to be her good boy, her hero.He keeps saying "Oh now mum is doing lots, and she's holding up really well. I don't want to pressure her too hard." When all I'm asking her to do is make a couple phone calls - where's the pressure in that?? He's too close to see how he's being used, and I'm not being understanding enough - thing is I understand only too well.

If I have direct words with her, she'll cry and then I'm tarred a bully. How could I do that to her; make a grown woman, who's husband is ill and getting by the best she can, cry like a little girl?!

Dear lord above, give us all strength.

Chick said...

Oh are in one tough spot! I feel for you...I do. It's tough enough being an outlaw...feels like you don't have a right to say anything...ah...but you do because it's mucking up your life...& she should know that.

Hope it all works out & doesn't cause you too much more grief.

Manblogger641 said...

My thoughts are with you. I feel bad for you. Only time will help with this one me thinks...

Chunks said...

Family troubles suck. I hope yours lift soon.

Anti-anxiety meds can make you lactate?! I've never heard of that! How awful!

Gerbera Daisy said...

AAWWW Lyvvie~ I feel for ya girl!!! If I were there, I would give you a big old hug. All this drama reminds me so much of my ex and his mother. He was the oldest and the only son and wanted to be considered the golden child. Too bad he didn't work on trying to be the golden husband, but that is a different subject. We moved to New Jersey in 1979. Our families live in Indiana where we both grew up. It is about an 800 mile drive. We would get back for a visit once a year. Everytime we would visit, MIL would give her son a chore list which included heavy duty yard work. I will never forget one time she wanted to have a tree cut down in her back yard. He takes the tree down and where the tree was, there was left a big hole. He told his mom, the next time his sister's husband came to town (this dude "came to town" every f---ing day to work!!!!), for him to bring a bucket full of dirt to put in that hole so no one would walk out there and twist an ankle or worse. She said, "Oh no, I hate to ask him to do anything for me. He works SOO hard." I am thinking to myself, we drive here 800 miles to see your sorry ass, and work like assholes doing all your jobs and you hate to ask someone to bring you a bucket of dirt because he works so hard??!!! Like what the hell?! We don't work hard? And we are on vacation!!!!

NWJR said...

I love this blog even more if you wouldn't hold back so much. Tell us what you REALLY think! Don't be so shy!