Thursday, December 28, 2006

It's just...not...right?

I'm watching one of our new movies with the kids. It's called Pom Poko and it's about raccoons being pissed off about the deforestation of their habitat for Japanese housing expansion in the 60's. But these raccoon can transform into, well anything really. One thing I noticed, on my quick perusal while shunting about the house doing chores, is the male raccoons have testicles. Now it's not so bad, the kids are kind of young to notice or care really what those things are under the raccoons' bellies. But, I just happened to watch a few minutes of the movie, where the raccoons are fighting against a police SWAT team, and they attack from above on their inflated testicles and bounce-squash the police squad as the narrator says "They used their balls as weapons in a brave kamikaze attack." (The narrator is Brain from Pinky and the Brain)

It's all a bit disturbing really. Makes me giggle a little with a hide my smile flick of the hand, and yet, the kids don't seem to notice, get it or care.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Well I never!

My Husband just called me Petulance: The Fifth Horseman of the Apocalypse. I was merely gearing up for a huff because I (mistakenly I admit) found a toblerone box in the bin and thought he'd eaten all of his toblerone and not shared with me when I had shared some of my chocolates with him last night. I wasn't aware he had saved me some in the fruit bowl (yeah, as if I'm looking for chocolates in the fruit bowl, great place to hide them!), but I hadn't hit actual huffage by the time I got the insulting moniker. I was still in the gathering of facts phase to gauge the level of huff I should display.

This is the problem with being married so long, he can see it coming a mile off now. I miss the good old days where I'd knock him into babbling dismay with a look and a pout. *sigh* Where has the power gone?

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

The Aftermath...

It's a real shame I went and gave this blog address out to so many folks because I have a huge pile of family gossip to spill and I'm not allowed to share because "We don't air out dirty laundry for the world to see!" and I don't even think it's all that dirty, I mean a good soak and handwash scrub would clear it all up. A little care and attention is all that's needed. But what's dirty is the annoying and obsessive "I'm the Martyr here!" "No I am the real martyr, and this is why!" back and forth and it's just getting so tired. There's trouble in paradise. Thank God it's not my paradise that's under threat though, but to have to watch from afar; it's like watching one of those really bad horror films that's kind of funny but the gory bits you have watching through popcorn scented fingers.

We had a great Christmas day, one of the best yet! The kids behaved, mostly. We took account of the presents excitement and sugar overload. Shorty spent most of the day skipping about in her fairy princess costume drowned in pink and purple plastic beads like Mr. T's gold. Sassy was content, once she got her Roboreptile she was in heaven and spent a good part of the day shouting "Don't bite mummy! that's naughty. Naughty robot." with her being the mummy.

We had Great-Grandma over for Christmas lunch for the first time. She's never seen our home before, we always go over to hers. The reason she was with us is all down to the before mentioned drama that I'm allowed to discuss. I'll just say that the original plans to go to my in-laws for lunch fell through and we were all told at 6pm on x-mas eve not to come over. I always prepare way too much food so it was no problem at all for us to accommodate Grandma and she was delighted. I adore Grandma Betty, she and I get along so well and I have the deepest respect for her. She's 86, has one leg and still drives, still has the most beautiful garden and the dirt under her nails to show for it, and she's funny. She's so funny. She has tons of friends that she goes on trips with - I'm looking forward to my 80's because she's shown me how much fun it can be.

Anyways, lunch was honey roast ham, roast potatoes, baked stuffing and carrots with sugar snap peas. Chocolate bombe and cherry pie for dessert (I ruined the pie, the crust was too thick but the filling was nice. It was a dissect-a-pie) mulled wine, red wine and port. The kids ate well, we drank well and everyone was very happy.

Shorty's favorite present was the Barbie airplane, I bought Hubs a gift certificate for a massage (and I'll clarify for you as I did for my various family members that it's a professional, salon massage, not one done by redeemable me with a love coupon.) and I got the DS...which I have to share with everyone. No surprises. Ah well. I'm not too disappointed, I did spend enough on myself to make up for it.

I'm going to get more coffee, do tons of laundry and try and make sure the kids keep their new toys in their own space and not strewn all over the house.

I'm really wanting a cigarette in the post stress holiday downtime.

Thursday, December 21, 2006


Sassy-face just got in trouble for telling me a lie. It wasn't even a good lie, you know one that could get her off being in trouble if I didn't fact check every word she utters. It was just an off the cuff, no reason, because I felt like it and couldn't stop myself kind of lie. I despise those!

The conversation went something like this:

Me: How was school today?

Her: Awful!

Me: Awww, why was it awful?

Her: I got PUNCHED in the EYE!

Me: Who hit you? (And let me at 'em!)

Her: David. (Ah, my best friend's son. That complicates things.)

Me: How did it happen?

Her: His fist HIT MY EYE!!

Me: I understand that part. Were you playing together? Was it an accident? Did you tell a teacher.

Her: NoOOOoooOO!! I don't want to talk about it. (My fingers twitch to text my friend)

So then she gets all whiny and sarcastic, shouts at me and I tell her to go sit in her room until she's calm enough to speak nicely and with manners. Ten minutes later she comes down and apologizes.

Me: So, can you tell me what happened?

Her: Well, I was playing tag with Amy and she ran over and slapped me in the eye, shouted "Tag" and then ran away. It really hurt.

Me: Uh-huh, but how did David punch you? (My God they ganged up on her!)

Her: Well, (here we go...) It was really Amy that hit me.

Me: David never hit you?

Her: No.

So I gave her a speech about how no one likes a liar and how she nearly got David in big trouble which would've been really bad as he's got behavior charts that if he gets too many X's he'll lose Christmas - his Mom is tough. But there was no reason to lie, she wasn't protecting Amy, she wasn't protecting herself, it was just...bullshit!

Me: You lied to me. Remember what I said would happen if I caught you in a lie again?

Her: No...(oh she's worried now, she knows full well!)

Me: (walks over to the frige and takes out the Tabasco sauce) Open up and stick out your tongue. (one big drop right in the middle) Don't lie to me again.

Then there was much hilarity as she ran about wanting water. I'm a bit tough, but only as it suits my amusement.

The noise in my head...

Random things going around my brain these days:

1) After reading about poor Chrystal's house burning down, I'm completely paranoid about it happeneing to me and I've planned as many escape routes, scenarios and eventualities as possible so I'll be sharp if it does happen. I wish I had one of those emergency ladders for the kids' room. Are the fire extinguishers still within sell-by date? Would I now how to use it in an emergency? Do the kids know what to do if there's a fire? Do I have the insurance information committed to memory? Have I tested the fire alarms recently? Let me tell you, I'm nervous about even burning toast right now.

2) Sassy-face won't keep her toothbrush in the cup with the rest of the family's toothbrushes and it bugs me. What is she trying to say? Does she not feel like she belongs to even have her toothbrush with ours? Is she already trying to strike out on her own and this is her first showing of independence? Is she a germ freak? I just don't get WHY!

3) Seriously the fear that I'm wetting the bed and everything up to that point has been a dream is driving me bat-shit-crazy.

4) Have I forgotten anyone? Have I found all the presents I've been squirreling away? Did I buy enough sweets for the stockings? Do I really want them to have sweets in the morning? What if I didn't buy enough to put in the stockings and they flop over - that would be awful. But I could at least, for this year, blame Santa, the cheap bastard.

5) I'm losing weight and yet can't manage more than two days at the gym because I keep getting sick. why is that? I shouldn't complain but what if it's something bad?

6) Should I be concerned for the fact my youngest is currently sitting on the sofa eating half a cucumber for her breakfast? I mean she asked for it, and it's healthy, but am I being lazy? Who cares, it's roughage and she's happy.

7) Why can't Quaker Oats make the same flavors of instant oatmeal here as the do in the States? I want some raisin and cinnamon and apple cinnamon - aw hell just anything with cinnamon would do! I have my own cinnamon but it never tastes the same. Is it past date?? I want a Cinnabon!! Bastard should export by now FRANCHISE I say!!

8) I'm toying with the idea of doing a before and after photos post on January 23rd which will be one year since I started the diet and exercise that's done so much for me this year. But I feel pressure to shed at least another 10-15lbs before that just...because.

9) Did I clean the toilet yet?

10) For some reason my curls have gone wild and I'm looking like Yahoo Serious these days.

11)My heel pain has returned and I'm worried I'll not be able to run for much longer. I was hoping to get trained up for a 10k by spring, but it's not looking very likely, unless I agree to have the steroid injections into my foot, which have no garantee of working but I'm told hurt like awful bad!

12) I want to be good at logic puzzles but can't find any playbooks to practice with. It annoys me!!

13) Is it wrong to make pasta three times a week? I mean the kids eat it, it's easy and doesn't make too much of a mess.

14) I have to go and there's so much more I could add. But I have THINGS TO DO!!! And never enough sleep to do them well. Last night was a taste of insomnia so things aren't looking good.

15) I'm going to be 35 in ten days' time and I just know how this happened? I remember folks telling me 35 wasn't old and I didn't believe them but I don't feel old at all. I still feel like I'm 19.

16) I have wrinkles on my forehead. They started in my chicken pox scars. I wish I'd never picked my chicken pox but you can't tell a three year old anything when they're itchy!! Now look at me!!!

17)I have to GO! Stop talking to me or I'll be late...

18) Ok I'm back. Now, I've found the coffee pot alarm clock for caffeine addicts. It helps if your name is Heathcliff too. They're pretty cool really.

19) Seriously, why can't the house just clean itself? Why does dust have to be everywhere? Why do kids have to crumble bagels onto the carpet? Why does coffee and tea have to spill on my counters? Just stay in the damned cup!! RAISINS - they end up dropped, rolled along the bottom of a shoe and then resemble mouse poops so I keep thinking I have mice but no - it's just raisins. Toothpaste spit on the sink - it's just unnecessary!

20) I bought some of those toaster sandwich bags and they're GREAT! I love them. I just had a cream cheese and pate toastie. I know I'm kind of supposed to put cheddar or something meltable in it but leave me alone - it's my lunch!

21) I found white hairs where I don't think I should have white hairs. Should I dye them to match? Tweeze? Ignore and just get over it? I don't fancy the Brazilian look, or feel.

22) I have a bald spot on one of my eyebrows as if I had it pierced and took it out. I've never pierced there, so I have no idea why there's a baldie bit and I hate having to pencil in the gap.

I'm sure I'll have more before the day is out. Give me some mulling over time.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Egads and Argggh!

Who has time for blogging when there's Crimbo just around the corner!?!? I've been out and about trying to get he last presents, wrapping them up, getting the food for next two weeks, because honestly who wants to be in a grocery store right now?? Not me. It's vicious and mean and cruel. Bad enough I have to work in the local Tesco and be bullied about by anxious, stressed and disgruntled shoppers. "Where have you moved the shortbread?" "Where are the Christmas cards" (seriously it's getting a bit late for cards don't you think?) and that kind of stuff. I had a grumpy woman complaining to me because we don't have any French mustard - I offered her Dijon mustard and she said "It's not French mustard." oookay then I offered her French's Mustard and she walked away. Some people!

So I've been wrapping gifts and my back is sore from bending over the packages and sitting on the floor; when did sitting on the floor become so uncomfortable? I've also still got this tummy bug lurking about, it acts up when I'm run down and attacks me in inconvenient places, like the mall. Nothing worse than runny poop in public toilets - deeply humiliating. Accompanied by thunderous gas that reverberates off the tiling. I'm rather fed up with all. Worst of all is the anticipation of someone else getting ill too because I hate having to clean up the kids' poop/vomit when everything I smell makes me nauseous. (And no, I'm not pregnant.)

My anxiety is a bit out of control and I'm having to stop, think and then talk myself down from the mountain a few times a day. The annoying problem right now is if I need to have a wee, the second I sit and let it flow I have a gripping thought "What if I'm really sleeping and wetting the bed right now?!" It's driving me crazy because I know I'm awake, but now I'm worried that if I got to bed without a completely empty bladder I may wet the bed; and being a new mattress it would be disastrous! I keep checking my shoes for spiders, checking the fridge door is closed and making sure we have enough tins of food in the cupboards - for some reason I'm in holocaust mode stocking up for a famine and it's all tins.

I've decided to stock up on crossword puzzles for a while too because with school break coming I'll not have much of a shot at the TV and will need something to entertain me. I probably should go and get a stack of books for the fortnight too. I got a normal crossword book, an easy cryptic crossword book - because I've always wanted to be good at these, and then a suduko one. Because let's be honest I'll not have a shot at the DS for ages as it's a "Family Gift" I feel so suckered.

So I'm rambling along, getting things done and trying to keep my chin up, because it looks like I have two when I slump my head forward and it's not pretty. I wonder if my forehead wrinkles should be botoxed, and my cute, chubby cheeks will turn into hound gowls and flop about on my collarbones.

...speaking of which have I taken my meds today...Where's the decaff and a cookie and...Have I cleaned the bathroom yet? Wait I have mail I haven't read yet oh geez there's just so much to do!!!

I hope you lot are having a much better pre holiday scramble than I am - much love!!

Friday, December 15, 2006


I'm grumpy. A bit hacked off and annoyed because it's my own fault I'm grumpy and I can't do anything to fix it anymore. I've waited too long and the time limit has expired. I should've complained, spoken up or mentioned doubts ages ago but no, I stewed. I waited to see if I'd change my mind but I haven't and now I have to live with an unsatisfactory decision of indecision.

One thing is, I'm not going to have an "expected" present this year for Christmas. Usually I get asked what I'd like, and then I get it. No surprises, no disappointment. Don't think for a minute I don't have guilt about feeling this way, because it's not the spirit of the holiday and I should be happy with anything, right? But like PBW shows, and many agree, some present really do become a burden. This year, all I've really wanted was some money to get new clothes, because I'm wearing a wardrobe that's too big for me now.

So when back in October, Husband says "Why don't we pull our Christmas money together and get ourselves a Nintendo DS with a few games!" I was a bit, no fucking way, and a bit gee look how excited he is about this, I should just give in and let him be happy. It's 'crismiss right? So I did. This means I have to fork over my holiday cash for this DS. I don't think I'll even play with it, I'm not interested in these really, not handheld games. I play on the gamecube a few times a week but it's not something I get to enjoy because I'm always interrupted.

So, I've been buying myself presents. Not always the best idea, but there it is. And I've already opened them. Of course. I bought both Amy Winehouse CDs, a new non-stick titanium Peking wok, a book and new gymwear. It's just, not, exciting.

What I'd like is to be surprised with a wonderful present. Something that really shows I'm loved, appreciated and understood. A present that I didn't even know I'd love. Something I didn't expect to be the perfect gift. And maybe the DS will be that, but I'm not making any wagers. An actual surprise would be nice.

See, I had planned on getting this rather expensive, perfect present for Hubs. But he's really upset me recently and I've not bought it. I think he's been too naughty to get the big present. I've been pouting and giving the cold shoulder, but he's just waiting out my huff until it dissipates. He's not even apologized. Here's what he did...

Last Friday Sassy-Face was in her room playing with Gomez, it was 8:25 and I called up to her to say she needed to brush her hair before going to school "Fuck OFF!" I get as a response. She got an earfull, grounded for a week and told if she ever says that to me again she'll get a mouthful of Tabasco sauce. (She says she wasn't saying to me, but because she was mad she couldn't keep playing, either way, not good) I phone Hubs at work and told him what she'd done and he's upset. When he comes home at night he gives her a masterful guilt trip that leaves her in tears. Properly chastised, united front from the parents. He and I talk about how we'll have watch what we say from now on, lead by example...

Saturday mornings are busy. I have an hour to wake the girls, get them breakfasted, dressed and ready to go out for swimming lessons. It always seems no matter how much I prepare, we never get ready in time. Hubs will usually lie in bed while I'm racing about, agitated and shouting at the kids and it pisses me off. I've worked until midnight, gone to bed at one in the morning and up at seven again and I hate that he stays in bed until almost quarter to eight, and then hogs the bathroom when the rest of us are needing to brush our teeth, getting huffy that we're bullying his toilet time. So, last week it was mayhem, we were to leave in five minutes and I didn't have a snackbox packed or drinks made up and was still getting everything together with kids shouting and fighting, and he starts yelling at the kids for being unruly. I shouted back at him that if he got up earlier he'd be a better help than just shouting at the kids. "Stop nagging me and just fuck off!"

It took a lot of control not to kill him right there on the spot. Completely undermined not only me but himself and his wonderful speech the night before. He showed his kids he's just full of shit and that I'm not worthy of any respect. Icy is what he's received ever since. I'm not talking to him if I can help it, I'm not initiating affection, forget it. He's not getting the nice present either. He's beyond grounded. Still no apology, either. He's such an ass.

Then there's the thing about me having a sore back for a while because the mattress is old and not as supportive as it used to be. I complained about eight months ago but Hubs said a new mattress was too expensive right now and we'll suffer it , besides he doesn't have any back trouble. So I spent months doing loads of extra abdominal exercises to build up core strength, because I thought it was just me. He recently gets a sore back for a couple weeks and Lo, we have a new mattress. Although I'm happy to have a new mattress, I still feel like punching him.

So...yeah. I'm grumpy.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

*shrug* I was bored.

I found this on Corrina's blog and thought, stealing would be good for content. Save it up for an uninspired week. That's what these things are for, aren't they.

1. The phone rings. Who do you want it to be?

Eccentric millionaire willing to share their fortunes with the first person to answer the randomly dialed phone number.

2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart?

Almost always, unless it's raining and the trolley depot is way far away. I'll at least leave it somewhere safe and unobstructive.

3. In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener?
In the beginning, I'm a listener. After a few drinks, I'm a talker, and a Divine Creature.

4. Do you take compliments well?
I'm learning to.

5. Are you an active person?
Very much so.

6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness, do you survive?

I have the instinct to do so, so I think I'd try. Anyone who sits and cries about it just bear food.

7. Do you like to ride horses?

No, I don't trust horses.

8. Did you ever go to camp as a kid?

Every summer from the age of 5-14 years old. We used to go family camping at the same camp every weekend so for a while, I spent every day of my summer at the same camp (Camp Yomechas in Middleborough Massachusetts, nice place if you ever fancy it.) I even went back at 20 and became a counselor at that camp.

9. What was your favorite game as a kid?

Husker Du!! No, Pitfall!

10. If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was married would you?

Would I what? Be pursued? Perhaps a little, but that's it. You know, enough to get a couple free lunches out of the deal, without breaking any vows or trusts. His folly really.

11. Are you judgmental?
Yes. But sneaky with it.

12. Could you date someone with different religious beliefs than you?

Sure, I have no religion of my own so I'm easy-ozey on the whole thing. Unless they're a freak about it because I'm not interested in zealots.

13. Do you like to pursue or be pursued?
I don't know, I've always pursued, but it might be nice to get pursued for a change, not in a stalkerish way but in a sweetly adoring way. Yeah I could like that.

14. Use three words to describe yourself:
Reliable, Responsible, Bratty

15. If you had to choose, would you rather be deaf or blind?
Deaf. I couldn't stand to not see my kids grow up.

16. Are you continuing your education?
Every minute of every day. We are a progressive species.

17. Do you know how to shoot a gun?

When I was ten my Dad let me fire a shotgun. I was thrown back about three feet and landed on my ass. It was scary, loud and exciting, but I'll not ever do it again.

18. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you tried to save?
My kids of course.

19. How often do you read books?
daily, but only one at a time.

20. Do you think more about the past, present or future?

All of the above in fairly equal measure. All causing anxiety that requires medication.

21. What is your favorite children’s book?
Horton Hatches the Egg. or any Peanuts Gang.

22. Have you kissed any of your Blog friends?
Nope, never even met any of them.

23. How tall are you?
Five foot eight.

24. Where is your ideal house located?
You mean someone's already built it and I'm supposed to Find it?? Better not be in frikkin Greenland or anything like that!!

25. Boxers, briefs, thongs, panties, or grannies?

I like those girlie boy-shorts styled ones. Does that mean briefs? Because mine don't have the ventilation at the front.

26. Last person you talked to?


27. Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth?
Yes. Not for fun though, always for an I.D. of some sort be it gym card, license or passport.

28. When was the last time you were at Olive Garden?
I've never been to an Olive Garden.

29. What are your keys on your key chain for?
Keys and keyrings. I also do have a six inch chain that I can use as a weapon.

30. Where was the furthest place you traveled today?

I haven't left the house yet, but I plan on going about 15 miles away later.

31. Where is your current pain at?
Sitting on the sofa watching cartoons.

32. Do you like mustard?
yeah, why?

33. Do you prefer to sleep or eat?
Sleep., sleep. I'll have to get back to you on that one...

34. Do you look like your mom or dad?

It changes but mostly both and neither.

35. How long does it take you in the shower?
Depends on how tense I am. Anywhere from 10 minutes to 40 minutes.

36. Can you do a split?
Nope. Never, I'm not meant to be bendy. Well that's not true, I can wrap my leg around my neck.

37. What movie do you want to see right now?

Oooo, I'm really in the mood for a Jerry Lewis Marathon, all those great funny movies from the 50's and 60's with or without Dean Martin. Bring them all on!

38. Do you put lotion on your dog or cats?

We have no pets. Especially no bald pets.

39. What did you do for New Year’s?
It hasn't come yet, but as it's my Birthday, I'll say eating cake and opening a present or two, or at least I had better be..

40. Do you think “The Grudge” was scary?
I have no clue what you're talking about.

41. What was the cause of your last accident?
My own feet.

42. How much money do you have on you right now?
about 11 pounds in small change.

43. What are you drinking?

Coffee. With soy milk.

44. Was your mom a cheerleader?
My mom's graduating class consisted of five girls. There wasn't even a team to cheer for.

45. What’s the last letter of your middle name?
I don't have a middle name, my folks didn't give me one. I use my maiden name instead, but not as a double-barreled surnamed. So I guess, R.

46. Who did you vote for on American Idol?
Our votes didn't count in the UK, and we don't have Pop Idol anymore (Why not British Idol, I don't know) but I kind of like Chris the Rocker.

47. How many hours of sleep do you get a night?
depends, either five or nine depending on the night. I work some nights.

48. Do you like Carebears?
No. I don't like anything so disgustingly cute. Don't trust anything that hides its teeth. Like chickens and ducks.

49. What do you buy at the movies?

In America it has to be Junior Mints, but in the UK it's peanut M&Ms

50. Do you know how to play poker?
Yes. I mean no, never...want to teach me? I have all this change here...

51. Do you wear your seat belt?

52. What do you wear to sleep?

Cotton top, satin bottoms.

53. Anything big ever happen in your hometown?

54. How many meals do you eat a day?
Five. Three main and two snacks. Ok...perhaps a few more than two snacks.

55. Is your tongue pierced?
No. Too chicken to do that, Ew.

56. Do you trust the news reported by the local paper?


57. What’s you favorite NFL team?

Not that I get to watch any of the games anymore, but I'll still root for the home team, N.E. Patriots.

58. Do you like funny or serious people better?

I'm often serious, so funny. What are you laughing at?

59. Ever been to Vegas?
No. But I'm not one for crowded casinos either.

60. Did you eat a cookie today?

Yes, the last two from the variety box. I think it was a chocolate coated coconut thing.

61. Do you use cuss words in other languages?

Pig Latin UkFay Ouyay. and that police letter speak, Foxtrot Oscar and the like.

62. Do you steal or pay for your music downloads?
I don't download. I like having the original CD, the whole package, with the words, acknowledgments and pictures. Call me old fashioned.

63. Do you hate chocolate?
Yes, how dare it be so delicious and yet so very bad for me.

64. What do you and your parents fight about the most?

I don't fight with my parents anymore. I'm pretty much left to just carry on being me.

65. Is anyone mad at or irritated with you right now?

Sure thing. My Sister hasn't spoken to me since last May. Ahhh, Family.

66. Do you open presents on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day?
I keep saying the kids can have a present on Eve, but they end up desperate to get to sleep and forget.

67. What’s your favorite preparation for eggs?
poached. then again I'm partial to a nice meringue too.

68. If you could have any job (assuming you have the skills) what would it be?
A Judge.

69. Are you easy to get along with?
No. Yes. Well it depends on you, really. I am what I am, take me or leave me.

70. What is your favorite time of day?
First thing in the morning, predawn. Sunrise. Where you can see the colours break on the horizon and the last few bright stars and planets left in the sky.

71. Who was your best girlfriend/boyfriend?
My Husband. He's lasted the longest. So far.

72. Who do you hate?

I don't think I "hate" anyone in particular. Hate is very strong. I dislike most people though for one reason or another. I'm sure they dislike me too and they have the right to do so.

73. Would you ever date your first love again?
No. I do often think about this scenario however and perhaps I should write some fiction on it.

74. Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend?

I’m married so I guess that means yes, unless we're talking hermaphrodites then no.

75. Current mood?
Hungry and harrassed.

Borrowed from Corrina.

Yay! It works!! Now...where's the mascara?

You may catch me live at any point during the day. I'll give this a go and see how it works out for me. If anything, like I said, it'll encourage me to start taking better care of my appearance. If you catch me today - look - I'm wearing lipstick!! Should I get one of those shout box things too? Or is that too much? I need to restyle the blog again I think. It gets a bit boring day after day.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Curses, foiled again.

I had the idea that I wanted to have a live video feed on my blog. Just a small window that shows what goes on when I'm at the computer. I don't think it would be interesting for folks to watch my forehead while I type, bite my nails, shout at the kids or pick my nose or to find anything else remotely interesting, but I just had the notion and so I'm keen to see if it can be done.

I've been trying to find something that will work for hours now and I'm having no luck. I registered with but it's not working. Seriously annoying. It says it should work, but it doesn't.

I figured I could just keep the page up all the time, while working in another page so it would be used quite a bit. I'm attached to this machine for a few hours each day. Damn that sounds lame. But Still! I want a window over there on the right with a live webcam stream. I just want to know that I can do it, and I'm in a pissy mood because it's not being easy.

Sunday, December 10, 2006


I remember the television we (actually it was my Grandmother's, she lived in the apartment upstairs.) had when I was a kid. It was a piece of furniture all its own. It was covered in wood, about 28 inches and we could display family photos and dried flower arrangements on top of it. It was a centerpiece. It was a focal point. It had to be polished with pledge and kept out of the sun so the wood wouldn't fade. It was beautiful. It was from the 60's, lasted her until she passed away in the 80's, then my brother used it until he moved away in the 90's and I used it for a bit after that.

That TV was use for the better part of twenty years before it was so completely replaced by new technology that it was left ignored. In fact in its end it became the TV stand for it's trendy replacement - talk about insult.

It's funny how fashion has changed over the years. First the TV was in a decorative wooden box surround, and then it was supposed to sit on top of a wooden display stand. Then Anne Maurice comes along and says we shouldn't ever use the TV as a focal point so we have to close it away inside a wooden box, but now we don't have to have a wooden box at all. TV is now wall art. Flat panel TVs and pull down projection screen are the new way to go. We use the flat screens like hung (hanged?) artwork. Again, a focal point.

I kind of miss the old 60's styled big tube, woodbox surround TV where you could put family photos and floral arrangements on it. Actually, I like some of the spaceage looking TVs from the 50's with their white and red or whatever colour cases. Those wee ones that dangled on a chain in the 70's. In the 40's they came in a suitcase; early portables.

Modern TVs just aren't fun anymore.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Ambrrr Tagged Meme.

Well I think this Meme is very timely because I was going to post about the awful 48 hour stomach bug I've endured, but perhaps a nice meme about 6 weird things about me (Only six??) would be kinder reading. Although, I am much better now, and one good thing about about having a germ induced clear out is, it means I can start a detox program! Always looking at the bright side of everything, me. I've started the 4321 day and night detox. I have no clue if it'll work, but hey, I felt like giving it a try.

The rules

According to the rules…Each player of this game starts with the “6 weird things about you”. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave a comment that says “you are tagged” in their comments and tell them to read your blog. I was tagged by Ambrrr.

1.) I have short hair, but I've always wanted long hair, but when I've had long hair I always wore it up in a twist or ponytail because I hate having it blow across my face and stick to my lipgloss, or tickle my face or get stuck down under my coat or shut it in car doors, or pull it when I roll over in my sleep. For all that I'm obviously a short hair kind of person, I still wish I could have long, luxurious, shimmering tresses. I blame fairy tales and L'Oreal commercials. And Cosmopolitan. And Penelope Cruz, the bitch has perfect hair.

2.) I have a strange fear/dread/disgust of broken glass. Or breaking glass. It's more the handling of glass that I could drop and then have it shatter around my feet. I hate broken glass. So much so that I don't use glasses to drink out of, only plastic tumblers. I'm ok with porcelain or crockery, but it's just the annoying way that when glass breaks it splinters into teeny weenie bits that are always looking to lodge themselves into my feet. No matter how well I think I've cleaned it up, I always miss a piece. We don't even have wine glasses, I can't find any nice ones in plastic. We drink wine out of tumblers. When we drink wine, we don't drink wine often. We do have glass shot glasses because the Husband won't drink whiskey out of a plastic cup; it's sacrilege.

3.) Socks are virgins when new, when you first wear them they are created into a right sock or a left sock. From that time on you must look for the sock puck; where the big toe stretches the sock into its rightness or leftness. Wearing a left sock of your right foot can cause blisters due to excess saggy sock fabric wrinkling over the piggie toe. This makes sock matching a real chore when trying to match socks for a family of four.

4.) I pick fights and then get "sad" and accuse the other person of starting it. I do it for attention and out of boredom. I also like to see how fast it takes the other person to get wound up. My Husband has figured this ploy out, but I can still, usually, get a free lunch out of the guilt. I know that if I just asked "Husband, (bat the eyelashes a little) take me out for lunch, please?" he'd say yes, but my way is more fun.

5.) I have a small OCD about flushed toilets. I always forget if I just flushed, and then flush again, then I worry if anything may be left so I have to check. Then I forget if I checked, so I check again, but I give the bowl a good dose of bleach to be sure it's clean. I do often wish public toilets had bleach available so I could be sure of that bowl's hygiene. This only became an issue after I caught my kids playing in the toilet bowl. (Have I mentioned that I used to fill hypodermic needles with toilet water and squirt it at my brother? We weren't allowed water pistols as kids, and since my Dad was diabetic, we had lots of syringes around.)

6.) I asked the Husband to do this one, I thought it only fair to get an
outside opinion on my weirdness. He first said "Weird? You're not so much weird as annoying, but that could be just me. There's that sock thing of course, and being a Laundry Nazi as a whole (I am the master of the laundry, do not even try to fold a thing in my house because you will do it wrong. I've had extensive Gap training, I know what I'm talking about.) I guess the thing that gets me the most is your "Oh look it's that guy from that movie, you know, from California!" and I'm supposed to know."

Yes, I do that. It's a faulty switch in the brain. My brain locks down on the exact information I want to convey, it's bullying really. My recall just goes "Oh you want this person's name? well, you can't have it! Neener neener haha! And you just forget about the movie they were in too!" We were watching Fast Times at Ridgemont High last night and it was just awful, I was trying to name the man Pheobe Cates married, "You know, that guy from A Fish Called Wanda, the funny one!" Thankfully, the Hubs guessed first time.

So there you go. I think I'll have a try at tagging Doug, Beth, Kate Chryscat, NWJR and Maja. all of these folks I'm sure have some delightful weirdness (Doug especially) that will titilate the masses.

***Edit note: Fast Time at Ridgemont High is not an awful movie, it's a great movie, but the forgetting names thing is awful.

Monday, December 04, 2006

Death by Melting. SBD

I've just, JUST finished Wicked by Gregory Maguire. Thank God I'm done with it, I'm now going to flush it down the toilet. Drown bad book drown!

It's a complete crime, really. The book has such an excellent premise, a writer's dream of an idea: To tell the life story of the Wicked Witch of the West. Was she born bad? What was she like as child, a teenager? Why is she green? What did her parents do when she was born? Was she bullied as a kid? Did she always have magic, or did she have to learn it? Did she ever find love? What ultimately made her so evil?

Well, according to this, Elphaba Thropp (The WWW), wasn't evil, she was misunderstood. She was straightforward, painfully honest and more than a bit prickly. She didn't let people get too close, well duh - she was called a monster for most of her life so she wouldn't exactly be the trusting sort, now would she? I found I really did want to like her. She was sparky, political and passionate in her beliefs. A bit of a conspiracy theorist but enlightened. She fought for Animal rights and then became something of an underground rebel in a fight to bring down the Wizard who was becoming the despot of Oz.

Although we all know how the story ends, the thing that really annoyed me was that poor old Elphie failed in everything she put her hand to. The darling just couldn't catch a break. Friends belittled her, Her favorite teacher - a Goat is murdered, she ends up being a pretty bad assassin seeing as the person she's trying to kill was already dead when she got around to finding them but decided to bash their head in anyways for good measure. The man she falls in love with is married, and then he's murdered in her apartment. She tries to confess to his widow and beg forgiveness and the woman won't listen, but decides to keep Elphie and her bastard son at their castle. Her sister is loved more by her dad...oh dear it just goes on! Then when Dorothy arrives, she sends her 90something Nanny to set the table and invite them in for dinner - a very civilized meal "So, I hear you've come to kill me, how very unfriendly. More cheese? Now, about those shoes..." before being melted on the spot and having her broom stolen.

The characters have a very Charles Dickens inspired ignorance and cruelty, but with no comeuppance to satisfy the moral reader. There's a lot of political intrigue that could've been good if not left dangling limply for several chapters while being bored to death with description of marshlands, drought and mountains. I did not care about the geology, I wanted more about the people, the characters and something a bit more fleshed out than "They were ignorant and didn't know any better." There's a bunch of warble about Oz religions as well, and *yawn* *sigh* it's just tedious. I have no clue if Maguire was wanting to make a political statement, a religious statement or was he just trying to create a decent work of fiction. In any case he failed on all three.

The thing that seriously ticked me off is how this book is the equivalent of a bad lover. It starts great, good rhythm and momentum, but then it kind of gets full of itself and wanders off the point. It comes back and, okay here we go, this is going to get good again, and, It's not. Next chapter? New scenery? Why don't we just skip ahead to the meat of it shall we? Here we go again, that's good, getting better and almost there...oh no...he's describing lame ass scenery to me again! and what happened to the plot? What the hell are you doing? Why are you fiddling over there when the good stuff is obviously over here?? By the last quarter of the book I was thinking "Just finish already and let me go and do something useful instead - I'm bored!" It's unforgivable in a lover, and in an author.

For the first time in my life, I'm not so mad at a book for being bad that I give up on books for ages. Instead I have to begin reading something else right away to get the very bad taste out of my mouth, and q-tip clean its stench from my memory.

Elphaba, you deserved so much better.

Smart Bitches Day is a Monday contribution, and is hosted by the Beautiful and Spring Fresh Beth. She lists the rules for SBD on her site, so if you have something to contribute, just leave her a comment and she'll link you in with the rest of us bitchy bitches. Although as rule #2 states "Step 2: Write it. It can be ill-tempered or gushing with praise or somewhere in between. The only ABSOLUTE requirement* is that you are thoroughly honest. Kindness is not discouraged, but if ever you must make the choice between politesse and honesty, SBD requires you to ditch your nice-girl side and get down and dirty with the truth.

*Foul language is not a requirement, though it is strongly encouraged and soundly enjoyed.

I know lots more of you read, so have a try, we'll all love you more for it.

Friday, December 01, 2006

For Doug

Doug did a Thursday Thirteen where he talks about his thirteen Fuck-ups and a lot of them involved him being a Jr. Scientist. Well Doug, my brother sent me this and I thought it was right up your inquiring mind's alley. We get to have fun with "Will it Blend?"

May I suggest the rake, 50 marbles, and the cola can. Let's just hope he's never heard the joke "What's red and green and goes a thousand miles and hour?"