Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Mental Hibernation

I have been in retreat. just taking a step back from everything and keeping my life as simple as possible. I find, occasionally, things get to be too much, I overstretch my responsibilities and then I need to withdraw and take stock of myself. I've been kind of hibernating for a few weeks and just closing my mind off to the outside world. I stopped posting, stopped writing, stopped watching TV and just settled into the Harry Potter books for entertainment.

This seems to strike me around this time of of year, and in fact I had an almost depressive episode last November. To avoid it happening again I've been taking anxiety management classes. Evidently I have a lot of bad habits. I've also had anxiety issues since I was a pre-teen. I get very caught up in a whole lot of things and then I have to cut back and take a few breaths. It's one of the reasons I've never recommended myself as a very good friend; I go through phases of being the best friend and then having to back off and I know it leaves the other person feeling very confused and sometimes hurt. I can't bear the feelings of disappointment. Anyways...

I'm going to take part in NaNoWriMo this year and I've been doing a few chapter outlines and character sketches. I wanted to take part last year but had forgotten until a week into November so thought cramming for nanowrimo would be just a foolish venture.

I'm still doing well at the gym, and I'm in there four days a week, and for two other days I jog around my town for about two miles. I'm trying to find longer safe routes and I'm really enjoying running outside, it makes a huge difference to the tedium of the treadmill. I'm starting to get a nice four-pack on the upper abs, but the lower ones will take longer - I still have the Mummy-Tummy to shed. Annoyingly, my weight has remained the same for five weeks, but my body is still shrinking, so I've stopped weighing and just use the tape measure instead. Ok that's a lie, I still weigh, but as it never tells me anything I want to hear I just have a very hateful relationship towards it. Further explaination to follow...

Currently struggling with a cold and opportunistic candida. I've got a lowered immune system, so my body is rebelling against me a bit. I'll need to eat better, I've been a bit naughty and eating bread when I'm not supposed to. And sweets. Yes, I've pretty much thrown the diet out the window and slipped into bad comfort food habits. I've got control again but I know these things aggravate my digestion and it's now making me ill. So unfair. what's the point of a nice cup of tea if there's no cookie to dunk in it? Trust me, dunking bananas into your tea just inst the same. Actually it's quite icky.

So there you go, that's the sum of me for now. I'm taking the rest of the week off from the gym to give my body time to rest and heal. I find it impossible to have a decent workout if I've got a cold anyways, my body will refuse to get its heart rate up to a decent level regardless of what I do and it's just frustrating. So I'll take Shorty up to play in the creche, and I'll sit and read The Half-Blood Prince. I shall live on chicken soup and carrot sticks, celery and cherry tomatoes, salad and smoked mackerel. I'll have to be good from now on, because this body gets right stroppy if I put garbage in it now.

I'm also completely unable to finish anything I start, as this has been sitting on my desktop for two hours before I remembered to spellcheck and post. ah well. shrug.

5 comments:

Chunks said...

Glad to see you are finally back!! Sometimes retreat is needed, I do it often. Fall is such a depressive time of the year (but still my favorite!) What kind of things do they teach you at anxiety managment classes?! I would love to hear more about that, since I also deal with anxiety on a regular basis.

NWJR said...

You need to READ MORE BLOGS!!!

:-)

Sylvana said...

Just take things a little at a time.
Sounds like you are doing better than I am! I too am trying to simplify things in my life, but the part that wants to do EVERYTHING is just too pushy!

Maja said...

Good on you, retreating is a great idea. I get very anxious quite a lot. Especially lately because I'm going to change jobs.

I must update my cv!

Manblogger641 said...

I am happy that your ok.