Monday, June 12, 2006

Smart Bitches Day

True Love

The Impressive Clergyman: Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam... The Princess Bride.

The pursuit of love, true love has been a story told for centuries. The trials, tribulations and shining glory that comes from true love. Centuries ago, stories of true love were usually the couple fighting against all odds to come together, satisfy their emotions and suffer a very heavy penalty in doing so. They were sad stories of how love was a power that ripped their hearts to pieces, left them mad and vulnerable. Passions always paid a high price on the soul.

Today it's about passion and sex without all the wrenching pain, social isolation and ultimate madness. Love is a good thing, a positive experience with a happy ending, where the power of love itself transforms us, not the suffering pain left by love.

The romantic angle for most romances is the union of soulmates, but are soulmates fated to be together, or do you become soulmates over time? Is it an instant, intuitive, knowing love or is it the person you've gotten to really know over the years and you still love regardless; that's your soulmate?

How many true loves have broken your heart? What people seek is the wonderful emotions of falling in love that comes from a well paced romance. We want to relive those feelings, re-experience them without fear of hurting the feelings of our partners. No one wants to feel like, now they're in a relationship, they'll never get to fall in love again even though it's the expectation. You fell in love once and now you are “in” love. Falling in love is more fun, where being in love has responsibilities.

We should never use romance novels as a way to gauge our own relationships on the passion scale. By enjoying these stories for what they are, a celebration of Firsts: the first contact, the first furtive looks, the first embraces, the first kiss, the first sex. The firsts of falling in love as opposed to being in love are soul-drunken wonders. (and don't get me wrong. Being in love is great too. I think the point where a couple crosses over from falling in love to being in love is when they feel comfortable enough that they can pass wind in front of each other. A woman who is falling in love with a man will never unclench those cheeks, and that is why women go the bathroom in groups, they're all passing sneakies and airing out the nylons.)

The love at first sight stuff is probably appreciated more by the younger readers, those who haven't had their hearts broken a few times by their true loves. We older, more experienced souls who've learned to be cautious and lack the golden luster of naivete, are more inclined to enjoy a good struggle with a couple who don't always get along, but have the love there to hold them together.

Relationships are tough. Couples have issues and they're hard work to maintain. In my relationship, there are no more break-ups after a big fight. We have to work through our differences, or simply agree to disagree because I still have to share a bed with this person at he end of the day. It was easy to run away from former partners when the arguments got to heavy, I could hop in the car and drive away with my finger waving out the window. Now, I can still wave my finger but then I have to carry on trying to fix the problems; in which finger waggling doesn't really help even if it does make me feel better for a little bit.

In fiction, true love conquers all, but in reality it's much more layered. Real love is compassion, patience and forgiveness. Modern romances don't show the real challenges to a relationship: boredom, anger and grudging tolerance, because let's be honest that's not the fantasy. It's not the romantic love we daydream about. Too much reality and the fun goes out of it.

Falling in love is easy. Staying in love; that's the hard work but it brings the biggest rewards.

Smart Bitches Day is hosted by Beth, and anyone who has an opinion on romance, and romance novels of any sort are welcome to join in. Just go to Beth's site, and leave a comment on the SBD post letting everyone know you've got something to say. You can even be a smart Bastard if you wish. We do this in celebration of Smart Bitches Who Love Trashy Novels.

9 comments:

Nancy J. Bond said...

Great post, Lyvvie!

Neil said...

Really nice post. Now I don't have to get depressed when I watch the end of a romantic movie and the couple walks away -- hand in hand -- to a perfect life. together They just never show you the the argument they have the next day.

Kate R said...

nice one.

My father fell in love with my mother at first sight. They were walking toward each other and she sneezed. He told the guy he was with that he was going to marry that woman, whoever she was, and he did. They were married for 55 years.

NWJR said...

How many true loves have broken your heart?

All of them.

mplseagan said...

how many true loves have broke my heart?
two - i'm still recoverring from the 2nd heart break. will probably take me years to get over this one.

Maja said...

Ja ja.. staying in love is the hardest but also the best part.

I'm lucky, I get to fall in love all over again every time I come home to Geezer.. but then again, I kinda have to fall out of love every time we part ways to go to work for two weeks. It's a rollercoaster!

Lyvvie said...

I love the movie Parenthood Where the grandmother says:

[Gil has been complaining about his complicated life; Grandma wanders into the room]
Grandma: You know, when I was nineteen, Grandpa took me on a roller coaster.
Gil: Oh?
Grandma: Up, down, up, down. Oh, what a ride!
Gil: What a great story.
Grandma: I always wanted to go again. You know, it was just so interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited, and so thrilled all together! Some didn't like it. They went on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing. I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it.

Maja said...

Haha, thanks Lyvvie :) That is a great insight!

dianne_lone said...
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