Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Nail biting is dirty, but calorie free.

I'm anxious about this coming weekend. We're going to a friend's wedding, and I'm nervous about being seen. I'm still feeling fat. I know it's not supposed to be important, but I worry that people will think things, or say things about how I've "let myself go" or something awful and cutting. Pity, I don't want to see pity on anyone's face.

I know I'm being histrionic and girlie too. I know, on some level, that no one really gives a shit except me. Sassy even told me she didn't want me to be skinny, because she likes to cuddle a squishy Mummy; she's a bit boobie obsessed, it gives me concern. I think it's quite impossible for me to be skinny anyways. I was looking through old photos yesterday (for a school project for Sassy - they're doing a timeline of their lives; all 6-7 years of it. Needless to say, Mommy did the homework.) and saw pics of me at my bridal shower, where I weighed about 135-140 and I still looked chubby. I have chubby genes. I'm cursed with pudgy cheeks and assorted roundness. The exercise is doing amazing things, don't get me wrong, but what's changing isn't too apparent. Yet.

Husband bought me a whole new outfit, haircut and colour as a treat for all my hard work. He wants me to feel beautiful, and I worry I may let him down. For me, worry and anxiety equals a cake flavored band-aid. I was blog hopping yesterday and saw a tribute to the HoHo, and I yearned for hostess cakes. Twinkies, chocodiles, Suzy-Qs and devil's food cake; all those wonderful, artificially enhanced goodies. I've thought about nothing since. Lucky for me they don't have Hostess cakes in the UK, or I would be in trouble. I haven't had any in six years. Heavy sigh.

Anyways, I keep worrying that money was spent foolishly. If I keep on losing weight, the outfit I just bought won't fit in another few months. Sure, I could sell it on eBay or I could be really naughty and keep all the tags and return the whole outfit, but what's the point eh?

I want cake.

10 comments:

Nancy J. Bond said...

I've been struggling to shed my extra poundage since Christmas, Lyvvie, and I empathize with the yearning for some sugar-laden treat. I honestly think it's a bit like smoking in that the urge never really goes away. You're doing well though--keep it up. :)

Lyvvie said...

Ah no! Now I want a cigarette too! The vices...cry for the vices!!

"AG" said...

My problem is that I'm tall, so if I put on weight, I look big and dorky!

NWJR said...

Some of us like "assorted roundness"...

:-)

Fuff said...

I've read a few of your posts and remember seeing one about your weight loss since Christmas. Surely you deserve cake for once for doing so well?

chryscat said...

Ah. I see. I began to worry about you when you advocated Twinkies as a way to cope with not writing. *grins* I see where this stems from.
I realize that it's sometimes very hard to feel like you've actually LOST the weight. But I've seen pics! You look great!
And always better to buy those smaller sizes than the larger.
You go woman! Love that body. 'Cause apparently the Hubs does. hehehe
Grins*

Sylvana said...

Don't worry about the clothes not fitting soon. You should enjoy them now and look forward to the clothes not fitting soon. ;)

Maja said...

Yeah, what sylvana said!

Sometimes I think that the more weight I lose, the fatter I feel. It's weird, isn't it!

Manblogger641 said...

Your hubby loves you no matter what. Don't worry about letting him down. You haven't and won't. Give yourself credit for all the GREAT things you have accomplished thus far. My hat is off to you Lyvvie. Be proud of your weight loss to date. Your a work in progress like all of us are!

cmhl said...

you look great!! or at least from what I can see from your picture!!

and that was sweet of your dh to spring for the girlie fun... he is trying, yes?