Monday, May 01, 2006

I'm not Ageist, I'm just fed up with old people.

We drive around a lot. Doing errands, shopping, visiting; it's just how we have to get about as a family unit; in the Saab. We have a ten year old Saab 9000, it's a big car by UK standards, and a bigish medium sized car by USA standards. It's also red. You would think that, having a big, red car would make people take notice of you, they would say things like, "Oh look a big red car is coming, I should wait to cross the street." or "Hey, a big red car driving faster than me, I'll wait until they pass before I pull in and drive in the three mile wake behind them." But no. They cross, or they cut us off.

This weekend in particular, I'm concerned that on some website, some dusty abandoned building, a cult of geriatrics, gaining in numbers only due to baby-boomer statistics, have decided to commit suicide by walking in front of our car. The Hubs was pounding on the brakes and horn all weekend. Old people wandering into busy streets, when there was a pedestrian crossing not ten feet away, walking behind the car as we are exiting a parking space. They were like squirrels, walking halfway across the road, they see our car and scurry back to the same sidewalk, rather than continue on - ambling about with canes and walkers grumbling underbreath; "Damn, missed a bonnet bounce there; next time. Aye, next time for sure."

Little kids, when they try and cross the street will be over-cautious. They look both ways about a dozen times, they run at high speed and then thank their lucky stars they made it to the other side alive. We as parents have beaten the fear of traffic into them, for their own good. Old people dawdle about and suddenly find themselves in the middle of traffic. "Oh my, how'd that happen. Damned cars in the middle of the of the sidewalk again." and they always look at us as if it's our fault! They must know better - I mean they were around when the crosswalk was invented. Didn't their parents teach them better?

If you ask them, they wist about how busy we young folks are, how we don't take the time to enjoy life and the beauty around us. Well that's because we work, raise kids and have non-stop general mayhem - don't you remember? And, we do take the time to enjoy the beautiful and good, just not in the middle of a five lane intersection.

I can't imagine I'll be like that, I won't be so ignorant as to think my age and experince supersedes my (vulner)ability to be killed by a big car. That my overflowing appreciation for the beauty of the world would cause another person to get a big hike in car insurance after they trounced my ass.

And should we comment on the old people who drive, shall we - oh yes. Why do you drive at 35mph on a 70mph highway? Why? You are a hazard, an obstacle, a bloodclot in the main artery of modern progression. Get the hell off the roads if you can't follow the rules. Stay home and watch game shows, wait for the old-folks free bus and sell the car. Just stop trying. 25mph in a 50 zone of excellent twisty roads simply denies us the joy of driving. Why do you old folks become so self-aware when you have a big metal box around you, but will run into traffic with naught but a cane to protect you? It's insane.

The world will not slow down for you, speed up or get off the ride.


NWJR said...

"Why do you old folks become so self-aware when you have a big metal box around you, but will run into traffic with naught but a cane to protect you? It's insane."

THAT, my fine blogging buddy, is the kind of wit and wisdom that keeps me coming back. BRILLIANT!

Manblogger641 said...

Are you trying to tell us something here Lyvvie? LOL

Gerbera Daisy said...

Bravo, Lyvvie!!! I totally agree. I don't think old people should be allowed on the interstate highways. They should only drive the back roads where if they are lucky they might keep up with the speed limit. On another note, however, at the grocery store, those seniors would just as soon run over you with their carts than to go around. I hope I never become like that.

MoMMY said...

Brillant post! Witty and true. Thanks for making me smile this a.m.

Nancy J. Bond said...

Agreed! Having travelled around a bit this weekend, I concur with your (astute, as always) observations. :)

Professor Snape said...

I understand you've been thinking about me. I assure you, I am most proficient in the Dark Arts.

Lyvvie said...


Wow, I've had to go and make a cup of tea before commenting.

All I can say Professor is this: Teach me.

*wink* *rar*

shoopska said...

i once saw a hilarious skit about an "elderly control centre" where all the old folk team up to coordinate irritating old people moments, like:

"10-4... young couple on high st, running late for the airport... marge, get yourself out there crossing the road... that's it... now slow down... slower... slower... now stop in the middle and have a think...".

i'm sure it doesn't translate half as well in a comment as it did on the telly - but i did larf!

Lyvvie said...

Shoop - of this I have no doubt. For them to be so organised and everywhere it was awful. I bet they have walkie-talkie hearing aids, and the cane has a sensor to let them know just how close your car is to them.

It's the pairs of old ladies, with bown trench coats, flat shoes and tartan wheelie shopping bags that meander about at 1MPH while a crowd of other shoppers keep you trapped in behind them. If you say "Excuse me" they can't hear you. No, because they're old and deaf.'s all a conspiracy.

Maja said...

Don't worry Lyvvie, they'll die eventually!