Sunday, January 01, 2006

Happy New Year

And raise your glass, all is renewed! We get a clean slate, who needs confession when there's a new year! We get to begin again with our new hopes, new aspirations and new, correction; health choices.

Yes, I've got resolutions, but I'm not going to bore you folks with them. I got a journal and pen for Christmas, I'll bore myself with the snore worthy babble. This is however, a large turning point for me. This is a very special and particularly important New Year's Day. Today is my birthday; of course it's been my birthday for many years, but this is a different one: I'm 34 years old today.

That may not seem special to you folks, not a particular year of note and really it should just be another birthday. But this one marks my progression into Adulthood. It kind of sucks really, and it's possible it's just a year I made important as a kid because my Mom was 34 years old when she gave birth to me. That's life coming full circle isn't it? I mean, I'm lucky I got to be a brat for as long as I have. Imagine the disappointment of those kids who born to teenagers! They had to grow up so much sooner than I've had to, I've had the luxury of extended youth...that's my take on it anyways.

The scary bit is, my Dad was diagnosed with diabetes at 34. I really don't want diabetes, but now it's all I worry about. Such a pain. It's a twisted inheritance, not the diabetes, but the superstition. My Dad was awful for noting coincidences and following superstitions, even if he wouldn't talk about it with us kids, he did talk to it with my Mom; who during my teens was a well of information due to borderline alcoholism. She told me lots of things about my Dad, a lot of it as venting frustration about their relationship that she now doesn't even remember telling me about. It wasn't my place to know that stuff, and she couldn't figure out why I hated my Dad so much when I was teenager. I don't now of course, hate him that is, we made amends before he died. But here I am being superstitious in the same way he was. Let me explain...

I was born on my paternal Grandfather's birthday. My Dad got to phone him and tell him, I was his special birthday gift, and he was really excited about it. He had a heart attack and died later that day, it was his 56th birthday. This kind of haunted my Dad all his days, and we never had the closest relationship when I was a kid; I think he always looked at me with happiness and sadness and he couldn't separate the two emotions. I always thought it was unfair; not like I killed the man or anything, and he denied he felt that way...until New Year's Eve of his 56th birthday...when he had his first heart attack.

I woke up that morning expecting to be taken out to breakfast and later the mall for presents. I'd slept in a bit, and at 9:30 and went downstairs to find the house was empty. I was bullshit! They'd left for breakfast without me! I'd fumed for a few minutes before noticing the answering machine was blinking and it had three messages telling me about Dad's heart attack, what hospital they were at and directions how to get there.

When I got there he didn't want to see me, he'd demanded the calendar be removed from the wall so he wouldn't see the date. He'd panicked himself into a heart attack. He was being depressed and slightly hysterical, and my sister, my mother, and myself were in the lobby; laughing at him. What a nerd. It's how we dealt with out fear at the time, but it was a mild heart attack and the doctors had said he'd be fine with treatment. What a horrible way to find out your own father was frightened of you.

It was the beginning of the change in our relationship; I think he felt so guilty about that, that he made an effort to be in my life more, even though I was 18 and becoming very independent. Little by little his temper softened, he laughed a bit more and became something of a thinker - he had deep thoughts. I even saw him read a book once! That may not seem like much, but when you've never seen your Dad do much other than lay on the sofa watching the news, seeing him read a book was a big deal! Especially since my Mom was such a fanatic reader that she used her books as a shield to keep him away from her.

And here I am, being superstitious. Thinking I've reached middle age this morning. It's ridiculous of course, I know this and yet I've been thinking of it, to only myself - not exactly information you share with others; even your partner in life. But I'm sure it'll blow over in a few days, I'm sure like all other normal people I'll forget my resolutions when the decorations come down we settle back into our routines and our hand gets used to writing 2006.

I'm still going to give up sugar. I think, all things considered, it's a smart move. OH, the hubs bought me a Gameboy Advance and Legend of Zelda; a Link to the Past to play! how cool is that?! Middle aged, Pah! I also got the Keane CD, which is awesome - go buy it!! I may sweet talk the hubs into buying chinese food for dinner so I don't have to do dishes...

Happy New Year My Friends!!



Innocent Bystander said...

I am already borderline diabetes and all the males on my Mum's side are insulin junkies... the side of the family I follow most in terms of genetics... bite the bullet sweetie, it's gonna happen... but don't let it beat you. Maybe in a couple of years we can discuss bllod sugar levels together? he he

Sylvana said...

Sorry to hear about your grandfather. I think that humor is the best way to deal with most situations. I'm glad that your dad realized how silly he was being.

Gameboy?! Zelda?! AWESOME!! I have a Gameboy Advance and several Zelda games. They are all addicting. My favorite was one they made for the N64 - Majora's Mask.

Happy 34th!! Mine comes in a couple of months.

Maja said...

A half hour walk every day is good for your heart (on top of all the running around the house).

It's easy to get superstitious, but I think that we make things happen by thinking about them too much sometimes, so it's best to stay positive. Our lives aren't predestined, I'm certain of that.

Happy New Year!!!

Gerbera Daisy said...


Amber said...

Happy Birthday from anothe January kid! I have my own superstitions about this year so I know what you mean and all. Have a great one.

rob said...

Great post! I know where you are coming from! as a late arriving child myself, who lost his mum at age 7, I have a good Idea anyway. May you and your family Have a very happy new year!

gusgreeper said...

Happy New Lyvvie!

Romana is up on the greeper with the rest of the monkeys from 2005 if you wanna see them! :)

Badger said...

Well I say Happy Birthday, and superstitions be buggered!

Red Hot Sexy Papa said...

Talking about superstition, I was told that it is an english thing to leave your money outside the house before the clock strikes 12 on New Year. Supposedly for wealth purpose.

Any truth to that???? Anyway, I'm a suckers for that. I admit I did that LOL.

shoopska said...

wow. what a hell of a lot to ponder on your birthday... hope it was a good one all the same!
happy 2006 :)

NWJR said...

Well hot damn! Happy birthday, Lyvvie. Here's hoping for a wonderful year.

Next year, I'll be the age my Mom was when she died. I remember everyone saying how young she I know exactly what they mean.

Live your life, and live it well, my friend.

Lyvvie said...

You know Rich, that comment has completely made me reassess what an ass I've been!

I hate being caught out with foolish self-indulgence, but always appreciate the new light it brings.

You are SO right!!

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

You gotta freggin' Gameboy? Sweet!

Please believe superstitions are false.

Kim said...

Happy Birthday Hon!
34 doesn't mean you are all grown up! I'm 37 and still working on it...

Anti-Blogger said...

Happy NEW Year!

Blazngfyre said...

I know how you feel about a particular birthday being special.

For many years, I was convinced that I would never make it to my 36th b-day.
My Mom was 36 when she died.
When I DID turn 36, I had a massive panic attack, because I also found out I was pregnant with Poot ... the VERY SAME DAY!
It freaked me out!
Hell, it STILL freaks me out that i'm now older than my Mother was.

Anywho, I know that's kind of creepy, and really, I didn't mean it that way.

I'll just wish you a VERY HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY and shut up.


SafeTinspector said...

Don't thnk about diabetes. Start obsessing about breast cancer, and you'll be off the diabetes thing for awhile at least.
I'll supportively go halfway and think about breasts.

Really, age is what it is.

I loved that game! Link to The Past is fun. When you are done wiht that, immediately go get Minish Cap!

Paul said...

The date I think should be commemorated in some way is the exact day we are half our same-sex parent's age - the day we are the age they were when we were born, when we look to see where this generation is versus the last. I suppose all it would take to make this a mass movement is to whisper in Hallmark's ear that they were missing out on a marketing opportunity.

Happy belated birthday

Nancy J. Bond said...

Happy Belated Birthday, Lyvvie! I could relate to your "fear" of turning 34. I [foolishly] had my fortune told at a fair when I was in my late 20's and I was told that I would die when I was 47 years old. That niggled at me for many years. I'm three years past that now, so I think [hope] I'm safe. Don't worry. ;) All the best for 2006.