Wednesday, August 31, 2005

We Three Girls...

Lyvvie

Three things I need to do today...
1. Write.
2. Tidy up scary mess in kitchen before it becomes sentient.
3. Buy a good sport bra so no longer have to jog with one arm wrapped around torso.
Three things I want to do today ...
1. Sleep
2. Fly home for a chowder-lobster plate with sweetcorn and cornbread.
3. Have sex. A lot. With no kids within a 2 miles radius so I can make a noise once in a while.
Three things I have to do today ...
1. Phone the council for uplift of large items
2. Pay my Next bill
3. Spend some serious play time with the kids on their level...grass stains a must.
Three things I love to hear...
1. C'mere Woman and drive me crazy.
2. I love you Mummy / MMMmmmmmm (Followed by puckered up lips of The Baby coming right at me)
3. You're 33? I thought you were much younger!
Three Things I hate to hear ...
1. That was the quote before VAT is added
2. I'm sorry we don't make that style in your size
3. WAAAAaahhhhhhhh!!!! *I MAY have hurt myself so must scream just in case*
Three things I always hear ...
1. *clunk* Clink* *thunk* The Baby is clearing all the tin cans out of the cupboards again.
2. "Na NA!!" The baby wants a Banana....again.
3. "Mum-eeee!! I'm not wanting to do that right now!" Followed swiftly by my foot up her butt.
Three things I wish were true ...
1. The better I behave, the better the kids will behave. I have yet to see proof.
2. If I pray hard enough, my prayers will be answered. Still have not won the lottery.
3. Older = wiser. There are too many grey haired maniacs on the roads who should know better.
Three things I wish were not true ...
1. My Thirties are all about money going out.
2. I never get jokes. I always need time to think, or someone to explain.
3. No matter how hard I try, I'll never get that stain out.
Three things that are true ...
1. All laughter is music.
2. When I'm blue, I dance. I'm such a bad dancer I'm laughing in no time.
3. I'm immune to novacaine. My Dentist is shocked I can have procedures with no pain relief at all.


Sassy
Three things I need to do today ...
1. Go to School
2. Play with my big nose doggie toys
3. Try and make Christmas come faster.
Three things I want to do today ...
1. Eat candy.
2. Fly to China and visit my Sea Dragon Family; My REAL Family.
3. Play Sonic the Hedgehog All day.
Three things I have to do today ...
1. Eat boring homemade lunch. Mummy is so mean.
2. Do boring writing and reading.
3. Clean boring mess in my room. Mummy is so mean.
Three things I love to hear...
1. "I got a present for you!"
2. "How about pizza for dinner tonight?"
3. "I love you, You're the BEST!"
Three Things I hate to hear ...
1. "You're Grounded!"
2. "We're having chili for dinner tonight and it's not open for discussion!"
3. "Are you not dressed YET??"
Three things I always hear ...
1. "But I want to know WHAT you were doing when you fell."
2. "We can't have pizza for dinner every night."
3. "Aren't you dressed YET??"
Three things I wish were true ...
1. That I can eat candy for breakfast.
2. That I can sleep in the big bed with Mum and Dad.
3. That my wee sister liked being spun around and around and around on her fat nappy.
Three things I wish were not true ...
1. That bad things happen; even to little kids.
2. That my other Grandma wasn't so far away.
3. That big messes take so long to clean up. Mummy won't help. And it makes me mad.
Three things which are true ...
1. I won the "Special Person" award at school!
2. Daddy's the best bicycle helper ever. I'll be riding on my own in not time!
3. That Mummy reads bedtime stories best.

Baby

Three things I need to do today ...
1. Remove all the tin cans from the cupboard.
2. Stick my fingers through the bread so there's a hole in everyone's sandwiches.
3. Pull all the socks out of the odd sock bag and suck them til soggy.
Three things I want to do today ...
1. I want to go into the forbidden cupboard!
2. I want to play boats in the pretty blue water in that big seat near the bathtub.
3. I want to taste the sand in the sandbox again...I'm sure I'll like it better today.
Three things I have to do today ...
1. Pull all the cans out of the cupboard...again.
2. Smear my lunch into my hair and face for super facial. Some in the upholstery always a plus.
3. Take stock of all my toys, must spread over as large an area as possible to get correct tally.
Three things I love to hear...
1. "Here's your buh NaNa."
2. "I'm gonna GetchaGetchaGetchaaaaa."
3. "MMMMmmmmmmmmm Kisseskisses gimmie more kisses!"
Three Things I hate to hear ...
1. "NO!"
2. "Do not touch!"
3. "Spit that out!"
Three things I always hear ...
1. "No!"
2. "I'm gonna GetchaGetchaGetchaaaaa."
3. "You are a smelly baby!! Wooooo....stinky pants!"
Three things I wish were true ...
1. All things would fit in my mouth.
2. I could climb the stairs ONCE without interruption!
3. That Mum would realise: Mud Is Fun!!
Three things I wish were not true ...
1. Smelly pants brings the cold wet rag across my bum.
2. That eating shoes is dirty.
3. That touching the CD's and DVD's was naughty.
Three things that are true ...
1. Mummy sings Baa Baa Black sheep the Best!
2. Shoes really taste great, and Mummy should try it or shut up.
3. Sleepy cuddles with Daddy while watching TV are my favourite.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Bad News Tagged.

I've been tagged by Aughra The Bad News Blonde (A woman well worth giving up men for, for her shoe collection alone) and I get to share with you all, my beloved internet friends the 7's in my life...

Seven:

things that are in my frig right now...

Well, It would be easier to take a pic as I don't have much in there right now. I tend to buy supplies from day to day. I despise rotten food in my frig, am terrified of mold and have often just thrown away suspicious things, tupperware and all, because I dare not open it. I am a menace to the landfills.

the Frig


As you can see there's the assortment of vegetables, condiments and Huge-Costo tin of coffee. there's a half bottle of champange for that "Fuck-me Stupor" and some beer that's been hanging around for a couple weeks....should drink that really. Loaf of bread (in frig so won't go moldy in drawer) and a bowl of beans and sausages for the wee-one's lunch today.

television programs that are on my 'Now Playing List' on my TiVo...

We don't have TiVo here yet: BOO! But I'm on a TV break at the moment after wasting so much time on Big Brother (well it was a dare....) So I'll list those shows I never miss:

  1. CSI - original and best, but will watch the NY one. Miami (Horatio) is dire wet pants.
  2. various Teen Titans episodes - Aughra said it but I agree. I have the first 6 episodes committed to memory due to having them on DVD and it being Sassy's current favourite.
  3. General Hospital - The only American soap opera we get and it's been a favourite for 17 years. Judge me at will (but I'll flip you the bird if you trash me for it)
  4. How clean is your house? - I need this to prove to myself I am not a filthy slut and kids will not become street urchins.
  5. Little Angels - I need this to remind myself that my kids are awesome compared to the demons other parents have to suffer. Plus I really fancy Dr. Tanya Baron -She's hot
  6. Bad Lads Army - Reminds me that....screw it, it's just too funny. Bring back the National Service!
  7. Scrubs - I could watch hours and hours of this show it's so damned funny.

things I have never done, and may never do...

  1. parachuting - I just don't fancy jumping out of an airplane and plummeting to my death.
  2. spent the night in jail - Ditto. I got bailed out in a couple hours, and have been saintly ever since.
  3. be a kelp farmer - smelly job I would imagine...
  4. Driven a Big Rig - they scare me. Which is a shame because I'm an engine nut and love automotive technology. Maybe something to overcome, but not today.
  5. Deep sea diving - My ears pop just diving down in the deep end of the pool; excruciating! I'd not manage it. Snorkel for me please.
  6. Own a Horse - I'm terrified of horses, always have been. As a kid I went to horse camp to overcome this fear, learned all the stuff re: bits, saddles and how to take proper care, learned how to ride and everything and at the end of it: I still didn't like horses; they are too big and too smart.
  7. I'm struggling on this...perhaps leave it blank as I'm never committed to not trying new things

of the items in my big lingerie trunk...

I'm kind of embarrassed to admit this area of my life is lacking somewhat compared to Aughra's! But then I don't work where she does and have as easy access. Things to change??

  1. One black sheer negligee thingie...
  2. One white negligee thingie...
  3. a pair of hot pink sheer pants (lost the matching bra, may have put in charity bag by accident or stolen by pervvy moving man)
  4. three sets of satin pajamas in black, light blue and pink.
  5. A sheet of rose scented lining paper.
  6. A huge dust bunny!!
  7. A box containing a collection of perfume oils for dabbing on lightbulbs.

things I should be doing right now, instead of wasting time on the computer...

  1. vacuuming - ditto
  2. laundry - ditto
  3. writing
  4. doing the Billy Blank's Tae-Bo workout DVD
  5. baking malt loaf for chill-blains (the kids)
  6. phoning the council for uplift of large items (should've done it a month ago but keep forgetting)
  7. showering - ditto, will do after Billy...

Folk whom I hope will answer their very own Sevens of their choosing...

  1. Susie Sunshine
  2. Mistress Blaze
  3. Inspired Crone
  4. Gerbera Daisy Duke
  5. Karlababble
  6. Kimdergarten
  7. Innocent Bystander


Although Innocent being a bloke, I'm not too sure he'll have a lingere drawer...but you can just share your favourite Dior Homme items instead or something, eh Innocent?

'K off to kick butt and do some ironing *groan*

Friday, August 26, 2005

The Lil Peeps

Pictures of the Peeps, but mostly the Lil one...

Baby in the basket, the new favorite toy...

Laundry helper


Baby in a basket trying to open the fridge and steal grapes...

Chcken in a basket!


All I said was "Smile for Mummy, stay there..." Geesh!

WAH!


And the two of them. A Sassy-Face who looks like me, and a towhead who's Daddy's Girl.

The girls

Please be kind enough to ignore the messy house. I don't think the last one shows Sassy at her best, but that was Tantrum Sunday. We'll see if we can some better ones soon.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Conversations with my six year old...

I'm on the computer. I sent Sassy-Face outside to play in the garden about a half an hour ago because it was beautiful outside and although she is grounded, I feel it's too cruel to keep kids indoors on sunny days when the rainy days are far too prevalent. Besides, I couldn't stand to hear her mope and sigh anymore; little daggers of guilt.

I hear the back door close...


Me: Hey Sassy, I thought you were playing outside.

Sassy: Yeah, I was. It's really windy outside you know.

Me: I know, been really windy all day.

Sassy: So, uhm, ya know what Mummy?

Me: No darling, what?

Sassy: The wind was so strong, it's blown down the laundry line.

Me: What? That can't be right, it's set in concrete.

Sassy: Well, a really strong wind blew it over.

I'm now quite annoyed because the whirly-jig was full of clothes and I suddenly had image of my knickers flying off into the neighbors yard or stuck up in the trees (windy, sunny days; perfect for drying outside) I rush outside and see this (caution, may cause dizziness):

Hmmmm....

And this...

The wind my eye!

And I'm thinking...wait a second, the wind didn't do this: I'm being lied to! (ok like it's really obvious the second I saw this. My head was quickly trying to think of how to deal with Sassy that didn't involve the social services) I just go quiet. I'm thinking. I look at Sassy who is about 6 feet away from me (clever girl, well out of reach). I just look at her, no angry face, in fact I'm sure I was completely expressionless.

Sassy: (looking at her shoes)What Mummy?

Me: The wind didn't do this.

Sassy: (still looking at her shoes) Yes it did.

Me: (Real quiet calm voice, I'm dead impressed with myself) Sassy, tell me truth; did you go for a swing?

Sassy: (silence..those shoes must be really interesting!)

Me: Look at me and tell me the truth. Did the wind really do this?

Sassy: (Mumbles softly) No Mummy. I did it. (Awwww....she told the truth, isn't she good? Then the head snaps up, hands are on her hips and she rolls her eyes) I suppose I'm going to be grounded for another day?

Me: (very calmly, desperate not to laugh at cheekiness!) Go upstairs to your room and put you pajamas on.

I went up about a half hour later and told her I wasn't as mad about the whirly-jig being broken (£30 to get a new one though, pissed off about that!) but that she lied to me about it. The fact that she didn't trust me enough to tell me the truth hurt my feelings, and blah blah blah and in no time she was crying and feeling suitably guilty; as well she should! I never once raised my voice. I was extremely well behaved and handled this like Super-Mom. I was of course laughing my ass off trying to imagine her playing Tarzan on the whirly-jig though, I mean what kid wouldn't do that...I'm completely amazed she didn't do it ages ago.

Kids.

I have a secret...

pict0752

Monday, August 22, 2005

Weekends.

We had a great weekend yet again! Saturday was quiet (Except for Sassy-Face having a super tantrum that lasted for nearly 2 hours! I sent her upstairs to get dressed, and then I walked up to the grocery store for a few things. I got back about an hour later and she was no where to be found. I asked Husband where she was, and he said he'd sent her upstairs about 45 minutes ago to get dressed. I called her downstairs and she started stomping her feet, screaming and slamming her bedroom door {She knew she going to be in the shit...so yeah, lets be outright awful and make Mum and Dad absolutely livid} then when she came downstairs {"Right this minute...right now!!" I shouted} she was wearing her underpants and one sock. And they were the same underpants as yesterday. We both hit the roof. How can she waste so much time?? And doing what, exactly?? I just don't get it. As a kid I would at least get dressed before I spaced out the day in my little dreamworld. I would do what Mom and Dad told me to do for fear of a belt across the ass, but no; not our Sassy-Face (We don't do that sort of thing, a spank if she's really, really bad and only one and then we feel awful and guilty afterwards for days). The following Sassy-Face sassy remarks and naughtiness earned her a grounding for a week, and even after that she kept being arsie with us! She began throwing her toys out into the hallway and at her walls. I got a black trash bag and told her she had to put each and every toy she owns into the bin bag, she doesn't deserve toys if she's going to treat them like that. That took her another two hours of sniffling and pouting. It was actually great when she came down and practically whispered that she needed another bag as the first one was now full. I'm a mean, mean Mommy!! Serves her right. Sassy-Faces wee brat) Did I say quiet??? What am I on...oh yes, another bottle of wine later *La-da-ti-da-da*

Sunday we had our great friends Gary, Leslie and their daughter Eleanor who's only a few weeks older than our toddler over for BBQ. It was a nice sunny hot morning, got up to almost 70 degrees (That is hot for Scotland!) we filled up the paddling pool and watched the kids go bonkers in the water - they we're elated! There was steak, hamburgers, cream cakes, beer, wine, potato salad, green salad and a whole lot of sand in everything (for added fiber??) the kids gorged themselves on fresh fruit and berries, it was red stained faces all around.

The clouds came around a wee while after Noon, so we showered off the kids and got them dressed a bit warmer (blue shivering lips once the sun disappeared) and then the wind picked up. I suggested to Husband we go fetch our kites and we all go out to the green and have a fly. Wouldn't ya know it, Gary&Les brought their kites with them. We have a wee stunt kite, they have a Parachute!! But what a kick-ass kite! It was awesome!! We'd never tried anything like that, always thought it would be too difficult (what a couple of pussies we are eh? I'm ashamed) The thing would catch a strong wind and practically lift you off the ground (And I did do a few hops along the grass before I was told to squat a bit) The kids were just running around daft as Larry, (who is Larry anyway and why is he daft??) and we all took turns on the big kite and chasing after the wee ones. We soon had a small crowd of wee people watching (in all we had four kites up, two wee ones from the kids, our small stunt kite and the flexifoil) it was just an amazing way to spend the afternoon.

We'd worked up another appetite, and I whipped up some pasta with garlic sausages and onion/tomato sauce before the kids were obviously running on inertia and were lacking any more actual energy.

Every Weekend should be that fun!! (minus the 2-4 hour tantrum)

How was yours?

Thursday, August 18, 2005

I am Not!

Okay, today was rough, man. I mean oh my Lord. It was pissing with rain, and I had the two rugrats driving me freakie-go-bananas today! I've now done a rare and mysterious thing; by 6pm I had opened the dust covered wine bottle that someone probably gave us about 3 years ago and glug, glug, glug...I got myself a buzz.

I tell you, it was for my children I have done this. I mean they are really quite cute and sweet but DEMONS I tell you pure blood lustie DEMONS! We are all still in our pajamas...there's a serious coping issue right now. The kids are winning the war. I'm...you know *drinking*

I haven't had a drink in a very long time, so let's just assume that one glass has gone *whizz!* right to my head. Husband is home..he's giving me the pity look. If it wasn't for his sutures, I might have been able to get some sweet loving tonight.

So I apologize if I make out of sorts kind of remarks, because, despite the kids flaying the skin from my bones today, I'm feeling kind of loose and sweet.


Wow...what a pretty colour! Later, I'm going to dance around the living room saying the word "fuck" over and over again...I've been repressed for toooo long!!!

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Wee wee wee...

Upon reading the blogs in my blog roll I've noticed a theme of pee. The act of urinating, the smell of stale urine and, well having a perpetual pee machine around all the time; I've got pee on the mind.

I'm thinking about how when you eat asparagus, it makes your pee smell funny almost immediately. So does Sugar Puffs cereal and Cheerios. Mmmmm...malty. One of may favorite practical jokes is when I'm going to the doctors or hospital and I'll have to give a urine sample (When you're pregnant you give a lot of samples *) I'll eat a huge serving of beetroot, I love beetroot! I love the expression on the lab asst.'s face when I hand over a cup filled with bright reddish-pink pee. Ahh...the joys. If you've ever gorged yourself on beetroot, you've had that telltale bright pink/red pee too I'm sure!

I also like it when we use one of those toilet blocks that turns the water blue, so when I pee, the water then turns bright green, especially if I've remembered to take my vitamins that morning...it's like art, but not really, only the mixing up paint to get different colors part. Of course pink beetroot pee will turn blue toilet water a pretty lavender shade.

Anyways, I was thinking about how pee really smells bad, and if we can change the smell of our pee with asparagus, and it's colour with beetroot; why not invent something so we can all have pleasant smelling designer pee? I mean a pill that make our pee smell nice for a change, or rainbow assortment of colors to choose from. Think about the men lined up at the urinals all peeing in different fashion colors. It would make toilet training the kids so much easier, and that iffy job of smelling the pants for freshness a thing of the past!

It would take me many years to earn a chemistry degree and doctorate not to mention those years of test studies and such. So if someone out there want to pick up this ball and run with it, that would be fine with me! I will insist on a 30% cut of all profits and full credit for the original idea.

I'm even thinking of a pet care line for our furry friends who like marking their territory in our territory. The options are endless.

*I am not currently pregnant, nor shall I ever be again, God willing.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

A Scandal in the Brew?

I have a dangerous attraction for charming men. I've learned the hard way that charming men are usually scoundrels that are crippled by insecurity and have issues with impulse control. When under their spell you feel like a million bucks (I've worked in a bank, and I have felt a million bucks and it's not that special really but the expression lives) they are shameless and shameful manic depressives. They all seem to have a thing for drink too...I don't know why.

Anyways, I was watching "The Four Musketeers" with Oliver Reed, Damn he was hot in his day, charming and shameless/shameful alcoholic. I was struck by how much he looks like Eddie Izzard. Well, no it would be the other way around, Eddie Izzard looks like Oliver Reed. I have a thing for Eddie too, but often worry my wardrobe be too dull to keep him interested *sigh*, I digress.

Here's pictures of them both...I'm thinking Eddie is Ollie's love child.

Eddie


Eddiescowl

Ollie

or7




Eddie

2003-january-eddie-izzard

Ollie


or6
I think it's uncanny.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

A long weekend...

Husband surprised me on Friday by saying he had taken Monday off to spend time with us, his family. Isn't he sweet. Saturday we were each meeting up with our friends, me with Morna and He was meeting Calum, his pal since university.

I've been holding a secret wish for Calum and Morna to like each other and maybe hook up, but it doesn't seem like it's going to happen. He's just gotten out of his last relationship with a bunny-boiler (She sent me e-mails announcing their engagement and Calum had no clue. He'd never proposed) and Morna has been terminally dateless since her divorce (at her own request I think...). She's spent the last decade or so working hard and raising her two kids, both teenagers now. She's only a year older than me and I'm hoping to see love come back into her life. We had lunch at this awesome Chinese food buffet called Saigon Saigon (There's also China China and I think they're a chain around the UK) where you no sooner put an empty glass away and it's whisked away, clear a plate and poof it's gone. The most attentive staff I've ever seen. The food's pretty good too. After that we went our separate ways; the girls to the Royal Botanical Gardens, the boys to go buy computer things, cables and doo-dads. Boring stuff anyways.

Had a nice time at the botanics, although they now make you pay to go visit the hot houses! Outrage! Scandal! It's always been one of those reliably free things you could take the kids to in the city. I cussed a lot, and loudly. I even made an old lady tsk me...not hard to do in Edinburgh, the city is full of what we call the Blue-Rinse Brigrade; prim ladies who wear heather tweed suits, gloves and fluffy angora beret type hats even in the heat of summer. They have tea and scones and shake their heads at the changes in the world, especially the young girls with their fat bellies hanging over the waistbands of too tight jeans or g-strings showing up the back. In that I must admit, I shake my head too.

The kids got to run free on large grassy bits, hug trees and torment pigeons and squirrels with squeals of joy. At one point the Baby was toddling off along the path in the other direction and I kept calling for her to come to us, but she just wouldn't. I tried the "Bye-Bye, see you later" thing but she'd just laugh and continue to run away. Finally I gave chase, and then tried my trick for stopping her falling down the stairs, I shouted "Baby, SIT!" and she walked to a stop, and promptly sat down on the path and waited for me to collect her. What a good baby huh! Morna was impressed and asked if I've taught her to roll over and play dead too...I'm thinking about it.

The men joined us later on after collecting their odds and sods and exhausting the talk about laptops; which is best. They brought the rain with them and we found shelter under a tree, but the rain wasn't going to let up so we made tracks for the car We took Morna home and laughed at Calum while he walked the short way home, in the rain. Sadly, there's no attraction between Morna and Calum. Sigh.


The next day was rest and pajamas. We did take Sassy up to the schoolgrounds to let her practice riding her bike; almost time to take the training wheels off. Monday, we all got up early and drove into Edinburgh, we went to Dynamic Earth and the Museum of Childhood, well Husband and Sassy-Face went, I don't like the place much it's just a bunch of toys behind glass and you can't play with any of them. I went up the High Street and was very happy to see it was already thronged with people, street performers, and music with folk getting ready for the Edinburgh Fringe Festival which is a chance to see plays, comedy, and other performance arts for cheap...well it used to be cheap, now it's commercial and used to attract tourists. But the streets are alive, active and flowing with free talent. I love this time of year in Edinburgh.

We all then met up again and went down to the Museum of Scotland (thankfully, still free here) and wandered around without worry or care for time; a rare piece of leisure time when both kids were excellent company and behaving themselves. We tried to get out of the city before rush hour and lazed about the house until bedtime. A fantastic day.

Yesterday the girls and I went to my Mother-in-law's house where the kids were spoiled and I'm treated as a guest. A nice spread for breakfast, but the Baby was being grumpy and restless. She suffered a couple of allergic reactions to something, we couldn't figure it out. Her food was definitely dairy free, bless the woman, my MIL made a real effort for Baby. It turned out to be the travel cot, evidently my nephew, who's four months older than my Baby, is given buttered toast, cheese chunks probably suckles from an engorged cow in that cot whenever my fat slag of a sister-in-law comes to visit. I was bad and forgot to bring her allergy medicine so had to take her outside in the cool breeze, with a cold compress and hold her hands down so she couldn't scratch at her hives. These reactions tend to subside completely in a half an hour, and by the end of it she was so exhausted, and pissed off she slept for two hours. We took a bus into Linlithgow and wandered in and out of the various shops, delis and charity shops. I was able to buy the girls some winter pajamas which was needed and they were on sale. MIL bought us lunch, which always makes me feel bad, I like to go halfsies and never want to feel I own anyone anything. It's a guilt thing. I'm awful to buy presents for too.

I miss Sassy when she's away, she sleeps over Grandma's house on a Tuesday night, and my house is too quiet without her. I did, however, get to lie in a bit this morning (an extra half an hour from normal) and had an easy routine. The Baby is feeling better and was good fun this morning before she settled down for her nap; which she asked for "NI NI, MA!" and began climbing the stairs for her room. I'm now going to play the Sims2 and create all of my favorite bloggers into a village of our own and watch how it all unfolds. I may even post some screen shots, who knows. So be careful not to piss me off, I've got a virtual voo doo doll and I can get you abducted by aliens.

Friday, August 05, 2005

Bleh...

I'm having a depressed day today. I'm feeling headachey, run-down, harassed and well, a little pitiful.

I've been having a great time with the kids. Long walks, playing in the sandbox, reading stories and even going to the grocery store offers up plenty of laughs. It's been wonderful, I really don't know why I worked myself up into a wee fizz before school holidays because having the two girls around has been lovely.

Everytime I start to feel really happy, full of love and I see joy and laughter in my children's faces, I think "Why couldn't I have had a childhood like this"? And a part of me dies. I can't seem to enjoy a beautiful, happy moment with my kids without feeling sorry myself. Lame huh?

My childhood can be summed up with one word: Lonely. I was a lonely kid. Attention starved, love deprived and lonely. I had no friends because our neighbors were old people on one side and a nursing home full of old people on the other. The only kids nearby were from the only slum in my hometown; a single cul-de-sac that provided housing for veterans unable to work. On reflection they were all just fine people, but my parents still worried about me mixing with troublemakers. After a while, I became to afraid to make new friends and then became a target for bullies. My overall opinion of kids for many years was: They Suck.

My daughter has a lot of friends, and runs riot around our close-knit neighborhood. She knows several different Moms she can run too who will help with a skinned knee and I envy her. Not in an evil way, or course, I'm proud to give her this wonderful place to live and be happy in, but I still think, I wish it could've been the same for me.

I try and make myself feel better, make excuses andsay those "move on, get over it, can't change the past but only affect the future" type things, and they usually work, but not lately. I just remember everyone dumping on me, and being unable to laugh. I'm still not one of those laugh out loud kind of women, in fact, they usually make me think they're up to something. I'm suspicious.

Anyways. I'm just a bit blue about it. I know it'll pass, and it's probably hormones or something. I can't help but think, if I had a peek into my future, to see what was coming I might not get so depressed about my childhood. Not going to happen, I know. I try and be a super-mom to compensate, so my kids never have the same issues when they grow up. I hugs and kiss them every chance I get, I tell them I love them a dozen times a day and I tell them they're smart, special and how much I love being with them. The Baby doesn't get it yet, but I'm sure Sassy do does. I sure hope she does.

I've turned comments off because I didn't write this to beg folks for compliments and stuff. It's just what I'd write in any diary, about what's in my head/heart today. I need a hug more than an ego stroke today, I'll go get one from the kids. I know I've got to work through this before they become teenagers though...for now, I'll hug my kids.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Trouble in bloggerville?

Maja was nice enough to send an e-mail to say she's not been able to post on my blog, anyone else having trouble? Let me know and send and e-mail to lyvvie@gmail.com and I'll see if I can figure out what's up.

Thanks Maja for letting me know!