Tuesday, December 27, 2005


We all had a lovely day, and I hope you folks did too. Sassy hasn't been feeling well, the poor thing. She woke up at about 6am on X-mas morning and then realized no one else was up and began to cry, meekly, mewling like a kitten in her bed...really, the Academy should be informed. She managed to wake up her sister and they both had some words back and forth;

Short-Stack: Mornieee hiyahiyahiyahiya! Ablabble boo. Five!

Sassy: Quiet Shortie, I'm sleeping.

Shortie: Blababa! ungh ba to DaDEE!

Sassy: Shhhhhh!

And so that went until the phrase "shut up!" was uttered and Shortie began to cry. "Making your sister cry on X-mas morning is naughty!" to which Shortie echoed "Nawtee!" but all forgotten when they went down to open presents. This year we went for quality, not quantity. We got them a few really nice presents and it went over very well. They played for about an hour before Sassy wandered upstairs and didn't come back...she went back to her bed! Poor thing. I made some bacon rolls for breakfast and got going on the turkey while Hubs kept Shortie busy. (so no pictures at this time...but I'll get some soon I promise. Sassy won't perform)

I don't think I'll bother with a turkey meal again. It's such a pain, and I don't even like turkey all that much. I'd ordered groceries delivered on the 22nd to give the bird time to thaw, but they didn't have anymore of the size I'd requested and sent me a bigger one instead...for three people (I'm honest, the girls would eat enough to make up one normal appetite.) so excesses already began. I followed this recipe and it came out really nice, I had rosemary growing like mad in the garden so I had to tiptoe through the frost barefoot; ok I could've put on shoes but thought I'd tough it out...until my wet, cold feet slipped on the kitchen floor and I nearly did the splits. But lunch went very well...even if Sassy was too ill to eat. We've got lots leftover. I'm looking up turkey recipes...Tonight will be a korma.

We went over to the in-laws house around 2pm, Sassy said she wanted to go so we let her. We stayed for a very busy, chattery, noisy two hours that by the end of *I* was exhausted. The only downer was when I went to make coffees for everyone and was set upon by the wicked sisters-in-law (they are both about five feet tall and the same wide, they are obese, grotesque and a caricature of wicked step-sisters) who were already in full combat mode of "Mom loves ME more!" and I managed to click the button on the kettle before they barged about wanting to help and rattled plates, cups and sntaching tins of cookies out of each other's hands, and then I left them to it...I know to keep out of it. A few minutes later they were arguing away when MIL came in asking where the coffees were as I was supposed to be making them...they made a couple snide remarks about me, which I heard as I was standing nearby; I laughed and went and told Hubs what happened.

When my MIL (who has been wonderful to me lately...but as is my flaw, I'm always waiting for the tide to turn) came through with the coffees, I apologized and explained...she understood, rolled her eyes at the bickering still going on in the kitchen and offered me cake.

Sassy didn't last long, so we were home by 5pm, small dinner, bathtimes and got Shortie off to bed. She was exhausted - her first real X-mas and it must have been a whirr of ripping paper, bright lights, presents, toys and food; Shortie tole me she wanted to go to bed "Nini *wave* bye dadee nini..." I stayed up with Sassy and we watched the new episode of Dr. Who with David Tennant, and he did an excellent job, I'm excited to see the rest of this series as the last one with Chris Eccleston was really good too. I had been dubious about Billie Piper, but she's proven herself capable.

Now...the weird thing. The past two nights, I've been having really vivid dreams about an old boyfriend. I don't know why, but this guy comes back in my dreams. He usually represents my anxieties, as in the dreams I'm feeling insecure in some way that forces me to put up bravado or lie. I feel I need to prove my life is fine without him, but in my dreams I betray myself by lying to achieve that. So for 11 years, that's been my occasional nightly torture...seeing him and thinking I've not gotten very far in my life since we split. Why is he a benchmark..well that's just too intimate to share with you folks and a girl has to keep some secrets.

So the other night the dream was me going back home, and the dreams are always a picking-up-where-we-left-off type where I'm in my old house, I'm still 20 years old, or if I am my current self, I'm transported back in time. And we were in Boston, raining awful night and he wants me to stay in with him, and I'm trying desperately to talk him into going out because there's no way I want to be alone with him - I don't trust myself. I had a friend with me (I don't know who, generic dream person of non-importance) but she bowed out and left us alone; the bitch. He talks me into staying, and he shows me this amazing bathroom with huge walk in shower and massaging water jets, and a bench; it was my dream bathroom (a lot of my dreams take place around the bathroom...wonder what that means?) things happen and I'm consumed with guilt. (He could always talk me into things I didn't want to do, nothing "dirty", but I had no will of my own with this man, and I found that quite exciting - which makes me feel guilt. Double edged sword?). Felt awful all day yesterday. In reality, I can say no to anyone, I have no fear of another's disappointment and it's quite difficult to manipulate me, but those were hard lessons learned.

Last night, he came back into my dreams. I was at my house, it had to be as it was in the early 80's as the bathroom was avacado green, (see, bathrooms again!) He was with me and the generic, faceless friend, trying to get us to hurry up so we could drive into the city. I was wanting to go, and just nervous that I was pretty enough, dressed alright ect, girl stuff, when I heard him loading up the car. He came in and used the toilet, and I really needed to go, but he got there first so I had to wait. My friend was flitting about and I was making sure I had everything I needed before we left. He came out of the bathroom smiling and I hurried in after him and shut the door.

When I turned to sit on the toilet, I gasped! He hadn't flushed the toilet and in there was the largest poop I'd ever seen, it was enormous. It peaked out over the top of the water and was almost level with the rim of the seat - I couldn't have sat without it touching me, which means he must have hovered to finish it off. I kept staring at it...it was full of rice, cranberries and; as I write this I think it's a Christmas dinner but California health food style *shakes head* anyways, I though about hovering over it and peeing, but I don't hover; yet if I flush it first, I may end up clogging the toilet until it overflows and having to clean up his shit which I was not about to do either. I just opened the door and left. He was bellowing outside for us to hurry up, I bumped into my friend and told her about the poop and we laughed!

I woke up feeling much better. Nothing makes you see someone as the human being they are like seeing their poop stopping up a toilet. He was just a man who was full of shit, and this dream showed me that. Thank you subconscious mind!!

Hope you weren't eating while reading that.


Gerbera Daisy said...

Sounds like you had a nice Christmas. Isn't family just wonderful??? The "Weebles wobble but they don't fall down" fighting sister-in-laws had me laughing.

Aren't you glad your dreams are only that...dreams??? Old boyfriend full of shit. I like that!!!

Manblogger641 said...

Hi Lyvvie,

Glad your Xmas was good. I am interested in seeing Dr. Who but cant get them over here yet. I tried getting it from the website but because I am in the States it does not allow me to watch in on the net.

Sylvana said...

This post is hilarious! It sounds like your dreams are doing their job.

My parents, especially my father, go for quantity. They would rather give you a huge pile of shit rather than just one thing of value. Doesn't make sense to me.

Maja said...

You christmas sounded kind of relaxing, except for the evil sisters in law bit. Reading your description of them reminds me of a comic called the fat slags, or something like that. Geezer would know what I'm talking about.

Isn't it funny how a bit of poo can make things all seem better... I had a dream about poo a few weeks ago that was disgusting but hilarious and I'm not going into it!

Lots of love
xox Maja

Blazngfyre said...

Such a lovely story for my early morning coffee ....

Innocent Bystander said...

Merry Christmas! Hope everyone is better and full of cheer! Big love over the border, ib x

geezer squeezer! said...

christ! the huge stool bit of your dream made me LOL,not to mention envious! bloody brilliant.

cant wait to see some family xmas snaps.did you get any of the evil OBESE sister in laws??ha ha,theyre fuckwitts and we're not!

plans for the new year madam?

Amber said...

Glad the season treated you right. The dream is hillarious.

Kim said...

Glad you guys had a nice Christmas! Happy New Year Lyv :)

NWJR said...

Awesome post!

Nancy J. Bond said...

He was just a man who was full of shit, and this dream showed me that.

BWAHAHA! You crack me up! Glad you had a nice Christmas...all the best for 2006!

Red Hot Sexy Papa said...

oh gross lol!

I have a friend and we called him 'P.O.S'... Yes, piece of shit. He loves to give suggestion but NEVER take any action lol...

I like that full of shit derivation :)