Monday, November 07, 2005

What's wrong with people...

How can some folk give their kids names they know will cause them a lifetime a of taunts and shame? It's a cruelty no kid can escape from except to learn to become a black belt in some martial arts so they can properly deal with the ass kickings they'll attract for the rest of their days.

One of my favourite things to do is to watch the credits of movies. We started doing this when I was pregnant with Sassy-Face so we could try and find a nice or unusual name for her (We settle for nice over unusual and duh, her name's not really Sassy, ok.) but now we can't stop ourselves from reading out all the weird names. The names that stick out the most are the poor souls who are double named. These are your Daniel Daniels, John Johnsons and Peter Petersons. It lacks imagination and really is the lamest thing to do. I don't care if he's a Jr., third or whatever; it means it's a family bent on perpetuating foolishness yet I'm sure they feign pride.

There was a (small and much ridiculed) fashion in the UK not too long ago to name one's son after every member of a football team. So there's a few poor wee kids who need to have a seperate sheeet of paper in order to fill in thier name on application forms. Can you imagine going for a job interview and having to explain that although your parents are complete twats, and gave you eleven middle names, you are worth hiring for your resilience and ability to laugh at yourself.

I don't think girls fair much better. We have too many Asias, Indias, Chelseas and Brittanys. Did their parents just chuck a dart at a world map or spin a globe with their eyes shut and poke out a nome? Putting "Y"s to distinguish the name from it's original form or phonetic spelling like: Dyan, Maree , Jayne, Kaytee and my favourite Lyly, are also lame.

It becomes a game doesn't it. Can you decypher the name and guess the correct sex of the person in under five seconds? With so many Popular names being unisex it's quite hard to do. I challenge you with: Jordan, Dylan and Dion.

Folks say they do this, this unique naming, so thier child will be set apart from the rest of the kids. How can that happen with a classroom full of weird names? I think it's up to the child to set themselves apart, by having personality, ambition and a sense of humour, which they can only get from their parents. That's going to be hard with parents who run around trying to find kitchy ways to be interesting. It's also a big part of being a kid to belong, not to be singled out. They dress alike, talk alike and hang out in groups; they don't crave independance from their peers until late teens to early twenties, until then they like being clones.

I believe in simple names that are easy to spell and pronounce. If you have a name that's part of your culture then super, that's expected, but doing it just so folks say "Oooo ain't you clever naming the nipper Myanmar! No one else will have it boy or a girl though?" well then, you're just a twat then aren't you.


NWJR said...

I was driving my daughter to school the other day, and made a comment about a boy I saw walking on the sidewalk.

"Oh, that's Freddy!" my daughter chirped.

"Freddy?" I said. "As in 'Freddy Krueger'?"

"Actually," my daughter laughed, "his last name is COUGAR".

Freddie Cougar.

His parents should be shot.

Kim said...

Yeah. The name thing is crazy. I took extra care with mine. Here in the south there are real guys named Bubba or JimBob. I know a grandma, mother and daughter who all have the same first and middle name. Weird...

Chick said...

A twat, huh?

When I was a kid...that's what I named my hampster...til my older sis just can't (while laughing & rolling on the floor)...I didn't know why...but I do now. At least you'd know what sex it was.

Blazngfyre said...

I went to school with a girl named Candy Barr.

True story ....

I also had a patient who had twin boys named (hold onto your seat)

LemonJello and OrangeJello.
(LeMonjello)and (OranJello)
Yep. That's creativity at it's FINEST!

Patricia said...

it's tweaking the spelling of a common name that makes me crazy.
i know an arik and a suu. do the parents care that the child will have to spell their name their entire life?

nope, they're just being clever!

Gerbera Daisy said...

BRAVO!!! I couldn't agree more!! I gave both my girls regular girl names spelled very traditional ways and still they were spelled wrong. My name is not only spelled wrong but pronounced wrong ALL the time!!! So I usually go by a nick name. Why oh why do people think they are being cute or clever when they do such things???

Blog ho said...

Gaylene Fagg. junior high. i shit you not. Gay Fag.

Jay said...

A name is the first gift a parent gives their baby. Unfortunately, they don't come with a gift receipt and the kid can't return or exchange it. So parents really should be a lot more choosy!

Innocent Bystander said...

My pre-emptive strike on my children is pure, pure genius... I know they are going to be terrors to me through their teenage years.... so here it is... if it's a boy, I am thinking William Andy Neil Keith Ernie Ronald Bystander and if a girl: Camilla Heather Elna Annie Paula Sylvie Lucy Ursula Tanya Bystander... they'll hate me, break things, hate me but just wait til they hit 18... their first credit card...

Mr. W.A.N.K.E.R Bystander and
Miss C.H.E.A.P.S.L.U.T Bystander at your service.

That'll learn 'em...

Amber said...

Growing up I was the girl with the most exotic name. There wasn't another AMber in town for 14 years. I was THE Amber. Still pretty much am, even tho the name is so much more popular. My parents were thought odd for naming my sister and I with unusual names. The were talked about as hippy names. Everyone else had biblical names or family names. It didn't help when Ma went around telling all how I was almost named Cinnamon. I knew a girl named that once, she didn't like me and was very cold. I got teased a lot, Amber rhymes with food and diapers and pretty much anything. Kids are meanr like that, they'll make fun of anyone. It's not as character building as some say to be the butt of everyone else's jokes because your folks lost a bet or didn't choose wisely.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Richard Hertz.

Now that's setting up your kid.

NWJR said...

OK, I'll get in line.

Actual names I have known or heard of from close friends:

Twins: Anita Hanky and Iona Hanky
Richard Head (true...not just an urban legend)
Freddy Cougar (already mentioned)
Penny Nichols
Sisters named "Autumn" "April" and "May"
Timothy Burr (Think about it...TIM-BER!). Nice guy, unfortunate name.

Lyvvie said...

A girl in my dorm said she had a classmate named Justin Chase, but I'm thinking, nah.

Weary Hag said...

There is a local dentist here Dr. Hurt. I swear... I just hope his first name isn't Will.
My former boyfriend worked with a man named Ben Dover. The best part was when they summoned him on the hand held radios "Ben Dover, Ben Dover, please report to maintenance." So which does he do? Bend over or report to maintenance. haha

Great post, Lyvvie.

Maja said...

Hehe, there's a guy here at work called Derek, and he's naming his son Derek. Apparently his grandfather's name was Derek, too.

If you're going to name your kid after yourself, it should at least be a cool name.. not Derek!

shoopska said...

so agree with you lyvvie. i read that brands are getting popular as names now too... skyy (as in the vodka) and nike are two that i remember.
one of our friends is into the mucking-round-with-the-spelling-of-a-normal-name thing and called her youngest kaysee.
it's just not right.

Peaky said...

My uncles name is
Chris Peacock

say that out loud and you'll realise why we rip the piss out of him every time we see him.

Lyvvie said...

Chris Peacock...Chrrrissssppppeacock..oh Wait!! Chris Peacock!!!

That's fucking gold!!

Peaky said...

there was a newsreader on London tonight called Chris Peacock who, after about a week suddenly became Christopher Peacock