Friday, November 25, 2005

I'm all wet and cold now...

It's snowing. It's been snowing since 8:45 this morning. It's not accumulating, but gathering about two inches of slush. I don't have a's never snowed enough to warrant one, but I wish I had one now. I tried to use the stiff bristled broom to sweep the slush out of the driveways but that was just comedy.

There's a salt-grit drop up the road a ways, and I'll have to run out there sometime with a bucket to get enough grit for our patch of drive and sidewalk.

It's not snowed in November for the past 10 years, so this is all very interesting.

Good news though, we can get Bagdad Cafe free in the newspaper tomorrow.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005


I'm officially the new proud owner of a cold. It's an achey, stuffy-headed, feverish cold that makes me feel just ill enough to be cranky and lazy, but not ill enough to not do my chores. I'm thinking I may sell it on eBay, but I have no clue what to set it's price at because no one else is selling their colds right now. I guess I'll start with opening bid of a penny and see where it takes off. I'll have Sassy draw a picture of the cold and then maybe a wee story to go along with it, and then I'll sneeze on the picture and post it all away in a bubble-wrapped envelope with a slip of card so it won't fold.

What do you think??

I'm also spending way too much time on this Game....(Not responsible for those who also spend too much time playing. I only correct the atrocious spelling errors, and need to play more so I can find them all. Honest.)

Monday, November 21, 2005


Weird thing, but only for me..well maybe not; we'll see.

I was doing some final bits of Christmas shopping at the crack of the starters pistol, 9:00, and had spent an angry amount of money. I was starting to get a bit freaked out by the crowds just after lunchtime and was headed on my way home. I walked by a table in the middle of the mall that was covered in pillows. The annoying salespeople were wandering around cuddling and petting these pillows, obviously demonstrating how an adult will look lavishing affection on a pillow. Some pillows were plainly covered, and some were in the shape of Barbapapas.

I've not seen the Barbapapas since I was six and it was the only thing on at 5:30 in the morning on Sunday besides Davy and Goliath (the dog always bugged me..."But DAAaaaAaAAavvvYYYYY that's wrong!!") well, and Jabberwocky, but it was in Spanish. For years I had convinced myself that I'd never really seen the Barbapapas because I've not seen/heard of them for over 25 years. But now, some daft woman was snuggling one openly in the middle of the mall!

Do you remember these folks?

And here's the modern version just in time for the Holidays...


At least I wasn't imagining things.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

It had to happen sometime...

The time has come for Short-Stack to be moved from the crib to a bed. She had five months in her cradle before she outgrew it, and now, she's broken the crib with excessive shaking. She's usually really good about her cotbed (except for the waking in the night as I grumbled about previously) but it's six years old and spent a year in storage. While in storage the wood's gone through a few expands/contracts and now the wooden dowels that hold it together have shrunk and the front facing side gate has been pushed off. Now, of course we could just wood glue it all together, but I'm a firm believer in signs and this is just a sign that she's ready for a bed. We converted the cot to a bed last night and she spent her first night with a bit of freedom.

I expected her to be a bit excited, and I wasn't wrong. We spent a half an hour of quiet play in her room, and tidied up the toys and random laundry off the floor (Sassy's very bad habit is to take her clothed off, swing them around and fling them. I hate it!) and then a couple of bedtime themed stories before laying her down and pulling the blankets up with a kiss goodnight.

I started with the "Rapid Return" technique (Which I learned about while watching Dr. Tanya Byron's "House of Tiny Tearaways" but cannot find a link to share; but basicly, you return them rapidly to bed, pull up the blankets and leave them right away - no talking, eye-contact or extra attention of any kind) which I soon realized was a great game for Short-Stack, because as soon as she'd see me across the hall she'd run back to her bed and giggle. I did this about 60 times! Fourty-five minutes later, she was showing signs of being sleepy and getting quite cranky; this wasn't so much fun anymore. I then sat on the floor next to her bed and, very bored, boring and dull-like, put her back in the bed, and ignored any whining. I just pat her gently on the back and occasionally "shhh-shhh"ed her. It took a full hour to get her to sleep; I'm psyched!! I expected it to take much longer.

I'm please to say she slept through the whole night! She didn't fall out of her bed (I'd put a pillow down on the floor just in case) and when she woke up this morning at six o'clock (so ten hours straight sleep; not too bad), she stayed in her bed and just talked happily to herself until I came in to get her.

I'm so proud!

I expect to go through the Rapid Return/bedsitting routine for about a week until the bed loses it's novelty and she figures out it's no big deal (even though it really is!) and going to sleep is nice again. I'm going to treat myself to something new for being a successful Mom.

I'm worried about what'll happen at naptime though....

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Unbearable Blahs.

Yep, still got them. Don't care either. I'm just doing my thing, getting the job done and sitting back and relaxing. The blahs have such a calming effect, because I can't be bothered to get all het up about anything.

I'm enjoying this as a thinking phase; I'm thinking about stuff. I'm talking a lot in my head, and wondering a lot of "what if" scenarios. It's mildly entertaining.

Last night was a brilliant, cold and clear night; the stars were amazing! We could see Mars and Capella (my favourite star ever; it's so twinkling! Capella means "she-goat" which suits me as a Capricorn) and so much, but I began to curse the streetlights, we are abused by them in my neck of the world. There is a brilliant orange streetlight less than every 100 feet. The light pollution is astonishing. I was begging for a power cut, which just about never happens. I began thinking about how much money it costs to run one these streetlights. It must be a staggering sum. What would happen if the council (local government) turned off every other streetlight? I don't think it would compromise road safety in any way, I mean, cars do have headlights. What about the visibility of pedestrians and their safety? Well, how much would it cost to issue reflective tape to every home, or to give every household one of these flashlights that use no batteries but run off a hand crank. How much money would that save? Hell issue two to every household, but really; smart people don't walk in the dark alone...not unless they have a big vicious dog or something equally protective.

So I was thinking of calling up the council to be a pest about this...but have the blahs so will just think about for now.

Yesterday Sassy's school had a special dress-up day for the school for charity, where they were to dress like what they wanted to be when they grew up. Those who chose to dress up were to bring a small donation to the Earthquake fund. We talked about it for a few days, what would Sassy like to be when she grew up. Some of the jobs were; Spiderman, Sea Dragon, student and a skeleton. I said a definite no to the skeleton because I thought it was a bad omen to announce would grow to be a dead person. Sassy has a real love for China and she has a satin Manadrin styled top with silk flowers embroidered on it (a gift from her soppy sweet Daddy) I said she could wear that and tell her teacher she was an Ambassador to China. I explained the job and she thought it was the best job she'd ever of.

So, she was the Ambassador yesterday. She was a little disappointed to see other kids came to school with Halloween costumes on; lots of spidermen, batmen and a couple Darth Vaders. Even a few kids came to school in their pajamas; I mean, what the hell are they saying they're going to be when they grow up?! (Hubs answered a Housewife and got a couple bruises for his Sass) I told her that they had parents with little imagination and were too dim to follow the rules. I'm such a narc about such things, I mean if I'm going to go full putting all this effort, even with the Blahs, then surely they can too...(I'm going to be a dark lord of the universe and murder millions for my master) Darth Vader indeed.

Short Stack is suffering with a very annoying bout of brattiness. She's having temper tantrums all the time. During the day I can manage, she's easy to distract with something shiny, but nighttime she's killing me. She keeps waking up around midnight and wants to play, and gets her knickers in a twist when I insist on her going back to sleep. Last night was two hours of sad whinnying and snot-drooling on her pillow. She lays there, pacifier in mouth, clutching soft doggy toy, warm under her blankets and when she begins to nod off "Whiiiiiinnn....Whhiiiinnnnnnnn..." At a pitch that makes your ears ring. I had to get out of my warm bed, let Sassy take my spot so she could sleep and then I was on the computer playing a Harry Potter MUD doing the "Controlled Crying" routine. Fucking sucks donkey balls: I want my sleep. And, the thing that really bugs me is she loves to have her nap and never cries about being put to bed at night, often she decides it's bedtime and climbs up the stairs herself saying "Nigh-nigh" to everyone. She'll wake up in the morning all happy in her bed and play or sing to herself, but this middle of the night problem has bothered us since...always. I mean, of course as a wee baby it was accepted, but by six months old I expected her to sleep through the night. I stopped breast feeding to encourage her to sleep better; she was ten months old and eating plenty to satisfy her hunger during the day. She's got a comfort suck pattern that she wouldn't outgrow.

At 18 months, it's getting damn annoying, and she's almost ready to move into a bed, what am I going to do with a late night waker who has some freedom to wander??

So...blah. Sleep deprived Mom seeks coffee and cake. I can't even be bothered to do a HNT pic today; besides, I ran out of duct tape so my idea won't work.

In case I don't have the energy to post tomorrow...have a nice weekend everyone. *Wave*

***(12:30) I may dye my hair red again...haven't decided.

***(12:56) Do they have a name for when your hand goes cold from clutching the computer mouse too long? My right hand is now a frozen claw.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Queen of Blah.

I'm not feeling very inspired these days, I may used up my monthly quota on the picture. I don't even want to pay attention to people, television, radio or (Lord help me) my family. But they intrude and I comply. The house needs cleaned and I think "Blah", the kids want to play and I think "Blah", I feel hungry and think "Blah" I have the Blahs.

I do still have my sense of humor. While just this morning, Sassy-Face woke up bright as a spark and full of a good mood, which makes a change. I asked her what she wanted for breakfast...

Sassy: Pizza!

I say nothing and walk into the kitchen. She stays in the other room and shouts at me through the wall.

Sassy: Pizza! I'm having Pizza for breakafast. Pizza, Pizza Pizza (Now does the pizza dance)

I say nothing and put two slices of bread in the toaster.

Sassy: Everyone should have Pizza for breakafast, it's very good for muscles, and we Sea Dragon need muscles.

The toast pops and I put butter on them both, strawberry jam on one, peanut butter on the other, put them on a plate and put them in front of her while she sits at the table.

Sassy (Making a very practiced/fake surprise face) Dis is not a Pizza.

Me: Yes it is.

Sassy: Is not.

Me: Yes it is. It's a breakfast pizza. crispy base, butter sauce and jam and peanut butter topping.

Sassy: Dis is not a Pizza. Dis (She picks up the two slices of toast and squishes them together) is a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Thanks Mum!

Is it wrong to give a kid a PB&J for breakfast? I mean as two slices of toast it didn't seem so bad, but I now feel like a neglectful mother for giving her a toasted PB&J to start her morning. *shrug* Blah.

I also have a blue-bottle fly in the house...why aren't these things dead yet? It's cold, they should all have expired. We had a wasp in the house on Saturday..I mean really, they definitely should all have died in their paper nests by now. I figured the fly would go out a window or something but by bedtime, there he was, cleaning himself on the television while we watched The 10th Kingdom on DVD. I tried to swat it, but lost interest after a while. I did manage to lock it in the kitchen so we could watch the rest of the DVD.

I made the Hubs lunch for work, homemade soup and some snacks, and I then ladled the rest of the soup (ham, lentil and veg) into a container for the frige. At bedtime I had a thought; and don't you hate it when just as you cozy warm under the blankets some thoughts rudely intrude; I thought "I hope the fly didn't land in that pot of soup. I hope I didn't put that fly into the thermos for Hub's lunch or the container for the frige..." nothing to be done for it but pray, Blah.

Have no fear, the fly was buzzing about when I got up to feed the kids this morning (Pizza indeed), but this meant I had to have words with the Kitchen Spider. The fly must have been there all night, and the Spider didn't catch him; very disappointing. I'm sure you have a look on your face, I'm used to it by now, but yes, I keep a Spider in my kitchen. I tend to get a new one every six weeks or so because they don't live long. They are amazing creatures, but I hate them. This is a symbiotic relationship based on tolerance and a need. I need to have a bug free kitchen, he needs to eat bugs so it works for us. I hate fruit flies, green flies and those little black gnat things that seem to breed in the soil of house plants. They all make me sick, much worse than the Spider.

The Spiders are smart and keep off my counters, preferring the warm spot over the water tank which suits me fine because then I can always keep an eye on them up there. I do not have a fly problem with a Spider in the kitchen. I regularly tidy away cobwebs (and old spiders, bless them), which I think he likes because they lose their stick with my cooking and need replaced. I do warn people who come in my kitchen to not worry about the Spider, and when I explain they seem grossed out, but I know they're thinking "I might try that."

Anyways...The Spider didn't catch the blue-bottle fly and I'm going to have to sort him out myself now. The thought makes my stomach churn. Blah.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

I Heart HNT

Those of you coming over to see some boobs will be disappointed, but if you're nice to me, I may give a boob shot next week.


Want to get involved with HNT? Just follow the link on the banner on the right. Osbasso is the man with the power.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Ahhhh, to sing like Alfalfa.

I am the third to fall victim of the cold that steals the voice. The girls had and recovered but I'm now barking like a seal and mouthing half my words as my voice cuts out. It's not painful, which is a blessing, but I can't stop singing Lou Rawls songs now. I keep doing my impersonation of Alfalfa from the Little Rascals but no one here gets it; they weren't raised on these shows like I was (I miss you channel 56!!) and they just offer me fisherman's friend, which is awful, nasty, toxic death. Bleecht!

I'll just enjoy the sexy huskiness while it lasts. Everyone sing with me!!

" You'll never find, as long as you live
Someone who loves you tender like I do
You'll never find, no matter where you search
Someone who cares about you the way I do

Whoa, I'm not braggin' on myself, baby
But I'm the one who loves you
And there's no one else, no-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh one else

You'll never find, it'll take the end of all time
Someone to understand you like I do
You'll never find the rhythm, the rhyme
All the magic we shared, just us two

Whoa, I'm not tryin' to make you stay, baby
But I know some how, some day, some way
You are (you're gonna miss my lovin')
You're gonna miss my lovin' (you're gonna miss my lovin')
You're gonna miss my lovin' (you're gonna miss my lovin')
You're gonna miss, you're gonna miss my lo-o-ove

Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh (you're gonna miss my lovin')
Late in the midnight hour, baby (you're gonna miss my lovin')
When it's cold outside (you're gonna miss my lovin')
You're gonna miss, you're gonna miss my lo-o-ove

You'll never find another love like mine
Someone who needs you like I do
You'll never see what you've found in me
You'll keep searching and searching your whole life through
Whoa, I don't wish you no bad luck, baby
But there's no ifs and buts or maybes

You're gonna, You're gonna miss (miss my lovin')
You're gonna miss my lovin' (you're gonna miss my lovin')
I know you're gonna my lovin' (you're gonna miss my lovin')
You're gonna miss, you're gonna miss my lo-o-ove

Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh (you're gonna miss my lovin')
Late in the midnight hour, baby (you're gonna miss my lovin')
When it gets real cold outside (you're gonna miss my lovin')
I know, I know that you are gonna miss my lo-o-ove

Let me tell you that you're gonna miss my lovin'
Yes you will, baby (you're gonna miss my lovin')
When I'm long gone
I know, I know, I know that you are gonna miss..."

I first heard that song when I was four and I've never forgotten it. that and "Hey, If you happen to see the most beautiful girl in the world..." which may be the longest title for a song...I'll have to research. My first music was an 8-track tape of Peter, Paul and Mary... why am I telling you this?

I have begun to blog Ramble...oh NO!

I still really liked that song about the toy that went Whirrrr when it stood still. And thier version of Puff the Magic Dragon makes me cry, even today. Ok I'm off to get dinner ready; tonight we're having haggis, lamb and autumn veg stew! It's great.

who said ew?!

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

I'm having a selfish dilemma


I've talked before about how much I love pens, and when I'm writing I need some particular kinds of pens to help me. I don't like being distracted by pens that gob ink all over the page or stain my palm as I drag my hand across the page. I prefer to handwrite in the brainstorming phase of a story because it's how I wrote when I was six, and it feels right for me. My all time, number one, coveted pen is the Pilot g-tec-c4. It's an amazing pen. It's sometimes hard to hold because it's narrow and plastic so a bit slippery, but the ink is perfect, and it comes in an ultrafine point that you could inject yourself with...not that I've tried, but it's that sharp. I feel safe carrying it in my pocket while walking alone at night. Is that wrong?

It's notoriously hard to get. When I found this pen in the picture it was all alone in the store, and I'd been in several different shops trying to find one. I bought it (actually I nearly ran away without paying for it I was so excited.) and have been using for emergencies only; for really good feeling stories that have that give me a buzz when I start them. But look at it; it's getting low on ink. It's in the last quarter of it's life and I'm scared! What will happen if it runs out mid sentence? I'll have to start with a new pen and it won't match. It'll tarnish my words and throw my creativity out the window because I will focus on the day the pen ran dry! It's just going to hurt so much and I can't face it.

So, I was trawling the internet trying to find a shop that sells them in the UK, because I don't want to get ass whipped by the government wanting tax and customs fees and stuff. I was all gooey in the middle when I found a site called Cult Pens. You hear that, my favourite pen is a cult classic. And they have them in lots of colours...but I need blue. Must be blue. So i was about to order them up in a pretty dozen but I can't! I can't buy my wonderful pens until after December 2nd, and WHY do you ask? Well because the folks who run Cult Pens just got married and are on their honeymoon.

Damn I feel bad about being pissed off about that!

I'm going to pout until Dec. 2nd.

Monday, November 07, 2005

What's wrong with people...

How can some folk give their kids names they know will cause them a lifetime a of taunts and shame? It's a cruelty no kid can escape from except to learn to become a black belt in some martial arts so they can properly deal with the ass kickings they'll attract for the rest of their days.

One of my favourite things to do is to watch the credits of movies. We started doing this when I was pregnant with Sassy-Face so we could try and find a nice or unusual name for her (We settle for nice over unusual and duh, her name's not really Sassy, ok.) but now we can't stop ourselves from reading out all the weird names. The names that stick out the most are the poor souls who are double named. These are your Daniel Daniels, John Johnsons and Peter Petersons. It lacks imagination and really is the lamest thing to do. I don't care if he's a Jr., third or whatever; it means it's a family bent on perpetuating foolishness yet I'm sure they feign pride.

There was a (small and much ridiculed) fashion in the UK not too long ago to name one's son after every member of a football team. So there's a few poor wee kids who need to have a seperate sheeet of paper in order to fill in thier name on application forms. Can you imagine going for a job interview and having to explain that although your parents are complete twats, and gave you eleven middle names, you are worth hiring for your resilience and ability to laugh at yourself.

I don't think girls fair much better. We have too many Asias, Indias, Chelseas and Brittanys. Did their parents just chuck a dart at a world map or spin a globe with their eyes shut and poke out a nome? Putting "Y"s to distinguish the name from it's original form or phonetic spelling like: Dyan, Maree , Jayne, Kaytee and my favourite Lyly, are also lame.

It becomes a game doesn't it. Can you decypher the name and guess the correct sex of the person in under five seconds? With so many Popular names being unisex it's quite hard to do. I challenge you with: Jordan, Dylan and Dion.

Folks say they do this, this unique naming, so thier child will be set apart from the rest of the kids. How can that happen with a classroom full of weird names? I think it's up to the child to set themselves apart, by having personality, ambition and a sense of humour, which they can only get from their parents. That's going to be hard with parents who run around trying to find kitchy ways to be interesting. It's also a big part of being a kid to belong, not to be singled out. They dress alike, talk alike and hang out in groups; they don't crave independance from their peers until late teens to early twenties, until then they like being clones.

I believe in simple names that are easy to spell and pronounce. If you have a name that's part of your culture then super, that's expected, but doing it just so folks say "Oooo ain't you clever naming the nipper Myanmar! No one else will have it boy or a girl though?" well then, you're just a twat then aren't you.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Great sex and Fireworks

Tonight is Guy Fawkes night. It's not an official holiday or anything, it's when everyone goes out and buys firework to remember the men who tried to blow up the house of Lords 300 years ago with 36 kegs of gunpowder. He was caught before setting it off. So instead, lots of people light bonfires and set off fireworks in tribute to the failed attempt. Funny folks the Brits, eh? It's going to sound like a war zone here for the next week. The vets will be dishing out tranqs like sweeties for all the shell-shocked canines.

So, everywhere is selling fireworks right now. We went shopping last night and in the entranceway to Asda (Our version of Walmart...well Walmart bought Asda and cloned themselves like invasion of the body-snatchers, but kept the Asda name, but really it's a Walmart) was this grand display of fireworks. The largest was this two-foot tall rocket. Have you ever seen a more phallic rocket in your life? Hubs nearly wet himself with laughter when he read it "Supa Come". Oh Yeah!!


There's some gender directed marketing for you.

"Supa Come - Shoot off like a Rocket!" (I'll bet there's a sex toy out there with the same tag line)

Happy Bonfire Night!

*** It's actually a Supa Comet but they placed the price tag right over the "T", but seriously, You agree a supa Come is so much better, right? Right.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Hnt for the ocularly challenged

I have a super-cool idea for an HNT next week, but couldn't do it yet because the Hubs forgot to help me, so next week *giddy-jump* next week. You can just look at my eyes (some have seen this pic before but tough)
For those who are fans of the TV show Little Britain "Look into my eyes and only my eyes yes look into my eyes and you are now asleep 123 sleep"

okay I know, that guy wears a lot more eyeliner than me


Join the HNT phenomenon (do-do-be-do-do) by clicking the Half-Nekkid icon to the right.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005


I've wasted too much time looking at these photos. We call them Chavcars, Jeremy Clarkson (I love this man, most people don't and they can fuck off. See his website.) calls them Carbage either way it's funny, amusing and downright painful all at once. (I warn you, the pictures of the Porche 911 will make you cry.)

I'm really tired lately. Short-Stack is sick now and Sassy-Face has lost her voice (Yay!) so life is fun.

I did, however, remember to say Rabbits Rabbits first thing yesterday morning, so fingers crossed, I'm in for some good luck this month. Thanks Kim!