Saturday, October 29, 2005

I wish I'd done that...

I read in this month's issue of Scarlet that the artist Kate Kretz (click the link to get more pictures) is going to auction this piece off on e-bay. I think it's fantastic!! I love the Happy Harvard Prick...we must pity him, but he's happy and that's all that matters.


I really wish I had thought of that. I don't know why but it sings to me. To be immortalised for your prick is just such a wonderful ....I don't know. Women have been objectified by their parts for ever, and this is the same but to men, and some men think of their todgers as their souls so it's just...I just really like it. I may bid but then having some strange men's dicks on my mantle would really freak out my Mom...ooooh incentive!

Friday, October 28, 2005


Sassy still on school break and she's got a cold, a nasty one too, fever of 101.7 and all, but her appetite is there so it'll be fine with lots of TLC and Mommy's toast with honey and cinnamon...a tradition I hope she'll pass on to her sick kids one day because it's an awesome treat when feeling like crap.

We've sold our Fiat Punto. I decided driving a manual transmission totally sucks and refused to drive that frigging thing anymore. Really, what's the point. I know most folks find the control aspect very appealing but I prefer simple things and automatic cars are simple. So it's gone. We've bought a few things (essentials and necessities) and one big treat; a Nintendo Gamecube (on sale). Now, I'm fully aware that it's a dead platform, but as some of you are aware we've had naught but a Sega Dreamcast for a few years and have loved it dearly. It has lots of weird/interesting games (bought mostly on e-bay and a lot are only in Japanese which we have fun supplying our own subtitles to) and it has plenty of games for Sassy to play. We felt Playstation and X-box we're more grown-up and stupidly expensive as far as a game station goes. We can get Dreamcast games for peanuts. So the Cube is pretty cool and we got it as a combo package with some Donkey Kong bongo game which we've not played yet. We also got Super Mario Sunshine, Pikman, and Sonic Heroes. So we'll be having lots of fun...actually Hubs and Sassy are playing right now and I get to chat you cool folks.

Today is second nice day we've had in ages. Yesterday was the hottest recorded Oct 27th in history for the UK (about the mid 60's or 18ish) and today's been breezy and warm. So I've managed to get four loads of laundry done (been piling up with the rain as I can only wash two loads and dry one with my washing/tumble dryer combination machine. I usually end up with clothes drying over every door and covering the radiators) and hung out on the washing line. We've had a couple passing showers and I've managed to run out and save the clothes before they got soaked again while giving a sly middle finger to Mother Nature. I don't think she's caught me yet.

So, I'm off to re work my short story a bit so it'll have one version at 3000 words and another at 1500 words so I can enter it into different competitions. I'm really, really looking forward to Monday coming.

Have a nice weekend Friends!!

Monday, October 24, 2005

Some mysteries aren't ment to be solved.

We moved into our current (and hopefully last) house two and a half years ago. It's a great wee neighborhood, quiet, seaside and as it's nowhere near a pub we don't have to step over vomit on our way to work or school; yes that was an issue with our flat in Edinburgh but a price you pay for being a mile within city center.

I still feel we're in a state of unpacking, but we aren't. The house is set, for now until I get my old cravings for space and the house is expanded and remodeled, but all in good time. One funny thing about the new home is that, somewhere in my bedroom is an alarm clock that I can't find. That may not sound too unusual except the alarm goes off, without fail, at 8:11am everyday and has done everyday since we moved in.

It's playing a game with me you see, sometimes it just beeps once, other times it beeps off for thirty seconds. Mostly it gives a few beeps and stops. I used to run around the room trying to find it while it's beeping, I could narrow it down to a particular section before it would stop and I'd give up, ready to hunt again another day. On those one beep days, that's when I knew it was a game and not one I was going to win anytime soon. I've prayed for it's battery to die many times, but it just keeps on going. If I ever do find it, I'll have to get another one because it keeps very precise time. I've learned to accept it's need for secrecy now and have just had to learn to live with it. We live in symbiosis.

This morning it went off like always at 8:11am and I thought from next week it'll be going off at 7:11am when we "Fall Back" for daylight savings time. Since I have no clue where the clock is, I can't change it to Fall Back with the rest of them...well, if I found it I would turn the alarm off of course but you know what I mean. I did have a thought today that maybe it's not my clock at all, perhaps it was owned by the previous occupants and they left it here. Maybe it's all very Edgar Allen Poe and they got someone drunk before encasing them in the four inch wide cavity of the closet's plasterboard. There could be a decaying skeleton in there right now with a cheap casio alarm around it's bony wrist going off with a 10 year guaranteed battery life. There was a smell when we moved in now I think of it...okay that was caused by the idiot owners putting one of those plug-in air fresheners upside down and scalding the carpet with burnt oil. They weren't bright sparks the previous owners.

I was also thinking how much I really love daylight savings time and how it's a shame so many people complain about it. It's really depressing seeing stars at five in the afternoon, and that extra hour makes a difference. Ben Franklin was a great man, and I think it's one of his best ideas. Now I live in Scotland, where at this point in time we're losing four minutes of daylight each day, the contrast is dramatic. I've never gotten used to high Summer sunsets at 11:30pm and then sunrise again at 3:30am (blackout blinds are a must) and the opposite happens around Christmas time (perpetual electrical drain inevitable).

Sassy-Face is still on break, so we have cake baking to do, pumpkins to carve and other things I'm sure. It's been raining here for five days straight so we've been trapped indoors. I am starting to lose my mind.

This is the face that greets me each morning when I go to the bathroom. He's the most appreciative of audiences.

Appreciative Audience

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

I stare blankly at you over my cup of lukewarm coffee.

I spent yesterday at my Mother-in-law's house with the kids. Sassy-Face is on school break for two weeks so I'm in mini-panic mode about what to do with her. I shouldn't really panic because I survived the Summer with it's 6 weeks of Sassy-saturation. MIL is a nice woman, don't get me wrong, but so set in her ways. She's the giver of advice and taker of none. That's not entirely true but Hubs's family are the sorts who don't trust someone elses advice, play nice and say thank you with every intention of ignoring what you just said. That is until about six months later when they say "You know, I tried what you suggsted and it worked, imagine that." I can be kind to them because they're family, but really it annoys the tits off me.

So it was all talk of baking, child raising and housework boring but pleasant in a not very deep way. Painless really. We went into Linlithgow and trawled through the charity shops for cheap toys and stuff. I got a super deal on this dance mat witout it's headset, but really who wants to hear the kid singing over all the noise of the mat anyways? Short-Stack loves it, and it entertains for about 20 minutes per use before they get bored with it. Not too bad for £3.50 I think.

I was able to borrow a few cooking books (MIL has her own library full but it is best to return her books within two weeks or suffer her and wrath, and it's not a 20p charge, let me tell ya.) and I got some ideas for vegan friendly cakes, which I tried this morning and it came out great! So Short-Stack can have some cake and not breakout in a hideous rash and claw her eyes out from the hives. I've eaten a lot of it too, (It's banana, apple and raisin spice cake) it's really good. I shared the recipe with MIL (as Father-in-law has egg allergy too) but the real shocker was; you don't need eggs to make a cake. Can you believe it, I couldn't believe it, you don't need to add the eggs, and it doesn't matter. I got some good ideas from the Vegan Society even though we're not vegans, we have milk and egg allergies to contend with and try and find ways for the kids to have a diet that makes them feel they aren't being deprived of anything. It's a good site when you can skim all the animal cruelty text and get to what your interested in (unless you are interested in that, then hey, go for it. I figure my choice to not eat animals will have no effect on whether the world eats them so screw it, I'm eating them.)

For your enjoyment, I'll also submit these pictures. I was working away on the computer and noticed, Short-Stack was quiet. Everyone with kids knows when they are quiet, trouble is not far behind. I called out her name and after a few moments, she began to make sad noises. I found her wedged behind the recliner and under the book shelf. I put the recliner here to stop her from tearing up the Hub's comic book collection (She loves to rip books, it's our secret bibliophile-family shame) and you can see she must have squeezed through a tight space to get in there, she sat down with her legs under the bookshelf and couldn't figure out how to stand back up. Yes she's crying a little but not really. It's a fake cry and she wasn't hurt so don't go thinking I'm cruel because rather than pull her free right away, I ran for the camera and snapped a couple pics of her first. She'll appreciate it when she's older.


Sunday, October 16, 2005 bum hurts.

Well, I have a new bike. Not really new, it was liberated (for a small fee) from my Mother-in-law who bought it a few years ago but only rode it twice. After much height adjustment (she's 5' 2" and I'm 5' 8") and new helmet, fingerless gloves and tireflys, in case I fall off to much merriment and pointing, I was ready to give this bike a ride. That was about a month and a half ago. I've been getting gentle reminders from Hubs to ride the bike, and he'd watch the kids but I am She Who Is Full Of Excuses, he pulled out the heavy artillery; he got Sassy-Face to ask me if I'd ride my bike with her.

Sassy-Face has been without training wheels for a month now, and her confidence is soaring. I'm still a big chicken because, you see, I haven't been on a bike in 17 years. Funny how the time flies, eh? I was forever on my bike as a teenager, even though it had the dodgiest brakes going (no rear brakes, front only and even they were weak) and no helmet, I would ride from morning until night all over town covering miles and miles. I had pretty nice legs, let me tell you, but once I got my driver's license and POS Ford Tempo, the bike rusted away and eventually found its way to the trash heap (RIP). Seeing Sassy look up at me saying "Mommy, I'm really excited about you and me going riding our bikes together. Daddy's going to watch the Baby so it's just you and me. Isn't it great?" Yes, dear child, it is and how humbled am I?

So I got the helmet on, the gloves and it's daytime so I'll not see my tireflys flashing (But I got to see Sassy's last night and they're so cool!) but I smiled through my anxiety and off I went. That old saying about how you never forget how to ride a bike, well it's true, but the confidence I once had isn't there. I got a bit panicky going around sharp corners but after about 10 minutes and it all faded away. I felt great peddling away, with the ocean breeze and watching Sassy pedal on up ahead of me. It was wonderful, almost as good as I remember. Only problem was my assbones bouncing off the bike seat, I'd forgotten the pain of breaking in one's butt or developing ass callouses I'm not sure what happens, but there comes a time when the seat doesn't cause one to walk bowlegged.

So, I'm definitely going to ride the bike again, I needed the Sassy-Face manipulation technique to get me out there, because I was in serious denial about the actual existence of a bike in my garage that was for my use. Once I felt that breeze while coasting along the seawall, I was hooked. I was 17 again, briefly.

Friday, October 14, 2005


I'm so glad my nipple inspired and amused you all, really I am.

It amused some so much that I got an e-mail from Kitten who wants to assure us all, my nipple pic looks like a wee lil' piggy...She sent me her updated version with this message:


Have a nice Weekend Folks!!!

You folks are crazy...just silly-go-nuts and I love you all.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Half-Nekkid Thursday!

As I mentioned earlier, I'm having issues with my left breast; it still thinks there's a baby to feed here and won't stop lactating. So I thought, why not nude her up and show the world. All in the spirit of HNT!


I used the camera on portrait and put the flash on. My nipple's pressed against the lens so it looks a bit like it's making a kissy mouth.

If you want to get nekkid too, learn from Osbasso!

Wednesday, October 12, 2005


I've just put a short story on my writing blog. Please go and have a read and give me feedback on what you think of it. If it's any good I may put it forward for publication.

I need a good name for a Drag Queen. Suggestions please.

** I've pulled the story. I'm just not ready for that kind of exposure just yet. I'm still not happy with the ending and my sentences are back to front. If anyone did read it, I'm sorry!!

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Oi, Lefty...

For some reason my left breast has decided it still wants to feed the baby all by itself. I began lactating again after I stopped breastfeeding 6 months ago. What's going on here??

Stupid tit. Really, like it's going to compete with cheerios, chocolate and grapes! She doesn't need you any more, she's moved on, take my advice; do the same. Don't you know she's got teeth now! Stop making me ache and stop leaking in the shower will you. The right one has moved on, it's got this all figured out, but you just can't let it go, now can you. We're not going to feed any more babies, you're done. You did an excellent job for 18 months (that's combined, by the way. Eight months for Sassy-Face, ten months for Short-Stack), but now it's time to retire.

Enjoy the simple life of just being pretty and adored by all.

Monday, October 10, 2005

My head's on a roll!

(with some lettuce, tomato and mayo!)

Something's going on my head, it's like pop pop pop with the ideas lately. I have to keep my notepad with me at all times. The most common phrase I utter is "I wonder if..." and there I go, I'm off and there's no coming back until the baby cries.

While suffering a bout of insomnia the other night, yeah I've got that for some reason too *shrug*, I was thinking. I hate that when it's wee small hours and you're due to wake up but oh no, the mind has a story to tell and it's crap. It's silly banal crap. So of course I'll share the silly banal crap with everyone because I'm that kind of girl.

Our radio signals have hit a distant planet. It's the planet oooOOOOooo (you sing this, like when something weird happens or you think you see a UFO in the night sky and you make that oooOOOOooo noise, or like the beginning of the Dr. Who music. ) It's a planet where everyone sings, it's their language, they sing and people who don't sing, or can't are considered horribly handicapped. It's their culture so save the critique for them ok. I mean if you've got a stutter, you're on government welfare for life. They hear our radio signal and think "What a poor, poor planet!!" because we don't sing when we talk. In fact, wait until the people of oooOOOOooo figure out we named their beautiful planet M274, I mean really! That's just pitiable.

I just had a vision of the leaders of planet oooOOOOooo coming to visit our planet and the leaders of our planet have to sing in order to effectively communicate Bush and Putin are doing a can-can and seriously trying to kick Chirac in the ass.chiracbushputin Can Bush even sing?? I mean we could all be at the mercy of a man who's tone deaf. Or what if we don't sing and the alien leaders decide we are a pitiable place and must be put out of our collective misery. With a massive mother ship death ray ready to bear down upon us, that is until we are saved by Liza Minelli as she struts out in front of everyone, elbowing all the suits aside and blasts out Cabaret and melts the hearts of the aliens; literally. liza
Is it any wonder I've begun to drink a bit more at night?

Friday, October 07, 2005

Full Frontal Friday

Over at Anti-Blogger's site he's got this thing about FFF that, until today, I was a bit too cautious about. I mean FFF means full exposure, and I'm not all that up front about being exposed. But that's ok. This isn't about me. It's about art and pride in one's heritage.

Today FFF is about "Others who are proud of their "country" and how do you incorporate Scotland into FFF, well c'mon...that's just too easy.


Thursday, October 06, 2005


Belly's gonna get ya!

Oh No!!!

I forgot it was Half-Nekkid Thursday!!

I think I can be excused. Here's a navel offering of my belly-button. I've always liked it because:
1.) It's an inny.
2.) It's shaped like an arrow pointing up.

It is just begging to be pierced though, but I've been a big chicken for ages, mostly because I didn't want to have a huge pregnant belly with a button gem sticking out. As I'm not having any more babies, I may just go ahead and get it pierced. Why not. Sure thing. Maybe this weekend. We'll see.

If you want to know more about HNT, click the wee doohicky on the left that says Half-nekkid Thursday on it.

Ahhh...It works!

this is an audio post - click to play

Please forgive the aimless ramblings. I will maybe, perhaps prepare a script next time?
Does anyone else find the sound of their own voice really weird. I sound like a kid.
This is for all of you folks who keep wondering what my accent must sound like. Say it with me now:


Click this link and laugh or else.

Where are we?

Had a pretty awful day yesterday. I think I mentioned the Baby was snotty and full of a cold, well it turned nasty yesterday and developed into asthma type attacks. Twice yesterday we took her up the Dr.s for a dose of Ventolin. She's so upset over the whole thing, and it's awful to watch her struggle to get her breath, get frustrated and cry which makes the whole problem even worse. She's also been prescribed steroids for a few days to help clear the airways. I wasn't told until the second visit that the steroids will make her hyper; which means any sleep I can get over the next five days I must cherish because it'll be few and infrequent. I was up with her until 1am last night. Large pot of coffee on the go this morning.

She is much better this morning. Still wheezing but not struggling and she's eaten something and drinking her milk which is a big improvement. Fingers crossed this was only a viral induced incident and not actual Asthma. Sassy-Face had a similar attack that had us taking her to the E.R. about two years ago and she recovered fine. She only needs the inhaler if she's spending time at my M-I-Law's house because they have four dogs that set her off. The only other problem she has is very little stamina; she runs out of puff really quickly. However, now that she's able to ride her bike that'll hopefully change.

I did try and audio post the day but the audio blogger thingie isn't working, or more like, I've not figured out how to use it properly. Not entirely my fault as Audioblogger doesn't have a list of instructions to follow, so I wasted the cost of an international call. I'll try it all again someday soon when I get over the severe disappointment. I'm at a stage where if anything goes wrong I glower and storm at the world "How fucking typical!! Just my luck!! Ain't' it always the fucking way!!" and other such gloominess which isn't like me at all. I'm a cheerful sort when everyone's healthy and not scaring the shit out of me and sending me to prayer for enough comfort to get to sleep for 5 hours. And toast. I've been running to the comfort of carbs as well which does my mood no good at all. I get extra ratty with too much sugar running in my blood. But damn it's so nice.

In other news, as I posted on the writing bog, I joined a writing group to get me back in motivation to write something. Before you start thinking I'm evil for leaving my poor sick child while I gallivant off to a writing group. The Hubs had taken the morning off work anyways so I could go. The Baby was in able and loving hands the whole time. Besides, the meeting was right next door to the Dr.s office so I'd be there in a flash if need be. Or actually, to finish writing something. I'm the current Queen of half-finished work. It's got 10 folks in it (the group, not my work), and I'm the youngest. There's one other guy who's probably about my age but I think he works for a newspaper and is a bit like Woody Allen, but quiet. So he's twitchy and can't sit still but says not-so-much, oh and he's kind of cute but in a never-no-way kind way. Someone to observe from afar and take notes on definitely. Follow link to my other blog for more on that.

Monday, October 03, 2005

I love school projects!!

I used to hate them as a kid because I had this overwhelming fear and loathing because I knew I would never be able to do a nice project because my parents would never help me. So usually I just never did it and put up with getting a half-hearted rant from the parents instead. Another vow of mine; my kids will never have to feel bad about school projects because I will always help them make the best project!

The last project was sock puppets of any sort and ours came out awesome! So awesome in fact they got pride of place in the main hallway for the whole school to see them! Actually...we've not had them back yet and I never posted an image of them finished. I'll have to chase them up. Those Sea Dragons can get up to all sort of mischief.

This project was for the kids to design and build their own musical instrument. How cool!! Recently we'd watched an episode of Arthur where all the kids became obsessed with clicking jar lid buttons, and we thought that would be a good instrument. Button lids of different sizes will make different sounds, and if that doesn't work, the kids can still use them as a drum.

Here's how it went:


I thought it turned out really well. Sassy had a great time painting and glueing. We did the initial painting as it was spraypaint and toxic smelly stuff. So much fun, let me tell ya! A couple of chopsticks for drum sticks and there ya go! We're very proud, can ya tell?