Friday, June 10, 2005

Not a good day...

It started last night actually. Sassy-Face made me cry. I let her go and have dinner at her friend's house, even though she had dinner at a different friend's house the night before. When she got home I let her play games on the computer while I got the Baby bathed and ready for bed. When the Baby was asleep, Sassy-Face and I shared some marshmallow cookies, then I read her three chapters from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Ace Mom right? Well, not enough for her. She told me she wanted Sophie's mom to be her Mom instead. Or Tara's Mom, it didn't matter to her. She says this while I'm hugging her goodnight, like nothing I've done has mattered; I'm not good enough to keep as a Mom, she wants them instead. I let her go, said goodnight and went downstairs.

I tried not to cry, which of course makes it even worse. Just as I had given in, Husband came home (He always comes home late on a Thursday. He goes to spend some time playing with our nephew.)I told him what happened, and he went right up to Sassy-Face and gave her the guilt trip of a life time. I was really proud and I felt really guilty, like a tattle-tale; would she be mad at me for telling? It was nice to have Husband stick up for me though. He spoke with her for about 20 minutes, but I couldn't hear most of it.

Sassy-face came down and gave me a passing apology, hug and then went back upstairs. Husband came down and told me about their conversation. Sassy-Face doesn't want to be the oldest anymore: It's too hard. She wants to be the little sister. If she lived with Sophie or Tara, she would be a little sister, and life would be easier. What does an almost six year old find so hard about life? Well, eating her breakfast in less than a half an hour, brushing her own teeth and getting dressed all by herself are the top of the list. She finds school hard too. She seems to think a big sister will help her out with all this stuff.

I have no idea why she thinks a big sister would help her, when I never ask her to do these things for the Baby, and she's been doing them on her own for a couple of years now. I think, should I help her dress? No I don't need to. I don't need to hand feed her either. I'm not brushing her teeth; they all wiggle and it grosses me out. What can I do? I don't know.

Today, we had the usual shouting back and forth for her to HURRY UP! She makes me mental, she drives around in first gear all morning long. A half an hour for a bowl of cereal. Fifteen minutes for teeth brushing and another fifteen to twenty minutes for getting dressed: It Drives Me Insane! Whining for getting her hair brushed, whining for getting sunscreen (She breaks out in a horrible rash from the sun if she doesn't) and shoes on, and fuck, you name it.

The Baby is obviously learning some bad habits. She's been a moaner all morning too. I've not helped much either. When she woke up from her nap this morning, I got her lunch ready. I didn't read the ingredients on the Quorn fillet as I've given her the nuggets with no trouble (She's allergic to cow's milk), but halfway through lunch I saw hives break out on her cheeks and chin, a look at the Quorn bag proves; milk protein has been added. I'm a dumb-ass. I gave her a spoonful of anti-histamine and a bowl of porridge sweetened with maple syrup.

Once the rash faded and she'd finished the rest of her lunch, I thought we could do some finger painting. I'd bought paints and paper a couple of weeks ago and thought it would be fun. It wasn't. She took one look at my hands covered in purple paint and Freaked out. She was screaming and backing away from me. I kept smiling and saying nice, fun things, but she was having none of it. Putting paint on my nose didn't help either, nor did putting paint on her hands...or feet. She didn't like the look of it, the feel of it or the taste and she found my artwork pedestrian. Well she didn't say that but I could tell from her expression.

The only smile I got from her was when I put in her in the bathtub to wash it all off. Shame she couldn't stay in the bath forever. The moaning started as soon as she came out, and it's not stopped.

I didn't win the lottery either.

I'm thinking I need some chocolate therapy. I also think I'm too overweight and should not have chocolate.

Life kind of sucks right now.

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