I know I tend to toss the phrase "I'm a bad mother" about a little too often, but that's just because I'm a bit of a neurotic and I want happy, healthy normal children. I'm learning the hard way that to have them happy and healthy takes way too much work, a personal relationship God that I just can't keep up with, and rich grandparents.
I cant keep up the God relationship because I've all ready promised away so much in return their good behavior, health and sleeping soundly that I have nothing left to promise and would have to become a Nun...and I just don't think they'll take me at the convent..even though a wee break would be wonderful, the outfit is really not flattering on someone with my figure.
I do count my blessings (Save them up in a glass jar beside my bed to bribe angels to sit with the sick kid overnight so I can get some sleep) that my children are completely normal; Your boring, everyday, run-of-the-mill, garden variety kids. But I am a big softie and I know it. I'm also a bit of a shoutie Mom, but I come from shoutie people, as does my Husband, so I now suffer a home that always has the volume on full blast. I have shoutie children too. It's a bit shocking to wake up at two in the morning and have dead silence in my home; save for the odd snores and blanket rustles, you know; the peaceful sounds that everyone is all right.
I know on many levels, I'm not a "Bad Mom". I'm over cautious, over protective and have an over-active imagination. To me there's a peadophile round every corner, a kidnapper in every clump of woods and a forgotten well in every field. I break out in hives when I see my daughter run at breakneck speed, downhill on the pavement. I have palpatations when she gets too close to the railings on the wharf and have visions of having to jump into the Bay to save her from drowning...of course while I'm in the water, a Kidnapper will steal my baby from her stroller. I never win in these scenarios.
A friend of mine, who I confide all my insane "end of the world" fantasies to, found a website that I have been looking at to offer me support, and a bit of perspective. I'm taking the anxiety one step at a time, one scenario at a time. I'm now able to let my daughter take the bus to school in the morning, and I have, a couple times on rainy awful days, let her take the bus home too. I can let her go out and play with her friends...at the beach without a grown-up!
Although I am considering getting her a mobile phone so I call and check up on her, or she can call for an ambulance if the need arises. She could handle that, I taught her how to dial 999 at the age of two. Anyway...as I was saying...There's this website that's helped me...it may help you, or someone you know.
The Bad Mothers Club