I've recently had to resign from work in order to be a full time Mom. The thing I'm going to miss the most is Monday morning coffee and stories with my friend, PsychoSal; not her real name in order to protect her innocent victims.
PsychoSal is a short, unbearably thin boozehound who smokes to annoy; meaning she likes to smoke on the bus, takes 15 minute smoke breaks right after lunch, and insits that by refusing to let her smoke when the urge hits her, will damage her ability to reach her productivity goals. she is incredibly good at her job, which means the management bends over backwards to keep her employed and making money for them. She is a single mom, and enjoys being...well...easy.
She has been aching to sleep with Stewart for weeks now, and he's starting to come around to the idea. Last week he started winking, or grinning at her whenever he walked past her cubicle with a cup of coffee. He's been drinking so much coffee lately that he walks by every half hour to and from the toilets.
She tells me this morning that they hooked up over the weekend. She spent a couple hours before the date making sure her hair was right, her underwear was coordinated and sexy and her outfit was revealing enough and her shoes made her at least five foot eight so, very high indeed. They met up, and went to a couple of posh bars and then went on to the Cuban themed club for dancing (Please take a moment to imagine a bunch of drunken Scots dancing to latin music) She was all sexy close lambada and he was all, "Fuck, I hope I don't fall over", and they made that silent decision that tonight was the night and off to her place they went.
They get into her place, they are all over each other; kissing and groping and stumbling towards the bedroom. When he makes a move to undo her bra she suddenly stops, panics and then kisses him again. He goes for her bra gain and she backs away; "I'll do it" she says, and she quickly takes off her top, undoes the bra and tosses them both on the hardwood floor. *Thud* panic, stumble, *squish* *pop* PANIC *splash*.
"That would be your tits hitting the floor then, eh?" he said, laughing.
She nearly ran out, but then remembered it was her house, so she decided to shag him anyway and then kick him out. What really pissed her off was the sex wasn't good enough to compensate for the high-heeled anhilation of her water bra.