So I think my days of having my ear glued to the phone waiting in endless call center queues has, finally ended. Last call was made today....ok wait I have one more tomorrow but then that will be my absolute last. In fact, I wonder if I can cram it in a day early? Would feel properly clean to have them all shed these direct debits, regular payments and mysterious payment I don't have any clue about. Phantom paypal payment as a direct debit? I think not! You are canceled and can just sing for it.

....just made one more phone call. Removals people for the stuff we're not taking. They'll sell what they can in auction and give the proceeds to charity. Who says Atheists aren't generous?! In fact the guy was a bit "Are you sure?" and I'm like "Yup." because normal people just do that kind of thing. But I can't afford regular charitable contributions and I never have change anymore, in fact I rarely carry cash at all and live by the card so folks with their coin boxes are shit out of luck and I'm guilt ridden because I'd love to chuck a quid or two to a decent charity.

Frigging credit card company are becoming a rash across my ass, calling me daily to ask for Husband - call him for fuck's sake and leave me alone! They can't tell me anything about his card, but they don't think to call him no matter how many times I tell them he's available on his number right now - call him NOW and then they don't. They expect him to rematerialize in my living room. From now on I'm telling them to email him. Why aren't they emailing him? They should email him - it's an internet bank for the loveapete. Not very keen on communicating via the internet for an internet bank.

So I'm really confused - how do we make a white cake with white frosting? The only white cake I can manage is angel food cake, but the frosting is a complete impossibility. There are no white baking fats in the UK as they all have beta-carotene added. So no white fluffy coconut frosting, they all look yellowed and waxy. Unless I want to use lard, which I don't. Lard frosting - blech! Missing crisco.

Can't wait to go, can't wait to go.

Had a bit of a cry as it was Shorty's last day of school today and getting hugs from the Mums was hard enough and saying goodbye to all the kids, but when the head teacher gave me a hug, I got misty and bolted before I made a spectacle, and then cried a bit in the woods on the walk home, claiming it was hot and I was just sweaty. The kids don't like it when I cry and will start to cry themselves. I used to be the same whenever I saw my Dad cry, in particular. It's a stilling moment.

Having friends and rowdy kids over for pizza and drinks (not for the kids, but us adults who are overwrought at realization of having the kids around for the next 6 weeks non-stop) and fun and who knows what. Probably annoy the neighbors.

Has anyone else ever watched the cartoon Chowder? It's hysterical and completely weird! I love it, but don't tell the kids. I think it's the actual kid-voice doing Chowder that makes me laugh the most. I like it even better than Billy and Mandy's Grim Adventures.


OH oh! I forgot to add the buyer signed all the paperwork this week so the house is totally sold and she can't back out and I can't back out and there will be money in the bank on the 17th and Hell Yeah!!

It was 5:30 on Friday dusk when I was pondering starting dinner and shouting at the kids to please shut up and stop screaming all the damned time even in pretend, when the phone rang. Grrr! Damned phone! It'll be a fucking telemarketer the fuckers, and I'm on that don't call me list and everything, but when I looked, it was a real number, not withheld.

Me: Hello. (I never ask in a question because I know there's someone there...)
Man: May I speak with Husband please?
Me: I'm sorry, he's unavailable, can I help you?
Man: *click*

Motherfucker just hung up on me.

1471 is the number we dial to get the last number that called us, so 1471 I dial, would you like me to connect you? Oh yes please...

It was the credit card company. Bastards! So I go through their pushbutton tomdickery (I'm an account holder too so use my details) and get a person...

Man: Good afternoon, can I confirm your post code.

Me: Sure go ahead...

Man: No, can you tell me your post code. (So I tell him) And your date of birth, please. (I tell him) And the first line of you...

Me: You know it doesn't really matter as I'm calling to make a complaint and not with a query on my account. Someone from this number just called my house asking for my husband and when I said he wasn't available, the person hung up on me.

Man: Oh, uhm. Sorry?

Me: That's not good enough. Is this common practice to hang up on people, now? Was it too hard to say "Thank you very much, goodbye." Is it part of your training to rudely terminate the call?

Man: Well no, but we are on tight time constraints...

Me: How long does it take to say thank you and goodbye? I am a customer as well, I hold an account with you and I'm extremely dissatisfied to find this is how you treat customers. I'd like to speak to your manager.

Man: Well she's gone home for the...

Me: You aren't trying to tell me you're left with no duty manager, are you?

Man: uhm...

Me: Is this call being recorded?

Man: Yes, we record all calls.

Me: Then I want your manager to hear this because there's obviously a need for a refresh in your team's training if you have staff who find it acceptable to just hang up on customers they sought out to speak to in the first place. Not to mention, but I'm going to, that it's not acceptable to leave a team of service center staff unmanaged. Have you logged my complaint?

Man: Yes maam, as we're talking. But, let me explain we can't talk to anyone but the account holder...

Me: I understand the Data Protection Act perfectly well, and I know exactly why the agent was calling and what transactions he was questioning (Airplane tickets to Oz will have tripped their charge limit and he was calling to verify it was our charge) however that does not excuse his extremely rude behavior. I appreciate it was not yourself that did this and I am not angry with you personally, but at this situation we've both found ourselves. I will like to have your name please, and I'll expect a follow up call from a supervisor by Wednesday and If I don't get one, I'm calling back. (He gives me his name.)

Man: Ok. My apologies. Have a good afternoon.


When did they call back? 8:30 Saturday morning. 8 fucking 30!! I was up of course, but still!! People sleep in on a Saturday. Don't think I didn't singe his ear hair with a rant about that as well.

The whole mess has been resolved. But I'm closing my account with them once I've moved and have a replacement card. Between you and me, I had planned on doing that anyway - but we won't tell them this, now will we.

He should go have a chat with Westboro Baptist church.

Also, My friend Mark posted this up at FB and I found it one of those twisted, sick but very funny stories. Major grocery store Tesco apparently displayed a book about Josef Fritzel in it's Father's Day gifts section.

In The Crimes of Josef Fritzl, the true depravity of the man who locked up his daughter Elisabeth in a cellar for 24 years and fathered seven children with her - murdering one of them - is detailed.

Now what bright and shining star thought that was a good idea? Mark goes on to say in his favourite bookstore they had "...had The Game by Neil Strauss (a pick up guide for men) in their Father's Day 3for2. Further proof that the people who make these marketing decisions not only work in bookstores but are complete and utter fucking morons."

They are, and if those people didn't exist to make such major fuck-ups, we wouldn't be able to laugh about it.

Brook reminded me to tell everyone; I've sold the house!! House is sold. Papers to be signed on the 17th July and money for keys the same day. We'll be away so I'll have to arrange

Chewing my fake nails* until then because if the woman backs out I'm utterly fuckfucked. That's not a typo, I'd be double shafted.

But we now have a house in Australia (email me at lyvvie at gmail dot com and if I like you I'll send it to you for holiday fun card swaps and stuff) and this one we'll be saying goodbye to in 16 days. Our tickets were bought this morning - it's been all systems go. Which is why I struggle to string my words together and find I have no interest in anything outside the science blogs and Bejeweled Blitz on Facebook. I other wise may essplode like everywheres and be a spazz monster.

These mini forays into writing for the blog have been lovely though. I'd forgotten how much I love it and didn't even know I was missing it. I'ce missed blogging! I'm such a blog ho.

Ages ago JMC sent me some fabulous, and I always love JMC's books, she has great book taste. In this particular cache was Working For The Devil by Lilith Saitcrow, and I thought it was about time I read some demon world romance adventures, and got stuck right in.

Dante Valentine is a hard as nails Necromancer who does bounty hunting on the side. In fact she's the best Necromance around and can pull the spirit of a dead person back from their ashes. One day she's hanging out at home when *knock* *knock* there's a handsome demon at the door who roughly grabs her because she has been requested to meet with Lucifer. Yikes!

So she doesn't quite like being manhandled...demonhandled and led into the rather disorientating and sickening world of Hell, although it smells rather nice. In fact this demon smells nice too. Anyway. Lucifer is all gorgeous and arrogant and tells Dante he wants her to hunt down and kill this escaped demon called Santino (Although that wasn't his demon name, I forget what it was, Vardimal I think) and retrieve the thing that was stolen from him. It was an egg. Lucifer lays eggs? Has an egg? Dante doesn't care, she's going to be paid to kill the one demon she's been gagging for chance to kill because a while ago, before this book was written, Santino murdered Dante's lover! Dun dun duuun!!

As a help, the demon who escorted Dante today will be her assistant. Even better - he's her familiar - complete with creepy crawlie tattoo that Dante need only touch to see through Japhrimel's (That's his name, he doesn't talk much) eyes.

Dante isn't too impressed at having a demon lackey following her around, so she immediately sets herself as boss, Dante's Alpha. Got it? If not, she'll tell you another dozen times per chapter just to remind you.

Dante is rude, pushy, grumpy, intense - oh dear is she intense. Actually, she's quite annoying and that's not the best way to think of a lead character from a story told in first person.

Japhrimel is a smoldering, gorgeous, constant malevolence who speaks little, does what he's told and criticizes Dante occasionally and even employs sarcasm. But he makes a great cup of coffee.

Eventually they get a good working partnership going and Dante starts to kind of trust Japh and treat his as an equal. Treat Japhrimel as an equal? An Equal? Why, no one has ever treated Japhrimel as an equal, and he's Satan's number one guy - the Kinslayer - he's as tip-toppy high as you can get before the big demon himself and Dante treats him as an equal (Actually she treats him like shit on her shoes, but he'll take it). You'd think Japhrimel would find this amusing, but no - he's overcome by passion and falls in love with Dante. Dante's reaction is a confused WTF? (Must be a brutal caste system in Hell)

She's WTF for a wee while until she gets hurt in a fight, has a bit of a ego slapdown and realizes she's probably no match against a demon in a fight. So Japhrimel says he knows a way to make her much stronger - he can share his power with her. She says no, thanks but no, and he's like Yes! But I really want to! It'll help! and she's like, nah I'm not so sure. At this point, I'm not sure if just from exhaustion, frustration, eroded will and plain needing a cuddle, she gives in because we've all had some desperate soul beg us for sex and sometimes it would be easier to just give in so they'll shut up, or if Japhrimel uses some demon magic against her to bend her will but they have this amazing zingy demon sex that lasts like half a page.

Next thing we know, Dante is now half demon. He really meant it, he shares his his power. Dante is really, really pissed off. I mean she hates being extremely gorgeous now with her demon accented cheekbones, her skin is a golden glow, she's stronger, faster, heals almost instantly from injury...sounds great! But no Dante's not pleased. And now she has a soppy lovestruck demon in her bed. *Sigh*

The story continues on for five books. The Devil comes back and toys with them, they have everyone out to kill them and Dante never really - even after five books - accepts her place as half demon and Japhrimel's eternal love. Thing is, I really liked Japhrimel. He was level, controlled, clever and occasionally funny. Dante is a frikken nightmare who's like an exposed nerve in a cracked tooth who jumps and over reacts to everything! She thinks she loves Japhrimel and then she's willing to kill him to free herself - if she lives, he can die and be resurrected by her so it's kind of like a husband vacation.

I wouldn't say this is romance of any kind. Well the annoying kind maybe. Dante only grudgingly trusts Japhrimel, she'd much rather throw herself into trouble and have him come save her and I hate that plot device. Five books later and I'm still not convinced Dante is settled into this Demon wife role. Granted, Japh didn't tell her it was such a dangerous role since demon wives were banned by Satan and are to be executed on sight...usually by Japhrimel He is the Kinslayer after all.

But, a week or so later and I'm still thinking about it. I liked Saintcrow's writing, the books were easy to read, the world she creates around Dante is fabulous and detailed. On reading book one I thought it was further along in a series because it reads like I'm supposed to know all this back story, but it really is just jumping into Dante's head at that moment complete with her baggage - and she has a lot.

Would I recommend it? Sure. don't expect it to change your life and don't expect Dante to grow as a character, she just doesn't. Saintcrow did a disservice in not allowing a better romance to grow between the leads. But as a sci-fi paranormal kind of adventure it's pretty good. Get it from the library though.

She's had this wart for about four months. It's resisted all treatments. Going for its fourth freezing tonight. It looks like it's starting to lose the battle. Hopefully, she'll be free of this damned thing soon.

Thought I'd share the gruesome.

Fuck it I'm still going.